Freddy Got Fingered (2001) - Quotes

Gord: If I were you, I would go out and have sex.

Gord: I'm gonna make you so proud.

Jim: Make your daddy proud.

Gord: You're gonna be so proud.

Jim: Proud?

Gord: Proud.

Jim: [turns the water temp level down; he then breaks into the bathroom, then flushes the toilet; opens shower to find Gord with a soap on a rope in scuba gear] I'll fix him. How's the water, cold enough for you? Don't tell me you're so god damn stupid you can't even tell the difference between hot and cold. What the fuck is going on?

Gord: I'm underwater! Look, I found a treasure!

Jim: A treasure? That's soap on a rope!

Gord: Shh, I'm pretending it's treasure!

Jim: [he pulls him out, destroying the shower's doors] Get out of my goddamn scuba gear, you imbecile!

Gord: [he sees the soap fall into the toilet; submerges his face into the toilet bowl] Oh, no, the treasure! It went into the underwater cave!

Jim: [He pulls Gord out of the toilet bowl] Get out of the toilet! Forget about... Get out of the toilet!

Gord: Father, you saved me from the giant barracuda! But look, I salvaged the treasure. We can live like kings. We can live like kings!

Jim: Forget that fucking soap. You clean up this mess and get your ass out that door looking for a job, you retard.

Gord: You can't have complaints there's not enough cheese in the cheese sandwiches. I mean, if there's no cheese in a cheese sandwich, that's basically just two slices of bread, and if word of that were to get out, well, I could lose my job! I could lose all of this! And we wouldn't want that, would we? Would we?! Would we, huh?!

Customer: What the fuck am I gonna do with that?

Gord: Well, you could stick it in your bum-bum. (The customer leaves, disgruntled. Gord sings quietly:) You can put the cheese in your bum.

Jim: Where are you going?

Gord: Bye-bye, Daddy! Bye-bye, Daddy! I'm going to get a job!

Jim: You must think I'm a damn idiot!

Gord: Um... Yes?

Gord: He's driving me insane.

Freddy: No, no, you're driving him insane. You're older than me and you still live at home. I have a job, you know? I pay my own way.

Gord: You work at a bank. Am I suppose to be dazzled?

Freddy: Well, at least, I don't live at home.

Gord: Yeah, you live in a tiny (bleep) and you can't afford breakfast so you come here and you eat for free.

Farmer: [Gord runs over and starts wagging the horse's penis] Hey, don't climb that fence! You can't come over here! Hey! What the hell are you doing?! Are you crazy?!?!

Gord: OHHH!! Oh, this is fun! Look at me daddy! I'm a farmer! Augh! Oh, this is fun! Look at me daddy! I'm a farmer! I'm a farmer, daddy! WOOO!! AHHH!!! When I grow up, I want to be a farmer! A farmer!

Second Farmhand: The hell are you doing?! Get him the hell out of here!

Policewoman: Get off the fucking bar, asshole!

Betty: Your dad called me a retard, a slut, and a whore. I don't think he likes me very much, Gordy.

Jim: [''after seeing Darren's leg during the skateboarding accident''] Oh, God! Get him a job! I mean, get him an ambulance! You get a job, he's got a job already!

Darren: What in the name of sweet breakfast meats are you doing?

Darren: [''observing Gordy's drawings of his dad''] Oh yeah, he's a real character!

Darren: Don't rub on Mr. Lee!

Gord: He's a cat! Who's a vigilante? A cat! Who is a vigilante? A vigilante cat!

Gord: I only see one Le Baron, Freddy. I only see, I don't see two Le Barons. Where's your Le Baron, Freddy? Where's your Le Baron? How many Le Barons? Are there two Le Barons? Oh, look, I'm the #1 son!

Gord: 40 million fucking Deutsche mark.

Gord: I say Geneva, and you hear Helsinki?!

Gord: I want to try the horsey, I want to try the horsey!

Gord: This is a fancy restaurant, this is a fancy restaurant!

Gord: I hope I get a jobby, Freddy. I got my fingers crossed! Crossed, crossed, crossed, crossed!

Gord: Eh. Hmm... Investments. Eh. I do investments, consulting in the business. Eh. Business. Eh. Analyzing, stocks. Eh. NASDAQ. Eh. Dow Jones, Wall Street Journal. Eh. New York City, CNN.

Gord: Hey, can I borrow 50 bucks or something? For supplies, for, like, pens or Liquid Paper or a Trapper Keeper or one of those little compasses that you put the pencil in and you can make a circle, a perfect circle.

Gord: I'm the backwards man, the backwards man, I'm the backwards man, the backwards man! I can walk backwards fast as you can, I can walk backwards fast as you can!

Gord: Holy shit, this is crazy! I'm a 28-year-old man, I think I should be able to eat a chicken sandwich if I want!

Gord: Look at me, Daddy, I'm a farmer!

Gord: [singing] Daddy, would you like some sausage? Daddy, would you like some sausages? Daddy, would you like some sausage? Sausages, sausages!

Gord: I'll wake up your baby! (swings baby by its umbilical cord) I'll wake up your baby! Wakey-wakey, wakey-wakey, wakey-wakey, wakey-wakey! Baby's crying, baby's crying!

Gord: Get inside the animals!

Gord: I see the problem here! There seems to be a little baby inside your body.

Gord: You can't hurt me, not with my cheese helmet!

Gord: You're fired, Bob! Clean out your locker at the club, Bob! You're fucking fired!

Gord: You hear that dad? You're gonna pay! He's a molester! A Child molester!

Gord: I have sensitive knees.

Gord: Ding-dong! Ding-dong!