32 quotes
The Simplicity of Hair Care Rules
Elle Woods
The rules of hair care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would have known.
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Sorority's Toilet Paper Dilemma Unites Voices
Elle
It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff is switching our toilet paper from Charmin.... to generic! All those opposed to chafing, please say "Aye".
Entire Sorority Group
Aye.
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Fashion Opinions and Color Controversies
Elle Woods
And two weeks ago, I killed ] at ], when I talked her out of buying this truly heinous ] sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed!
[[Cameron Diaz; [w:Fred Segal|Fred Segal; [w:angora|angora]
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Demonstrating Elle Woods' True Value
Elle Woods
I'll show you how valuable Elle Woods can be!
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The Importance of Confidence in Law
David
Yes.
Professor Stromwell
Would you be willing to stake your life on that?
Professor Stromwell
And what about... his life?
[pokes random student with her pointer]
Professor Stromwell
I recommend knowing before speaking. The law leaves much room for interpretation, but very little room for self-doubt. And you were right. It was Aristotle.
[faint smile]
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The Power of the Bend and Snap
Elle Woods
Bend... and snap!
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Social Status and Personal Identity
Elle Woods
So just because I'm not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel Air, Warner, across the street from Aaron Spelling. I think most people would agree that's better than some stinky old Vanderbilt.
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Social Dynamics in Romantic Rejection
David
I called your room last night; I was wondering if we could go out some time.
Girl
No.
David
Why?
Girl
Because you're a dork. Girls like me don't go out with guys like you.
Elle
Excuse me. Why didn't you call me? We spent a beautiful night together, and I haven't heard from you since.
[turns around and slaps David]
David
I'm sorry?
[pause]
Elle
Sorry for what? For breaking my heart, or for giving me the greatest pleasure I've ever known and just taking it away?
David
Both?
Elle
Well, forget it. I've spent too much time crying over you.
Girl
So, when did you wanna go out?
[after Elle has walked off]
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Paulette's Bold Decision About the Dog
Paulette Bonafonté
I'm takin the dog, Dumbass!
[to her ex-husband]
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The Power of a Lucky Scrunchie
Margot
You'll need this.
Elle
Your scrunchie?
Margot
My lucky scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish.
Serena
You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a lap-dance after the final.
Margot
Yeah – luckily.
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Discussion on LSATs and unexpected side effects
Elle
I'm reading about the LSATs.
Serena
My cousin had that once. Apparently you get a really bad rash on your....
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A New Perspective on Legal Education
Elle's father
Law school is for people who are boring, and ugly, and…serious. And you, Button, are none of those things.
Aaron Mitchell
I was first in my class at Princeton, I have an I.Q. of a hundred and eighty-seven, and it's been suggested that Stephen Hawking stole his Brief History of Time…from my fourth grade paper.
Professor Stromwell
If you're going to let one stupid prick ruin your life, you're not the girl I thought you were.
Professor Stromwell
A legal education means you will learn to speak in a new language. You will be taught to achieve insight into the world around you. And to sharply question what you know.
Maurice
Oh, my God, the bend and snap! Works every time.
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Breaking Up Over Stereotypes and Expectations
Warner
Elle, if I'm gonna be a senator by the time I'm 30, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.
Elle
So, you're breaking up with me because I'm too... blonde?
Warner
No, that's not entirely true—
Elle
Then what? My boobs are too big?
Warner
Your boobs are fine.
[whispers]
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Questioning Competitiveness Among Women
Paulette Bonafonté
So, what does this Vivian got that you don't got - three tits?
[Elle is in tears at the salon after she finds out Warner dumped her for her new rival, Vivian]
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Preparing for Harvard Admissions Requirements
Elle
I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard.
C.U.L.A. Adviser
Well, then, you'll need excellent recommendations from your professors.
Elle
Okay.
C.U.L.A. Adviser
And a heck of an admissions essay.
Elle
Right.
C.U.L.A. Adviser
And at least a 175 on your LSATs.
Elle
I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me; I can handle anything.
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Confusion Over Unexpected Reactions
Elle
Did you see him? He's probably still scratching his head.
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Unexpected Recognition in a Familiar Setting
Elle
Oh, my God! Do you know who this is?
Old Lady
No.
Elle
That’s Warner's older brother.
Old Lady
Who?
Elle
This is the type of girl Warner wants to marry. This is what I need to become to be serious.
Old Lady
What? Practically deformed?
Elle
No... a law student.
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The Importance of Innocence in Law
Professor Callahan
Would you rather have a client who committed a crime malum in se or malum prohibitum?
Elle
Neither.
Professor Callahan
And why's that?
Elle
I would rather have a client who's innocent.
Professor Callahan
Dare to dream, Miss Woods. Miss Kensington, which would you prefer?
Vivian
Malum prohibitum, because then the client would have committed a regulatory infraction as opposed to a dangerous crime.
Professor Callahan
Well done, Miss Kensington. It's obvious you've done your homework. Now, let's look at malum prohibitum a little more closely. It has been said-- Yes, Miss Woods?
[Elle raises her hand]
Elle
I changed my mind. I'll take the dangerous one, because I'm not afraid of a challenge.
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Observations on Engagement and Materialism
Elle Woods
He's engaged! She's got the six-carat Harry Winston on her bony, unpolished finger.
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Classroom Challenges and Emotional Responses
Elle
So, if you don't know an answer, they're just gonna kick you out?
Emmett
So, you have Stromwell, huh?
Elle
Yes. Did she do that to you, too?
Emmett
No, but she did make me cry once.... not in class — I waited until I got back to my room, but yeah, she'll kick you right in the balls.... or wherever.
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A Conversation About Unasked Questions
Emmett
(clears throat)
Elle
Don't ask.
Emmett
Wasn't gonna.
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The Connection Between Exercise and Happiness
Elle Woods
Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands. They just don't!
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Self-Reflection on Clumsiness and Anxiety
Paulette Bonafonté
Could I have been anymore goddamn spastic?
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Costume Compliments with a Sharp Twist
Vivian
Nice costume.
Elle
You, too. Except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.
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Embracing the Power of Being a Blonde
Emmett Forrest
You know, being a blonde is actually a pretty powerful thing. You hold more cards than you think you do. And I, for one, would like to see you take that power and channel it toward the greater good, you know?
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A Disagreement Over Shoes and Transportation
Warner Huntington III
Pooh Bear, just get in the car.
Elle
No.
[starts walking away, sniffling]
Warner Huntington III
You're gonna ruin your shoes.
Elle
Okay.
[defeated; gets in car]
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The Importance of Passion in Law and Life
Elle Woods
On my very first day at Harvard, a very wise professor quoted Aristotle, "The law is reason free from passion"; Well, no offence to Aristotle, but in my three years at Harvard, I have come to find passion is the key ingredient to the study and practice of law, and of life. It is with passion, courage of conviction, and strong sense of self that we take our next steps into the world. Remembering that first impressions are not always correct, you must always have faith in people, and most importantly you must always have faith in yourself. Congratulations, Class of 2004... We did it!
[Speaking at the class graduation as valedictorian in Harvard.; excited]
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Elle Woods on Relationships and Career Goals
Elle Woods
I've been waiting for a long time for you to say that. But if I'm going to be a partner in a law firm by the time I'm 30, I need a boyfriend who's not such a complete bonehead.
[to Warner]
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Perceptions Based on Appearance and Stereotypes
Elle Woods
All people see when they look at me is blonde hair and big boobs.
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Questioning Motivation for Pursuing Law School
Professor Callahan
Do you think she just woke up one morning and said, I think I'll go to law school today'?
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Questioning the Difficulty of Harvard Law
Warner Huntington III
...You? got into Harvard Law...?
Elle
What, like it's hard?
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Hot Tub Memories and Shopping Plans
Elle
Oh, Warner, do you remember when we spent those four amazing hours in the hot tub together after winter formal?
Warner Huntington III
Uh, yeah.... no.
[Vivian gives him an evil look]
Elle
Well, this is so much better than that! Excuse me; I have some shopping to do.
Vivian
Four hours, huh?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.