Melinda's Perspective on Team Dynamics
Cameos: [[w:Collette Wolfe|Collette Wolfe]
] - Melinda
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Impact of Fashion in Sports Journalism
Cameos: [[w:Brian Huskey|Brian Huskey]
] - White Pants reporter
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Turtleneck Reporter Delivers Unconventional Commentary
Cameos: [[w:Ed Helms|Ed Helms]
] - Turtleneck reporter
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Challenges in Unconventional Situations
Cameos: [[w:Kristen Wiig|Kristen Wiig]
] - Bear Trainer Girl
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cornelius Banks on Team Dynamics
Cameos: [[w:Tim Meadows|Tim Meadows]
] - Cornelius Banks
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Funk and Dunk Unite in Basketball
Taglines:
Putting the funk into the dunk.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Greatest Fro on Earth
Taglines:
The Greatest Fro on Earth.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Creepy Impressions of a Young Performer
Dick Pepperfield:
He scares me!
Lou Redwood:
That little kid from the Jackson 5, he scares ya too.
Dick Pepperfield:
Oh, mark my words, Lou, there's something very creepy about that young man.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jackie Moon's Impact on Flint Discussed
Lou Redwood:
Jackie Moon is Flint's favorite son. And he has done more for this city than any human being who's ever lived on this planet!
Dick Pepperfield:
With the possible exception of, uh, Henry Ford...Jackie Moon has done a lot for this city, you're right about that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Smoking and Professionalism in Conversation
Dick Pepperfield:
Lou, would you mind putting out that cigarette, it's very unprofessional.
Lou Redwood:
No, I like to smoke when I drink.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Responses in a Conversation
Monix:
Vakidis, open the window, will ya?
Vakidis:
Yes, right on! (does nothing)
Monix:
Vakidis, did you give Bobby Dee a handjob?
Vakidis:
Yes, right on!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Preparing for the Spotlight on Television
Jackie:
There'll be a lotta television cameras out there so we just gotta be tip top.
Clarence Coffee Black:
So what's the plan?
Jackie:
Brought a secret weapon. It's going to make us look extra cool on TV.
Bee Bee Ellis:
What the hell is that?
Jackie:
It's eyeliner, dummy! Now who's first? Monix?
Monix:
Oh, yeah... Let me get a fresh Maxi-Pad outta my purse.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discovery of Fondue's Unique Flavor
Lou Redwood: [about the fondue he just ate]
Oh my God...what the fuck is that, it's incredible!
Jackie Moon:
It's called fondue.
Lou Redwood:
Fon-what?
Jackie Moon:
Fondue. Three different cheeses, melted together. That's what you're tasting. Gorgonzola, Munster, and cottage.
Bobby Dee:
It's the latest thing from Sweden, apparently.
Dick Pepperfield: [others makes noises of agreement]
Well, I'm not surprised; those Swedes are so inventive.
Bobby Dee:
They are my favorite producers of pornography.
Jackie Moon:
They do make an excellent fuck picture!
Dick Pepperfield:
Well, I think I'll excuse myself from this conversation, right now.
Jackie Moon:
To the men's room.
Dick Pepperfield:
Oh, stop it.
Jackie Moon: [others are laughing]
To make your wiener sing...boner machine.
Dick Pepperfield:
I am not a boner machine!
Lou Redwood: [others groan]
Swedish porn saved my life in Nam. Hey, come on, you guys. Swedish porn was the only thing that kept my mind off Charlie while I was in the shit.
Bobby Dee: [others laugh]
Is the shit in Ann Arbor? Cause that's where you were during the war.
Cornelius Banks: [laughter stops]
You were never in Nam, you jive turkey.
Lou Redwood: [coldly; Cornelius shakes his head]
Did you just call me a jive turkey?
Jackie Moon:
No. No, he did not, he uh...he called you cocksucker. Right Cornelius?
Cornelius Banks:
Yeah, I just called you cocksucker!
Lou Redwood:
Pretty sure you called me a jive turkey.
Dick Pepperfield:
No, no, now Lou, nobody called anyone a J.T.
Lou Redwood:
Jive turkey is a little over the line, my man!
Jackie Moon:
Look. We were all here, we all heard what was said, and we're in agreement, Cornelius said cocksucker. Right?
Bobby Dee:
He just said you suck cock!
Dick Pepperfield:
That's all he said about you!
Jackie Moon: [others laugh]
Come on. Dig into that fondue...little cocksucker.
Lou Redwood: [laughing]
We like playing games, don't we?
Jackie Moon:
It's true, we're playing one right now.
Lou Redwood: [draws a gun and points it at Cornelius; bursts out laughing; all laugh]
I'm gonna show you guys this game I learned when I was in fuckin Nam! Who's the jive turkey now? Gun's not loaded!
Jackie Moon:
It's not loaded!
Lou Redwood:
You should've seen your goddamn faces! I never load it!
Cornelius Banks:
The gun was not loaded!
Jackie Moon: [puts gun to his head and pulls trigger; all laugh]
I'll see you fuckers in hell.
Bobby Dee: [aims at Jackie and pulls trigger]
Jackie, "Love Me Sexy" is the worst song I've ever heard.
Cornelius Banks: [aims gun at Lou, pulls trigger]
I did call you jive turkey.
Dick Pepperfield: [playfully, pointing gun at Lou; pulls trigger]
I know you slept with Mrs. Pepperfield! Rrragh!
Lou Redwood: [laughing]
We're saying nutty things cause they're not true...especially that, more than the rest.
Jackie Moon: [rests gun on forearm]
Hey. Bond, James Bond. Eh?
Dick Pepperfield:
How do you like your martinis, sir?
Jackie Moon: [aims gun at crotch and pulls trigger]
Stirred, in a half carafe.
Cornelius Banks:
He shoots himself!
Jackie Moon: [tosses gun down and it goes off suddenly]
He shoots himself in the wiener!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Food Choices in Semi-Pro
Ed Monix:
Jackie, what are you eating?
Jackie:
I think it's a pancake...
Monix:
How long's that been there Jackie?
Jackie:
It's been here a while...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dreams of Glory and Nightmares of Reality
Lou Redwood:
You know, I might suit up tonight, Dick. Sometimes I still dream of glory.
Dick Pepperfield: [chuckles]
Well, sometimes dreams can turn into nightmares, Lou.
Lou Redwood:
...What's your problem?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bench Warmer Insights on Life
Lou Redwood:
Well, he sat on the bench, right? I mean, if you watch a porn movie, doesn't mean you got laid.
Dick Pepperfield:
No. No, in fact it often means the opposite.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion and Chaos on the Basketball Court
Petrelli:
How come it says "Monix" on your jersey when your name's "Pussy"?
Cornelius Banks:
Ohhhh, I did get shot!
Dick Pepperfield:
Jackie's teammates doing just an awful job of stabilizing his spine as they carry him off the court.
Alan the Commissioner:
No, no, Jackie, don't bite yourself!
Dick Pepperfield:
Here comes the Alley...and there goes the Oop!
Clarence Coffee Black:
Who the fuck is Bambi?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jackie Moon's Outburst of Frustration
Jackie Moon:
You...motherfucking cocksuckers!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Disrespect with Humor
Jackie Moon:
Get the funk outta my face. Get. The. Funk. Outta My Face.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Call for Action in Chaos
Jackie Moon:
SOMEBODY HIT SOMEBODY!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jackie Moon's Advice on Possums
Jackie Moon:
If you see a possum, try to kill it. It's not a pet.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Panic Amidst a Bear-filled Crisis
Jackie Moon:
EVERYBODY PANIC! IT'S JUST LIKE THE TITANIC, BUT IT'S FULL OF BEARS!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Divine Motivation and Threatening Resolve
Jackie Moon:
Heaven wants us to win this game! I'LL BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jackie Moon's Aggressive Ultimatum
Jackie Moon:
SUCK MY COCK, I'LL MURDER YOUR FAMILY!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Longing for a Simpler Time
Jackie Moon:
(to Monix) I wish you were still a washing machine!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unity and Positivity in Team Spirit
Jackie Moon:
EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Excitement Overwhelms Jackie Moon's Senses
Jackie Moon:
I'm so excited, I can't even...feel my arms!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration with Language Barrier
Jackie Moon:
GODDAMN IT, VAKIDIS, LEARN FUCKIN ENGLISH!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Historical Significance of the Flint Mega Bowl
Jackie Moon:
When they look back in the annals of history, people are gonna be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint, Michigan Mega Bowl.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Frustrated Expression of Discomfort
Jackie Moon:
It feels like I got cat piss in my eyes!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing a Tropical Vibe
Jackie Moon:
Let's get Tropical!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Panic Ensues Over Bear in Coliseum
Jackie Moon:
Everybody panic! Oh my God, there's a bear loose in the Coliseum! There will be no refunds! Your refund will be escaping this deathtrap with your life! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love the tender meat! Cover your sodas! Dewie loves sugar!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
