Fargo (1996) - Quotes

Wade Gustafson: Damn it! I wanna be a part of this thing!

Officer Olson: [[w:fricassee|fricassee] Hiya, Norm. How ya doin Margie? How's the ]?

Marge: Pretty darn good, ya want some?

Officer Olson: [[w:Mille Lacs Lake|Mille Lacs] No, I gotta-- hey, Norm, I thought you were goin fishin up at ]?

Norm: Yah, after lunch.

Officer Olson: Ah.

Marge: Whatcha got there?

Officer Olson: The numbers y'asked for. Calls made from the lobby pay phone at the Blue Ox. Two to Minneapolis that night. First one's a trucking company, second one's a private residence. A Shep Proudfoot.

Marge: Uh-huh... A what?

Officer Olson: Shep Proudfoot. That's a name.

Marge: Oh. Yah, okay, I think I'll drive down there, then.

Officer Olson: Oh, yah? Twin Cities?

Norm: [''to Marge''] Oh yah?

Jerry Lundegaard: Jerry Lundegaard.

Carl Showalter: All right, Jerry, you got this phone to yourself?

Jerry Lundegaard: Well... yah.

Carl Showalter: Know who this is?

Jerry Lundegaard: Well, yah, I got an idea. How's that Ciera workin out for ya?

Carl Showalter: Circumstances have changed, Jerry.

Jerry Lundegaard: Well... what do ya mean?

Carl Showalter: Things have changed. Circumstances, Jerry. Beyond the, uh, acts of God, force majeure-

Jerry Lundegaard: What the... how's Jean?

Carl Showalter: Who's Jean?

Jerry Lundegaard: My wife! What the- how's...

Carl Showalter: Oh, Jean's okay, but there's three people up in Brainerd who aren't so okay, I'll tell ya that.

Jerry Lundegaard: What the heck're you talkin about? Let's just finish up this deal here -

Carl Showalter: Blood has been shed, Jerry.

Jerry Lundegaard: What the heck ya mean?

Carl Showalter: Three people. In Brainerd.

Jerry Lundegaard: Oh, geez.

Carl Showalter: That's right and we need more money.

Jerry Lundegaard: The heck d'ya mean? What a you fellas get yourself mixed up in?

Carl Showalter: We need more -

Jerry Lundegaard: This was s'posed to be a no-rough-stuff-type deal...

Carl Showalter: DON'T EVER INTERRUPT ME, JERRY! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Jerry Lundegaard: Well, I'm sorry, but I just - I -

Carl Showalter: Look, I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry. The price is now the whole amount. We want the entire $80,000.

Jerry Lundegaard: Oh, for Christ sakes here...

Carl Showalter: Blood has been shed. We've incurred risks, Jerry. I'm coming into town tomorrow. Have the money ready.

Jerry Lundegaard: Now we had a deal. A deal's a deal.

Carl Showalter: Is it, Jerry? Why don't you ask those three poor souls in Brainerd if a deal's a deal. Go ahead, ask them!

Jerry Lundegaard: The heck do ya mean?

Carl Showalter: [mimicking] The heck ya mean?" I'll see you tomorrow.

Jerry Lundegaard: YAH!

Reilly Deifenbach: Jerome Lundegaard?

Jerry Lundegaard: Yah.

Reilly Deifenbach: This is Reilly Deifenbach at GMAC. Sir, I have not yet received those vehicle ID's you promised me.

Jerry Lundegaard: Yah! I... Those are in the mail.

Reilly Deifenbach: That very well may be. I must inform you, however, that absent the receipt of those numbers by tomorrow afternoon, I will have to refer this matter to our legal department.

Jerry Lundegaard: Yah.

Reilly Deifenbach: My patience is at an end.

Jerry Lundegaard: Yah.

Reilly Deifenbach: Good day, sir.

Jerry Lundegaard: Yah.

Hooker #2: Yeah, we both did. She went to college too.

Hooker #1: [[w:Normandale Community College|Normandale] I went to ] for about a year'n-a-half.

Hooker #2: Yah, that's where we met.

Hooker #1: But I dropped out though.

Hooker #2: Yah, she dropped.

Hooker #1: Yah!

Marge: So, where you girls from?

Hooker #1: [[w:Chaska, Minnesota|Chaska] ].

Hooker #2: [[w:Le Sueur, Minnesota|Le Sueur; [w:White Bear Lake Area High School|high school; [w:White Bear Lake, Minnesota|White Bear Lake] ]. But I went to ] in ]. Go Bears.

Marge: Okay. I want you to tell me what these fellas looked like.

Hooker #1: Well, the little guy, he was kinda funny-looking.

Marge: In what way?

Hooker #1: I dunno, just funny-lookin'.

Marge: Can you be any more specific?

Hooker #1: I couldn't really say. He wasn't circumcised.

Marge: Was he funny lookin apart from that?

Hooker #1: Yeah.

Marge: So, you were having sex with the little fella then?

Hooker #1: Uh-huh.

Marge: Is there anything else you can tell me about him?

Hooker #1: No. Like I say, he was funny lookin'. More n most people even.

Marge: And what about the other fella?

Hooker #2: He was a little older. You know, looked like the Marlboro man.

Marge: Oh yah?

Hooker #2: Yah. But maybe I'm sayin that, you know, cause he smoked Marlboros.

Marge: Uh-huh.

Hooker #2: You know, like a subconscious-type thing.

Marge: Yah, that can happen.

Hooker #2: Yah.

Hooker #1: They said they were goin to the Twin Cities?

Marge: Oh, yah?

Hooker #2: Yah!

Hooker #1: Yah. Is that useful to ya?

Marge: Oh, you betchya, yah.

Jerry: How ya doin there, Scotty?

Scotty: [''crying''] Dad... What're they doing? What do ya think they're doin with Mom?

Jerry: It's okay, Scotty. They're not gonna want to hurt her any. These men... they just want money.

Scotty: What if... What if sumpn goes wrong, Dad?

Jerry: No, no, nothin's goin wrong here. Grandad and I, we're- we're makin sure this gets handled right.

Scotty: I really think we should call the cops, ya know.

Jerry: No. No one can know about this thing. We gotta play ball with these guys. You ask Stan Grossman, he'll tell ya the same thing!

Scotty: Yeah, but Dad--

Jerry: We're gonna get Mom back for ya, but we gotta play ball. Ya know, that's the deal. So if Lorraine calls, or Sylvia, you just say that Mom's down in Florida with Pearl and Marty. That's the best we can do here.

Stan Grossman: Okay. We'll get the money together. Don't worry about it, Jerry. Now, d'you want anyone at home, with you, until they call?

Jerry: No, I- they don't want- they're just s'posed to be dealin with me, they were real clear. Ya know, they said no one listenin in, they'll be watchin', ya know. Maybe it's all bull, but like you said, Stan, they're callin the shots.

Stan Grossman: Okay. And Scotty, is he gonna be all right?

Jerry: Yah... Geez... Scotty. I'll go talk to him.

Lou: The last vehicle that the trooper cited was a tan Ciera at 2:18 AM. Under the plate number, he put DLR - I figure they stopped him or shot him before he could finish fillin out the tag number... So I got the state lookin for a Ciera with a tag startin DLR. They don't got no match yet.

Marge: I'm not sure that I agree with you a hundred percent on your policework there, Lou.

Lou: Yah?

Marge: Yah. I think that vehicle there probably had dealer plates. DLR?

Lou: Oh... Geez.

Marge: Say Lou. Did ya hear the one about the guy who couldn't afford personalized plates, so he went and changed his name to J3L 2404?

Lou: Yah, that's a good one.

Marge: Okay, so we got a trooper pulls someone over, we got a shooting. These folks drive by, there's a high-speed pursuit, ends here, and then this execution-type deal.

Lou: Yah.

Marge: [[w:Brainerd, Minnesota|Brainerd] I'd be very surprised if our suspect was from ].

Lou: Yah!

Marge: [''bends over''] And I'll tell you what, from his footprint he looks like a big fella...

Lou: See somethin down there, Chief?

Marge: No, I just think I'm gonna barf.

Lou: Geez. You okay there, Margie?

Marge: [''stands up straight''] Yah, I'm fine. It's just morning sickness. Well, that passed.

Lou: Oh yah?

Marge: Yah, now I'm hungry again.

Lou: You eat breakfast yet, Margie?

Marge: Oh yah. Norm made some eggs.

Lou: Yah? Well, what now d'ya think?

Marge: Lets go take a look at that trooper.

State Trooper: This is a new car, then, sir?

Carl: It certainly is, officer. Still got that smell.

Gaear Grimsrud: [''to Jean''] Shut the fuck up! Or I'll throw you back into the trunk, you know.

Carl Showalter: Geez. That's more'n I've heard you say all week.

Jerry Lundegaard: How ya doin there, Stan? How are ya, Wade?

Stan Grossman: Good to see ya again, Jerr'. If these numbers are right, this looks pretty sweet.

Jerry Lundegaard: Oh, those numbers are right, all right. Believe me.

Wade Gustafson: This is doable.

Stan Grossman: Congratulations, Jerry.

Jerry Lundegaard: Yah, thanks, Stan, it's a pretty--

Wade Gustafson: What kind of finder's fee were you looking for?

Jerry Lundegaard: Huh?

Stan Grossman: The financials are pretty thorough, so the only thing we don't know is your fee.

Jerry Lundegaard: My fee? Wade, what the heck're you talkin about?

Wade Gustafson: Stan and I're okay.

Jerry Lundegaard: Yah.

Wade Gustafson: We're good to loan in.

Jerry Lundegaard: Yah.

Wade Gustafson: But we never talked about your fee for bringin it to us.

Jerry Lundegaard: No, but, Wade, see, I was bringin you this deal for you to loan me the money to put in. It's my deal here, see?

Stan Grossman: Jerry, we thought you were bringin us an investment.

Jerry Lundegaard: Yah, right.

Stan Grossman: You're sayin'... What're you sayin'?

Wade Gustafson: You're sayin that we put in all the money and you collect when it pays off?

Jerry Lundegaard: No, no. I- I d, pay you back the principal, and interest. Heck, I'd go one over prime?

Stan Grossman: We're not a bank, Jerry.

Wade Gustafson: [[w:Midwest Federal Savings & Loan|Midwest Federal] What the heck, Jerry, if I wanted bank interest on seven hundred fifty thousand I'd go to ]. Talk to Bill Diehl.

Stan Grossman: He's at Norstar.

Wade Gustafson: He's at--

Jerry Lundegaard: No, see, I don't need a finder's fee, I need a... finder's fee's, what, ten percent? Heck, that's not gonna do it for me. I need the principal!

Stan Grossman: Jerry, we're not just going to give you seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars!

Wade Gustafson: What the heck were you thinkin'? Heck, if I'm only gettin bank interest, I'd look for complete security. Heck, FDIC. I don't see nothin like that here.

Jerry Lundegaard: Yah, but I... Okay, I would, I'd guarantee ya your money back.

Wade Gustafson: I'm not talkin about your damn word, Jerry! Geez, what the heck're you--

Stan Grossman: We’re not a bank, Jerry.

Wade Gustafson: Well, look, I don't want to cut you out of the loop, but this here's a good deal. I assume, if you're not interested, you won't mind if we move on it. Independently.

Gaear Grimsrud: [''lifts up his mask and looks at the bite as Carl heads up the stairs behind Jean''; [w:Unguent|Unguent] ].

Carl Showalter: What?!

Gaear Grimsrud: I need Unguent!

Deifenbach: [[w:Ally Financial|GMAC] Mr. Lundegaard, this is Reilly Deifenbach calling from ]. How are you this morning?

Jerry: Yah, real good. How you doin'?

Deifenbach: Pretty good, Mr. Lundegaard. You're damned hard to get on the phone.

Jerry: Yah, it's pretty darned busy here, but that's the way we like it.

Deifenbach: That's for sure. Now, I just need, on these last, these financing documents you sent us, I can't read the serial numbers of the vehicles on here, so I--

Jerry: But I already got the, it's okay, the loans are in place, I already got the, the what, the--

Deifenbach: Yeah, the three hundred and twenty thousand, you got the money last month.

Jerry: Yah, so we're all set.

Deifenbach: Yeah, but the vehicles you were borrowing on, I just can't read the serial numbers on your application. Maybe if you could just read them to me--

Jerry: But the deal's already done, I already got the money.

Deifenbach: Yeah, but we have an audit here, I just have to know that these vehicles you're financing with this money, that they really exist.

Jerry: Yah, well, they exist all right.

Deifenbach: I'm sure they do, but I can't read their serial numbers here. So if you could read me--

Jerry: Well, but see... I don't have them in front of me. Why don't I just fax you over a copy?

Deifenbach: No. Fax is no good, that's what I have and I can't read the darn thing.

Jerry: Yah, okay, I'll have my girl send you over a copy, then.

Deifenbach: Okay, because if I can't correlate this note with the specific vehicles, then I gotta call back that money.

Jerry: Yah, how much money was that?

Deifenbach: Three hundred and twenty thousand. See, I gotta correlate that money with the cars it's being lent on.

Jerry: Yah, no problem, I'll just fax that over to ya, then.

Deifenbach: No, no, fax is--

Jerry: I mean send it over! I'll shoot it right over to ya.

Deifenbach: Okay.

Jerry: Okay, real good, then.

Carl: Hey, look at that. Twin Cities. That's the IDS Building, the big glass one. Tallest skyscraper in the Midwest - after the uh, Sears, in, uh, Chicago, or John Hancock Building, whatever. You ever been to Minneapolis?

Grimsrud: Nope.

Carl: Would it kill you to say something?

Grimsrud: I did.

Carl: [Pause] No." That's the first thing you've said in the last four hours. That's a, that's a fountain of conversation, man. That's a geyser. I mean, whoa, daddy, stand back, man. Shit. You know I'm sittin here drivin', doin all the drivin', man, the whole fuckin way from Brainerd, drivin', just tryin to chat, you know, keep our spirits up, fight the boredom of the road, and you can't say one fuckin thing just in the way of conversation? Well, fuck it. I don't have to talk either, man. See how you like it. Just total fuckin silence. Two can play at that game, smart guy. We'll just see how you like it. Total silence.

Jerry: Say, Shep, how ya doin there? Say, uh, ya know those two fellas ya put me in touch with up there in Fargo?

Shep: Put you in touch with Grimsrud.

Jerry: Yah, well, he had a buddy there. He, um...

Shep: I didn't vouch for him.

Jerry: Well, that's okay.

Shep: I vouch for Grimsrud. Who's his buddy?

Jerry: Uh, Carl somethin'?

Shep: Never heard of him. Don't vouch for him.

Jerry: Well, that's okay, he's a buddy of the guy ya vouched for, so I'm not worryin'. I just, I was wondering, see, I gotta get in touch with em for. See this deal I've been working on, I might not need it anymore, sumpn's happenin', see.

Shep: Call em up.

Jerry: Yah, well, see, I did that, and I haven't been able to get em, so I thought you maybe'd know an alternate number or what have you.

Shep: Nope.

Jerry: [''optimistic''] Okay! Well, real good, then.

Irate customer: We sat right here in this room and went over this and over this.

Jerry: Ya but that TruCoat-

Irate customer: I sat right here and said I didn’t want any TruCoat!

Jerry: Ya but I’m saying that TruCoat, you don’t get it, you’ll get oxidation problems. Cost ya a heck of a lot more than $500.

Irate customer: You’re sitting there, you’re talking in circles, you’re talking like we didn’t go over this already!

Jerry: Ya but this TruCoat-

Irate customer: We had a deal here for 19.5 ($19,500) you sat there and darned if you didn’t tell me you’d get me this car, these options, without the sealant for 19.5!

Jerry: Alright, I’m not sayin’ I didn’t-

Irate customer: Ya called me 20 minutes ago, you said you had it ready to make delivery! You said come on down and get it! And here ya are, and you’re wasting my time and my wife’s time. And I’m paying 19.5 for this vehicle here!

Jerry: [''Gets up to leave the room.''; ''Turns to the customer, before leaving''] Alright. I’ll talk to my boss. See, they install that TruCoat at the factory, there’s nothing we can do but I’ll talk to my boss.

Irate customer: [''After Jerry leaves''] These guys here, these guys. It’s always the same! It’s always more!

Jerry: [''pretending to talk to his "boss"''; [w:Minnesota Golden Gophers men's ice hockey|Gophers] You goin to the ] on Sunday?

Salesman: Oh you betchya.

Jerry: You wouldn't have an extra ticket?

Salesman: You kidin'!?

Jerry: Well... He never done this before, but seeing as it's special circumstances and all, he says I can knock a hundred dollars off that Trucoat.

Irate customer: [''Jerry smiles''] 100. You lied to me, Mr Lundegaard. You're a bald-faced liar. A... fucking liar!

Customer's wife: Bucky, please.

Irate customer: Where's my goddamn checkbook? Lets get this over with.

Grimsrud: Where is Pancakes House?

Carl: What?

Grimsrud: We stop at Pancakes House.

Carl: What are ya nuts? We had pancakes for breakfast. I want to go somewhere I can get a shot and a beer, and a steak, maybe. No more fuckin pancakes, c'mon man. C'mon man! Okay here's an idea. We'll stop outside of Brainerd. I know a place there we can get laid. What do ya think?

Grimsrud: I'm fuckin hungry now, you know!

Carl: Yeah, yeah. Jesus. I was just saying we could stop, get pancakes, and get laid.

Scotty: [''finishing supper''] May I be excused?

Jerry: Ya done, there?

Scotty: Yah. Can I go out?

Jean: Where ya goin'?

Scotty: Just to McDonald's.

Jerry: Be back at 9:30.

Wade: He just ate - he didn't finish! He's goin to MAC-Donalds instead of finishin here.

Jean: He sees his friends there. It's okay.

Wade: It's okay? Whaddya think they do there? They don't drink milkshakes, I assure you.

Jean: It's okay, Dad!

Jerry: [[w:Wayzata, Minnesota|Wayzata] Wade, have ya had a chance to think about, uh, that deal I was talkin about, those forty acres there on ]?

Wade: You told me about it.

Jerry: Yah, you said you'd have a think about it. I understand it's a lot of money...

Wade: A heck of a lot. What'd you say you were gonna put there?

Jerry: A lot. It's a limited...

Wade: I know it's a lot.

Jerry: I mean a parking lot.

Wade: Yah, well, seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars is a lot.

Jerry: Yah, well, it's a chunk, but...

Wade: I used to own a lot myself way back in the late 50's. It's a lotta money.

Jerry: Yah, well...

Wade: I thought you were gonna show it to Stan Grossman. He passes on this stuff before it gets kicked up to me.

Jerry: Well, you know Stan'll say no dice. That's why you pay him. I'm askin you here, Wade. This could work out real good for me and Jean and Scotty.

Wade: Jean and Scotty'll never have to worry.

Jerry: - I'm the executive sales manager.

Marge: - Yah, but I understand...

Jerry: - We run a pretty tight ship here.

Marge: - I know, but how do they establish that? Are the cars counted daily, or what kind of a routine here?

Jerry: Ma'am! I answered your question.

Marge: - I'm sorry, sir?

Jerry: - Ma'am, I answered your question.

Jerry: I answered the darn damn good question ... I'm cooperating here, and there's no...

Marge: Sir, you have no call to get snippy with me. I'm just doing my job here.

Jerry: Ok ...

Marge: ookie --

Jerry: I'm, uh, Jerry Lundegaard.

Carl: You're Jerry Lundegaard?

Jerry: Yah. Shep Proudfoot said--

Carl: Shep said you'd be here at 7:30. What gives now?

Jerry: [''confused''] Shep said 8:30.

Carl: We've been sitting here an hour. He’s peed three times already.

Jerry: Ah, I'm terribly sorry. Shep told me 8:30. It was a mix-up, I guess.

Carl: You got the car?

Jerry: [[w:Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera|Ciera] Yah, you bet! It's in the lot there. Brand-new burnt umber ].

Carl: [''Jerry takes a seat''] Yeah, okay, well, sit down then. I'm Carl Showalter and this is my associate Gaear Grimsrud.

Jerry: Yah, how ya doin'. So, we all set on this thing, then?

Carl: Sure, Jerry, we're all set. Why wouldn't we be?

Jerry: [''smiles at Grimsrud''] Yah, no, I'm sure you are. Shep vouched for you and all. I got every confidence in you fellas. So, I guess that's it, then. Here are the keys...

Carl: No, that's not it, Jerry.

Jerry: Huh?

Carl: The new vehicle, plus forty thousand dollars.

Jerry: Yah, but the deal was, the car first, see, then the forty thousand, like as if it was the ransom. I thought Shep told ya?

Carl: Shep didn't tell us much, Jerry.

Jerry: Well, okay...

Carl: Except that you were gonna be here at 7:30.

Jerry: Yah, well, that was a mix-up, then.

Carl: Yeah, you already said that.

Jerry: Yah. But it's not a whole pay-in-advance deal. I give you a brand-new vehicle in advance and--

Carl: I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry.

Jerry: Okay.

Carl: I'm not gonna sit here and debate. I will say this though, what Shep told us didn't make a whole lot of sense.

Jerry: Oh, no, it's real sound. It's all worked out.

Carl: You want your own wife kidnapped?

Jerry: Yah.

Carl: You... My point is, you pay the ransom what eighty thousand bucks? I mean, you give us half the ransom, forty thousand, you keep half. It's like robbing Peter to pay Paul, it doesn't make any sense.

Jerry: [''laughs''] Okay, see, it's not me payin the ransom. The thing is, my wife, she's wealthy. Her dad, he's real well off. Now, I'm in a bit of trouble--

Carl: What kinda trouble are you in, Jerry?

Jerry: Well, that's... that's... I'm not go inta, inta... see, I just need money. Now, her dad's real well off.

Carl: So? Why don't you just ask him for the money?

Grimsrud: Or your fucking wife, you know.

Carl: Or your fucking wife, Jerry?

Jerry: Well, it's all just part of this... They don't know I need it, see. Okay, so there's that. And even if they did, I wouldn't get it. So there's that on top, then. See, these're personal matters.

Carl: Personal matters?

Jerry: Yah. Personal matters that needn't, uh...

Carl: Okay, Jerry. You're tasking us to perform this mission, but you, you won't, uh, you won't... Aw, fuck it, let's take a look at that Ciera.

Gaear Grimsrud: You're a smooth, smoothie, yah know?

Wade Gustafson: It's my money. I'll deliver it - what do they care?...They want my money, they can deal with me.

Wade Gustafson: Look, Jerry, you're not selling me a damn car. It's my show here.

Mike Yanagita: Ya know, it's the Radisson, so it's pretty good.

Mike Yanagita: So ya went and married Norm Son-of-a-Gunderson!

Shep Proudfoot: [beating Carl violently] Fucking little fucking weasel! Fuck you! You fucking motherfucking son of a fucking bitching fucking cunt! Jesus fucking Christ you fucking shitfuckbag motherfucker!

Carl Showalter: Stay away from me, man! Hey, go smoke a fuckin peace pipe!

Carl Showalter: Shep! What the hell are you doing! I was bangin that girl!

Carl Showalter: Just in town on business. Just in and out. Ha. Just a little of the old in-and-out.

Carl Showalter: Keep it still back there, lady, or else we're gonna have to, ya know, to shoot ya.

Carl Showalter: Would you crack the fuckin window open, man. You know, it's proven that second-hand smoke is, uh, carcin-... uh, you know, a cancer agent.

Jerry Lundegaard: I answered the darn - I'm cooperating here!

Jerry Lundegaard: [''Practices calling Wade''; ''calls the number''] Yah, Wade, It's Jerry, I... Yah, Wade, it's, I, it's Jerry... I don't know what to do it's Jean. I don't know what to do it's my wife. I don't know what to do it's Jean. Wade, it's Jerry, I... Wade, it's Jerry! We gotta talk! Oh, geez, it's terrible... Yah, Wade Gustafson, please.

Marge Gunderson: So that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there. And I guess that was your accomplice in the wood chipper. And those three people in Brainerd. And for what? For a little bit of money. There's more to life than a little money, you know. Don't you know that? And here ya are, and it's a beautiful day. Well, I just don't understand it.

Marge Gunderson: [''repeated line''] Mind if I sit down? I'm carrying quite a load here.

Marge Gunderson: [''after her husband, Norm, kisses her''] Ya got Arby's all over me.

Marge Gunderson: [''on the phone''] Oh my. Where? Yeah? Aw geez. Okay, there in a jif. Real good, then.