25 quotes
Introduction of Characters Varla and Coco
Varla
Hello! You must be Yoo-Hoo.
Coco
Coco.
[''correcting her'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Effects of Morphine in Everyday Life
Coco
Evie, have you ever been on morphine?
Evie
Once, when I had my eyes done. Then every day for 10 years after that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Empowerment and Affirmation in Self-Identity
Evie
I AM woman! ] now!
[[w:Equal Rights Amendment|ERA]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humor in Unconventional Situations
Evie
So I said, why am I laughing? We're doing it doggy style and your name is Barker!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concern About Being Late for Love Game
Varla
Oh, fooey, I'm going to be late for my love game!
[''glancing down at beeper'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Greeting from Evie
Evie
Hello, gorgeous!
[''puts in false teeth, glass eye, and puts wig on'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Introducing Characters in a Casual Encounter
Evie
Oh, oops, um ...
[''points at Varla, trying to remember her name'']
Varla
Varla.
Evie
Varla! This is my son ...
[''points at Stevie'']
Stevie
Stevie.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Coco's Frustration in Girls Will Be Girls
Coco
Oh, COME ON!
[''after her third dog dies'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fear Melts Away in Unexpected Moments
Coco
When that doctor walked in my fear melted like ... snow in a ... melter.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Gratitude for a Business Transaction
Varla
Thank you, sir! My pimp and I appreciate your business!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Feelings as Treasures to Bury
Varla
Feelings are like treasures, so bury them.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Commercial Offer with Personal Dilemma
Evie
You know, they offered me that commercial for Depends. Lot of money, too! Just one little problem: I don't shit my pants.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wishing for a Headache-Free Morning
Evie
Jesus, I wish someone could tell me how to just once wake up without a splitting headache!
Coco
You could drink less.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on a Tragic Loss
Varla
Did you know her ?
[Varla's mother]
Evie
Goodness, yes! We were ... we were always running into each other at auditions. She had such a bright future, too! We were all so shocked when she offed herself.
Coco
Evie!
Evie
Oh, I'm sorry, passed herself away.
Varla
Well, they shipped me off to Arkansas right after, so ... I have so many questions. What was she like?
Coco
Very sweet.
Evie
Uh-huh. And a big pothead!
Coco
Evie!
Evie
LOVED cock!
Coco
EVIE!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perceptions of Attractiveness and Profession
Laurent
See that girl at the bar? She is a whore.
[''points to a woman who is groping a man'']
Varla
How can you tell?
Laurent
Whores are sexy. Know why?
Varla
Because it's their job?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Connections and Personal Stories
Jeff
You know ]!?
[[Mary Tyler Moore]
Evie
Oh, very well! We did Night of a Thousand Stars together! Funny story: she has diabetes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Voices on Gender and Society in Media
Opening Song
Some say women should know their place. We say we're half the human race!
Magazine Ad
Once a Week Diapers: they grow up too fast already!
Hospital Voice
Cleanup in ICU.
Newspaper
Study: Retards Will Believe Anything.
Bizzy Gals Ad
If you're like me, your days are jammed packed with activity. It seems that no sooner am I done watching my programs than a new magazine arrives! And suddenly, boom, it's naptime! That's why I'm so grateful for new Bizzy Gal's Dinner's Ready. You keep Bizzy Gal right in your cabinets; no more lugging open that heavy freezer door. And the exhausting chore of reheating — a thing of the past! Bizzy Gal meals are treated with Nutri-Dation which renders them chemically unstable in a way that feels just like heat in your mouth! All they'll know is: it tastes great! Bizzy Gal Dinner's Ready is sold as a novelty item and is not intended for human consumption. Side effects of ingestion can include cancer, bleeding, enlargement of the heart, and second-degree burns along the rectal cavity resulting in irreversible incontinence.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Aging and Self-Perception Among Friends
Stevie
Mom, no one will hire you!
Evie
Why not?! I mean, I admit my looks are starting to go.
Coco
Starting to go? Evie, your looks are home and in bed.
Stevie
I think you know.
Evie
My attitude?
Stevie
No.
Evie
My drinking?
Stevie
No.
Evie
Chronic lateness?
Stevie
No.
Evie
Never learned my lines?
Stevie
No.
Evie
The kleptomania?
Stevie
No.
Evie
I spread disease?
Stevie
No!
Evie
Then what?!
Stevie
That little thing where you ran over a family of four while drunk off your ass?
Evie
It was a family of six! I only killed four. And what kind of people have a picnic in their own backyard!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Secret Past Revealed Between Friends
Coco
Oh, Evie, when I was at Vassar, I became ... with child. And I had ... a procedure.
Evie
That's your big secret? An abortion?!
Coco
Have you had one?
Evie
Coco, I've had more children pulled out of me than a burning orphanage!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Luxury Cars and Their Unique Needs
Laurent
My apologies for being so bold but ... when I see the best, I have to have it.
Varla
Well you know, a Maserati needs much more pampering than a Toyota.
Laurent
This is not a problem if the Maserati will take its driver where he wants to go.
Varla
Maseratis don't do anal!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Moment of Frustration and Exclamation
Coco
FUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!
[''placidly dusts framed photos, suddenly drops one'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounters After an Accident
Evie
Hey, maybe I'll go on a date tonight too! That guy who hit us gave me his number!
Stevie
He had to, ma. It's the law.
Evie
Well did he have to flirt with me while we waited for the cops?
Stevie
He said, "Look the fuck where you're going, you drunk corpse.
Evie
It was more in his body language!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Impending Asteroid Impact in 15 Minutes
Evie
Accordin to my calculat-er, the asteroid will penetrate the ass-mosphere in 15 minutes!
[''in her movie'' Asteroid]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Aging and Perceptions in Social Interactions
Evie
I'm glad I could coax you over. At first I was afraid you'd think it a bit ... strange.
Jeff
Why, cause you're so old?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Considering a Dog Instead of Kids
Coco
What do you think about the idea of having a dog in the house?
Evie
I'm sorry, have I been staring?
Coco
I'm thinking of getting one. I mean, let's face it, at this point I'm probably never going to have kids.
Evie
Oh, Coco, it's not too late. I'm kidding! A dog sounds fun.
[''Coco smiles'']
Coco
It sounds depressing, is what it sounds. "Do you have kids?" "No, but I have a dog." "Well it's the same thing, you crazy barren old hag.
Evie
This new roommate will cheer you right up!
Coco
I just hope she's not too loud. Or happy. Happy people always make such a racket.
Evie
Coco, she came by and she was a peach.
Coco
Were you drunk?
Evie
It was 12 noon! Of course I was drunk.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.