Name: Office Space
Genre: Comedy
Released: 1999-02-19
Duration: 90 min
Rating: 7.4
Cast: Ron Livingston, Jennifer Aniston, David Herman, Ajay Naidu, Diedrich Bader

Office Space

Milton's Threat to the Resort

Milton Waddams And yes, I won't be leaving a tip, cause I could... I could shut this whole resort down. Sir? I'll take my traveler's checks to a competing resort. I could write a letter to your board of tourism and I could have this place condemned. I could put... I could put... strychnine in the guacamole. There was salt on the glass, BIG grains of salt.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Impending Downsizing at Initech Discussed

Tom Smykowski I've been looking all over for you guys. Have you seen this? I knew it. I knew it!

[gives Peter a printout of an email]

Michael Bolton What, it's a staff meeting. So what?

Tom Smykowski So, what? We're all screwed, that's what! They're gonna downsize Initech!

Samir Nagheenanajar What're you talking about, Tom? Now, how do you know that?

Tom Smykowski How do I know? They're bringing in a consultant, that's how I know! That's what this staff meeting's all about! It happened at Intitrode last year. You have to interview with this consultant; they call them "efficiency experts", but what you're really doing is interviewing for your own job!

Michael Bolton Tom, every week you say you're gonna lose your job, and you're still here.

Tom Smykowski Not this time. I bet I'm the first one laid off. Just the thought of having to go to the state unemployment office and stand in line with those SCUMBAGS!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Casual Greetings in the Workplace

Bill Lumbergh (repeated lines including variants) Hello, Peter. What's happenin'?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Urgent Request for Immediate Action

Bill Lumbergh I'm going to need those ]... ASAP...

[[w:TPS reports|TPS reports]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Reflecting on Their Nerdy Pursuit

Peter Gibbons (after Michael's computer virus has taken $300,000 over the weekend, and the trio try to absolve themselves) I can't believe what a bunch of nerds we are. We're looking up "money laundering" in a dictionary.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

The Unwelcome Case of the Mondays

Peter Gibbons Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monday and you're not feeling real well, does anyone ever say to you, "Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays?

Lawrence No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin something like that, man.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Request for a missing stapler

Milton Waddams I believe you have my stapler...

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Consequences of Poor Communication in the Workplace

Lawrence No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin something like that, man.

[When asked by Peter if anybody has ever said "Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays"]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Weekend Work Expectations in the Office

Bill Lumbergh (after asking Peter to come in and work on Saturday) Ah, ah, I almost forgot... I'm also going to need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday, too. We, uhhh, lost some people this week and we sorta need to play catch-up. Thaaaaaanks.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Identity and Misunderstandings in Office Space

Female Temp Michael...Bolton?

[handing out letters; reads the name on one]

Michael Bolton Yeah, that's me.

[leans over to take the letter]

Female Temp Wow! Is that your real name?

Michael Bolton Yeah.

[takes the letter, goes back to his computer; answering as if he's heard the question so many times in his life, which he no doubt has had to do]

Female Temp So are you related to that singer guy?

Michael Bolton No. It's just a coincidence.

[politely; he smiles at her]

Female Temp Oh.

[visibly disappointed; she leaves]

Samir Nagheenanajar No-one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It..it's not that hard. Na-ghee-na-na-jar...Nagheenanajar.

Michael Bolton Well, at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.

Samir Nagheenanajar You know, there is nothing wrong with that name.

Michael Bolton There was nothing wrong with it, until I was about 12 years old and that no talent ass-clown became famous and started winning Grammys.

Samir Nagheenanajar Why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael.

Michael Bolton No way, why should I change? He's the one who sucks.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Frustration in the Workplace

Samir Nagheenanajar Mother shitter, son of an ass! You, I just!

[first lines, when he is in his car, driving to work and stuck in the traffic jam with Peter and Michael]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Michael Bolton's Unfiltered Expression of Frustration

Michael Bolton Cockgobblers!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Frustration Over Incorrect Drink Orders

Milton Waddams Excuse me? Excuse me, senor? May I speak to you please? I asked for a mai tai, and they brought me a pina colada, and I said no salt, NO salt for the margarita, but it had salt on it, big grains of salt, floating in the glass...

[on holiday in Mexico, having taken the traveller's cheques from Initech before burning the place down, also absolving Peter]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Request for Cooperation in the Workplace

Bill Lumbergh ...So, if you could do that, that would be great...

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Contemplating Wealth and Its Possibilities

Peter Gibbons What would you do if you had a million dollars?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Confusion Over Ambiguous Language

Michael Bolton ]? What the fuck does that mean?

[[w:PC LOAD LETTER|PC LOAD LETTER]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Milton's Desk and Stapler Dilemma

Milton Waddams And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...

[Talking to Peter on the phone]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Milton's Frustration with the Workplace

Milton Waddams I could set the building on fire...

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Questioning Job Roles in the Workplace

Bob Slydell What would ya say... ya do here?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

A Cautionary Note from Lawrence

Lawrence Hey, Peter...watch your cornhole, bud.

[When Peter prepares to confess to stealing from his company, which will mean certain jail time.]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Office Space

Unexpected Responses in Office Dynamics

Samir Nagheenanajar Back up in your ass with the resurrection.

[drunk singing]

Office Space

Consequences of Being Late at Work

Milton Waddams I-I was told that if I was late again, I would be summarily dismissed...

[Waiting at the bus stop; also his first lines]

Office Space

The Value of Doing Nothing

Peter Gibbons Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be.

Office Space

Assertion of Confidence in Adversity

Samir Nagheenanajar Yes, I am also not a pussy.

Office Space

Embracing Life Beyond the Cubicle

Peter Gibbons (to Michael, when the two of them are drinking at a bar) We don't have a lot of time on this Earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way! Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements!

Office Space

Frustration with Office Equipment Malfunctions

Samir Nagheenanajar Why does it say "Paper Jam" when there is no paper jam?!

[frustrated with the malfunctioning printer]

Office Space

Frustration Over Musical Talent and Success

Michael Bolton There was nothing wrong with it ... until I was about twelve years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.

[his name]

Office Space

Questioning Career Aspirations and Realities

Peter Gibbons Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you would do if you had a million dollars and didn't have to work. And invariably, whatever you'd say, that was supposed to be your career. So if you wanted to fix old cars, then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.

Samir Nagheenanajar So what did you say?

Peter Gibbons I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.

Michael Bolton No, you're working at Initech cause that question is bullshit to begin with. If everybody listened to her, there would be no janitors, because no one will clean shit up if they had a million dollars.

Samir Nagheenanajar (smiling) You know what I would do if I had million dollars? I would invest half of it in low-risk mutual funds, and then take the other half over to my friend Sadulach who works in Securities...

Michael Bolton Samir, Samir, you're missing the point. The point of the exercise is that you're supposed to figure out what you would (the printer makes a discouraging sound and then stops) want, to do if.. (reads the printer's display) "PC load letter"?!! The fuck does that mean?!! (he lashes out and knocks a paper tray off)

Office Space

Struggling for Fairness in Office Noise Policy

Milton Waddams I was told that I could listen to the radio at a reasonable volume from nine to eleven, I told Bill that if Sandra is going to listen to her headphones while she's filing then I should be able to listen to the radio while I'm collating so I don't see why I should have to turn down the radio because I enjoy listening at a reasonable volume from nine to eleven.

[After Peter tells him to turn his radio down]

Office Space

Imbalance of Cake and People

Milton Waddams The ratio of cake to people is too big...

Office Space

A comment on frustration and restraint

Michael Bolton That thing's lucky I'm not armed.

[Regarding the malfunctioning fax/copy machine]

Office Space Quotes