House on Haunted Hill (1999) - Quotes

A Memorable Celebration in a Haunted Setting

Eddie Baker: [Eddie and Sara are atop a tall tower] That was one kickass party!

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Love and Money in a Failing Marriage

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Oh Steven you poor clueless old geek, all it would have taken was a simple divorce and ripping our prenup into tiny itsy bitsy little pieces, but no matter how it ended please just know one thing, from the first moment I laid eyes on you I have always, always loved... your money. On the other hand just the sight of you has made me want to puke.

Steven H. Price: Is that a fact princess? I mean you could have saved us all a great deal of time not to mention money if you'd have just let me in on it years ago.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: How?

Steven H. Price: You must be kidding me, I'm Steven goddamn Price.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: [trying to talk] Sweetie?

Steven H. Price: Anything angel just speak it.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: What are you going to do?

Steven H. Price: Just what you wanted everyone here to believe in the first place, I'm gonna murder you, Evelyn, with the greatest of pleasure.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Witnesses.

Steven H. Price: [grabbing her by her hair and pulling her up off the floor] You're already dead, Evelyn.

Steven H. Price: Happy birthday baby!

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Asylum Machine Seals Fate of Inmates

Eddie Baker: What happened?

Watson Pritchett: Lockdown.

Sara/Jennifer: What is that?

Watson Pritchett: A machine from an old asylum. It seals everything shut. That's how they burned to death in 31. Dr. Vanacutt threw the switch! If he was gonna die, they're all gonna die!

Melissa Margarett Marr: Well no wonder they're still pissed off.

Donald W. Blackburn: Let's go into the other room and I'll take care of your hands.

Watson Pritchett: The only five of the insane are Vanacutt's staff.

Donald W. Blackburn: Why isn't that machine disabled?

Watson Pritchett: It was on my dad's things to do list here. But the house did it first.

Eddie Baker: Wait, you said that was an accident.

Watson Pritchett: I lied. The house is alive. We're all gonna die.

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Uncertainty Surrounds Missing TV Reporter

Evelyn Stockard-Price: You ever find out what happened to that little TV reporter?

Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.: No. They never found her

Evelyn Stockard-Price: So we don't even know if the little bitch is dead or alive?

Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.: But I think Price must have killed her. There's no other explanation.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: There's plenty, you moron. For all we know, Steven's got her spying on us right now.

Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.: Oh, bullshit.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Oh, God. This whole fucking thing's falling apart.

Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.: It's not baby, it's not. Somebody's gonna pull the trigger

Evelyn Stockard-Price: But nobody has yet, Donald. There not at the breaking point. The bozos have to believe that their lives are in danger

Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.: They have your death at his hands. How much more do they need?

Evelyn Stockard-Price: But they didn't see it happen. They still have their doubts their confused. What we need is another body. Steven's bloody hands right next to him.

Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.: Well how the hell are we gonna do that?

Evelyn Stockard-Price: [laughs] This may sound a little crazy but hear me out.

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Unexpected Guests at the Haunted House

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Who invited them?

Steven H. Price: I don't know, it wasn't me and you say it wasn't you, who then, Evelyn? Ghosts?

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Ooh, spooky.

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Revelation of the Guest List

Sara Wolfe: Oh my god! I think how the guest list was made! Look at these names! Head Nurse: Ruth Ann Stockard! Electroshock: Adolphus Jenzen! Franklin Baker! Thomas Stevens Price! Jasper Marr! They're all here!

Eddie Baker: Who's all here? I'm missing someone.

Sara Wolfe: Everyone who was invited! They were related to the five of the staff members when the place was burned! There was five of us.

Watson Pritchett: The five that didn't die?

Eddie Baker: Holy shit!

Watson Pritchett: Booga booga.

Sara Wolfe: Are you saying?

Watson Pritchett: Price didn't make the list, the house did! Because she's a vengeful stupid whore!

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Skepticism About the House's Haunting

Sara Wolfe: Is this house really haunted?

Watson Pritchett: [near hysterical] It's uh, well, bleh... hah... yeah, it's pretty scary.

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A Call for More Excitement in Life

Eddie Baker: That was the most fun I've had all day.

Sara Wolfe: You need to get out more.

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A Darkly Humorous Reflection on Mortality

Watson Pritchett: Jesus, she's dead. She was cute too. God, I'd love to get laid before I die.

Watson Pritchett: How you doin tonight?

Watson Pritchett: Yeah, I'm alright.

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Preparing for Guests and Managing Tensions

Steven H. Price: Come on honey, let's go down and meet your guests.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: You go ahead darling, I'm just going to run scolding. Hot water over the places you just touched me.

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Love and Accusations in Dark Humor

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Stephen, if you really love me, you'll find a way to drop dead in the next second.

Steven H. Price: [[w:O.J. Simpsons|O.J.; [w:Jim Jones|Jim Jones Kool-Aid] Oh but baby, finding ways for me to die is really your thing. Let's not forget the ] knife with the not-so-retractable blade, the ] which was exactly that.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Accidents, all accidents until proven otherwise.

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A Dangerous Suggestion in Tense Conversation

Eddie Baker: That's a good way to get your head blown off, man!

Steven H. Price: I'll recommend it to Evelyn.

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A Brief Exchange Between Evelyn and Steven

Evelyn Stockard-Price: And where are you off to, Mr. Price? Checking the wiring on the animatronic mummies?

Steven H. Price: I'm just gonna go take a leak, if it's okay with you.

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Desperation in a Haunted House

Eddie Baker: There's gotta be a way out of here! Someway! (Looks at Pritchett) Pritchett!

Watson Pritchett: What?

Eddie Baker: (Smacks bottle away from Pritchett's hands and the bottle was dropped accidentally smashed on the floor) I'M TALKING TO YOU!

Eddie Baker: (Points finger at Pritchett) Watch it!

Sara Wolfe: I'm trying to figure out who or what Melissa was taping when she disappeared.

Eddie Baker: Right, then where will we be?

Watson Pritchett: Out of Scotch, thanks to you, Ass!

Sara Wolfe: Hey, I think I got something!

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Bravo! Bravo! I know it's not too kind to ask the magician how he did it. Clever minds are too desperate to know. Just what did happen to little Miss Marr?

Steven Price: (Turns to face his wife) Asking the wrong guy.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: I mean did she staged it all for you and then go hide? Or did you just flat out and kill the little bitch?!

Steven Price: I propose you the same question.

Steven Price: If I have one, Evelyn. Whom do you think?

Steven Price: If you think that's gonna do the trick? Do you, Tulip! I will never give you a loaded gun!

Steven Price: Jesus!

Evelyn Stockard-Price: (Mockingly) Funky old house, ain't it?

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Friends, your hostess is now going to retire for what's left of the night. If you need me, I'll be upstairs in my bedroom. Not if much as anyone as peeps in the keyhole, I'm gonna empty this thing into their fucking head!

Steven Price: Oh, come on! I loaded them with blanks. Even if I were gonna... murder my wife, I would rather do it in a abandoned house.

Eddie Baker: (Eddie remembered what Sara had mentioned) Here! Take this!

Eddie Baker: What good is a million dollars when you're dead?

Sara Wolfe: Okay, Let's find a way out of here!

Eddie Baker: Right!

Donald W. Blackburn M.D.: I'm gonna try and find Miss Marr.

Watson Pritchett: And I better find me something to drink.

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Evelyn Reflects on Melissa's Discovery

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Guess old Melissa found what she was looking for.

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Games Have Already Begun in Distress

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Well, lookie! Looks like the games have already begun.

Eddie Baker: Where is he? WHERE'S PRICE?!

Sara Wolfe: No! But I am so fucking far from alright and it's not even funny! Someone or something just tried to drown me in a tank of blood with the size of a buick!

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Uh, let me give you a little hint. His initials are S.P.

Steven Price: (Heard what Evelyn was talking about and sat up from the couch as Pritchett walks past him) Alright! S.P: As in sorry, Petunia. Because I was with Pritchett this whole time.

Eddie Baker: [to Price.] Look at this! Huh? What is this?

Watson Pritchett: [turns around] That? What just happened to you there... that's nothing. You've just been playing around with a ghost. Wait til somebody lets out the Darkness in this place. That's a whole... that's a whole new bunch of crazy shit. That's... you'll hate that shit.

Sara Wolfe: What is this darkness?

Watson Pritchett: It! The Thing! The Evil! The rotten core of the bottom of that place! The thing that's gonna kill us all! Death by Corroison: That thing!

Donald W. Blackburn M.D.: So, either we spend the night and collect our money, or we try and find a way out of here.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: (Smiles) You know me, the more the merrier. I guess somebody better find this game show hostess.

Steven Price: Where is she?

Guest List Confusion Amongst Peers

Evelyn Stockard-Price: I gave you a goddamn guest list two pages long. Where the hell are they?

Steven H. Price: Shredded. Sorry. Decided to whip up one of my own - a group so hungry for money they'd do anything. I thought you'd be more comfortable with your peers.

Confronting Fear in a Haunted House

Sara/Jennifer: So what, we're stuck here forever?

Eddie Baker: Oh, so then we'll just stay here til morning.

Watson Pritchett: [sarcastic] Oh, great. I'm sure we'll all be mutilated beyond recognition by then. (Drinks Burbon Bottle)

Sara/Jennifer: What do I feel like this is some sick joke just to scare us out of our wits and with a Hella lot of money?

Evelyn: You got that right! (To Steven) Take a bow, you sick fuck! You've out done yourself tonight. You've scared the shit out of even me.

A Question of Mr. Price's Intentions

Channel 3 Reporter: So Mr. Price, business or pleasure?

Steven H. Price: Neither. My wife.

A Tense Exchange Between Evelyn and Stephen

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Get off me, you pervert!

Steven H. Price: Congratulations. I don't think Evelyn's said that to anything with testicles, ever.

Evelyn Stockard-Price: Very funny, Stephen. Have you?

Comparing Notorious Killers in Infamy

Peter Graves: Dr. Richard Benjamin Vannacutt. He out-butchered Bundy, made Manson look meek.

Demanding Immediate Payment

Watson Pritchett: Sorry to interrupt. God dammit, you give me my god damn check right now! Cuz I want it! So you give it! Now! I'm serious.

The Indifference of the Haunted House

Watson Pritchett: The house doesn't care what's fair, who lives or dies. Know why? Cause it's a fucking house!

The House's Anger and Lack of Morals

Watson Pritchett: [walks slowly up to Sarah] You don't... get it... do you? This house is pissed. It has no morals, cuz it's a fucking house!

Vengeful House Takes Precedence Over Price

Watson Pritchett: [to Eddie; kicks the machinery] Price didn't make the list, the house did... Cause she's a vengeful stupid whore!

The Value of Life Over Wealth

Eddie Baker: What good is a million dollars when you're dead?

A Call to Dance and Celebrate Together

Eddie Baker: Me and you all three. Woowho, lets boogie.

Height of Terror

Steven H. Price: Ever see one that starts at the top? 20 stories worth of top.

Perversity Meter Measurement by Steven H. Price

Steven H. Price: [Discussing Evelyn's birthday party plans over the phone] Congratulations. On a scale of one to ten on the perversity meter you just hit a seventy three.