Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (2001) - Quotes

Dumbledore: [sees candies and cards on table] Good afternoon, Harry. Ah, tokens from your admirers.

Harry: Admirers"?

Dumbledore: [picks up a Chocolate Frog packet] What happened down in the dungeons between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret. So, naturally, the whole school knows. Ah, I see your friend Ronald has saved you the trouble of opening your Chocolate Frogs.

Harry: Ron was here? Is he alright? What about Hermione?

Dumbledore: [raises a hand for silence] Fine. They're both just fine.

Harry: But what happened to the Stone?

Dumbledore: Relax, dear boy. The Stone has been destroyed. My friend Nicholas and I have had a little chat, and agreed it was best, all around.

Harry: But, then Flamel... he'll die, won't he?

Dumbledore: [slowly] He has enough elixir to set his affairs in order. But yes, he will die.

Harry: How is it I got the Stone, sir? One minute I was standing in the Mirror, and the next...

Dumbledore: Ah, you see, only a person who wanted to find the Stone, find it, but not use it, would be able to get it. That is one of my more brilliant ideas. And between you and me, that is saying something.

Harry: Does that mean, with the Stone gone that is, that Voldemort can never come back?

Dumbledore: [sadly; Harry shakes his head; Harry reaches up to touch his scar] Ah, I'm afraid... there are ways in which he can return. Harry, do you know why Professor Quirrell couldn't bear to have you touch him? It was because of your mother. She sacrificed herself for you, and that kind of act leaves a mark. No, no. This kind of mark cannot be seen. It lives in your very skin.

Harry: What is it?

Dumbledore: [smiling; walks back to the table; picks up the bag; eats one bean] Love, Harry. Love. Ah, Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. I was most unfortunate in my youth to come across a vomit-flavored one, and since then I'm afraid I've lost my liking for them. But, I think I could be safe with a nice toffee. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, alas. Earwax.

Harry: You? No, it can't– it can't be. Snape, he was– he was the one who–

Quirrell: [mockingly] Yes. He does seem the type, doesn't he? But next to him, who would suspect p-p-p-poor st-st-st-stuttering Professor Quirrell?

Harry: But that day, during the Quidditch match, Snape tried to kill me.

Quirrell: [darkly] No, dear boy. I tried to kill you! And trust me, if Snape's cloak hadn't caught fire and broken my eye contact, I would have succeeded! Even with Snape muttering his little counter-curse.

Harry: [confusedly] Snape was... trying to save me?

Quirrell: [in annoyance] I knew you were a danger to me right from the off, especially after Halloween.

Harry: Th-th-then you let the troll in!!

Quirrell: [Looking into the mirror] Very good, Potter, yes. Snape, unfortunately, wasn't fooled. While everyone else was running about the dungeons, he went to the third floor to head me off. He, of course, never trusted me again. He barely left me alone. But he doesn't understand - I'm never alone. Never. Now, what does this mirror do? Yes, I see what I desire. I see myself holding the Stone. But how do I get it!?

Voldemort: [under the turban] Use the boy.

Quirrell: [enraged; Harry walks to Quirrell and the Mirror of Erised; Harry sees his reflection take out the Sorcerer's Stone, then places it into his pocket. He realizes that it actually is in his pocket. Sheepishly] COME HERE, POTTER! NOW! Tell me. What do you see? What is it, what do you see!?

Harry: I– I'm shaking hands with Dumbledore. I've won the House Cup.

Voldemort: [in a voiceover] He lies.

Quirrell: [enraged] TELL THE TRUTH! WHAT DO YOU SEE?!?

Voldemort: Let me speak to him.

Quirrell: Master, you are not strong enough!

Voldemort: I have strength enough for this...

Voldemort: Harry Potter. We meet again.

Harry: Voldemort?

Voldemort: [Harry attempts to escape; Quirrell blocks Harry by snapping his fingers, causing a large fire to block off the entrance and surround the entire area] Yes. You see what I've become? See what I must do to survive? Live off another, a mere parasite. Unicorn blood can sustain me, but it cannot give me a body of my own. But there is something that can. Something that, conveniently enough, lies in your pocket. STOP HIM! Don't be a fool. Why suffer a horrific death, when you can join me and live?

Harry: [angrily] Never!

Voldemort: [laughs; Harry's parents appear in the Mirror of Erised; Harry pulls the Stone out of his pocket.] Bravery. Your parents had it too. Tell me, Harry.... would you like to see your mother and father again? Together, we can bring them back. All I ask is for something in return. That's it, Harry. There is no good and evil. There is only power... and those too weak to seek it. Together, we can do extraordinary things. Just give me the Stone!

Harry: [screams] YOU LIAR!!!!

Voldemort: [furiously; Quirrell flies through the air and begins choking Harry. Harry tries to reach for the Stone, but grabs Quirrell's wrist, and suddenly makes it immediately begin to burn and turn into ash. Quirrell gasps, screams in pain and horror, and lets go of Harry as his hand crumbles away] KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quirrell: [terrified] WHAT IS THIS MAGIC?!

Voldemort: [angry] FOOL! GET THE STONE!

Snape: Now, what would three young Gryffindors such as yourselves be doing inside on a day like this?

Hermione: [Snape looks to her, expecting an answer] We... ...we were just...

Snape: [Snape notices Harry eyeing him cautiously. He glares sharply at Harry] You ought to be more careful. People may think you're...'...up to something.

Firenze: Harry Potter, you must leave. You are known to many creatures here. The Forest is not safe at this time, especially for you.

Harry: But what was that thing you saved me from?

Firenze: [indicates the dead Unicorn] A monstrous creature. It is a terrible crime to slay a Unicorn. Drinking a Unicorn's blood will keep you alive even if you are an inch from death, but at a terrible price, for you have slain something so pure, that from the moment the blood touches your lips, you will have a half-life. A cursed life.

Harry: But who would choose such a life?

Firenze: Can you think of no one?

Harry: Do you mean to say, that-that thing that killed the Unicorn, that was drinking its blood... that was Voldemort?

Firenze: Do you know what is hidden in the school at this very moment, Mr. Potter?

Harry: The Sorcerer's Stone.

Hermione: Harry!

Hagrid: Hello there, Firenze. See you've met our young Mr. Potter. You alright there, Harry?

Harry: [nods] Mm-hm.

Firenze: [he leaves] Harry Potter, this is where I leave you. You're safe now. Good luck.

Hagrid: Ron, Hermione, you'll come with me.

Ron: [In a timid, high voice] Okay.

Hagrid: And Harry, you'll go with Malfoy.

Malfoy: Okay, then I get Fang.

Hagrid: Fine. Just so's you know, he's a bloody coward.

Hagrid: Nonsense! Why would Snape put a curse on Harry's broom?

Harry: Who knows? Why was he tryna get past that three-headed dog on Halloween?

Hagrid: Who told you about Fluffy?

Ron: Fluffy"?!

Hermione: That thing has a name?

Hagrid: Of course, he's got a name! He's mine! I bought him off an Irish feller I met down at the pub last year. Then I lent him to Dumbledore to guard the–

Harry: Yes?

Hagrid: Shouldn't have said that. No more questions! Don't ask any more questions. That's top-secret, that is.

Harry: But, Hagrid, whatever Fluffy's guarding, Snape's trying to steal it.

Hagrid: Codswallop! Professor Snape is a Hogwarts teacher!

Hermione: Hogwarts teacher or not, I know a spell when I see one. I've read all about them. You've got to keep eye contact and Snape wasn't blinking.

Harry: Exactly.

Harry: [Curious and turns to Ron then back to Hagrid] Nicholas Flamel?

Harry: Where's Hermione?

Neville: Parvati Patil said that she wouldn't come out of the girls’ bathroom. She said that she'd been in there all afternoon, cryin’.

Quirrell: [Dumbledore rises from his seat in concern. Everyone looks at Quirrell and he stops and there is utter silence.] TROLL! IN THE DUNGEON! T-TROOLLL IN THE DUNGEON! Thought you ought to know.

Dumbledore: [Everyone stops and calms down; quieter now] SILLLLLEEENNNNCEEEEE! Everyone will please not panic! Now, prefects will lead their house back to the dormitories. Teachers will follow me to the dungeons.

Hufflepuff Prefect: Hufflepuff, this way!

Boy: Stay together!

Percy: Gryffindors, keep up, please, and stay alert!

Harry: How could a troll get in?

Ron: [Suddenly, Harry stops and pulls Ron aside.] Not on its own. Trolls are really stupid. Probably people playing jokes. What?

Harry: Hermione! She doesn't know!

Ron: I think the troll's left the dungeon!

Harry: It's going into the girls’ bathroom!

Harry: Hermione, move!

Hermione: [Harry and Ron start throwing wood pieces at the troll.] HELP! HELP!

Ron: [Ron throws wood and hits the troll on the head, drawing its attention. Hermione escapes from the stalls to under a sink, but the troll sees her and swings its club again, smashing the sink and barely missing her. Harry cringes.] HEY, PEA-BRAIN!

Hermione: [screams] HELP!

Harry: [He lands on the troll's shoulders and is hurled around back and forth.] Whoa!

Ron: Ew!

Harry: Whoa, whoa-whoa!

Harry: Do something!

Ron: What?!

Harry: [the troll swipes at him again] ANYTHING! Hurry up!

Hermione: Swish and flick!

Ron: [correctly punctuating the words; Flick! The troll's club is lifted out of its hand and hovers above its head. The troll looks at its empty hand in confusion, then looks up, just as the club comes crashing back down.; It hits the troll's head and the troll wavers, then drops Harry, who crawls away, and slowly comes crashing down, knocked out. Hermione approaches carefully.] Wingardium Leviosa! Cool.

Hermione: Is it dead?

Harry: [He grabs his wand which is covered in mucus.] I don't think so. Just knocked out. Ugh! Troll bogies.

McGonagall: Oh! Oh, my goodness! Explain yourselves, both of you!

Ron and Harry: Well, what it is...

Hermione: [The teachers, Ron and Harry look at her.] It's my fault, Professor McGonagall.

McGonagall: Miss Granger?

Hermione: I went looking for the troll. I'd read about them and thought I could handle it. But I was wrong. If Harry and Ron hadn't come and found me, I'd probably be dead.

McGonagall: [Harry notices Snape's leg, which has the trousers' leg torn and a large cut on it. Snape notices and covers it up, glaring at Harry.; she turns to Harry and Ron; Harry and Ron grin at each other] Be that as it may, it was an extremely foolish thing to do. I would've expected more rational behaviour on your part, and am very disappointed in you, Miss Granger. Five points will be taken from Gryffindor for your serious lack of judgment. As for you two gentlemen, I just hope you realize how fortunate you are. Not many first-year students could take on a fully grown mountain troll and live to tell the tale. Five points will be awarded to each of you... ...for sheer dumb luck!

Quirrell: [Harry, Ron and Hermione exit the bathroom. Quirrell looks at the unconscious troll. The troll growls, seemingly about to wake up.] Perhaps you ought to go. It m-might wake up. Heh. Ahh! Hehe...

Flitwick: [Hermione raises hers.] One of a wizard's most rudimentary skills is levitation, or the ability to make objects fly. Uh, do you have your feathers? Good. Now, uh, don't forget the nice wrist movement we've been practicing. Hmm? The swish and flick. Everyone.

All (including Flitwick): The swish and flick.

Flitwick: Good. Oh, and enunciate. Wingardium Leviosa. Off you go, then.

Malfoy: Wingardium Levio-saaa.

All: Wingardium Leviosa.

Ron: [He waves his wand really fast numerous times because he thinks the spell didn't work. Hermione stops him.] Wingardium Leviosar!

Hermione: No, stop, stop, stop! You're going to take someone's eye out. Besides, you're saying it wrong. It's Levi-o-sa, not Leviosar.

Ron: You do it, then, if you're so clever. Go on, go on.

Hermione: [The feather glows and lifts up.] Wingardium Leviosa.

Flitwick: Oh, well done! See here, everyone, Miss Granger's done it! Oh, splendid!

Seamus: Wingard Leviosa. Wingar-

Flitwick: Well done, dear.

Flitwick: Whoa! Ooh.

Harry: I think we're going to need another feather over here, Professor.

Ron: [mimicking Hermione; normal voice] It's Levioooosa, not Leviosaaaar." She's a nightmare, honestly! No wonder she hasn't got any friends!

Harry: I think she heard you.

Oliver: [Opens trunk and takes a round ball with four indents in it out; Tosses it to Harry; Points to three hoops on the opposite end of the field.; gesturing to himself] Quidditch is easy enough to understand. Each team has seven players: Three Chasers, two Beaters, one Keeper, and a Seeker. That's you. There are three kinds of balls. This one's called the Quaffle. The Chasers handle the Quaffle and try to put it through one of those three hoops. The Keeper, that's me , defends the hoops. With me so far?

Harry: [Tosses Quaffle back to Oliver; Acknowledges two other balls] I think so. What are those?

Oliver: [Takes out a bat, a little shorter that a baseball bat; Hands bat to Harry, then unlatches one of the balls from the trunk. It shoots up into the air, then zooms back down; Harry whacks the ball with the bat. The ball zooms off in another direction right through the gap of a statue that has crossed swords; The ball comes back heading directly for Oliver; It whacks him in the chest, knocking him over. He fights with it to get it back in the trunk. He eventually succeeds, and locks it back in] Oh. You better take this. Careful now, it's comin back. Not bad, Potter. You'd make a fair Beater. Uh-oh.

Harry: What was that thing?

Oliver: [Panting; [w:bugger|buggers; Points to Harry; Takes out walnut-sized gold ball with silver wings; Hands it to Harry] Bludger. Nasty little ]. But you... ...are a Seeker. The only thing I want you to worry about…is this. The Golden Snitch.

Harry: I like this ball.

Oliver: Ah, you like it now. Just wait. It's wicked fast and damn near impossible to see.

Harry: What do I do with it?

Oliver: You catch it... before the other team's Seeker. You catch this, the game's over. You catch this, Potter, and we win.

Ron: What do they think they're doing? Keepin a thing like that locked up in a school?

Hermione: You don't use your eyes, do you? Didn't you see what it was standing on?

Ron: I wasn't lookin at its feet! I was a bit preoccupied with its heads. Or maybe you didn't notice. There were three!

Hermione: It was standing on a trapdoor. Which means, it wasn't there by accident. It's guarding something.

Harry: Guarding something?

Hermione: [Goes into the girl’s dormitory] That's right. Now, if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed. Or worse, expelled.

Ron: She needs to sort out her priorities!

Ron: Fred and George are on the team too. Beaters.

Fred: Our job is to make sure that you don't get bloodied up too badly! Can't make any promises. Rough game, Quidditch.

George: [Fred and George walk off] Brutal! But no one's died in years. Someone will vanish occasionally... ...but they'll turn up in a month or two!

Ron: Whew! Made it! Can you imagine the look on old McGonagall's face if we were late?

Ron: That was bloody brilliant!

McGonagall: Oh, thank you for that assessment, Mr. Weasley. Perhaps it would be more useful if I were to transfigure Mr. Potter and yourself into a pocket watch? That way, one of you might be on time.

Harry: We got lost.

McGonagall: Then perhaps a map? I trust you don't need one to find your seats.

McGonagall: [holding a list of names; holds up the Sorting Hat; looks over the list] When I call your name, you will come forth. I shall place the Sorting Hat on your head… and you will be sorted into your houses. Hermione Granger.

Hermione: [sighs; walks up, nervously; calmly to herself] Oh, no. Okay, relax.

Ron: [to Harry] Mental, that one. I'm tellin ya.

Sorting Hat: Ah, right, then. Hmm. Right. Okay… Gryffindor!

McGonagall: [Draco comes up sits on the stool; places the hat on his head] Draco Malfoy.

Sorting Hat: Slytherin!

Ron: [whispering to Harry] There's not a witch or wizard who went bad who wasn't in Slytherin.

McGonagall: Susan Bones.

Ron: [as Harry puts his hand on his scar in pain; concerned] Harry, what is it?

Harry: Nothing. Nothing, I'm fine.

Sorting Hat: Let's see. I know… Hufflepuff!

McGonagall: [takes the hat off Susan's head as she's sorted into Hufflepuff House, then looks over the list] Ronald Weasley.

Sorting Hat: Ha! Another Weasley. I know just what to do with you. Gryffindor!

McGonagall: [Harry walks up and sits down on the stool; places the hat on his head] Harry Potter.

Sorting Hat: Hmm, difficult, very difficult. Plenty of courage, I see. Not a bad mind, either. There's talent, oh, yes. And a thirst to prove yourself. But where to put you?

Harry: [whispering and begging] Not Slytherin. Not Slytherin.

Sorting Hat: Not Slytherin, eh? Are you sure? You could be great, you know. It's all here, in your head. And Slytherin will help you on the way to greatness! There's no doubt about that. No?

Harry: [still whispering] Please, not Slytherin, anything but Slytherin.

Sorting Hat: Well, if you're sure. Better be… GRYFFINDOR!

Draco Malfoy: [All the first years murmur in excitement; Malfoy indicates two boys next to him; Ron sniggers; Malfoy turns to glare at him; turns back to Harry; offers his hand] So it's true, then. What they're saying on the train. Harry Potter has come to Hogwarts. This is Crabbe, and Goyle. And I'm Malfoy. Draco Malfoy. Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask yours. Red hair, and a hand-me-down-robe? You must be a Weasley. You'll soon find out some wizarding families are better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there.

Harry: [coldly] I think I can tell the wrong sort for myself, thanks.

Hermione: [stops at Harry and Ron's cabin] Has anyone seen a toad? A boy named Neville has lost one.

Ron: No.

Hermione: [sees Ron attempting magic] Oh, are you doing magic? Let's see then.

Ron: [clears throat] Sunshine, daisies, butter mellow... turn this stupid, fat rat yellow!

Hermione: [Ron gives Harry an indignant and exasperated look; sits in front of Harry] Are you sure that's a real spell? Well, it's not very good is it? Of course, I've only tried a few simple ones myself, but they've all worked for me. For example, Oculus Reparo.

Ron: [muffled] Um, Ron Weasley.

Hermione: [chagrined; leaves, but turns around to face Ron] Pleasure. You two best change into robes, I expect we'll be arriving soon. You've got dirt on your nose, by the way. Did you know? Just there.

Harry: [points to his scar. Hagrid looks hesitant to respond] He killed my parents, didn't he? The one who gave me this. You know, Hagrid, I know you do.

Hagrid: [sighs and leans towards him; becomes tense] First – and understand this, Harry, cause it's very important – not all wizards are good. Some of them go bad. And a few years ago, there was one wizard who went as bad as ya can go. And his name was V– His name was V–

Harry: Maybe if you wrote it down?

Hagrid: [in a whisper] Nah, I can't spell it. All right... Voldemort.

Harry: Voldemort?

Hagrid: [frantically; As Hagrid narrates, we see a flashback of a robed, hooded figure - Voldemort - breaking into the Potter home in Godric's Hollow and striking Lily dead; it ends just as Voldemort aims his wand at Baby Harry] Shh! It was dark times, Harry, dark times. Voldemort started to gather some followers, brought em over to the dark side. Anyone that stood up to him ended up dead. Your parents fought against him, but nobody lived once he decided to kill em. Nobody. Not one. cept you.

Harry: Me? Voldemort tried to kill... me?

Hagrid: Yes. That ain't no ordinary cut on yer forehead. A mark like that only comes from bein touched by a curse, and an evil curse at that.

Harry: And what happened to Vol– To You-Know-Who?

Hagrid: Well, some say he died. Codswallop in my opinion. Nope, I reckon he's still out there somewhere, too tired to carry on. But one thing's fer certain: Somethin about you stumped him that night. That's why you're famous. That's why everyone knows your name. You're the Boy Who Lived.

Ollivander: Curious... Very curious...

Harry: Sorry... but what's curious?

Ollivander: I remember every wand I've ever sold, Mr. Potter. Every single wand. And it just so happens that the phoenix, whose tail feather resides in your wand, gave another feather - just one other. It is curious that you should be destined for this wand, when its brother gave you that scar.

Harry: ....And who owned that wand?

Ollivander: We do not speak his name. The wand chooses the wizard, Mr. Potter. It's not always clear why. But. I think it is clear that we can expect great things from you. After all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named did great things. Terrible, yes... but great!

Harry: [to Hagrid] All students must be equipped with... a one standard size two pewter cauldron, and may bring, if they desire, either an owl, a cat, or a toad." Can we find all this in London?

Hagrid: If you know where to go.

Uncle Vernon: [nervously, wielding a double-barrelled shotgun] Who's there?

Hagrid: [pleasantly; Picks the door up and puts it back upright in its hole] Sorry bout that.

Uncle Vernon: I demand that you leave at once, sir! You are breaking and entering!

Hagrid: [contemptuously; grabs the shotgun by its barrels with one hand and bends the barrels upwards; Vernon fires into the ceiling. Hagrid looks at Dudley] Dry up, Dursley, you great prune. Well, I haven't seen you since you was a baby, Harry, but you're a bit more along then I would have expected; particularly round the middle.

Dudley: I'm not... I'm not Harry.

Harry: I am.

Hagrid: [Gives Harry a box] Well of course you are! Got somethin for yer. fraid I might have sat on it at some point but I imagine it'll taste fine just the same. Baked it myself, words and all.

Harry: [Harry opens the box to reveal a small cake with pink icing and the words "HAPPEE BIRTHDAE HARRY" written in green] Thank you!

Hagrid: It's not everyday your young man turns 11, now is it?

Harry: Excuse me, but, who are you?

Hagrid: Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts. Of course, you know all about Hogwarts.

Harry: Sorry, no.

Hagrid: No? Blimey, Harry, did you ever wonder where your Mum and Dad learned it all?

Harry: Learned what?

Hagrid: You're a wizard, Harry.

Harry: I– I'm a what?

Hagrid: A wizard! And a thumpin good un, I'd wager, once you've been trained up a bit.

Harry: I think you've made a mistake. I mean, I... can't be a... a wizard. I mean, I'm... just... Harry. Just Harry.

Hagrid: Well, "Just Harry"... did you ever make anything happen? Anything you couldn't explain when you were angry or scared?

Harry: [Hagrid pulls a letter from his pocket and hands it to Harry; he reads the letter] Dear Mr. Potter, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry".

Uncle Vernon: [adamantly] He will not be going! We swore when we took him in that we would put a stop to all of this rubbish!

Harry: [to the Dursleys; angrily after Vernon refuses Harry's entrance to Hogwarts because they swore when they took him in to "put a stop to all this rubbish"] You knew!? You knew all along, and you never told me!?

Aunt Petunia: [bitterly] Of course we knew. How could you not be? My perfect sister being what she was. My mother and father were so proud the day she got her letter. "We have a witch in the family. Isn't it wonderful?" I was the only one who saw her for what she was: a freak! And then she met that Potter, and she had you, and I knew you'd be the same. Just as strange, just as... abnormal. And then, if you please, she went and got herself blown up, and we got landed with you.

Harry: Blown up"? You told me my parents died in a car crash!

Hagrid: [shocked and angry] A car crash?! A car crash killed Lily and James Potter?!

Aunt Petunia: [sheepishly] We had to say something...

Hagrid: It's an outrage! It's a scandal!

Uncle Vernon: He will not be going!

Hagrid: [somewhat amused] Oh, and I suppose a great Muggle like yourself's going to stop him, are ya?

Harry: Muggle"?

Hagrid: [to the Dursleys, angrily; In the meantime, Hagrid is unaware of Dudley stealing the cake he made for Harry] Non-magic folk. This boy's had his name down ever since he was born! He's going to the finest school of Witchcraft and Wizardry in the world, and he'll be under the finest headmaster that Hogwarts has ever seen: Albus Dumbledore.

Uncle Vernon: I will not pay to have some crackpot old fool teach him magic tricks!

Hagrid: [Hagrid sees Dudley eating Harry's cake and points his umbrella at him. A pig's tail appears on Dudley's bottom. The Dursleys scream and run out of the room] Never... insult Albus Dumbledore... in front of me. I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone at Hogwarts about that. Strictly speakin', I'm not supposed to do magic.

Harry: OK.

Hagrid: We're a bit behind schedule. Best be off. Unless you'd rather stay, a'course.

Uncle Vernon: [[w:Sunday|Sunday] Fine day, ]. In my opinion, best day of the week. Why is that, Dudley?

Harry: [when Dudley doesn't answer] Cause there's no post on Sundays?

Uncle Vernon: [takes cookie from Harry; Harry looks at the window and he sees an owl's silhouette.; Harry looks through the window and looks at a parliament of owls all over the Dursleys' house.; A letter comes out of the fireplace, which hits Vernon's face.] Right you are, Harry. No post on Sundays. HA!! No blasted letters today! No, sir. Not one single bloody letter. Not one! No, sir, not one blasted, miserable–

Dudley: Aah! Make it stop! Please make it stop!

Uncle Vernon: STOP IT!! STOP IT!!!!

Dudley: What is it?!

Dudley: Please tell me what's happening!

Uncle Vernon: [Harry catches a letter.] Go away! AAH!! GIVE ME THAT! GIVE ME THAT LETTER!

Harry: [they shout; The piece of wood that Vernon screwed to the door blocking the mail slot breaks in half, and the letters come out the mail slot.] Get off! They're my letters! Let go of me!

Uncle Vernon: [angrily] THAT'S IT! WE'RE GOING AWAY! FAR AWAY! WHERE THEY CAN'T FIND US!

Dudley: [to Aunt Petunia] Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?!

Uncle Vernon: [Dudley sees Harry's letter] Oh, Marge is ill. Ate a funny whelk.

Dudley: Dad! Look! Harry's got a letter!

Harry: Hey, give it back! It's mine!

Uncle Vernon: [He looks at the back of the letter saying "MR H. POTTER. THE CUPBOARD UNDER THE STAIRS.", and the front with the Hogwarts logo. He looks at Harry, who gulps. A short time later, we see Vernon using a screw gun to secure a piece of wood over the mail slot; he looks back at Harry with a devilish grin] Yours? Who'd be writing to you?

Aunt Petunia: [to Dudley] It's all right, sweetheart. It's all right. We'll get you out of these terrible clothes.

Uncle Vernon: [closes the door; to Harry; angrily] WHAT HAPPENED?!?!

Harry: [Vernon growls] I swear, I don't know. One minute the glass was there then it was gone, it was like magic!

Uncle Vernon: [closes the shutter] There's no such thing as magic.

Dudley: Make it move.

Uncle Vernon: Move.

Dudley: [banging hard on the glass] MOVE!!!!

Harry: He's asleep!

Dudley: [The Dursleys leave the snake habitat.] He's boring.

Harry: [to the snake; The snake looks straight at Harry.; the snake nods; the snake shakes his head; [w:Myanmar|Burma; The snake indicates a sign with his head saying "Bred in captivity".] Sorry about him. He doesn't understand what it's like, lying there day after day, watching people press their ugly faces in on you. Can you hear me? It's just… I've never talked to a snake before. Do you… I mean… Do you talk to people often? You're from ], aren't you? Was it nice there? Did you miss your family? I see. But that's me as well. I never knew my parents, either.

Dudley: [rushing over and shoving Harry out of the way; Harry looks at Dudley, the entire pane of glass vanishes; Dudley stumbles and falls in the water] Mummy, Dad, come here; you won't believe what this snake is doing! Whoa! Whoa! Ah!

Snake: Thankssss.

Harry: Any time.

Man: SNAKE!

Dudley: [Petunia notices him and screams in horror] MUMMY!! MUMMY!! MUM, HELP ME!! HELP ME!!

Aunt Petunia: [Harry chuckles; Vernon glares at Harry] My darling boy! How did you get in there! Who did this?! How did you get in there? Is there a… Is there a snake?

Aunt Petunia: It should be a lovely day at the zoo. I'm really looking forward to it.

Uncle Vernon: [to Harry] I'm warning you now, boy. Any funny business, any at all, and you won't have any meals for a week. Get in.

Aunt Petunia: [as the lights turn on; knocks on the cupboard door and sighs; walks to the kitchen] Up! Get up! Now!

Dudley: [Harry looks up and sees dust falls.] Wake up, cousin! We're going to the zoo!

Aunt Petunia: [Harry opens the door and walks to the kitchen.] Oh, here he comes, the birthday boy!

Uncle Vernon: Happy birthday son.

Aunt Petunia: Why don't you just cook the breakfast, and try not to burn anything.

Harry: Yes, Aunt Petunia.

Aunt Petunia: [closes Dudley's eyes; Harry brings the frying pan and tries to hold the bacon with a spatula.] I want everything to be perfect for my Dudley's special day!

Uncle Vernon: Hurry up! Bring my coffee, boy!

Harry: Yes, Uncle Vernon.

Aunt Petunia: [opens Dudley's eyes, who sees many presents] Aren't they wonderful, darling?

Dudley: [about his gifts] How many are there?

Uncle Vernon: 36, counted them myself.

Dudley: 36!? But last year, last year I had 37!

Uncle Vernon: [stammers] Yes, well, some are quite a bit bigger than last year's.

Dudley: I don't care how big they are!

Aunt Petunia: Oh, now, now, now, this is what we're going to do. Is that when we go out, we're going to buy you two new presents. How's that, pumpkin?

Dumbledore: [to a cat] I should have known that you would be here.... Professor McGonagall.

McGonagall: [tearfully] Good evening, Professor Dumbledore. Are the rumours true, Albus?

Dumbledore: I'm afraid so, Professor. The good and the bad.

McGonagall: And the boy?

Dumbledore: Hagrid is bringing him.

McGonagall: Do you think it wise to trust Hagrid with something as important as this?

Dumbledore: Ah, Professor. I would trust Hagrid with my life.

Hagrid: Professor Dumbledore, sir. Professor McGonagall.

Dumbledore: No problems, I trust, Hagrid?

Hagrid: [hands Dumbledore a bundle – Harry] No, sir. Little tyke fell asleep just as we were flying over Bristol. Try not to wake him. There you go.

McGonagall: Albus, do you really think it's safe, leaving him with these people? I have watched them all day, they're the worst sort of... Muggles imaginable. They really are–

Dumbledore: The only family he has.

McGonagall: This boy will be famous! There won't be a child in our world that doesn't know his name!

Dumbledore: [Dumbledore places Harry on the doorstep. Hagrid snivels.; Hagrid nods. Dumbledore places a letter on Harry.] Exactly. He's far better off growing up away from all of that... until he is ready. There, there, Hagrid. It's not really goodbye, after all. Good luck, Harry Potter.

Rolanda Hooch: [about to begin the Quidditch match] Now I want a nice clean game! From all of you!

Rolanda Hooch: Everyone's to keep their feet firmly on the ground while I take Mr. Longbottom to the hospital wing. Understand? If I see a single broom in the air, the one riding it will find themselves out of Hogwarts before they can say "Quidditch".

Severus Snape: [looks at Malfoy; looks at Harry, who is taking notes] There will be no wand-waving or silly incantations in this class. As such, I don't expect many of you to appreciate the subtle science and exact art that is potion-making. However, for those select few , who possess the predisposition, I can teach you how to bewitch the mind and ensnare the senses. I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death. Then again, maybe some of you have come to Hogwarts in possession of abilities so formidable that you feel confident enough... to not pay attention.

Albus Dumbledore: [announcing to all the Hogwarts students during the House Cup ceremony] Another year gone.