27 quotes
Lunchbox Dilemmas in Youth Sports
Kevin O'Shea
Peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Are you nuts?
[Upon discovering a peanut butter and jelly sandwich inside of Rudy's helmet]
Rudy Zolteck
It's still good!
[Takes a bite]
Kevin O'Shea
You'll never get anywhere treating your helmet like a lunchbox, son. What are those?
[Sees Butz pull something else out of the helmet]
Butz
Cheetos.
Kevin O'Shea
Crunchy or Puffed?
Butz
Puffed.
Kevin O'Shea
Whimp.
[Under his breath]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Exchange About Catching Things
Rasheed "Hot Hands" Hanon
Why do you do this to me, fellas? I cut your nails, wash you, put gloves on you when you're cold.
[Talking to his hands after failing to catch the football]
Murphy
Hey, Hanon, can't you catch anything?
Rasheed "Hot Hands" Hanon
Yeah, Murphy, I caught a cold last week. Here, have some!
[Blows his nose at Murphy]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Morgue Humor in Little Giants Scene
Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson
Death shrouds.
Danny O'Shea
They've got your names on the back.
[Turns one around]
Jake "Berminator" Berman
So the guys at the morgue can identify the bodies.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Banter Among Friends
Sean Murphy
Get ready dog breath. Because when I'm finished with you, you'll be farting out of your mouth and talking out of your butt!
[As the Cowboys have possession of the ball; to Rudy]
Rudy Zolteck
Is that physically possible?
[To "Rad Tad"]
Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson
Are you all right?
Rudy Zolteck
I think so.
[Talking out of his butt]
Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson
Huh! I guess it is possible.
[Impressed]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concerns About Safety in Youth Sports Equipment
Jake "Berminator" Berman
My mom says the pads you gave me weren't enough. This is great! Keep pushing! I can't feel a thi-
[To Danny after arriving overly protected; The team comes over and plays pushes with him; Smacks into a pole and falls down]
Little Giants
Jake? Jake? Are you all right?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Heated Moment on the Field
Danny O'Shea
C'mon, ref! This isn't American Gladiators! That was a cheap shot!
Referee
No penalty, no penalty.
Timmy Moore
Did I pass the spelling test, Mrs. Greeley?
[Dazed]
Rudy Zolteck
Wow, Spike knocked him all the way back to second grade!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sibling Rivalry and Unresolved Resentment
Danny O'Shea
This whole town may love you, but I'm the only one who knows how truly sick you are!
Kevin O'Shea
I treated you like a prince!
Danny O'Shea
You ignored me!
Kevin O'Shea
I took you to see the Cleveland Indians!
Danny O'Shea
You left me at the stadium!
Kevin O'Shea
Ahh!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Challenge for Pom Pom
Spike
You're mine, Pom Pom!
[To Becky]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Team Spirit Amidst Adversity
Rudy Zolteck
Great, now they have Spike.
Jake "Berminator" Berman
And we got nothing.
Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson
We got us.
Rasheed "Hot Hands" Hanon
Yeah! We stink!
Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson
Cause you can't catch, Hot Hands.
Rudy Zolteck
At least he can walk, Crush Jerk.
Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson
Hey Zolteck, have another Pop Tart!
Rasheed "Hot Hands" Hanon
Yeah, fart boy, or can't you open your big mouth wide enough?!?
Danny O'Shea
Okay, guys, that's enough.
Junior Floyd
Yeah, Coach's right. Break it up.
Rudy Zolteck
Oh, shut up, Junior! You're so good, it makes us sick!
Junior Floyd
Hey, you don't want me to play? No problemo. I'm outta here.
[Pause; Leaves]
Becky
Nice work! If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't even have a team.
Marcus, the kicker
Hey, if it wasn't for him, maybe you'd stop drooling and played a little more football!
Little Giants
Yeah!
Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson
Why can't we all just play together?
Rasheed "Hot Hands" Hanon
Oh, shut up, dipstick! You're probably the main reason Spike quit!
Rudy Zolteck
Yeah, quit bawling you big baby!
Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson
I can cry if I want! It's a free country! I can even do this!
[kicks Rudy's leg]
Rudy Zolteck
Ow! Ow!
Marcus, the kicker
Nice kick.
[Impressed]
Danny O'Shea
Guys, practice isn't over yet.
Little Giants
Who cares?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Gender and Team Dynamics in Sports
Danny O'Shea
Look, with this guy on the team, we got an actual shot at winning this thing. Just give me a minute to see if I can get him used to the idea of playing with a girl.
Becky
You don't think I can take him, do you? This is a bunch of crap.
[Disgusted; Danny is disgustedly speechless; a car horn is heard; She storms off to tend to the honking car while Danny returns to practice]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Visibility Issues During the Game
Jake "Berminator" Berman
I can't see with this thing on!
[Repeated line]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Call for Help from Thelma Mae
Danny O'Shea
State police? Oh, thank God! My name is Thelma Mae Rogers. I'm 86 years old. I live in Urbania. There are two men down the bridge from the Shell station spying on some kids! We're all really scared. I just don't think it's right for men their age to be parading around in their underwear!
[Disguising his voice as an old lady; Passes the phone to Timmy, who feign cries]
Timmy Moore
Please hurry!
Danny O'Shea
Oh, no! Nice job.
[Hangs up the phone; High fives Timmy]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fear of Rejection and Hiding Away
Danny O'Shea
You know, there is something you guys should know. When I was 10 years old, I put myself on the injured list. I never got off it.
[When the Little Giants, losing at the half, want to be put on the injured list]
Timmy "Rawhide" Moore
Why?
Danny O'Shea
Because I didn't get picked a few times, so I started hiding under the bleachers.
Marcus "The Toe
That's where we belong. Under the bleachers.
Danny O'Shea
No, you don't. You guys belong out there with those Cowboys. You know how I know that? Because I belong out there with my brother.
Rudy "Gasman" Zolteck
Give us a break, coach. You could never beat Kevin O'Shea at anything!
Danny O'Shea
That's not true. I did beat him once.
Jake "Berminator" Berman
When?
Danny O'Shea
When we were kids. We used to race our bikes down Cherry Hill every day after school. We raced every day and he always beat me, but one time - one time - I beat him.
Jake "Berminator" Berman:
You beat Kevin down Cherry Hill?
Danny O'Shea
Yes, I did. He ate my dust.
Johnny "Viper" Vennaro
Big deal. One time.
Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson
You know, one time at Randy Cooper's swim party, I did a backflip off the high dive, and my brother chickened out.
Marcus "The Toe
Roger chickened out? He's a Marine!
Rudy "Gasman" Zolteck
Ah, that's nothing! One time at the spring carnival, I beat both of my brothers in the Cow Dung Toss.
Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson
You beat Matt and Brad in the turd toss?
Jake "Berminator" Berman
You know, one time I went fishing with my entire family, and I was the only one that didn't throw up.
Marcus "The Toe
So what? It still doesn't make us good football players.
Danny O'Shea
Well, wait a second, guys. Who said you had to be good to play football? You play football because you want to. You play football because it's fun. You play football so you can pretend you're Joe Montana throwing a touchdown pass, or Emmitt Smith going for a long run. And even if those Cowboys are better than you guys, even if they beat you 99 times out of 100, that still leaves...
Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson
One time.
Rudy "Gasman" Zolteck
One time.
Junior Floyd
Yeah...one time!
[Smiles]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Identifying the Lead Blocker in Football
Spike
Who's Spike's lead blocker?
Danny O'Shea
The Icebox.
Spike
Where's he at?
Becky
Right here.
Spike
Is Spike mistaken? Aren't you a girl?
[Stunned after learning Icebox is female]
Becky
Gee, good eye.
[Sarcastic]
Spike
Spike don't play with girls
Danny O'Shea
She's pretty good, Spike.
Spike
Spike don't care. Didn't you hear? Spike don't play with-
Becky
I can tackle anything. Anytime. Anywhere. Got that?
Spike
Look, you berzerko Barbie doll, when you mess with Spike, you mess with death.
Becky
You can talk the talk. But can you walk the walk?
Spike
Try me!
Becky
I will!
Spike
Let's go!
Becky
Right now!
Jake "Berminator" Berman
Somebody call 911!
[Puts his hands on his helmet]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounter with a Parent
Rudy Zolteck
Aahh! It's a mom!
[As the Little Giants are changing, a woman arrives with her son]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Controversial Call in Youth Football Game
Official
Personal Foul, number 32, white!
Spike
What?! Are you crazy, what kind of a call is that?!
Jake "Berminator" Berman
That wasn't very nice you big bully!
[Tries to push Spike; Spike pushes him down]
Kevin O'Shea
Hammersmith? If that kid of yours pulls another stunt like that, you're both out of here.
Mike Hammersmith
Hey, come on! I thought you wanted to win!
Kevin O'Shea
Not like that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Competition Announcement at the Park
Mayor
Is this thing on? Is this– Uh, good to see you folks. Welcome to the park! Now today, Kevin's Pee-Wee Cowboys are going to test their mini-muscles against Danny's Little Giants!
[testing the microphone; brief microphone feedback]
Kevin
Little Giants." Nice touch.
Danny
I thought you'd like that.
Mayor
Kevin, you call it.
Kevin
Heads.
Danny
Uh, excuse me, how come he gets to call it?
[catches the coin as it's flipped]
Kevin
Danny, what difference does it make? Either you kick off and we ram it down your throat... Or we kick off, we take it from you, then ram it down your throat.
[the microphone picks up their conversation, broadcasting it throughout the field]
Danny
What is it with you? You've been bossing me around since we were kids. Will you stop it already?
Kevin
Hey, it's football. You don't ask for things, you take them.
Danny
Like you took my ticket to the World Series with Dad?
Mayor
Guys, cut it out. You're brothers.
Danny
Not by choice.
Kevin
Hey, I don't need that. Not from a guy who sunk his last diamond into a broken-down gas station.
Danny
That "busted down" gas station has been servicing this community for over 40 years. It's a landmark.
Kevin
Ought to be a landfill.
Danny
I would put that gas station up against any business in this town.
Kevin
Are you sure about that?
Danny
Yes, I would and yes, I am.
Kevin
Okay, fine!
Danny
Okay, fine! What're we talking about?
[beat]
Kevin
We're talking about my car dealership against your gas station. Winner of this game takes it all.
Danny
You're on!
Kevin
Alright.
Danny
Okay.
Kevin
I'll even let you call it. Open up your fist.
[referring to the coin flip]
Danny
Heads.
[opens his hand, showing the coin]
Kevin
Tails, hah! Danny, this is going to be the longest day of your life.
Danny
Yeah, we'll see about that. What the hell am I doing?
[flips the coin back to the mayor, then both brothers walk back to the sidelines; to himself]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Creative Play Inspiration in Football
Nubie
...Then he pivots, fakes, and chucks the ball halfway down the field to our, hopefully, still wide-open tailback. I call it "The Annexation of Puerto Rico".
John Madden
Not bad.
Nubie
Really? I kind of stole it from you: Raiders-Vikings, Super Bowl XI.
John Madden
Hey, you really are a genius.
Nubie
Thanks. The problem is, we don't have a tailback.
John Madden
Hmmm. Well, listen, what if you tried this...
[Draws something on the play as Nubie watches]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring Interest in Football
Danny O'Shea
Do you play football?
Timmy Moore
No.
Danny O'Shea
Do you like football?
Timmy Moore
No.
Danny O'Shea
Do you wanna play football?
Timmy Moore
No.
Danny O'Shea
Great, you can be on our team.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Playful Exchange About Mothers
Sean Murphy
Hey, four eyes!
[To Jake]
Jake "Berminator" Berman
Ow!
Sean Murphy
Want your mama?
[He laughs and walks away]
Jake "Berminator" Berman
Don't be talkin bout my mama!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Regrets About Summer School
Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson
I should've gone to summer school!
[Hanging on to Spike's jersey as he drags Tad behind him]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Cheerleader in a Football Scene
Mike Hammersmith
Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. What's that cheerleader doing with a helmet on?
[Upon seeing Becky emerge from the locker room dressed up in Giant gear]
Kevin O'Shea
That's no cheerleader. That's my niece, Becky. She's pissed.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Message to the Mayor
Kevin
I just told the mayor you forfeited.
Danny
Yeah, well, you can tell the mayor a message from me: tell him not to bet on the Cowboys in the second half.
Kevin
You forget one thing.
Danny
Yeah?
Kevin
That's my field.
[points to the sign for the field, which has his name on it]
Danny
Yeah, well, we have the ball.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration and Aspirations in Team Dynamics
Rudy Zolteck
We never get picked for anything. Life stinks!
Rasheed "Hot Hands" Hanon
Yeah, there goes my shot at the pros. I'm gonna have to be a senator.
Rudy Zolteck
Here's a kiss for Murphy. And for Patterson and Briggs too.
[Farts loudly]
Rasheed "Hot Hands" Hanon
Whoo! Whoo!
[Laughing while waving his hand]
Murphy
UGH! Damn, Zol-fart! What kind of roadkill did your mom feed you last night?
[Enters with Briggs and Patterson]
Rudy Zolteck
Free-range skunk.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cheering for Victory in Little Giants
Cowboys
Cowboys! Cowboys! Win, win, win!
[Chanting before the game]
Little Giants
Giants! Giants!
[Chanting before the game]
Jake "Berminator" Berman
Help us, God!
[Yelling and chanting]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Intimidation Through Unconventional Means
Jake "Berminator" Berman
I use these for acid indigestion.
[Referring to the antacid tablets]
Fast Eddie
What are we going to use them for?
Jake
Intimidation.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Simple Response to a Call
Rudy Zolteck
You rang?
[Repeated line]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.