Meet the Fockers (2004) - Quotes

Family Dynamics and Shared Misery

Taglines: Misery loves family.

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Parental Embarrassment Explored in Humor

Taglines: And you thought your parents were embarrassing.

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Child's Unfiltered Expression of Frustration

Little Jack: Ass... hole.

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Celebrating New Beginnings Amidst Family Tensions

Bernie: [gets up from under a bus] Yes! There you go, Jacko! Yes! Man, we're gonna have a grandchild! Come on, we should be celebrating.

Jack: How could you not see it? Greg is completely unfit to handle a child. He's neglected his own son for 15 years.

Greg: Hey, Jack, I didn't even know he existed.

Roz: That's right.

Jack: Oh, who knows what to believe with you? You're dishonest about everything.

Dina: You're so much better, Jack? Why don't you tell everybody what you did last night to Greg at the party?

Jack: Muskrat, Dina.

Dina: Oh, stuff your muskrat, Jack! He shot Greg with truth serum before his speech.

Greg: What?!

Dina: [holds up the truth serum vial] I found this in his pocket.

Pam: [annoyed] Here we go again, Dad.

Dina: He did the same thing to Pam's junior prom date!

Greg: [suddenly remembering what happened] Wait a minute. Yes, yes! Wait a minute! You stuck a needle in my neck!

Roz: You drugged my son?

Jack: I had no choice. He refuses to tell the truth.

Roz: [defensively] Because he's terrified and thinks he has to impress you. He's had us trying to impress you. But in my opinion, Jack, I think it's you who should be trying to impress us!

Bernie: Jack, you've insulted me, my wife, my son, our entire way of life. I've sat back and taken it, but now you've crossed the line, sir, and I am going to have to kick your ass.

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A Humorous Take on Love and Relationships

Greg Focker: [high on Truth Serum, giving a speech] Hello everybody. I am, uh, about to set sail on my ship... on the sea of life with my first mate - the beautiful Pamela Byrnes.

Pam Byrnes: [blows kiss] Love you, baby!

Greg Focker: [drunkenly blows back kiss, pauses; blabbers incoherently; sees Jorge] I still masturbate to Pam. What? She's hot - check out those boobs. I just wanna lather em up with soap and... rub my face in em. I could take a vacation in there. What? Gosh, sorry for you being perfect! And there's another wonderful lady in the audience, my future mother-in-law Dina Byrnes! Dina-Dina-Bo-Bina-I-love-Dina! Byrnes! You know they say you can tell from looking at the mother what your wife will look like in the future - well, I'ma looking, and I'm-a LIKIN... In my first... passionate sexual awakening, I made sweet, sweet love to my housekeeper, Isabel.

Pam Byrnes: Come on, honey, that was in the past, so sit down.

Greg Focker: No, no, no, baby - I gotta get this off my chest.

Pam Byrnes: Please... sit.

Greg Focker: [everyone applauds; Pam gasps in horror; falls backward and passing out] We conceived a child. And his name is Jorge Villalobos. Come on up here, Jorge. This is the fruit of my loins. Come on! Search your feelings, Jorge. You know it to be true. Yo soy tu papa! Yeah, I know, a lot of information to take in. Give that boy a hand. Oh, and Jack? PAM'S PREGNANT. Focker out!

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Concerns Over Parenting Choices and Teething Remedies

Jack Byrnes: I don't care if they did call you Larry Poppins. You are completely unfit to handle a child.

Greg Focker: It was Barry Poppins.

Jack Byrnes: What kind of a sick cocktail were you going to make my grandson?

Roz Focker: Jack, the baby's teething. I told Greg to give him some rum to ease the pain.

Jack Byrnes: It was your idea?

Roz Focker: Yes.

Jack Byrnes: What is wrong with you people?!

Bernie Focker: You people?

Dina Byrnes: I used to rub bourbon on Denny's gums.

Jack Byrnes: Yeah! Look what happened to him. Greg, you couldn't follow a simple set of instructions?

Greg Focker: Jack, he was screaming. So I went in and I gave him a little attention. Okay?

Jack Byrnes: He's learning to self-soothe. These setbacks are disastrous for his development.

Roz Focker: The child is adorable, but you're not raising Little Buddha over here.

Greg Focker: Mom...

Jack Byrnes: What are you saying?

Roz Focker: I'm saying that I have seen that kid eat at least 15 boogers since he's been here. And I've got news for you, Jack,. Prodigies don't eat their own boogers.

Jack Byrnes: And I have news for you. Prodigies don't come in 10th place every time either.

Pam Byrnes: Okay, Dad. That's my fiancee.

Jack Byrnes: I'm sorry. It's just that I've never seen people celebrate mediocrity the way you do.

Roz Focker: Why? Because we love our son? We hug our son? Let's get down to it. The truth is, you're so concerned about that Little Jack, but I think that it's the Little Jack in you that is crying out for a hug.

Jack Byrnes: [Greg is getting extremely frustrated] The Little Jack in me?

Roz Focker: Jack, you have issues. I'm trying to understand why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest. I mean, were you ever breastfed?

Greg Focker: Mom, stop.

Bernie Focker: Key question!

Roz Focker: My guess is no.

Jack Byrnes: Would you spare me the drugstore psychology?

Greg Focker: [everyone starts arguing; the arguing stops] Everybody! All right. Everybody just... Everybody just STOP! Okay?! Jack, I'm not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying, so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV. I went to answer the phone, I was gone a second, I came back in, he let himself out of the playpen, he put on Scarface, and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it.

Jack: Oh, that's it! Greg just said that's it, so I feel much better now.

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Understanding Life's True Priorities

Jack Byrnes: Greg, a man reaches a certain age when he realizes what's truly important. Do you know what that is?

Greg Focker: Love, friendship... just love, I think.

Jack Byrnes: His legacy.

Greg Focker: That, too.

Jack Byrnes: If your family's circle joins in my family's circle, they'll form a chain. I can't have a chink in my chain.

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Misunderstandings About Milk and Poop Signs

Jack Byrnes: [After Greg fails to understand L.J.; Does "poop" gesture] That's not the sign for poop, that's the sign for milk! This is the sign for poop!

Greg: Well, what's the sign for sour milk, because this, uh, tastes a little funky.

Jack Byrnes: That's because that's from Debbie's left breast, Greg.

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Pet Rescue and Safety Concerns

Jack Byrnes: [After Bernie wrecks Jack's toilet to save his dog Moses] So much for the protection of our rolling safe house.

Dina Byrnes: Oh, honey, he was trying to save his pet. I mean, what if it was Jinxy who got flushed into a toilet?

Jack Byrnes: Mr. Jinx has had extensive aquatic training. He would have known exactly what to do in the event of a submersion.

Judge Ira's Enthusiastic Exclamation

Judge Ira: Bingo, bango, bongo!

The Complexity of Family Dynamics

Greg Focker: [into Jack's spy-camera, during end credits; gruff voice; growls] Hey, look at me, Jack. What am I? I am a frozen caveman! Study me, Jack! Learn how strange the Focker genetic code is! We are weird mutants who hug and kiss! We show emotion! Jack must learn from us, and chip away with his hammer of truth! Wooga-booga!

Uncomfortable Conversations with Family Members

Greg Focker: Mom, I'm truly not comfortable having this conversation with you. I've been telling you that since I was eleven.

Questioning Unconventional Fashion Choices

Roz Focker: (to Jack) I'm wondering why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest!

Escape from an evil situation

Jack Byrnes: We have to get out of this place. It is EVIL.

Doubts About the Wedding Plans

Jack Byrnes: I'm not so sure this wedding is such a good idea. I don't like what I'm seeing from these Fockers.

No Monkey Business Allowed

Jack Byrnes: I said "No monkey business"!

Understanding Origins to Predict Future Paths

Jack Byrnes: Now, I've never met your parents, so I'm not going to jump to any hasty conclusions. But, like studying a frozen caveman, if I can see where you came from, I'll have a much better idea of where you're going.