18 quotes
A Personal Touch in Music Performance
Amanda Lemmon
Ladies and gentlemen, normally, I'd be tickled to play a selection from... ... Chopin, but in honor of my new stepmother, whom I absolutely adore, I've decided to play a little something of my own.
[as Alyssa; briefly eyes the sheet music cover: "Frederic Chopin- Eight Pieces for the Piano"]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Urgent Decision Before the Deadline
Alyssa
We'll never make it! We only have 10 minutes!
Diane
So, Lou!
Lou
Yeah?
Diane
How close can you land this thing to the church?
Lou
Central Park close enough?
Diane
Central Park? The Central Park? That'll do.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Miss Van Dyke's Arrival
Diane
You were supposed to protect her! You should've done something. Y-Y-You could've slit their tires or something! Anything!
Jerry
They had the paperwork!
Diane
What paperwork?!
Patty
We couldn't find you! Miss Van Dyke was here. What did you want us to do, lie in front of the van, for God's sake?!
[hands Diane the paperwork]
Diane
I would have! I'm takin the Jeep!
[drops the paperwork; takes the keys to the Jeep]
Jerry
Hey, that's the camp's!
Diane
Oh, don't you even...!
[furiously; storms off]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Humor Sparks a Food Fight
Roger
Excuse me, ma'am. Did you just snort?
Roger
I suppose you think this is funny? Well, maybe you'll get a little chuckle outta this.
[picks up a butterknife w/a bit of butter on it]
Diane
You wouldn't dare.
Diane
FOOD FIGHT!!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Identical Strangers, Different Worlds, Perfect Match
Taglines
Two identical strangers. Two different worlds. One perfect match.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings in Fashion and Profession
Vincenzo
Miss Kensington says "fashionably late" was an hour ago. What seems to be the problem?
Carlo
I'm a hairdresser. Not a zookeeper.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Searching for Solutions Amidst Chaos
Clarice
Where the hell is everybody? Vincenzo!
Vincenzo
I sure hope you got a plan.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Revelations Among Friends
Alyssa
Told ya, third time's the charm.
[to Amanda]
Roger
W-wait a minute. All of this? This was your doing?
Diane
Oh, it WAS, was it?
Roger
Well, ladies, what do you have to say for yourselves?
Amanda and Alyssa
So kiss already!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Role of Luck in Success
Roger Callaway
I made my money the old fashion way - pure dumb luck.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tensions Rise Among Conflicted Characters
Clarice
This is all YOUR fault!
Vincenzo
Lady, if you touch that child, I'll POP you one, so help me God!
[furiously]
Clarice
Oh, my God! There's two of them! It's a conspiracy! Well, at least I'll get to hit one of you.
[laughs and smiles]
Diane
HEY! Back off, "Barbie". And by the way, you have a little, tiny bit of something right here on your teeth.
Clarice
I have never been more humiliated in my LIFE!
Alyssa
Wanna bet?
Clarice
Oh, my God! Daddy! Oh, my God!
[shrieks; runs out in humiliation]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounter with Horses
Diane
Oh, no. NOT another horse!
Alyssa
Diane, come on!
Diane
All right.
Diane
Where is the driver?
Diane
Oh! Hey, Buddy! Listen, you gotta take us to St. Bart's right away! It's an emergency!
Driver
We're closed, Miss. I'm on my break!
[mouthful]
Diane
I wanna thank you for all your help, Bud!
Alyssa
HYAH!
[whips the reins]
Driver
Hey. Hey, lady! Hey, that's...
[still mouthful]
Driver
THAT'S MY HORSE!!!!!
[screams clearly]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Father's Concern for Daughter's Attention
Roger
You think maybe my daughter's asking for a little attention?
Vincenzo
I'd say she's demandin it.
Roger
Hmm.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings in a playful exchange
Billy
Hail Betty, Queen of the scrap heap!
All Butkis Kids
Hail Betty!
Alyssa
But my name's Alyssa Callaway!
Harry
Yeah, right. And I'm Princess Di.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wealth and Unusual Culinary Choices
Amanda Lemmon
All this money, and these people eat slugs?!
[as Alyssa, after eating escargot]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Alyssa Urges Diane to Join the Group
Alyssa
Aren't you coming?!
Diane
Uh, no, I think I'm just gonna wait for Amanda out here.
[stammers]
Alyssa
Diane Barrows! Get your butt up here this... instant!
Diane
Okay. Okay. Maybe I'll just stand in the back and take a little look-see.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Power of Two in Perfect Matches
Taglines
When it comes to making the perfect match...Two heads are better than one! Especially if they look exactly alike.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Searching for Comfort in Unfamiliar Spaces
Harry Jr.
We've been looking for you, Your Highness.
Alyssa
Leave me alone.
[annoyed]
Brenda
But, Your Majesty, we brought you something.
Billy
Yeah. Something to make you feel more at home.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Diane's Determination to Adopt Amanda
Diane
Let me just run this by you one more time, okay? Please, just hear me out, one more time. Okay. I know I don't make that much money, and I know that I'm a little bit single, but I want to adopt Amanda.
[to the main office of child services on the phone]
Diane
No, I... Are you laughing at me? He's laughing at me! You... You stupid JERK!
[to Patty; to phone; hangs up in fury]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.