11 quotes
Warden's Inquiry for Attention
Louise Walker, a.k.a. the Warden
Excuse me?
[Repeated line]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Legacy of Mistakes and Blame
Stanley Yelnats II
It's all because of your no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealing-great-great-grandfather!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perception of Intelligence and Stupidity
Zero
I'm not stupid. I know everyone thinks I am. I just don't like answering stupid questions.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Bargain Involving Pigs and Daughters
Igor Barkovis
I will trade my fattest ] for your daughter.
[[pig]
Mr. Menke
And what will you offer?
Elya Yelnats
A ] full of ].
[[heart; [love]
Mr. Menke
I'd rather have a fat pig.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Names in a Canteen Conversation
Stanley Yelnats IV
Hey, Theodore, is there a way to fill my canteen?
[runs to Armpit; Armpit puts Stanley in a headlock]
Squid
I know he smells that.
Armpit
Yo, my name is not Theodore. It's Armpit.
[shoves Stanley to the ground]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Intelligence and Humor
Louise Walker, a.k.a. the Warden
Are you trying to be funny, or do you just think I'm stupid?
[When Armpit tries to pass off a stove knob as something he found]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Distant Relationship with a Fan
Clyde Livingston
You're no fan of mine
[To Stanley Yelnats IV]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tension Between Characters Escalates Quickly
Lump
Watch it!
[pushes Stanley Yelnats IV]
Stanley Yelnats IV
You watch it, man.
Lump
What you say to me, punk?!
[kicks Stanley Yelnats IV from behind]
Stanley Yelnats IV
Sorry, man. I didn't mean... I didn't mean to hit you.
[trips and falls on Lump]
Lump
You're a dead man!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Choice Between Camp and Jail
The Judge
Stanley Yelnats, please rise. Stanley Yelnats IV.
[Stanley stands up along with his father and grandfather. The judge sighs and rolls his eyes]
Mrs. Yelnats
Sit down!
[Stanley's father and grandfather sit down]
The Judge
I could send you to jail, and I would not lose one bit of ] over it. But I don't know what good that would do. There is currently a vacancy at Camp Green Lake. They help troubled youth build character. The choice is yours. Camp Green Lake... or jail.
[[sleep]
Stanley Yelnats IV
Uh, well, I never have been to camp before.
The Judge
Eighteen months, Camp Green Lake
[The judge bangs his gavel.]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Curse of Forgetting Madame Zeroni
Madame Zeroni
You must carry Madame Zeroni up the mountain and sing while I drink so I can get strong, too. But if you forget to come back for Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.
[To Elya Yelnats; Laughing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Change in Perception of Affection
Louise Walker, a.k.a. the Warden
I liked you better when you smoked.
[to Mr. Sir after scratching him with her nails that had nail polish made with rattlesnake venom]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.