Rango (2011) - Quotes

Buford: Someone or something is messing with our hydration, and that pipe has something to do with it!

Mayor: My friends, we all know what we have to do now.

Rango: That's right we all know what we have to do now… and that would be…?

Mayor: [very quietly] {{small|Form a posse.}}

Mayor: [still very quietly] {{small|A posse.}}

Jedidiah: [Ezekiel shrugs] Prospecting?

Rango: [comes back with equipment] Now,got your shovel, pickax, Benedryl, loofah, assorted snacks, some puzzle books, and you're gonna need a permit.

Rango: [notices Wounded Bird shedding his feathers, then walks over to him] I see you're consulting with the spirits.

Wounded Bird: No, I'm molting. Means I'm ready to mate.

Rango: [nervously] Heh. I'll keep that in mind.

Wounded Bird: [picks up a cactus fruit with his staff] Cactus fruit.

Buford: What?

Rango: [clears throat] This is a heck of a hoedown you got going. Still workin out those steps. So is this considered normal civic behavior.

Priscilla: Mm-hmm. Every Wednesday. Just like clockwork.

Rango: Snake?

Priscilla: He means Rattlesnake Jake, Mr. Rango. He never comes to town because he's scared of that hawk. But he might come now. Can I have your boots when you're dead?

Rango: Don't you all worry bout a thing. Come tomorrow, we'll locate that water and return to a hero's welcome.

Spoons: [everyone hold each other's hands; everyone else says "Amen"] Friends, before we bunk down, I'd like us all to join hands for a moment, say a few words to the Spirit of the West. Ain't always spoken rightly to ya, Spirit of the West, but tonight I wanna thank you for bringing Sheriff Rango into our lives. It's a hard life we got. Sometimes, I dunno how we're gonna make it. But somehow, Sheriff Rango makes me think we will. We needed a brave man and you sent us one. It's nice to have someone to believe in again. Thank you, Spirit of the West. Amen.

Kid: Excuse me, Mr. Rango.

Rango: [aims his gun at kid's face] I WILL BLOW THAT UGLY RIGHT OFF YOUR FACE!

Kid: [shows his notepad] I was just thinking that...

Rango: [chuckles nervously; hands his gun to the kid] Oh. You want the old John Hancock, do ya? Here, hold this.

Beans: Sheriff Rango, this isn't a social call.

Kid: [looks into the barrel of Rango's gun] There's a bullet in there!

Mother: Put that down!

Rango: [as he signs the kid's notepad] Oh, I know. I know all about the old shindig this afternoon. I ordered myself some right fancy duds.

Beans: Sheriff, I'd like to file...

Mother: Mr. Rango!

Rango: [takes the mother's bible and signs it] Oh, you too? No problem. Here let me just...

Beans: I need ya to investigate...

Rango: Y'know, Beans, I betcha clean real nice if ya put a little effort into it.

Beans: What?

Rango: [to the kid; takes his gun] Now, remember, son, stay in school, eat your veggies, burn everything but Shakespeare.

Beans: Sheriff!

Kid: Who's Shakespeare?

Beans: [freezes in trance] SHERIFF RANGO!!! If that is your real name. I am trying to save my daddy's ranch, which is on the verge of an agricultural meltdown, while you're playing pattycake with this here trollop!

Angelique: [places a bowl of fruit on Beans' head] Sad, really. Such a drab little thing.

Rango: Why does she do that?

Fergus: It's a survival reflex.

Doc: Her switch is just broken.

Rango: Well, that's an inconvenience.

Beans: [suddenly comes out of her trance; sees the bowl of fruit on her head] It is not a rash! It is a birthmark! I did it again, didn't I?

Rango: Did what?

Beans: Let me ask you somethin', did anybody here mentioned what happened to our last sheriff?

Mayor: It's almost noon. Is everything ready?

Bad Bill: Yeah, but he might be a problem.

Mayor: [snickers] He's not a problem, William. He's a solution.

Waffles: Hey, Bad Bill, there's something I want to tell--!

Bad Bill: Oy. What is this?

Spoons: You know who that is, Bill? That there's Rango.

Waffles: Yeah, he ain't afraid of you. He ain't afraid of none of you.

Lenny: Killed them Jenkins brothers.

Melonee: Done it with one bullet, Bill.

Hitch: All seven of them.

Bad Bill: Is that right?

Rango: [splashes some cactus juice on his face to put out much fire, sees one tiny remaining flame; wipes the tiny flame out with the towel] Um... let me get that... yeah... Oh, I know. Here. Oh, here, let me get that for you. There, all better.

Spoons:: Hey there, fruit-cup. You're a long ways from home, ain't ya? Who exactly are you?

Rango: ”4 score and 7 years ago, our fathers...”

Roadkill: [Rango gasps, drops his draft glass and walks slowly] Oye! That's right! You! Don't be shy. Come on. It's okay. That's it, a little closer. Good.

Roadkill: [grunts in pain] I won't bite you. I need a little help here.

Rango: Uh, are you okay?

Roadkill: I must... get to the other side.

Rango: [mimics the car accident] The other side? You mean, just now, that was you crossing the road? That's why the... Why'd you do that?!

Roadkill: This is my quest. He waits for me.

Rango: What? Who?

Roadkill: The Spirit of the West, amigo. The one. They say he rides an alabaster carriage with golden guardians to protect him.

Rango: What are you talking about?

Roadkill: Enlightenment. We are nothing without it.

Rango: Nothing? Your delusional quest just ruined my life! I had an incredibly complex social network going, highly sophisticated friends! I was very popular!

Roadkill: Friends? I don't see no friends.

Rango: Uh...

Roadkill: You are a very lonely lizard.

Rango: [extended version] Look, I need water. Hydration. My teeth are chapped. I need lotion. I'm down to one layer of skin already, Pretty soon, I'm gonna see my insides. Now quite unlike you've got going there. Listen, I can't survive in the desert, okay? I-I don't belong here.

Roadkill: That maybe true, but here you are. Now help me up and I will help you find what you seek.

Rango: Y-You will?

Roadkill: And perhaps more. Quickly, now. I must get back to my quest.

Rango: You mean you've done this before?

Roadkill: Yes, many time. Come, come. That's it. Pull my finger.

Rango: Uh...

Roadkill: The spirit is waiting for me.

Rango: [tries to help Roadkill up, but struggles and then gives up] Okay, okay. Okay. That's not gonna work.

Roadkill: I must get to the other side.

Rango: Why don't you just wait until there are no cars coming?

Roadkill: It's not so easy as it looks.

Rango: What now?

Roadkill: Is a metaphor.

Senor Flan: ['''Lupe''': When is he going to die?] And so the stranger basks in the adulation of his new friends. Sinking deeper into the guacamole of his own deception. Soon, compadre. Soon.

Senor Flan: And so the stranger seeking companionship finds a woman. Much like the sirens of the ancient times, luring him to his certain demise.

Senor Flan: [[w:Mojave Desert|Mojave desert; https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lizard lizard] Here in the ], animals have had millions of years to adapt to the harsh environment. But the , he is going to die.

Senor Flan: [first lines of the film; to the audience] We are gathered here today to immortalize in song, the life and untimely death of a great legend. So sit back, relax, and enjoy your low calorie popcorn and assorted confections, while we tell you the strange and bewildering tale of a hero who has yet to enter his own story.

Mayor [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tortoise Tortoise] John: [last words before his presumed death] No, Jake! NO, NOOO!!!

Mayor [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tortoise Tortoise] John: [chuckling evilly; clicks the gun but nothing happened... because the bullet's gone] You and the sheriff are more alike than you think. You're nothing but legends. Pretty soon, no one will believe you even existed. One last bullet to kill one last outlaw. How fitting. Whuh?

Mayor [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tortoise Tortoise] John: ['''Bad Bill''': Uh… Jake’s the Grim Reaper. He never leaves without takin’ a blimin’ soul.] Our new Sheriff has been playing the hero for so long, he’s actually starting to believe it. Call in Rattlesnake Jake. DO IT!

Mayor [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tortoise Tortoise] John: ['''Rango''': What are you building out here?] The future, Mr. Rango. The future. One day soon all of this is going to fade into myth. The frontier town, the lawman, the gunslinger. There's just no place for them anymore. We're civilized now.

Mayor [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tortoise Tortoise] John: [Dirtonians: Hallelujah!; acolytes walk up the stairs bringing a large wheel; Rango walks forth; Dirtonians: Hallelujah!; Dirtonians: Hallelujah!; Dirtonians: Hallelujah!; Dirtonians: Hallelujah!] My fellow Dirtonians, I welcome you to our great day of deliverance. Hallelujah. Acolytes, prepare the holy spigot! We have a newcomer amongst us today, my friends. A man I think needs a little introduction to you, so bold has been his entry into our fair society. Mr. Rango, would you step forward? The time has come, my friends. The time that was foretold. The sacred time. The time of destiny! The time of deliverance! It is the time of HYDRATION!!!

Mayor [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tortoise Tortoise] John: [[destiny] People have to believe in something. And right now, they believe in you. Pick it up, Mr. Rango. Your ] awaits.

Mayor [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tortoise Tortoise] John: [[Water; [life; [desert] ], Mr. Rango, water. Without it, there's nothing but dust and decay. But with water, there's ]. Look at them. So desperate to live, they'll follow it anywhere. That's the immutable law of the ]. You control the water, and you control everything.

Rango: Your Pappy and them boys are about to hang for something they didn't do. But I've got a plan.

Rango: Who am I? I'm nobody.

Rango: [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dog dogs; https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cats cats; turns to Spoons; turns to the Dirtonians; [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rattlesnake Rattlesnake] You see that sign up there? As long as that sign says "Sheriff", you can believe that there's law and order in this town. But without law and order, ruminate on that. Oh yeah. Starts out slow like a fungus. Somebody says a cross word, accusations start flying, neighbor turns on neighbor. Pretty soon, we're eating our children, and then and will get together to create all sorts of unnatural mutant aberrations! So you want somethin to believe in, Spoons? Believe in me. Believe in that there sign. For as long as it hangs there, we got hope. Jake shoots the sign offscreen, the sign still hangs]

Rango: [mimics the car accident] The other side? You mean, just now? That was you crossing the road? That's why the... Why'd you do that?!

Rango: [to Roadkill] Uh, are you OK?

Rango: [famous repeated line] Who am I? I could be anyone.

Rango: [while acting, he approaches a half plastic doll; moves the doll's hand on to his legs, to which he pushes away again; moves the hand back again then move it away; moves it back on his legs again and laugh; laughs again, moving the dolls hand on and off himself a few times; the doll's hand slaps him across the face] I couldn't help but notice you noticing me noticing you. You know, the womens find me uncomfortably good looking, but you seem remarkably at ease. Oh, stop it. No, really. Well, if you must. What are you doing? That tickles. Are those real?

Rango: [warming up; shakes] Mmmmmmaaaaahhhh... mmmmaaaahhh, mah! Crunchy, creamy, cookie, candy, cupcake. OK, everybody, let's take it from the top.