29 quotes
Transformation and Self-Perception Among Friends
The Geek
I know I came on kinda like a poser on the bus tonight and everything. But... that's just so my friends won't think, you know, I'm a jerk.
Samantha
But they're all pretty much jerks, though, aren't they?
The Geek
Yeah, but, the thing is, I'm kinda like the leader, you know? Kinda like the king of the dipwads.
Samantha
Well, that's pretty cool. Hey, but a lot can happen over a year. I mean, you could come back next Fall as a completely normal person.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Consequences of a Teenage Mistake
Samantha Baker
I can't believe I gave my panties to a geek.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Comedic Take on Unexpected Safety
The Geek
Wease, we've got seventy dollars and a pair of girl's underpants. We're safe as kittens.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Long Duk Dong's Unexpected Affectionate Exclamation
Long Duk Dong
Oh, sexy girlfriend!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Caught Between Two Opposites
Taglines
Stuck between a nitwit and a heart-throb
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Awkward High School Relationship Dynamics
The Geek
Come on, what's the problem here? I'm a boy. You're a girl. Is there any thing wrong with me trying to put together some kind of relationship between us? Okay, look, I know you haven't been - just answer me one question.
Samantha
Yes, you're a total fag.
The Geek
Ha ha ha. That's not the question. Am I turning you on?
[pauses]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Grandmother's Warning Against Unsuitable Suitors
Ginny Baker
I really love Rudy. He is totally enamored of me. I mean, I've had men who've loved me before, but not for six months in a row.
Dorothy Baker
Now you listen to me, mister! God did not put me on this Earth to be awakened by filthy suggestions from a foul-mouthed hooligan like you! And as for our granddaughter, I'm sure she has more than enough sense to stay clear of the likes of you! Now goodnight and goodbye!
[to Jake Ryan on the phone]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Deal Over a Ride Home
Jake
I'll make a deal with you. You let me keep these, I'll let you take Caroline home. But you gotta make sure she gets home, you can't leave her in some parking lot. Okay?
[about Samantha's panties]
The Geek
Jake, I'm only a freshman.
Jake
So, she's so blitzed she won't know the difference.
The Geek
Jake, I don't have a car.
Jake
You can take mine.
The Geek
Jake, I don't have a license.
Jake
I trust you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Greeting from Long Duk Dong
Long Duk Dong
What's happenin', hot stuff?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Moment of Confusion and Surprise
The Geek
Very nice! We're here five minutes, and I–! I'm at a loss!
[to his buddies, after knocking over a beer can stack]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Awkward Family Moments and Growing Up
Grandma Helen
Oh Sam, let me look at you. Fred, she's gotten her boobies.
Grandpa Fred
I better go get my magnifying glass.
[chuckles]
Grandma Helen
Oh, and they are so perky.
Samantha
I can't believe my Grandmother actually felt me up.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Feeling Invisible Amidst High School Dynamics
Samantha Baker
Donger's here for five hours, and he's got somebody. I live here my whole life and I'm like a disease.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Unpredictability of Being Sixteen
Taglines
When you're just sixteen anything can happen!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Between Geek and Samantha
The Geek
So, I mean, what's your story? I mean, you got a guy, or...?
Samantha
Yes, three big ones, and they lust wimp blood, so quit bugging me or I'll sic them all over your weenie ass.
The Geek
You know, I'm getting input here that I'm reading as relatively hostile. I mean, it's...
Samantha
Go to hell.
The Geek
VERY hostile!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Height Matters in Teenage Conversations
The Geek
Jake is your dad a big man, or...?
Jake
Oh, about 6'4".
The Geek
Very nice.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Secrets and Surprises at the Dance
Randy
I was going to tell you something, but, maybe I shouldn't. It's pretty bad.
[on the phone]
Samantha
You may as well. Nothing could shock me anymore.
Randy
Last night at the dance, my little brother paid a buck to see your underwear.
Howard Baker
Geez! I hate that rock n roll rubbish!
[startled by the scream]
Grandpa Fred
Well, I'm afraid it's here to stay, Howie.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Birthday Wish and Gratitude Exchange
Samantha
Thanks for getting my undies back.
Jake
Thanks for coming over.
Samantha
Thanks for coming to get me.
Jake
Happy birthday, Samantha. Make a wish.
Samantha
It already came true.
[they kiss]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Forgotten Birthday Acknowledged in Family Conversation
Jim Baker
I was just upstairs, and I couldn't sleep. I feel like a real jerk, honey. We forgot your birthday. I bet you're really P.O.'d, huh?
Samantha
No, it's okay. I'm not really all that upset anymore.
Jim Baker
This wedding is really turning this entire house inside out. And I just came down to tell you that we did remember.
Samantha
Thanks, Dad.
Jim Baker
Happy birthday. Is something else wrong?
[Sighs]
Samantha
No, why?
Jim Baker
I don't know, I just get the feeling that something's bothering you. Something other than your birthday.
Samantha
No, I'm fine. Really.
Jim Baker
I think I know what it is. It has to do with a certain guy? I know, honey. I know. We're all upset that Ginny's marrying a bohunk. What's the matter?
Samantha
I meant Jake.
[Sighs]
Jim Baker
Jake? Wait a minute. I thought she said his name was Rudy.
Samantha
Forget it.
Jim Baker
Forget what? Who's Jake?
Samantha
He's a boy, Daddy. It's nothing. Okay? Just forget it, please.
Jim Baker
Come on, Sam. We're not communicating.
Samantha
It's extremely embarrassing, okay?
Jim Baker
What's embarrassing?
Samantha
Sitting in the dark with your dad, telling him about your love life.
Jim Baker
I'm afraid you lost me again, Sam.
Samantha
Jake is a senior, and he's beautiful and perfect. I like him a real lot, and he doesn't like me. Okay?
Jim Baker
Oh.
Samantha
And he's got this incredible girlfriend. I'm just this ridiculous dork that's following him around like a puppy.
Jim Baker
Why do you think you're a dork? I don't think you're a dork. I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork.
Samantha
Mike thinks I'm a dork.
Jim Baker
Mike is a dork.
Samantha
But so am I.
Jim Baker
Well, if it's any consolation, I love you. And if this guy can't see in you all the beautiful and wonderful things that I see, then he's got the problem.
Samantha
I know. It just hurts.
Jim Baker
That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call em something else.
Samantha
But if I were Ginny, I'd have this guy crawling on his knees.
Jim Baker
Well, let me tell you something about Ginny. Now, I love her as much as I love you. But she's a different person. Sometimes I worry about her. When you're given things kind of easily, you don't always appreciate them. With you, I'm not worried. When it happens to you, Samantha, it'll be forever.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Donger's Food Request
Long Duk Dong
No more yanky my wanky The Donger need food!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sibling Rivalry and Jealousy Unveiled
Ginny
Darling, is something bothering you? You're really acting like... an asshole. And I think I know what it is. I think you're jealous that I'm getting married and that I'm getting all the attention.
Samantha
You know, everybody in this family has just gone totally ].
[[w:The Outer Limits (1963 TV series)|Outer Limits]
Ginny
No, Sam, I think you're just being a little selfish and immature.
Samantha
Oh, yes, that's it. That's exactly it.
[storms out]
Ginny
Unbelievable. You make someone a bridesmaid and they shit all over you.
[to herself]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Forgotten Birthday Surprise
Samantha Baker
I can't believe this. They fucking forgot my birthday.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion and Identity in a High School Setting
The Geek
Dammit, Mom, I've got my headgear on!
[as Caroline is slapping him awake]
Caroline
Will you wake up?
[annoyed]
The Geek
Where the hell am I?
[opens eyes]
Caroline
I'll, uh, tell you where you are, if you tell me who you are.
The Geek
I'm Farmer Ted.
Caroline
You're in the parking lot across the street from my church.
The Geek
You own a church?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding About a Luxury Car
The Geek
This is your car, Jake?
Jake
No, this is my dad's car. You said you can't drive a stick.
The Geek
This is a...! This is a Rolls Royce, Jake.
Jake
So?
The Geek
So? So? I heard the grill alone costs five grand on this. Five grand! Do you have five grand? I don't have five grand.
Jake
Then don't hit anything.
The Geek
Ha ha! Don't hit anything.
[incredulous]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unspoken Connections in Awkward Moments
Samantha
You know, just now I really felt how much you like me.
The Geek
You're probably zoning in on my brain waves or something.
Samantha
Well, not really. I felt it on my leg.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Moment That Lasts Forever
Taglines
It's the time of your life that may last a lifetime.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Over a Phone Call
Howard Baker
Are you the little beggar that's been calling up here all night and then hanging up?
[to Jake Ryan on the phone]
Jake
Would it be possible for you to tell me if there's a Samantha Baker here? And if there is, may I speak with her briefly?
Howard Baker
Yes, it is, and no, you may not!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Someone's Belongings
Jake
These are really hers?
[about Samantha's panties]
The Geek
Yeah.
Jake
How did you get em?
The Geek
She gave em to me.
Jake
Did you...
The Geek
No! No, Jake. She's cranked for you. I told her you asked about her, right? The girl freaked. She had a fit. She thinks you're the cat's meow!
Jake
Really? She came up to me in the gym tonight. She looked at me like I was a leper.
The Geek
Girls will do that, Jake. You know? They know that guys are like in perpetual heat, right? They know we do it, and they enjoy pumping us up. It's pure power politics, I'm telling you.
Jake
I thought she hated my guts.
The Geek
Games, Jake. Silly torturous games. You know how many times I've gone without lunch because some bitch borrows my lunch money? Any halfway decent girl can rob me - blind! Because I'm too torqued up to say no. It's heinous, I'm telling you.
Jake
You better not be dickin me around. It'd be a major downer to try and get together with this girl and find out that she really does think I'm a slime.
The Geek
Jake, would I dick you? Let me put it to you this way: what happens to me if I dick you?
Jake
Heh, I'd kick your ass.
The Geek
Right! So why would I lie? But I feel compelled to mention to you, Jake, that if all you want of the girl is a piece of ass, I mean, I'll either do it myself, or get someone bigger than me to kick your ass. I mean, not many girls in contemporary American society today would give their underwear to help a geek like me.
Jake
I can get a piece of ass anytime I want. Shit, I've got Caroline in the bedroom right now, passed out cold. I could violate her ten different ways if I wanted to.
The Geek
What are you waiting for?
[almost chokes on a pretzel]
Jake
I don't know. She's beautiful, and she's built and all that. I'm just not interested anymore.
[Sighs]
The Geek
Does that really matter, guy?
Jake
Yeah, it matters. She's totally insensitive. Look what she did to my house. She doesn't know shit about love. Only thing she cares about is partying. I want a serious girlfriend. Somebody I can love, that's gonna love me back. Is that psycho?
The Geek
That's beautiful, Jake.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unrequited Love and Reality Check
Randy
Jake Ryan? He doesn't even know you exist.
[Samantha has filled out an "anonymous" sex quiz naming her crush, which has fallen into unknown hands]
Samantha
Thank you, that's a very nice thing to say.
Randy
I'm sorry, but Jake Ryan? He's a senior, and he's taken. I mean, really taken.
Samantha
I know. He's supposed to be my ideal.
Randy
He's ideal for sure, but, forget it.
Samantha
God, I hope whoever got the note doesn't know it was me who wrote it. I'd shit twice and die.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigating First Love at Sixteen
Taglines
Turning sixteen isn't easy, when you've fallen in love... for the first time
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.