19 quotes
Doubts About the Wedding Plans
Jack Byrnes
I'm not so sure this wedding is such a good idea. I don't like what I'm seeing from these Fockers.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Complexity of Family Dynamics
Greg Focker
Hey, look at me, Jack. What am I? I am a frozen caveman! Study me, Jack! Learn how strange the Focker genetic code is! We are weird mutants who hug and kiss! We show emotion! Jack must learn from us, and chip away with his hammer of truth! Wooga-booga!
[into Jack's spy-camera, during end credits; gruff voice; growls]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding Life's True Priorities
Jack Byrnes
Greg, a man reaches a certain age when he realizes what's truly important. Do you know what that is?
Greg Focker
Love, friendship... just love, I think.
Jack Byrnes
His legacy.
Greg Focker
That, too.
Jack Byrnes
If your family's circle joins in my family's circle, they'll form a chain. I can't have a chink in my chain.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding Origins to Predict Future Paths
Jack Byrnes
Now, I've never met your parents, so I'm not going to jump to any hasty conclusions. But, like studying a frozen caveman, if I can see where you came from, I'll have a much better idea of where you're going.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncomfortable Conversations with Family Members
Greg Focker
Mom, I'm truly not comfortable having this conversation with you. I've been telling you that since I was eleven.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Judge Ira's Enthusiastic Exclamation
Judge Ira
Bingo, bango, bongo!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jack Byrnes Observes Professor Einstein's Arrival
Jack Byrnes
I am watching you. Guess who's here. It's Professor Einstein.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
No Monkey Business Allowed
Jack Byrnes
I said "No monkey business"!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concerns Over Parenting Choices and Teething Remedies
Jack Byrnes
I don't care if they did call you Larry Poppins. You are completely unfit to handle a child.
Greg Focker
It was Barry Poppins.
Jack Byrnes
What kind of a sick cocktail were you going to make my grandson?
Roz Focker
Jack, the baby's teething. I told Greg to give him some rum to ease the pain.
Jack Byrnes
It was your idea?
Roz Focker
Yes.
Jack Byrnes
What is wrong with you people?!
Bernie Focker
You people?
Dina Byrnes
I used to rub bourbon on Denny's gums.
Jack Byrnes
Yeah! Look what happened to him. Greg, you couldn't follow a simple set of instructions?
Greg Focker
Jack, he was screaming. So I went in and I gave him a little attention. Okay?
Jack Byrnes
He's learning to self-soothe. These setbacks are disastrous for his development.
Roz Focker
The child is adorable, but you're not raising Little Buddha over here.
Greg Focker
Mom...
Jack Byrnes
What are you saying?
Roz Focker
I'm saying that I have seen that kid eat at least 15 boogers since he's been here. And I've got news for you, Jack,. Prodigies don't eat their own boogers.
Jack Byrnes
And I have news for you. Prodigies don't come in 10th place every time either.
Pam Byrnes
Okay, Dad. That's my fiancee.
Jack Byrnes
I'm sorry. It's just that I've never seen people celebrate mediocrity the way you do.
Roz Focker
Why? Because we love our son? We hug our son? Let's get down to it. The truth is, you're so concerned about that Little Jack, but I think that it's the Little Jack in you that is crying out for a hug.
Jack Byrnes
The Little Jack in me?
[Greg is getting extremely frustrated]
Roz Focker
Jack, you have issues. I'm trying to understand why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest. I mean, were you ever breastfed?
Greg Focker
Mom, stop.
Bernie Focker
Key question!
Roz Focker
My guess is no.
Jack Byrnes
Would you spare me the drugstore psychology?
Greg Focker
Everybody! All right. Everybody just... Everybody just STOP! Okay?! Jack, I'm not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying, so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV. I went to answer the phone, I was gone a second, I came back in, he let himself out of the playpen, he put on Scarface, and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it.
[everyone starts arguing; the arguing stops]
Jack
Oh, that's it! Greg just said that's it, so I feel much better now.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Pet Rescue and Safety Concerns
Jack Byrnes
So much for the protection of our rolling safe house.
[After Bernie wrecks Jack's toilet to save his dog Moses]
Dina Byrnes
Oh, honey, he was trying to save his pet. I mean, what if it was Jinxy who got flushed into a toilet?
Jack Byrnes
Mr. Jinx has had extensive aquatic training. He would have known exactly what to do in the event of a submersion.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Take on Love and Relationships
Greg Focker
Hello everybody. I am, uh, about to set sail on my ship... on the sea of life with my first mate - the beautiful Pamela Byrnes.
[high on Truth Serum, giving a speech]
Pam Byrnes
Love you, baby!
[blows kiss]
Greg Focker
I still masturbate to Pam. What? She's hot - check out those boobs. I just wanna lather em up with soap and... rub my face in em. I could take a vacation in there. What? Gosh, sorry for you being perfect! And there's another wonderful lady in the audience, my future mother-in-law Dina Byrnes! Dina-Dina-Bo-Bina-I-love-Dina! Byrnes! You know they say you can tell from looking at the mother what your wife will look like in the future - well, I'ma looking, and I'm-a LIKIN... In my first... passionate sexual awakening, I made sweet, sweet love to my housekeeper, Isabel.
[drunkenly blows back kiss, pauses; blabbers incoherently; sees Jorge]
Pam Byrnes
Come on, honey, that was in the past, so sit down.
Greg Focker
No, no, no, baby - I gotta get this off my chest.
Pam Byrnes
Please... sit.
Greg Focker
We conceived a child. And his name is Jorge Villalobos. Come on up here, Jorge. This is the fruit of my loins. Come on! Search your feelings, Jorge. You know it to be true. Yo soy tu papa! Yeah, I know, a lot of information to take in. Give that boy a hand. Oh, and Jack? PAM'S PREGNANT. Focker out!
[everyone applauds; Pam gasps in horror; falls backward and passing out]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings About Milk and Poop Signs
Jack Byrnes
That's not the sign for poop, that's the sign for milk! This is the sign for poop!
[After Greg fails to understand L.J.; Does "poop" gesture]
Greg
Well, what's the sign for sour milk, because this, uh, tastes a little funky.
Jack Byrnes
That's because that's from Debbie's left breast, Greg.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating New Beginnings Amidst Family Tensions
Bernie
Yes! There you go, Jacko! Yes! Man, we're gonna have a grandchild! Come on, we should be celebrating.
[gets up from under a bus]
Jack
How could you not see it? Greg is completely unfit to handle a child. He's neglected his own son for 15 years.
Greg
Hey, Jack, I didn't even know he existed.
Roz
That's right.
Jack
Oh, who knows what to believe with you? You're dishonest about everything.
Dina
You're so much better, Jack? Why don't you tell everybody what you did last night to Greg at the party?
Jack
Muskrat, Dina.
Dina
Oh, stuff your muskrat, Jack! He shot Greg with truth serum before his speech.
Greg
What?!
Dina
I found this in his pocket.
[holds up the truth serum vial]
Pam
Here we go again, Dad.
[annoyed]
Dina
He did the same thing to Pam's junior prom date!
Greg
Wait a minute. Yes, yes! Wait a minute! You stuck a needle in my neck!
[suddenly remembering what happened]
Roz
You drugged my son?
Jack
I had no choice. He refuses to tell the truth.
Roz
Because he's terrified and thinks he has to impress you. He's had us trying to impress you. But in my opinion, Jack, I think it's you who should be trying to impress us!
[defensively]
Bernie
Jack, you've insulted me, my wife, my son, our entire way of life. I've sat back and taken it, but now you've crossed the line, sir, and I am going to have to kick your ass.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Escape from an evil situation
Jack Byrnes
We have to get out of this place. It is EVIL.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Unconventional Fashion Choices
Roz Focker
(to Jack) I'm wondering why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Child's Unfiltered Expression of Frustration
Little Jack
Ass... hole.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Family Dynamics and Shared Misery
Taglines
Misery loves family.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Parental Embarrassment Explored in Humor
Taglines
And you thought your parents were embarrassing.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Request for Coffee in a Hurry
Jack Byrnes
Dina! Wake up and make Greg a cappuccino! Shake a leg, woman!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.