Forgetting Sarah Marshall poster
Forgetting Sarah Marshall - Unscripted - Full Interview

Forgetting Sarah Marshall Quotes

"You lose some, you get some."

R 2008 · 1h 51m
65
Audience
65
Audience
26 quotes
Humorous Comparison of Physical Attributes
Darald Braden You've got Christ between your thighs... but with a shorter beard.
Living Life Beyond the Music
Aldous Snow Oh, I was gonna listen to your CD, but then I just went on living my life.
[In response to Matthew the waiter's question about how Aldous liked his CD]
A Romantic Disaster Unfolds in Comedy
Taglines The ultimate romantic disaster movie
Debate Over Relationship Boundaries and Definitions
Dwayne I don't understand what there is to think about.
Rachel Jansen Because, D, he...
Dwayne She licked the tip. That doesn't count.
Rachel Jansen Of course it counts! He...
Dwayne He what? He refused a blowjob from his ex-girlfriend mid-blowjob! Do you know what that's like for a man?! It's called blue balls, Rachel. This guy is like Gandhi, but better. He likes puppets! I love puppets.
Confronting Mistakes and Emotional Turmoil
Rachel Jansen Listen to me, Peter. I was a mess, too. I understand that, okay? But it does not excuse you acting like a complete asshole!
Peter Bretter Rachel, look, I know that I fucked things up for a minute, but I am not like every other asshole!
Rachel Jansen You should not be with anybody, right now. Anybody.
Peter Bretter I know... I know that there is something here. I know I wasn't wrong about that. And yes, it's only been four days, but I know you feel it, too.
Rachel Jansen I need you to leave. Do not write me, do not call me, do not email me. Peter, I need you to go.
[quietly]
Peter Bretter I won't bother you anymore...I'm sorry.
[pause, nods]
Reflection on Beauty and Ambition
Rachel Jansen Wow, we’re really going up to the edge of this, huh?
Rachel Jansen Wow, this is really beautiful. All right, so now that your show’s done, are you gonna finish the Dracula musical?
Peter Bretter It’s not that was, you know. Sarah always thought it was crazy and...
Peter Bretter I just don't feel like doing anything.
Peter Bretter Cause my heart is broken, and I can't imagine doing anything right now. It's probably the same reason... you don't go back to school, you know? Maybe it's good we got hurt like that, you know? don't know about you, but it makes me feel impervious to pain.
Rachel Jansen Yeah. Kind of like there's nothing left to be afraid of.
Peter Bretter Yeah. No, exactly.
Rachel Jansen Right.
Peter Bretter We could leap off this rock, and it won't hurt us as had as they did.
Rachel Jansen So, jump then.
Peter Bretter No, I meant that, like as a metaphor, you know?
Rachel Jansen No. Just do it. You'll be fine. Jump.
Peter Bretter Oh, god. Oh, god. I made her kill yourself. You must be crazy.
Rachel Jansen So, are you gonna jump, or what.
Rachel Jansen Come on, Peter! I can see vagina from here. I can see hoo-ha.
Peter Bretter I mean, I'll jump!
Rachel Jansen Chicken, come on.
Peter Bretter So what should I do? I should just let go?
[while hanging from a cliff]
Rachel Jansen No, no, no, no, no. If you fall straight down, you'll probably hit a rock and kill yourself!
Peter Bretter Totally. So what do I do?!
Rachel Jansen Why don't you just press your feet up against the rock, and like, shoot yourself off!
Peter Bretter What, like a frog?!
Rachel Jansen I don't know, Peter- just get off the fucking rock!
Peter Bretter Here I go! One!
[pause]
Peter Bretter Two! Two and a half-
[pause]
Peter Bretter Three!
[jumps, falls awkwardly, but safely, into the sea near Rachel]
Rachel Jansen Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. You saw right?
Peter Bretter Yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw it.
Rachel Jansen I was there I witnessed it.
Peter Bretter Thanks.
[smiling]
Lessons Learned in Everyday Life
Rachel Jansen Where's your wife, sir?
Darald Braden She is in bed.
Peter Brenner How are things going with the lady?
Darald Braden Not awesome. She's complicated- like ], you know, but- harder to... crack. But life is full of lessons, you learn something new every day, so... wonder what I'm going to learn... tomorrow? Well! Good night!
[[The Da Vinci Code; pause]
Rachel Jansen Good night, sir.
Peter Bretter Night, sir.
Darald Braden Off to find the mythical clitoris!
Rachel Jansen So! Peter, were you able to get that crying lady out of your room? Cause, I could send someone up, if you want.
[Peter snickers into his drink]
Peter Bretter Oh, you could?
Peter Bretter That's very funny. It is.
Rachel Jansen Well, listen. The Sarah Marshall Show sucks. Who cares?
Peter Bretter I do the music for that program.
[awkward pause]
Rachel Jansen Well, did I mention that the music rocks?
Peter Bretter That's very sweet of you. That's very sweet of you to say. You don't have to say that, though. It's not music. There's no melody, it's just tones. Just dark, ominous tones. "The Masturbating Dog-Killer is on the loose again! He'll kill the owner, but at least the dogs are happy!
[chuckles; mimics a line from the show; imitates one of his 'tones' and he and Rachel both laugh]
Observation on Hair and Appearance
Kunu I like her hair. I wonder if the carpet matches her pubes.
Demo Submission and Personal Admiration
Matthew Van Der Wyk or do you want it without your cake?
Aldous Snow I don't drink.
Matthew Van Der Wyk All right, so I came here to give you my demo. I just... I worship you, and I just wanted to give you my demo. Just take a listen and...
Aldous Snow Okay.
Matthew Van Der Wyk Cause you know what? You don't wanna be the guy sitting there, watching BBC, and saying, "Oh, I saw that guy! He was my waiter, and I totally dismissed him like everyone else does in his life. And I totally was wrong, because he's a major, major, major influence on me now, and I feel terrible!
[''Mimics Snow's Essex/Cockney accent'']
Aldous Snow That stupid English voice, was that me?
Matthew Van Der Wyk Unfortunately, yes. You're really gonna like it.
Aldous Snow I'll listen to it when you've gone.
Matthew Van Der Wyk Hey, look, just don't tell anyone at the hotel.
Matthew Van Der Wyk I have a question for you real quick Mr. S., I was actually meaning to ask you, what did you exactly think of my demo? Did you get it? Did you get it?
Aldous Snow Oh no. I was gonna listen to that, but then I just carried on living my life.
Matthew Van Der Wyk Just not at all?
Aldous Snow No I didn't, because I've got my instincts and they weren't good.
Matthew Van Der Wyk Fuck you. Okay? Go fuck yourself. I can't yell right now, cause I'll get fired, and my boss ll hear me, and then I won't be able to pay off my student loans, but you know what? You're an asshole. I fucking hate you. I bought all your records, this whole fucking time I've been trying to get you to come hang out with me. I'm gonna have people fuck with your food the rest of your trip! You fucking dick!
[''Whispers''; ''Walks away'']
Aldous Snow I like him. That's quite moving.
A Difficult Conversation About Love and Breakup
Sarah Marshall Peter... as you know, I love you very much...
Peter Bretter Are you breaking up with me?
[horrified; drops his towel and covers his face]
Sarah Marshall Pete? Are you, um...?
Peter Bretter I just need a minute.
[turns away, then hunches over and starts whimpering to himself]
Sarah Marshall Do you want to put some clothes on?!
Peter Bretter Would you like to pick out the outfit you break up with me in?!
[sarcastically]
Confrontation Over Relationship Choices
Aldous Snow Yeah, alright, that's enough!
Aldous Snow I made a mistake, coming here with you. You're still involved with im next door, in't ya?
Sarah Marshall Excuse me?
Aldous Snow You should have seen yourself at dinner, Sarah. Then, we come back here, and you put on that... ghastly performance. I mean, I've heard that women fake orgasms, but I've never actually seen one. It really, deeply upset me.
Sarah Marshall You should have seen yourself at dinner! Oh, I'm Aldous Snow... bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. No, no drinks for me thanks... bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
[mocking Aldous's accent]
Aldous Snow That's a really reductive impression. If I wanted to see you act badly, I'd just watch your TV show. Which, obviously, I can't now, cause it's canceled.
Sarah Marshall Oh my God, you're such a prick! And, you know what?! Lemme tell you something about these tattoos, okay?! That is Buddhist, that is Nordic, that is Hindu, that's just gibberish. They are completely conflicting ideologies, and that does not make you a citizen of the world, it makes you full of shit!
Aldous Snow Was that genuine, or did you fake that as well? Right, I'm gonna probably clear off, now. I'll have a little sleep for a couple of hours, but then, uh, I'm gonna probably go in the morning, okay?
Sarah Marshall I hate your music.
[long pause]
Aldous Snow Yeah, well I fucked the housekeeper the other day.
Coping with Heartbreak in a Humorous Way
Taglines A comedy about getting dumped, and taking it like a man.
Embracing spontaneity in life's challenges
Kunu When life hands you lemons, just say fuck the lemons and bail.
Debating Relationships and Personal Liberties
Sarah Marshall So... just so we're clear, and so that I can kinda hone in on your, your central thesis of the night, wade through all the bullshit, you're telling me you think you have the right to just fuck anyone, anywhere, anytime? That's what you're saying?
[after she, Peter and Rachel have each had a lot of wine]
Aldous Snow Yes! That's right, there it is! Not so eloquently as you just put it, sweetheart, but... Ultimately, that is... Oh, no! Not the shirt! Take my eyes, but not the shirt! Mmm, yeah, that's pretty much what I believe, Sarah.
[spills his cranberry juice over the Tommy Bahama shirt Sarah bought him, and doesn't notice; notices the spill and laughs; laughing]
Sarah Marshall When you're done making jokes, are you gonna get a napkin?!
Aldous Snow D'you know what, I think I've improved it, actually! Against all odds, I think I deserve a design award!
Sarah Marshall Just please get some seltzer water.
[quietly and angrily]
Aldous Snow Um, garcon, could we get some...
[Matthew rushes over and tries vigorously to clean off Aldous' shirt, while Aldous tries to fend him off; Rachel laughs]
Matthew Van Der Wyk I saw it from farther away. Okay, just lean back for a sec. Let me...
Aldous No, it's all right, it's not there. You're very diligent, and I appreciate it, but, let go of the glass now, you're gonna have to walk away, bless you.
[Matthew reluctantly backs off as a waitress brings dessert]
Peter Brenner Oh me, oh my, call the doctor.
[in mock reaction to the dessert]
Rachel Jansen Oh, good!
[they both laugh; Rachel feeds Peter some of her dessert.]
Peter Bretter I love Hawaii.
Rachel Jansen It's good, huh?
[laughs]
Sarah Marshall Yeah, it's nice, but I think, for like a week, tops. Any more than that, and I know I'd go crazy, because I think that Hawaii is a place to escape for people who can't deal with the real world.
Rachel Jansen Yeah, you know, there's so few personal shoppers and pet therapists. Gosh, it's such a hard life. I like living here.
[she feeds Peter another bite of dessert, then grabs his face and kisses him.]
Extreme Discomfort Described by Aldous Snow
Aldous Snow I would rather have my testicles spread wafer thin and then sort of pasted with honey and then have wasps unleashed at my own genitals and then I would like the resulting stings to be covered in vinegar and sort of worn as a swimming cap by a Nazi.
From the Makers of Iconic Comedies
Taglines From the guys who brought you "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" and "Knocked Up
Divine Planning and Urban Design Metaphor
Darald Braden Let me just say that if God was a city planner, he would not put a playground next to a sewage system.
Confrontation Over Heartbreak and Responsibility
Sarah Marshall What's wrong with you?
[As she is giving Peter oral sex, Peter feels guilty about Rachel]
Peter Bretter Nothing is wrong with me, okay? I just don't feel right.
Sarah Marshall Okay, okay! I didn't mean... well, you know what? Did you drink today? Because, sometimes when you drink...
Peter Bretter Excuse me. No, I haven't had anything to drink today. Maybe the problem is that you broke my heart into a million pieces and so, my cock doesn't want to be around you anymore, Okay?! EVER! Cause you know what I just realized, huh? You're the goddamn Devil! Oh, yeah, wedding in Hawaii. Real original!
[walks past a wedding service on the lawn]
A Moment of Unexpected Connection
Peter Bretter I was just calling you. Um... wow.
[Rachel has just walked in on him naked in his changing room; he covers himself with his free hand; holds up his phone; after a moment, Rachel bursts out laughing]
Rachel Jansen Oh, Peter! ) I'm sorry.
[keeps laughing; Peter grins sheepishly; she keeps laughing]
Peter Bretter Stop laughing. Can, can you please stop laughing?
Rachel Jansen I missed you.
[walks towards him]
Peter Bretter Um, I just wanted to tell you, I've been thinking a lot about...
[Rachel cuts him off with a passionate kiss]
Unexpected Hotel Check-In Request
Rachel Jansen Welcome to Turtle Bay. What can I do for you?
Peter Bretter I'm checking in. My name's Bretter. Peter Bretter. But actually, I don't have a reservation. Just thought I'd... take my chances.
[smiles weakly]
Rachel Jansen Oh! Wow. Bold! We are all booked up, but we do have the Kapua Suite available.
[she looks through the registrar]
Peter Bretter Um, okay. How much is that?
Rachel Jansen $6,000 a night.
Rachel Jansen Beautiful views.
Peter Bretter I can imagine... that's a little bit out of my price range. Sorry. That's a shame. This is such a beautiful... ( hotel.
[he looks around; he jumps as he looks out the window and sees Sarah walking by]
Rachel Jansen Oh, yeah, it's Sarah Marshall from Crime Scene. People are excited that she's here.
[laughs]
Peter Bretter She's my ex-girlfriend. We broke up three weeks ago.
Rachel Jansen Oh. I'm sorry, sir.
Peter Bretter Okay, like, this is fine, right?
Peter Bretter It's totally fine. Okay, there she is. Did she see me?
[looks over his shoulder and sees Sarah entering the lobby]
Rachel Jansen Uh-huh.
Peter Bretter Is she coming over here?
Peter Bretter I wish I wasn't wearing this fucking shirt.
Rachel Jansen Fair enough. Why don't you try unbuttoning it? Button it back up.
[Peter opens the top two buttons of the shirt and looks at her for approval]
Peter Bretter Hey. Hi.
Sarah Marshall What are you doing here?
Peter Bretter I came here to murder you.
[chuckles hysterically]
Sarah Really, what are you doing here?
Peter Brenner I have been having a tough time, you know, back in L.A. Uh, but then, I came here, and here you are. I just think that's too crazy to...
Aldous Snow Hey there, little sex object! I've lost a shoe Have you seen it anywhere? It's like this one, but obviously it's, um opposite of um, excuse me, Misses? I've lost a shoe. It's like this one. It's like, this one's fellow. Sort of like the exact opposite of this one, in fact.
[enters the lobby; slaps Sarah's rear and kisses her forehead, catching her off-guard; holds up a black flip-flop; to Rachel]
Rachel Jansen Uh-huh?
Aldous Snow Not like, an evil version, but just, you know, a shoe, like this, but for the other foot, otherwise I'd have to...
Sarah Marshall Aldous, this is Peter.
Aldous Snow Hey! Alright, Peter! Nice to meet you, mate. Aldous. Good to meet you, man.
[shakes hands with Peter and shoulder-bumps him]
Sarah Marshall My ex-boyfriend.
Aldous Snow Oh, right! Hey, I'm Aldous Snow.
Peter Bretter I know who you are. Yeah, you're very, very famous.
Aldous Snow Yeah, I am, I am... for my sins. So, are you, um, staying here as well?
Peter Bretter I'm not, as a matter...
Rachel Jansen I'm sorry. Excuse me, Mr. Bretter, Ms. Marshall. But, we were, um, able to book the Kapua suite for you, sir, for four nights.
[to Peter]
Peter Bretter You were?
Rachel Jansen Yes, sir.
[smiles and nods]
Peter Bretter Marvelous!
Aldous Snow Perfect! Perfect amount of time. Listen, if you want to have dinner with us one of those nights, you're very...
Sarah Marshall Aldous!
Peter Bretter No. No, that's very gentlemanly of you, but, uh, you two enjoy your trip, and, uh, I'll be just fine on my own in my Kapua Suite.
Aldous Snow Alright, Peter.
Sarah Marshall Have a good trip, Pete.
Aldous Snow I like your shirt. It's colorful. Bye, ta-ta! I was wearing two shoes this morning, wasn't I?
[he and Sarah walk away; to Sarah]
Peter Bretter Bye, now. Thank you. Thank you for bailing me out like that, but I still can't afford that room.
[to Rachel]
Rachel Jansen Nobody can. It's for, like, Oprah, or like, Celine Dion. Really, it's not a big deal. So, you can stay in the suite, but since you're not technically a guest, you have to clean up after yourself. Otherwise, here is your room key, and enjoy your stay!
[hands him a key]
Peter Bretter Why are you doing this for me?
Rachel Jansen She's here with some guy already? Kind of messed up.
Peter Bretter Yeah, right?! Thank you.
Rachel Jansen Really, it's not a big deal. Go, go enjoy yourself!
Peter Bretter Rachel...
[tries to read her nametag]
Rachel Jansen Jansen.
Peter Bretter Jansen. I mean, a thousand times, thank you! You know what I mean? I...
Rachel Jansen Go. Go enjoy yourself!
Growing Apart in a Relationship
Sarah Marshall I feel... I've been feeling... that, for a long time, we've been growing apart. We're leading different lives.
Peter Bretter Who's the dude? Who's the dude?
[stands up]
Sarah Marshall What?! No, that's not what this is about! There's no one else.
[stands up]
Peter Bretter I know what's happening here. I really do. You've been working so much lately, that we haven't got to spend much time together and you're forgetting what it's like to be with me. But maybe if we just held each other or something, you would remember what it's like to be with me.
Peter Bretter Please hold me. Please.
[Sarah hesitates; he comes over to her and hugs her, still naked. Sarah hugs him back reluctantly]
Sarah Marshall There's someone else. I'm sorry.
[Peter pulls away from her and looks at her in shock; she walks out in tears]
A Cure for Emotional Pain
Kunu It looks like you got a little pain behind those eyes.
Peter Bretter Yeah, maybe a little.
Kunu There's really only one cure for that.
Peter Bretter Yeah, what's that?
Kunu Weed. You got any?
Kunu Oh. Well then let's go surfin'!
Escaping Heartbreak: A Mutual Decision
Taglines When Peter got dumped by his girlfriend, he wanted to get as far away as possible. Apparently... so did she
Work Conflicts and Dinner Plans
Matthew Van Der Wyk Well, I would love to sell you some weed, Jeremy, but I'm at my fucking job right now. Obviously, because you called me at work, you know that I'm at my place of work. So, I can't just leave here and sell you some weed. I can sell you some weed when I'm done. Hold on, I gotta call you back. Mahalo, all right! Hey, how's it going?
[into the phone, deadpan; notices Peter approaching]
Peter Bretter Hey. Uh, I'd just like to grab some dinner, please.
Matthew Van Der Wyk Okay, great. Is your wife gonna meet you?
Matthew Van Der Wyk Or, your girlfriend?
Peter Bretter No. I don't, uh, I don't have a girlfriend.
Matthew Van Der Wyk You're just... by yourself?
Matthew Van Der Wyk Man, that sucks. Okay, so just one! Here's your wine list and your menu. Come on. Do you want. like, a magazine or something? It's gonna be boring if you're just sitting all by yourself.
[leads him to his table]
Peter Bretter I'll be all right, thank you.
Matthew Van Der Wyk I just would be so depressed.
Misunderstanding During a Phone Call
Peter Bretter Hello?
[answering the phone after he has been sobbing on his balcony]
Rachel Jansen Peter?
Peter Bretter Sarah?
Rachel Jansen No, it's Rachel Jansen, from the front desk.
[making an effort to control his voice]
Rachel Jansen Hey, what's going on up there? I'm getting complaints about a woman, crying hysterically?
Peter Bretter Yeah, you know what, and I hear her too, and it sounds like she's having such a hard time. I think it's coming from the floor above me.
[his voice begins to break again]
Rachel Jansen You're on the top floor.
Peter Bretter I'll try and keep it down.
[pause]
Rachel Jansen Are you okay?
Peter Bretter Yeah, you have a nice night.
[she hangs up. Cut to Peter curled up on his floor, sobbing just as loudly.]
Unexpected Connections in a Comedy Setting
Peter Bretter Wow! You came... I- I can't believe that you came.
Rachel Jansen Peter, this is... this is great. It was really funny, yeah.
Peter Bretter Thank you. You know what? I didn't realize that it was a comedy and then, someone told me that, and it just, like opened the whole thing up! How long are you in town for?
[they laugh, then there is an awkward pause]
Rachel Jansen Open-ended.
Peter Bretter Oh! Wow. Bold.
Rachel Jansen Yeah, you know... I'm kinda checking out some schools.
[smiles]
Peter Bretter Congratulations.
[smiles]
Rachel Jansen Yeah, maybe. [pause You never called.
Peter Bretter You told me not to... and I listened. Wasn't easy...I might have called once and hung up, from a private number.
[pause; he and Rachel laugh]