13 quotes
Critique of Uninspired Conversations
Nikki
Well, Scotty, you're boring. I liked you for a while, but now I can't stand looking at you. Even your voice makes me sick.
Dale Putley
That was lovely.
Jack Lawrence
Yes, Hallmark is waiting for you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Annoyance and Preferences in Relationships
Jack Lawrence
This kid is a major pain in the ass, he's just so damn annoying.
Carrie Lawrence
You don't like anything that's annoying.
Jack Lawrence
Who does?
Carrie Lawrence
No, I mean that's a special thing for you.
[serious]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggles with Life and Despair
Dale Putley
For years I've thought about killing myself. It's the only thing that kept me going.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Connections in a Car Trouble Encounter
Dale Putley
Do you have a boyfriend?
Woman with broken car
No!
Dale Putley
Good! Me neither!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion Over Maternal Affection
Taglines
All she said was "My son is yours." Unfortunately, she said it to both of them.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unconventional Interrogation Tactics Discussed
Dale Putley
How did you get her husband to talk?
Jack Lawrence
I head-butted him.
Dale Putley
How ] of you. What are gonna do with her, run her through the Visa machine?
[[w:Joe Pesci|Joe Pesci]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Nostalgic Encounter with Money
Dale Putley
Jack, look at this.
Jack Lawrence
It's money. I remember it from when I was single.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion on Past Relationships and Family Dynamics
Jack Lawrence
This is the "wives of Christmas past" conversation.
Carrie Lawrence
Would you leave Penelope and Talullah out of this?
Jack Lawrence
Iris and Debbie.
Carrie Lawrence
Whatever!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
One Kid, Two Dads, A Mystery Unfolds
Taglines
One kid. Two dads. A who done it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Odds of Tragedy in Heroic Lives
Jack Lawrence
You're a tragic hero. You're ].
[[Lou Gehrig]
Dale Putley
Who?
Jack Lawrence
]. Everybody knows ]. The baseball player. He died of ]'s Disease.
[[Lou Gehrig; [Lou Gehrig; [Lou Gehrig]
Dale Putley
Wow, what are the odds on that?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding Animal Behavior and Survival Instincts
Taglines
The reason why some animals eat their young.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Coffee Incident Leads to Confusion
Jack Lawrence
What happened?
Dale Putley
He poured hot coffee all over me. Took my clothes and he ran away.
Jack Lawrence
Don't cry! Now where is he?
Dale Putley
I don't know.
Jack Lawrence
I don't like you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion of Living Preferences
Rose
Where do you like to stay?
Jack Lawrence
My house, but it's in Los Angeles.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.