20 quotes
Navigating Friendship and Lunch Invitations
Dylan
Hey, I was thinking of getting some lunch. Do you know a place?
Jamie
Are you asking me out?
Dylan
Well, I... I'm not asking you out. I'm asking you to show me a restaurant.
Jamie
I mean I'm the only friend you have in New York. You don't want to complicate that!
Dylan
I know! I'm not asking you out.
Jamie
I mean, sure. We'd have fun, roll around. Get into some erotic humiliation fantasy...
Dylan
Erotic fan...? Could you just lower...
Jamie
... which would blow up in our faces, end badly. And we'd never speak to each other again!
Dylan
I'm not fucking asking you out! I swear to God!
Jamie
Okay. You don't like me like that. You don't have to be so mean about it.
Dylan
I'm sorry. I didn't... I...
Jamie
God, you're such a girl. Come on, it's my treat.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion About Dylan's Meeting with Jamie
Dylan
I'm supposed to meet up with Jamie.
Tommy
Who's that? That headhunter?
Dylan
Uh-huh.
Tommy
What, you guys going out now?
Dylan
No, no, no, we're just friends. We're... messing around a little bit.
Tommy
What do you mean?
Dylan
Sleeping together. But it's just sex.
Tommy
That never works, bro. She's a girl. Sex always means more to them even if they don't admit it.
Dylan
Jamie's different.
Tommy
Does she have a penis where most girls have a vagina?
Dylan
No penis.
Tommy
Then she's no different.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Reality Beyond Romantic Kisses
Jamie
Why don't they ever a make a movie about what happens after they kiss?
Dylan
They do, it's called porn.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Friends and Happy Endings
Taglines
Some friends come with a happy ending.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Sexual Orientation
Tommy Bollinger
Still not gay?
[repeated line]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Bossy Demand for Pants
Dylan Harper
I'm your boss! Give me your pants!
[after he spills coffee on his pants, Dylan is asking another employee for a replacement pair]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Decisions Under Pressure
Police officer
This is the LAPD. You are trespassing. Get down from the sign.
Jamie
We gotta jump.
Jamie
Dylan, jump!
Dylan
I'm f-frozen!
Police officer
Come on, get down! Sir, this is your last warning.
Jamie
Use the ladder!
Dylan
I have a fear of heights! Also, he-he-helicopters! They don't make sense to me!
Jamie
What do you mean you have a fear of heights? Why would you come up here?
Dylan
You called me a pu-pussy!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Introduction of a New Character
Jamie Rellis
Everybody, this is Dylan. He's from L.A. He's the reason I can afford all this beer!
[Everybody boos him; Everybody cheers him]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigating Relationships and Work Boundaries
Taxi Driver
Welcome to New York! Go and fuck a dick!
Kayla
Maybe you should care a little bit less about work and a little bit more about the girl you're dating because last time I checked work doesn't reassure you that liking a finger up your ass doesn't make you gay.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Critique of Hollywood's True Love Narrative
Jamie Rellis
I really have to stop buying into this bullshit Hollywood cliche of true love. Shut up, ], you stupid, little liar!
[sees posters for "The Ugly Truth" on a wall; [w:Katherine Heigl|Katherine Heigl]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Lighthearted Exchange About Body Image
Dylan
Breasts.
Jamie
Really? I think they're so tiny.
Dylan
They're still breasts.
Jamie
Thank you!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Lasting Connections
Tommy
You know what I discovered? It's not who you want to spend Friday night with, it's who you want to spend all day Saturday with. Feel me, Felix?
Dylan
Yeah, but then it's every Saturday for the rest of your life...
Tommy
It's OK, you don't get it. It's no big deal. But you will. One day you'll meet someone and it'll literally take your breath away. Like you can't breathe. Like no oxygen to the lungs. Like a fish...
Dylan
Yeah, I... I get it, Tommy.
Tommy
Yeah, you don't.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Complexity of Friendship Explained
Taglines
Friendship is a four-letter word.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Digging a Tunnel to China
Jamie Rellis
Are you trying to dig your way to China?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perceptions of Body Image and Perfection
Jamie Rellis
I have the perfect body for Photoshop. This gets more angular, these get longer and this gets way more Christian.
[face; legs; nose]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating Work Ethic and Global Competitiveness
Tommy Bollinger
A work ethic. I love it! That is why this country is still number one. Well, behind Germany and France and Belgium and Japan and China. Thank God for Bangladesh!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Manipulation in Relationships: A Cultural Perspective
Dylan
Why do women think the only way to get men to do what they want is to manipulate them?
Jamie
History, personal experience, romantic comedies.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Complex Appreciation of Women and Identity
Dylan
What do you know about women, anyway?
Tommy
Dude, I've turned down more tail than you'll ever have.
Dylan
Yeah, bro - you're gay!
Tommy
But the offers keep rolling in, naturally. Look at me! And hey, I love women. They're beautiful, majestic, mysterious, mesmerizing creatures. Smart, empathetic, far superior to men in every way. And if I had a choice, I would be with women to my dying day. But me likes cock, so I'm strickily-dickily.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggling with Emotional Availability
Dylan Harper
I'm emotionally unavailable.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Commitment and Regret in Relationships
Jamie
Why do I get the feeling this is the first real commitment you've ever made?
Dylan
It's not. T-Mobile. Two years. And fuck do I regret that one!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.