Dazed and Confused (1993) - Quotes

Taglines: You better get your priorities straight

Taglines: See It With A Bud

Taglines: Weed rules.

Taglines: It was the last day of school in 1976, a time they'd never forget... if only they could remember.

Coach Conrad: Come here, Randy. Come here. You been out with those losers all night?

Slater: Hey, Coach Conrad. Remember me? Second-period gym class?

Coach Conrad: That's the kind of people I was tellin you about. Trouble like this means nothing to those clowns. You're the one with something to lose.

Pink: Coach, you don't even know them. How can you even pretend to talk that way?

Coach Conrad: Okay, Randy. I shouldn't do this, but I'm willing to wipe the slate clean and forget about this. I want you to get your priorities straight, quit hanging out with those hoodlums and sign your commitment to your team. Have you done that yet?

Pink: I'm still thinkin about it.

Coach Conrad: No one's paying you to think about it, just do it, son!

Pink: You know, Coach, I gotta get goin'. Me and my "loser" friends, you know, we gotta get Aerosmith tickets. Top priority of the summer. Oh, and Coach, I forgot. I might play ball. But I will never sign that!

Pink: All I'm saying is that if I ever start referring to these as the best years of my life - remind me to kill myself.

Dawson: Well, all I'm saying is that I want to look back and say that I did I the best I could while I was stuck in this place. Had as much fun as I could while I was stuck in this place. Played as hard as I could while I was stuck in this place... Dogged as many chicks as I could while I was stuck in this place.

Shavonne: Whatever, Mr. Premature Ejaculation!

Jodi: Hey. Little brother. Is that a beer in your hand?

Mitch: Why, yes it is.

Jodi: Have you had more than one of those tonight?

Mitch: Ah, a few, I guess. Nobody’s counting.

Jodi: [to Julie] Hey.

Julie: [to Kaye] Hey, how’s it going? Hi.

Jodi: [they laugh] Guess I might as well get used to seeing you at the same social functions as me, huh? And uh ,hanging out with people I know? Oh, and what time were you supposed to be home anyway?

Mitch: Oh jeez, I don’t know. A couple of hours ago, I guess.

Jodi: That’s bullshit. That's major bullshit. You know, Mom barely let me out of the house when I was your age?

Mitch: Aww.

Jodi: Aww. Hey, don't think for a minute she’s not going to be waiting up for you when you get home. Cause she will be. I’ve been through it. And she is tough.

Mitch: Just don't ask her to take it easy on me.

Jodi: [laughs] What’s that supposed to mean? Take it easy on him?

Kaye: Let’s go smoke that joint.

Jodi: He is in for a surprise.

Kyle: [[George Washington|George] ] toked weed, man?

Slater: Absolutely George toked weed, are you kiddin me, man? He grew fields of that stuff, man, that's what I'm talkin about. Fields.

Kyle: [[w:Mount Vernon|Mount Vernon] He grew that shit up at ], man.

Slater: [[w:Martha Washington|Martha Washington] Mount Vernon, man? He grew it all over the country, man. He had people growin it all over the country, you know. The whole country back then was gettin high. Lemme tell you, man, cause he knew he was onto somethin', man. He knew that it would be a good cash crop for the southern states, man, so he grew fields of it, man. But you know what? Behind every good man there is a woman, and that woman was ], man, and everyday George would come home, she would have a big fat bowl waiting for him, man. When he come in the door, man, she was a hip, hip, hip lady, man.

Slater: [climbing the Moon Tower] This place used to be off limits, man, cause some drunk freshman fell off. He went right down the middle, smacking his head on every beam, man. I hear it doesn't hurt after the first couple though. Autopsy said he had one beer. How many did you have?

Mitch: Four.

Slater: You're dead, man. You're so dead. Look at the blood stains right there.

Mike: Look, I've got a confession to make.

Tony: What do you mean a confession?

Mike: You know how for like the last year or so I've been talking about going to law school so I can become a ACLU lawyer to be in a position to help people getting fucked over and all that? Well I'm standing in line at the post office yesterday, you know, and I'm looking around and everybody's looking really pathetic. You know what I mean? Like people have just got drool sticking there, and like this guy's bending over and you can see the crack of his ass. It was all just, like, wife beaters, it was.. Anyway, I realize that I just don't want to do it. You know what I mean? It sounds good and all, but I just have to confront the fact that I really don't like the people I've been talking about helping out. You know what I'm saying? I don't like people period. I mean you guys are okay. I don't know. I'm just trying to be honest about being a misanthrope.

Tony: So you're not going to law school? What do you want to do?

Mike: I wanna dance!

Cynthia: God, don't you ever feel like everything we do and everything we've been taught is just to service the future?

Tony: Yeah I know, like it's all preparation.

Cynthia: Right. But what are we preparing ourselves for?

Mike: Death.

Tony: Life of the party.

Mike: It's true.

Cynthia: You know, but that's valid because if we are all gonna die anyway shouldn't we be enjoying ourselves now? You know, I'd like to quit thinking of the present, like right now, as some minor insignificant preamble to something else.

Wooderson: I've been thinkin about gettin back in school, though, man.

Dawson: [[w:junior college|J.C.] What, like, ] or something like that?

Wooderson: Yeah, man, that's where all the girls are, right? But I'd just as soon keep workin', though, keep a little change in my pocket. Better than listenin to some dipshit, doesn't know what the hell he's talkin about, anyway!

Dawson: I know what you're talkin about, man!

Wooderson: [to Mitch] So, you're a freshman, right? Tell me, man, how's this year's crop of freshman chicks lookin this year?

Dawson: Wood, you're gonna go to jail very soon, man!

Wooderson: Naw, man. That's what I like about these high school girls; I get older, they stay the same age.

Dawson: Yes, they do.

Wooderson: Yes, they do.

Wooderson: Say, man, you got a joint?

Mitch: Ah no, not on me, man.

Wooderson: It'd be a lot cooler if you did.

Tony: [describing his dream] So there I am, getting it on with this perfect female body and...

Mike: What?

Tony: I can't say.

Mike: No, you can't give a build-up like that and not deliver. You know, a perfect female body, it’s not a bad start.

Tony: [[Abraham Lincoln; pause] But with the head of ]. With the hat and the beard, everything. Well, best not to think too deep on it.

Mike: Best not.

Tony: Look, I'll see you later.

Mike: [shaking his head] See you later. Sorry.

Jodi: Hey, I got a favor to ask you guys. You know my little brother?

Benny: Yeah, Mitch Kramer.

Jodi: Yeah, Mitch Kramer. Well, take it easy on him this summer will ya?

Pink: Don't worry sis, little brother's safe with us.

Jodi: Well, just don't get him worse than the other guys. He's kinda little.

Benny: OK. I promise.

Jodi: [giggles; leaves] Benny! These guys, I don’t know...

Dawson: There was just a little bit of bullshit in all that, right?

Benny: Major bullshit. He's a dead man. He’s fuckin’ dead!

Kaye: [[Gilligan's Island] You know, you guys were in class trying to list all the ] episodes without even a hint of irony.

Shavonne: What the hell are you talking about, girl?

Kaye: You weren't thinking about it, were you?

Shavonne: Gilligan's Island?

Kaye: It's what's called a male pornographic fantasy.

Shavonne: Oh my...

Kaye: [[w:Ginger Grant|seductive sex-godess type; [w:Mary Ann Summers|healthy girl-next-door; [w:Gilligan (Gilligan's Island)|geek; [w:The Skipper|overweight middle-aged guy; [w:The Professor (Gilligan's Island)|nerdy scientific type] Think about it. You're basically alone on a deserted island with two readily available women. One a ], the other a ] type with a nice butt. So guys have it all, the madonna and the whore. Women get nothing; we get a ], an ], some ], I mean...

Jodi: The professor... is sexy.

Ms. Ginny Stroud: Okay guys, one more thing, this summer when you're being inundated with all this American bicentennial Fourth Of July brouhaha, don't forget what you're celebrating, and that's the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn't want to pay their taxes.

Carl Burnett: We're not in Junior High any more. We're freshmen. We're in the big time now... where the girls will be puttin out all the time.

Clint Bruno: [glances over his shoulder] I only came here to do two things, kick some ass and drink some beer. Looks like we're almost outta beer.

Darla Marks: What are you looking at? Wipe that face off your head, bitch.

Cynthia Dunn: I call it the "every other decade" theory. The 50's were boring. The 60's rocked. The 70's, my god, they obviously suck. So maybe the 80s will be like, radical. I figure we'll be in our 20's and hey, it can't get any worse.

Benny O'Donnell: You just wasted another fucking beer!

Benny O'Donnell: [on speaker from his truck, to junior high students; kisses CB mic] Okay, all you freshman fucks, listen up!, Today's your lucky day, Normally you'd be spending your freshman summer getting your asses busted, and running for your worthless little lives. But today, since we feel so sorry for you, we're gonna make it easy on ya; gonna save us all a lotta time. If you meet us here, right here, after school today, y'all only get one "lick" from each of us. But if you run like cowards, well, it's open season, all summer long, boys. Oh, and Mitch Kramer. Mitchy-Mitchy-Mitchy-Mitchy...We're lookin for you, pal. Your ass'll be purple before the day's over. Have a nice afternoon.

Fred O’Bannion: I’d like to dedicate this first lick to your mother... fuck her.

Fred O’Bannion: You are an embarrassment to the sport of pool, and you should be honored that I even let you play at my table.

David Wooderson: Man, it's the same bullshit they tried to pull in my day. If it ain't that piece of paper, there's some other choice they're gonna try and make for you. You gotta do what Randall "Pink" Floyd wants to do, man. Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they're gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep on livin man, L-I-V-I-N.

David Wooderson: [repeated line] Alright, alright, alright!