Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017) - Quotes

Tequila: A bottle in a secret wall. You really expect me to take that seriously? See, I think your story's horse shit. Y'all just trying to cover for a failed rescue mission. You're here for the lepidopterist, ain't you?

Tequila: [grabs a bottle of Statesman whiskey] Okay, so your mystery bottle, huh? Look anything like that, right there?

Eggsy: [impatiently] Yes. Same brand, much older.

Tequila: [opens bottle and sniffs the whiskey] All right. Let's see here. You know why the measurement of alcohol content is called proof'?

Eggsy: Oh, fuck off!

Merlin: Oh, for Pete's sake!

Tequila: [drinks a little; splashes more whiskey, much to the annoyance of Eggsy and Merlin; Tequila pulls out a lighter as Merlin chuckles] See, comes from back in the old days when pirates wanted to test the strength of their rum. They used to pour a little bit out on gunpowder. Oh, that'll make you wanna slap your mama right there, boy. And then the gunpowder, if it burnt when they set it alight, they considered it proof that their rum was good and strong. But see, I ain't got no gunpowder on me, do I? But I'm pretty sure you boys'll make just as impressive of a sound when I set your balls on fire. Or you could just tell me who the fuck y'all really are and how the hell you found us.

Merlin: Look, for the last time, we have nothing to protect but our honor. So you can take your cheap horse piss that you call whiskey, which, by the way, is spelled without an e and is nothing compared to a single malt scotch and you can go fuck yourself.

Tequila: What about you?

Eggsy: Me?

Tequila: Yeah.

Eggsy: No, I love a Jack and Coke, bruv. But I do agree with the part where you go fuck yourself.

Tequila: All right. Y'all ain't got nothing to protect other than your honor? Let's see what happens when we change things up.

Merlin: Harry!

Eggsy: Fuck me!

Tequila: Y'all got three seconds to tell the truth.

Merlin: Wait! No!

Eggsy: Harry!

Tequila: He can't hear you, but I can. So talk.

Merlin: No!

Eggsy: Get down, Harry!

Tequila: That's two.

Eggsy, Merlin: Harry! Harry!

Tequila: Three.

Ginger Ale: Stop!

Ginger Ale: Their story checked out. I opened our doomsday scenario locker and that umbrella was in it. Kingsman. It's got our logo on it.

Ginger Ale: I'm really sorry.

Tequila: My apologies, boys. I'd, I hope there ain't no hard feelings. I was just doin my job. Welcome to Statesman, independent intelligence agency. Just like y'all, I reckon. But our founders went into the booze business. Thank the sweet Lord above. This is Ginger Ale. She's our strategy executive.

Ginger Ale: Hello.

Tequila: I'm Agent Tequila.

Eggsy: This is the part where you untie us.

Tequila: [spits tobacco] You know, my momma... she always told me, "Us Southerners get our good manners from the British." I was thinkin', "Ain't that a pity? Y'all ain't keepin none for yourself." Y'all ain't ever heard of knockin before you enter?

Eggsy: Well, a-actually... we had an invitation, didn't we?

Merlin: Yeah.

Tequila: Oh, did you now?

Eggsy: Yeah, yeah, it came in the shape of a bottle? We're from the Kingsman tailor shop in London. Maybe you've heard of us.

Tequila: Oh, the Kingsman!

Merlin: Yeah.

Tequila: Huh. That's where y'all got them fine suits and them fancy spectacles y'all got on.

Merlin: Exactly.

Eggsy: That's right.

Tequila: Y'all look damn sharp. Let me see if I got it right here. You want me to believe that it's normal for a tailor to hack through an advanced biometric security system with nothin but a little bitty ol watch on?

Tequila: I can promise you, though.

Tequila: That dog don't hunt. So why don't you go on and get down on your knees and tell me who you really work for?

Tequila: That's 1963 Statesman Reserve. You just made it personal.

Eggsy: [passes out] Who the fuck are you?

Merlin: Not one of my predecessors has ever been in this situation before. Thank God.

Merlin: A-ha.

Merlin: Remember this?

Eggsy: Yeah, how could I forget?

Merlin: Whatever's in that safe is the answer to all our problems.

Eggsy: Is that it?

Merlin: [pauses] I suppose that must be upper-class humor. I don't get it.

Eggsy: Me neither. What the fuck are we supposed to do now?

Merlin: I think we should drink a toast to our fallen comrades.

Eggsy: To Roxy.

Merlin: Roxy.

Merlin: [impressed by the drink] Ooh.

Merlin: To Arthur.

Eggsy: Arthur.

Eggsy: Mmm. Should we do one for JB?

Merlin: I think we should.

Merlin: [sobbing] I should have seen it coming. Charlie, the taxi. It's all my fault.

Eggsy: No, that's bullshit. Bullshit, Merlin. It ain't all your fault. You're the best, bruv. Honestly, without you, I'd have lost it a long time ago.

Merlin: I think we should drink to Scotland.

Eggsy: [grabs bottle from Merlin] I think we've probably had enough, to be honest.

Merlin: You're probably right.

Eggsy: Merlin.

Merlin: Aye?

Eggsy: I think we're going to Kentucky.

Merlin: [cleaning his glasses] Fried chicken? I love fried chicken.

Eggsy: No. Proper Kentucky. Look.

Eggsy: Someone decides to wipe out every Kingsman property, every agent, and somehow, conveniently, you weren't at home!

Merlin: I could say the same thing about you.

Eggsy: What, you think I'd kill Roxy? And my mate Brandon, and my fucking dog?

Merlin: No. You think I would?

Merlin: This thing... hacked us. Clearly, this arm can be remotely controlled. I'm only alive because my address wasn't on the database with the agents. Whoever Charlie's working with doesn't think that mere staff are missile-worthy.

Eggsy: This ain't funny. Roxy is dead! Everyone's dead! Gone! Do you even care?

Merlin: Pull yourself together! Remember your training. There's no time for emotion in this scenario.

Merlin: Now, as all surviving agents are present, we follow the doomsday protocol. When that's done, and only then, you may shed a tear in private.

Eggsy: Okay. What's the doomsday protocol?

Merlin: We go shopping.

Brandon: Come on, JB. Give it a rest, mate. Stop scratching the door. I'm gonna get the blame now.

Brandon: There you are. Happy?

Brandon: With the decks and all that.

Brandon: Shit, boy! What the...

Brandon: Do you reckon, JB, model material?

The King of Sweden: I must say, you're really not as I expected.

Eggsy: Well, thank you very much, Your Majesty.

Brandon: Eggsy, is that you, mate? What the fuck is going on here? You a gangster now or something? Fucking hell. Is that Tilde's mom and dad's house? Tell you what, whatever you're doing, I want in.

Eggsy: Put it down!

The King of Sweden: Why?

Brandon: What's this?

Eggsy: I said, put it down now!

The King of Sweden: What's wrong with it?

Eggsy: [shouting] Shut it! Fucking shut it!

Princess Tilde: [shocked at Eggsy's behavior] Eggsy!

The Queen of Sweden: I beg your pardon.

Eggsy: Shut it! Shut it now!

Brandon: All right, mate. Chill your boots.

Princess Tilde: Eggsy, what...

Eggsy: Oh, no. Oh my God, no. I'm so sorry.

Brandon: You shut up and all. You got me in enough trouble.

Poppy: It's beautiful, isn't it?

Poppy: Not that. This.

Poppy: Bon appetit.

Poppy: How is it?

Angel: It's delicious!

Poppy: Welcome to Golden Circle.

Poppy: So, fellas, I have a couple of things that I wanna clarify. You understand that in The Golden Circle, my authority is never to be questioned, right? And the importance of following orders? Do you understand that? And the value of loyalty?

Poppy: It's easy to nod, isn't it?

Poppy: I don't like easy. I like proof.

Poppy: What's your name?

Angel: [Spanish accent] Angel, ma'am.

Poppy: [whispers] Angel, baby. Hey.. Your old pal Charles has messed up. That's all I'm gonna tell you, because that's all you need to know. So put him in the mincer, okay?

Charles: No, Miss Poppy!

Poppy: Good job! See my salon across the way? Head there for your makeover.

Hooded Figure: Eggy. You mind if I share your cab?

Eggsy: Charlie?

Charlie: It's ironic, isn't it? You look like a gentleman, I look like a pleb. If I was you, I'd unlock your cab.

Eggsy: Pete, get us out of here!

Poppy Adams: My drugs are everywhere. They were never my thing, but here I am, running the biggest drug cartel in the world. The only downside is having to live in the middle of nowhere. You know, these ruins are technically undiscovered. I just added a few touches to remind me of home. I grew up on all that awesome 50s nostalgia. Grease, American Graffiti, Happy Days. But I digress. The thing you need to understand is the hard work and ingenuity it took to achieve a global monopoly on the drug trade. And that's all on me. Not to toot my own horn. I just think it's really important for new recruits to understand the history of The Golden Circle.

Agent Tequila: Oh, that'll make you wanna slap your mama right there, boy.

Agent Tequila: You know, my momma... she always told me, "Us Southerners get our good manners from the British." I was thinkin', "Ain't that a pity? Y'all ain't keepin none for yourself.

Gary "Eggsy" Unwin / Galahad II: [After he and Harry stuff Whiskey into the meat grinder] Put Alpha Gel on that, dickhead.

Gary "Eggsy" Unwin / Galahad II: This ain't funny. Roxy is dead! Everyone's dead! Gone!

Gary "Eggsy" Unwin / Galahad II: Got the passes from my contact. You're gonna love Glastonbury.

Gary "Eggsy" Unwin / Galahad II: Hey, hey. Looking good, Merlin.

Harry Hart / Galahad I: As one of our founding members said, "This is not the end. It is not the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.