31 quotes
A Dangerous Suggestion in Tense Conversation
Eddie Baker
That's a good way to get your head blown off, man!
Steven H. Price
I'll recommend it to Evelyn.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Guest List Confusion Amongst Peers
Evelyn Stockard-Price
I gave you a goddamn guest list two pages long. Where the hell are they?
Steven H. Price
Shredded. Sorry. Decided to whip up one of my own - a group so hungry for money they'd do anything. I thought you'd be more comfortable with your peers.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Games Have Already Begun in Distress
Evelyn Stockard-Price
Well, lookie! Looks like the games have already begun.
Eddie Baker
Where is he? WHERE'S PRICE?!
Sara Wolfe
No! But I am so fucking far from alright and it's not even funny! Someone or something just tried to drown me in a tank of blood with the size of a buick!
Evelyn Stockard-Price
Uh, let me give you a little hint. His initials are S.P.
Steven Price
(Heard what Evelyn was talking about and sat up from the couch as Pritchett walks past him) Alright! S.P: As in sorry, Petunia. Because I was with Pritchett this whole time.
Eddie Baker
Look at this! Huh? What is this?
[to Price.]
Watson Pritchett
That? What just happened to you there... that's nothing. You've just been playing around with a ghost. Wait til somebody lets out the Darkness in this place. That's a whole... that's a whole new bunch of crazy shit. That's... you'll hate that shit.
[turns around]
Sara Wolfe
What is this darkness?
Watson Pritchett
It! The Thing! The Evil! The rotten core of the bottom of that place! The thing that's gonna kill us all! Death by Corroison: That thing!
Donald W. Blackburn M.D.
So, either we spend the night and collect our money, or we try and find a way out of here.
Evelyn Stockard-Price
(Smiles) You know me, the more the merrier. I guess somebody better find this game show hostess.
Steven Price
Where is she?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The House's Anger and Lack of Morals
Watson Pritchett
You don't... get it... do you? This house is pissed. It has no morals, cuz it's a fucking house!
[walks slowly up to Sarah]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncertainty Surrounds Missing TV Reporter
Evelyn Stockard-Price
You ever find out what happened to that little TV reporter?
Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.
No. They never found her
Evelyn Stockard-Price
So we don't even know if the little bitch is dead or alive?
Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.
But I think Price must have killed her. There's no other explanation.
Evelyn Stockard-Price
There's plenty, you moron. For all we know, Steven's got her spying on us right now.
Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.
Oh, bullshit.
Evelyn Stockard-Price
Oh, God. This whole fucking thing's falling apart.
Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.
It's not baby, it's not. Somebody's gonna pull the trigger
Evelyn Stockard-Price
But nobody has yet, Donald. There not at the breaking point. The bozos have to believe that their lives are in danger
Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.
They have your death at his hands. How much more do they need?
Evelyn Stockard-Price
But they didn't see it happen. They still have their doubts their confused. What we need is another body. Steven's bloody hands right next to him.
Donald W. Blackburn, M.D.
Well how the hell are we gonna do that?
Evelyn Stockard-Price
This may sound a little crazy but hear me out.
[laughs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perversity Meter Measurement by Steven H. Price
Steven H. Price
Congratulations. On a scale of one to ten on the perversity meter you just hit a seventy three.
[Discussing Evelyn's birthday party plans over the phone]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Value of Life Over Wealth
Eddie Baker
What good is a million dollars when you're dead?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Tense Exchange Between Evelyn and Stephen
Evelyn Stockard-Price
Get off me, you pervert!
Steven H. Price
Congratulations. I don't think Evelyn's said that to anything with testicles, ever.
Evelyn Stockard-Price
Very funny, Stephen. Have you?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Guests at the Haunted House
Evelyn Stockard-Price
Who invited them?
Steven H. Price
I don't know, it wasn't me and you say it wasn't you, who then, Evelyn? Ghosts?
Evelyn Stockard-Price
Ooh, spooky.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Skepticism About the House's Haunting
Sara Wolfe
Is this house really haunted?
Watson Pritchett
It's uh, well, bleh... hah... yeah, it's pretty scary.
[near hysterical]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Asylum Machine Seals Fate of Inmates
Eddie Baker
What happened?
Watson Pritchett
Lockdown.
Sara/Jennifer
What is that?
Watson Pritchett
A machine from an old asylum. It seals everything shut. That's how they burned to death in 31. Dr. Vanacutt threw the switch! If he was gonna die, they're all gonna die!
Melissa Margarett Marr
Well no wonder they're still pissed off.
Donald W. Blackburn
Let's go into the other room and I'll take care of your hands.
Watson Pritchett
The only five of the insane are Vanacutt's staff.
Donald W. Blackburn
Why isn't that machine disabled?
Watson Pritchett
It was on my dad's things to do list here. But the house did it first.
Eddie Baker
Wait, you said that was an accident.
Watson Pritchett
I lied. The house is alive. We're all gonna die.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Fear in a Haunted House
Sara/Jennifer
So what, we're stuck here forever?
Eddie Baker
Oh, so then we'll just stay here til morning.
Watson Pritchett
Oh, great. I'm sure we'll all be mutilated beyond recognition by then. (Drinks Burbon Bottle)
[sarcastic]
Sara/Jennifer
What do I feel like this is some sick joke just to scare us out of our wits and with a Hella lot of money?
Evelyn
You got that right! (To Steven) Take a bow, you sick fuck! You've out done yourself tonight. You've scared the shit out of even me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Preparing for Guests and Managing Tensions
Steven H. Price
Come on honey, let's go down and meet your guests.
Evelyn Stockard-Price
You go ahead darling, I'm just going to run scolding. Hot water over the places you just touched me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Brief Exchange Between Evelyn and Steven
Evelyn Stockard-Price
And where are you off to, Mr. Price? Checking the wiring on the animatronic mummies?
Steven H. Price
I'm just gonna go take a leak, if it's okay with you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Call for More Excitement in Life
Eddie Baker
That was the most fun I've had all day.
Sara Wolfe
You need to get out more.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Love and Money in a Failing Marriage
Evelyn Stockard-Price
Oh Steven you poor clueless old geek, all it would have taken was a simple divorce and ripping our prenup into tiny itsy bitsy little pieces, but no matter how it ended please just know one thing, from the first moment I laid eyes on you I have always, always loved... your money. On the other hand just the sight of you has made me want to puke.
Steven H. Price
Is that a fact princess? I mean you could have saved us all a great deal of time not to mention money if you'd have just let me in on it years ago.
Steven H. Price
You must be kidding me, I'm Steven goddamn Price.
Evelyn Stockard-Price
Sweetie?
[trying to talk]
Steven H. Price
Anything angel just speak it.
Evelyn Stockard-Price
What are you going to do?
Steven H. Price
Just what you wanted everyone here to believe in the first place, I'm gonna murder you, Evelyn, with the greatest of pleasure.
Evelyn Stockard-Price
Witnesses.
Steven H. Price
You're already dead, Evelyn.
[grabbing her by her hair and pulling her up off the floor]
Steven H. Price
Happy birthday baby!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Vengeful House Takes Precedence Over Price
Watson Pritchett
Price didn't make the list, the house did... Cause she's a vengeful stupid whore!
[to Eddie; kicks the machinery]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Question of Mr. Price's Intentions
Channel 3 Reporter
So Mr. Price, business or pleasure?
Steven H. Price
Neither. My wife.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Darkly Humorous Reflection on Mortality
Watson Pritchett
Jesus, she's dead. She was cute too. God, I'd love to get laid before I die.
Watson Pritchett
How you doin tonight?
Watson Pritchett
Yeah, I'm alright.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Revelation of the Guest List
Sara Wolfe
Oh my god! I think how the guest list was made! Look at these names! Head Nurse: Ruth Ann Stockard! Electroshock: Adolphus Jenzen! Franklin Baker! Thomas Stevens Price! Jasper Marr! They're all here!
Eddie Baker
Who's all here? I'm missing someone.
Sara Wolfe
Everyone who was invited! They were related to the five of the staff members when the place was burned! There was five of us.
Watson Pritchett
The five that didn't die?
Eddie Baker
Holy shit!
Watson Pritchett
Booga booga.
Sara Wolfe
Are you saying?
Watson Pritchett
Price didn't make the list, the house did! Because she's a vengeful stupid whore!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desperation in a Haunted House
Eddie Baker
There's gotta be a way out of here! Someway! (Looks at Pritchett) Pritchett!
Watson Pritchett
What?
Eddie Baker
(Smacks bottle away from Pritchett's hands and the bottle was dropped accidentally smashed on the floor) I'M TALKING TO YOU!
Eddie Baker
(Points finger at Pritchett) Watch it!
Sara Wolfe
I'm trying to figure out who or what Melissa was taping when she disappeared.
Eddie Baker
Right, then where will we be?
Watson Pritchett
Out of Scotch, thanks to you, Ass!
Sara Wolfe
Hey, I think I got something!
Evelyn Stockard-Price
Bravo! Bravo! I know it's not too kind to ask the magician how he did it. Clever minds are too desperate to know. Just what did happen to little Miss Marr?
Steven Price
(Turns to face his wife) Asking the wrong guy.
Evelyn Stockard-Price
I mean did she staged it all for you and then go hide? Or did you just flat out and kill the little bitch?!
Steven Price
I propose you the same question.
Steven Price
If I have one, Evelyn. Whom do you think?
Steven Price
If you think that's gonna do the trick? Do you, Tulip! I will never give you a loaded gun!
Steven Price
Jesus!
Evelyn Stockard-Price
(Mockingly) Funky old house, ain't it?
Evelyn Stockard-Price
Friends, your hostess is now going to retire for what's left of the night. If you need me, I'll be upstairs in my bedroom. Not if much as anyone as peeps in the keyhole, I'm gonna empty this thing into their fucking head!
Steven Price
Oh, come on! I loaded them with blanks. Even if I were gonna... murder my wife, I would rather do it in a abandoned house.
Eddie Baker
(Eddie remembered what Sara had mentioned) Here! Take this!
Eddie Baker
What good is a million dollars when you're dead?
Sara Wolfe
Okay, Let's find a way out of here!
Eddie Baker
Right!
Donald W. Blackburn M.D.
I'm gonna try and find Miss Marr.
Watson Pritchett
And I better find me something to drink.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Evelyn Reflects on Melissa's Discovery
Evelyn Stockard-Price
Guess old Melissa found what she was looking for.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Love and Accusations in Dark Humor
Evelyn Stockard-Price
Stephen, if you really love me, you'll find a way to drop dead in the next second.
Steven H. Price
Oh but baby, finding ways for me to die is really your thing. Let's not forget the ] knife with the not-so-retractable blade, the ] which was exactly that.
[[w:O.J. Simpsons|O.J.; [w:Jim Jones|Jim Jones Kool-Aid]
Evelyn Stockard-Price
Accidents, all accidents until proven otherwise.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Comparing Notorious Killers in Infamy
Peter Graves
Dr. Richard Benjamin Vannacutt. He out-butchered Bundy, made Manson look meek.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Authenticity at the Gathering
Steven H. Price
Let's go down and greet your guests. Show them the real you: corny as Kansas on the fourth of July.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Indifference of the Haunted House
Watson Pritchett
The house doesn't care what's fair, who lives or dies. Know why? Cause it's a fucking house!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Observation on the House's Unusual Character
Steven H. Price
Sure is a funky old house, ain't it?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Call to Dance and Celebrate Together
Eddie Baker
Me and you all three. Woowho, lets boogie.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Height of Terror
Steven H. Price
Ever see one that starts at the top? 20 stories worth of top.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Memorable Celebration in a Haunted Setting
Eddie Baker
That was one kickass party!
[Eddie and Sara are atop a tall tower]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Demanding Immediate Payment
Watson Pritchett
Sorry to interrupt. God dammit, you give me my god damn check right now! Cuz I want it! So you give it! Now! I'm serious.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.