Despicable Me (2010) - Quotes

Agnes: I like him. He's nice.

Gru: [''trying to put the girls in bed''; ''to Agnes''; ''Agnes nods''; ''Agnes opens her mouth; sniffs, but nearly gags''; ''Edith suddenly lands on him''] Come on now. It's bed time. Did you brush your teeth? Let me smell, Let me smell... You did not! Put on your PJs. Hold still. Okay, seriously! Seriously! This is beddie-bye time, right now. I'm not kidding around. I mean it!

Edith: But we're not tired!

Gru: Well, I am tired!

Agnes: [''holding the book Sleepy Kittens''] Will you read us a bedtime story?

Gru: [''in a deep voice''; ''attempts to leave the room''] No.

Agnes: Pretty please?

Gru: The physical appearance of the please makes no difference. It is still no, so go to sleep.

Edith: But we can't! We're all hyper!

Margo: And without a bedtime story, we'll just keep getting up and bugging you... All night long.

Gru: [''sighs; giving in''] Fine.

Mr. Perkins: Do you know where the shrink ray is?

Vector: Duh! Back at my place.

Mr. Perkins: [shows Vector the image on his laptop] Oh, is that right? Back at your place? Oh, that's cool. I guess Gru must just have one that looks exactly LIKE IT!!

Vector: What the...? Those- Those girls sold me cookies!

Mr. Perkins: Do you have any idea how lucrative this moon heist could be?! I give you the opportunity of a lifetime and you just blow it!

Vector: No, I didn’t.

Mr. Perkins: Oh, really?

Vector: [opens his weapon case; ''fires a squid into the lobby, which lands on man off-screen''] Now you just wait until Gru sees my latest weapon! Squid launcher! Oh, yeah!

Man: Aah! There's a squid on my face!

Vector: [''chuckles and reloads his launcher''] Don't worry. The Moon is as good as ours!

Gru: [furious; chases the girls out of the room, then backpedals when Edith and Agnes aim the freeze ray at him] What are you doing?! I told you to stay out of here! No, no, no!

Edith: Freeze ray!

Mr. Perkins: Mr. Gru?

Gru: [makes karate sounds, but arrives with a frozen body, with the exception of his head, arms, and buttocks''] Okay. As I was saying...

Mr. Perkins: No need to continue, I've seen quite enough.

Gru: But my plan--

Mr. Perkins: Is a great plan. I love everything about your plan, except for one thing: you.

Young Gru: Look, Mom! I drew a picture of me landing on the moon!

Marlena: [looks at Gru's picture, but turns back] Ehh.

Young Gru: Look, Mom! I made a prototype of the rocket out of macaroni!

Marlena: [looks at he macaroni prototype, but regrets] Ehh.

Young Gru: [excitedly; presses a button and sends the rocket into space] Look, Mom! I made the real rocket, based on the macaroni prototype!

Marlena: [looks at Gru's rocket as it flies off; looks back at Gru] Ooh... Ehh.

Gru: [falls down and breaks the ice encasing him; confused] I don't understand.

Mr. Perkins: Let's face reality, Gru. You've been at this for far too long, with far too little success. We're gonna put our faith, our money, into a... well, a younger villain.

Gru: But... I...

Mr. Perkins: [crushes his apple and the TV turns off] It's over. Goodbye, Gru.

Agnes: [sees Super Silly Fun Land] Super Silly Fun Land! Can we go, please?

Gru: No.

Margo: Hey, can we order pizza?

Gru: [''picks up Agnes and puts her back''] Pizza? You just had lunch!

Edith: Not now, for dinner.

Gru: Dinner?! Just fine, fine, fine, whatever! Just get back in there.

Margo: Oh, uh, can we get stuffed crust?

Edith, Agnes, Kevin and Jerry: Ooh, stuffed crust!

Gru: I'll stuff you all in the crust!

Agnes: [giggles] You're funny!

Gru: [closes the door; to Mr. Perkins] Just don't come out of that room again! Alright. Sorry about that. Where were we?

Mr. Perkins: You were sitting on the toilet.

Gru: [''shows the shrink ray''; ''Jerry manages to get off the couch, but Kevin, who is still sitting on it, is shrunk''] Sorry to bother you, Mr. Perkins, but I figured that you would want to see this! Huh?

Mr. Perkins: Well done, Gru. Rather impressive.

Gru: [''shows a picture''; ''shows another picture''; shows another picture; shows a poorly drawn picture, signed by Edith''; the girls laugh; nervous] Now, the rest of the plan is simple. I fly to the moon... ...I shrink the moon... ...I grab the moon... I sit on the toilet with... What?!

Gru: Okey-dokey, beddy-bye, all tucked in. Sweet dreams.

Margo: Just so you know, you're never gonna be my dad.

Gru: [pulls the lever up] Hmm. I think I can live with that.

Edith: Are these beds made out of bombs?

Gru: Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up... but try not to toss and turn.

Edith: Cool.

Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story?

Gru: No.

Agnes: But we can't go to sleep without a bedtime story.

Gru: [whispers scarily; closes the door] Well, then, it's going to be a long night for you, isn't it? So good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite. Because there are literally thousands of them. Oh, and there's probably something in your closet.

Margo: He's just kidding, Agnes.

Young Gru: [Watching [[Apollo 11] ] landings] Mom, someday I'm going to go to the moon!

Marlena: [[NASA] Oh, I'm afraid you're too late, son. ] isn't sending the monkeys anymore.

Dr. Nefario: We've been working on this one for a while. It's an Anti-Gravity Serum.

Dr. Nefario: I meant to close that. He'll be all right, I'm sure.

Gru: Do the effects wear off?

Dr. Nefario: Err, so far, no. No, they don't.

Dr. Nefario: [fires cloud of foul-smelling gas at minion, making a flatulent noise and knocking the minion out] And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered.

Gru: [wafts stench away from face] No, no, no. I said dart gun, not... Okay.

Dr. Nefario: Oh, yes. Cause I was wondering under what circumstances would we use this.

Gru: [takes phone call] Hello, Mom. Sorry. I meant to call, but…?

Marlena: [''Gru sighs in disgust''; ''laughs''] I just wanted to congratulate you on stealing the pyramid. That was you, wasn't it? Or was it a villain who was actually successful?

Gru: Just so you know, mom, I'm about to do something that's very very big, very important! When you hear about it, you're going to be very proud!

Marlena: [ends the call and kicks a punching bag in her dojo, knocking another man across the room] Ha! Good luck with that! Okay, I'm outta here! Ha!

Dr. Nefario: [appears on the TV] Gru!

Gru: Ah, Dr. Nefario.

Dr. Nefario: I know how you must be feeling. I too have encountered great disappointment, but in my eyes, you'll always be one of the greats.

Gru: What? What happened?

Dr. Nefario: [[w:pyramids of giza|pyramid] It's all over the news! Some fella just stole a ]! He said it makes all other villains look... lame.

Gru: [''responds angrily''] Assemble the Minions!

Fred: Good morning, Gru! How you doing?

Gru: Hello, Fred. FYI, your dog has been leaving little bombs all over my yard and I don't appreciate it.

Fred: [chuckles] Sorry. You know dogs, they go wherever they wanna go.

Gru: [laughs] Unless they're dead. I'm joking! Although it is true. Anyway, have a good one.

Fred: [confused] Oh, okay. Um, uh… yeah!

Agnes: Don't let her take us, Mr. Gru! Tell her you wanna keep us!

Agnes: [pats her face rapidly; '''Gru''': Very!] Does this count as annoying?

Agnes: He's gonna kick your butt!

Agnes: It's so fluffy!

Agnes: Aah! Oh my gosh! Look at that fluffy unicorn! He is so fluffy, I'm going to die!

Mr. Perkins: It's Over. Goodbye, Gru.

Mr. Perkins: [Gru is applying for a loan; viciously crushes the apple; Gru gulps nervously] Let's say this apple is you. If we don't start getting our money back… Get the picture?

Edith: [referring to the pancake that Gru baked for her] Yes! Mine's shaped like a dead guy!

Edith: [[Annie (musical)|Annie] When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this would be more like ].

Vector: These aren’t pyjamas. It’s a warm-up suit.

Vector: [after shrinking his toilet to amuse himself; mumbling in baby-talk; toilet flies off pipe, resulting in it spraying water in his face] Aw, look at you, a little tiny toilet. For a little, tiny baby people toi— AAAAAH! CURSE YOU, TINY TOILET!

Vector: [to Gru] Check out my new weapon! Piranha gun! Oh yes! Fires live piranhas. Have you ever seen one before? No! That's because I invented it.

Vector: [to Gru; no response; [W:Euclidean vector|a mathematical term; no response] I'm applying for a new villain loan, go by the name of... Vector! That's ], a quantity represented by an arrow, composed of both direction and magnitude! Vector! That's me! Because I'm committing crimes, with both direction and magnitude! OH YEAH!

Gru: Ok, my turn.

Gru: (to Dr. Nefario) Cookie robots! I said cookie robots! Ah, why... why are you so old?

Gru: [repeated line, whenever he has an idea] Light bulb...

Gru: [all the minions pull out weapons; Dave the minion fires a missile that scatters another group of minions; Dave looks down and murmurs in embarrassment; one of the singed minions walks over and punches Dave; long pause; opens skylight; [Moon|MOON] Now, we have located a shrink ray in a secret lab, and once we take this shrink ray, we will have the capability to pull off the true crime of the century! We... are going... to steal... Wait, wait! I have not told you what it is yet! Hey. Dave, listen up, please! Next, we are going to steal... pause for effect… ...THE ]!

Gru: [To his Minions; [New York City|Times Square; [w:JumboTron|JumboTron; all cheering; [American football|football; [Statue of Liberty; Minions cheer; [w:New York-New York Hotel and Casino|The small one; [Las Vegas; Minions groan with disappointment; [W:Eiffel Tower|Eiffel Tower; [W:Paris Las Vegas|Also Vegas] What did we do? Well, we stole the ] ]! Nice. Ah? That's how I roll. Yeah, you all like watching ] on that, huh?! But that's not all! We stole the ]! ] from ]. And I won't even mention the ]! ].