Duplex Quotes

Tara   God, you're such a good squeezer, Nancy.

Herman   I don't want it tickety boo, I want it tickety now!

Officer Dan   It's my experience that wives don't accidentally shoot their husbands in the penis.

Nancy Kendricks What was she doing?

Mrs. Connelly   Oh, look at the time!  I had no idea it was so late!

Mrs. Connelly A bit of music and a bit of a dance!

Nancy Kendricks She puts on this sweet voice.  "Nancy, could ya help meh, eh?  I think I've found the leavings of a mouse!"  Boo, hoo, hoo!  As if she didn't know it was a raisin!

Mrs. Connelly Nice seein ya again, Kenneth.

Mrs. Connelly I'm coming.  Slowly but surely!

Mrs. Connelly Use some elbow grease.

Nancy Kendricks Hello, Mr. Peabody!

Alex Rose I could have sworn we had more stuff.

Alex Rose Besides, how can I have time to rewrite my novel and still do my faithful servant duty to her as her little indentured servant person.  Her little butt boy.  I mean, I got a lot of duties, honey.  She might need me to go out and count grapes with her, or help her fix her heater, or go take her to the laundry, or I got to go help her clean her banana skins, or I got to go clean out her garbage, and I got to go help her fill her monthlies out, or go and wipe her ass!  God forbid she have any shit hanging off her ass!  Because then I have to run up there double time like a little bunny, and I have to go up there with my little tissue and I have to go wipe her little ass and then I have to say, "Oh, good for you, Mrs. Connelly.  Good for you for having such a nice little poopie.  What's that?  You've got some poopie on your diapey?  Well let me clean it off—with my tongue!

Mrs. Connelly   What in heaven's name are you doin with me drawers!?

Nancy Kendricks It's a peacock!

Mrs. Connelly Could you give me a hand with the garbage?  We don't wannna be feedin the mice.

Alex Rose   I wonder how old she is.

Nancy Kendricks   My guess is that she's somewhere between 95 and 105.

Herman   Nancy, did you finish the Celebrity Scene page?

Mrs. Connelly It's pissin down out there!

Alex Rose   I'm sorry, I don't hear anything.

Mrs. Connelly   It was very distinctive.  The pipes went "bang bang, bangety bang bang…bang, bang.

Mrs. Connelly You caught me.  I can't help but sneak a fag once in a blue moon.

Mrs. Connelly Off we go, Dicky Boy.

Alex Rose   "Macaw: any long tailed, brightly-colored parrot."  A macaw is a parrot, I knew it!

Alex Rose She just manipulated me somehow.  She's very crafty.  She's a crafty old…lady.

Alex Rose Blow me down!

Nancy Kendricks Are those musical instruments?

Mrs. Connelly It's loose as a Dublin whore!

Nancy Kendricks We'll finally be happy!

Alex Rose It's horrible.  My parents read this magazine.  Now they know my penis is called Mr. Peabody!

Alex Rose   We brought you this little housewarming gift. 

Mrs. Connelly   Oh, that's very kind of you, thank you.  I'll open it for you.  I don't drink myself, it's a sin.

Alex Rose     Irish Catholics don't drink?

Mrs. Connelly   Sit down, dears, sit down!  I brought ya a little something to nibble on as well.

Alex Rose   Oh, Bugles.  Wow, I didn't realise they even still made Bugles.

Mrs. Connelly     Come along, dear, it's French onion.

Alex Rose     Magnificent parrot.

Mrs. Connelly   It's not a parrot, dear.  He's a macaw.  He's named after my late husband, Richard.  I've had Little Dick for forty years.    Now tell me about yourselves.  What do you do, Allen?

Alex Rose     Alex.

Nancy Kendricks   Alex is a writer.

Mrs. Connelly   Oh, a writer. I always thought of that as more of a hobby than a real job.  I suppose I'm forgettin about Joyce.

Alex Rose   Joyce, James Joyce, of course.  Wonderful writer.

Mrs. Connelly   He died drunk and penniless.

Nancy Kendricks   Well, Alex's first novel was published in hardback, and he's just about to finish his second one.

Mrs. Connelly   Oh, what's it about?

Alex Rose   Well, I like to call it an urban epic.  It's about three generations of this family in New York that own a printing press, and I tell a story mainly about—

Mrs. Connelly     Oh, that's nice.  Let me give you a refill.  Big Dick had the taste, too.  He was a seaman.  The drink took him from me in 1963.  We'd been married for 58 years. 

Mrs. Connelly Come along dear, don't be shy!  It's French Onion.

Nancy Kendricks We forgot to christen the apartment.

Mrs. Connelly Upchuck is a delicacy for Little Dick.  He's salivatin'.

Nancy Kendricks   Besides, do you realise how much the ] is going to be worth once we get both floors?

Alex Rose   I know how much it costs.

Nancy Kendricks   Well it's going to be worth like a bazillion times that.

Alex Rose   Really?  A bazillion?  That's an incredible return.