18 quotes
Humor that Delivers Big Laughter
Taglines
Explodes with big-time laughter.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Trust Issues and Insecurities Unveiled
Ray
I get a bad vibe about this guy, David. It's my street instinct, but I just don't trust him.
May
Yeah, I know why. Because he's younger than you are, handsomer than you are, he's much taller than you are, he's smarter than you are, he's much more exciting than you are...
Ray
May, don't feel obligated to pull any punches with me. I can take it.
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Art Comparison Reveals Unique Perspectives
David
So, you can see the difference between this Tintoretto and the earlier Byzantine painting we looked at? What would you say is the most significant difference?
Ray
Me? I'd say the frame's bigger here.
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Symptoms and Uncertainties in Diagnosis
May
Then the lights begin to flash. Little pinpoints of light. Then my tongue turns black and I can't swallow.
Dr. Henske
Really?
May
The diagnosis is Parkinson's, but they think it could be the Ebola virus, or mad cow disease.
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Dreams and Reality in Small Time Crooks
Ray
For God's sake! For some reason you're always shooting down my dreams.
Frenchy
Because you get the kind of dreams people get after putting opium in their brownies.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dividing Shares Amongst Friends
Benny
You know what I say? She gets a share, but not a full share.
Tommy
I'd go for that. Yeah.
Denny
Yeah, what if we each get a fourth and she gets, like, a third?
Benny
What are you? Nuts? Then she'd be getting more than us!
Denny
How do you figure?
Benny
Where are you gonna get four fourths and a third? Can't you add?
Denny
I don't do fractions, all right?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Self-Doubt and Acknowledgment of Limitations
Ray
I'm no genius, believe me, I'm no genius.
Frenchy
Yeah, you don't have to sell me.
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A Tragic Tale of Dyslexia and Identity
May Sloane
It was a really tragic story, because my husband, Otto, was dyslexic, and the only thing he could spell correctly was his name.
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Reflections on Love and Loss
May Sloane
I met a wonderful man downstairs. He seemed to like me. He said I reminded him of his wife who's dead. But I assume he meant when she was alive.
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A Lighthearted Exchange on a Rooftop
Ray
I gotta get some air. I'm going up on the roof.
Frenchy
Don't jump! You're too valuable as a dishwasher.
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Discussing Plans for a Flower Shop
Ray
What the hell are you gonna do with a flower shop?
Benny
Burn it down.
Ray
What do you mean, "burn it down"? You're still burning stuff down for insurance?
Benny
I burn everything. That's how I sent two kids through college.
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A Humorous Take on Marital Intelligence
Ray
What would you say if I told you that you were married to a very brilliant man?
Frenchy
I'd say I'd have to be a bigamist.
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Facing the Reality of Bankruptcy
Frenchy's Lawyer
You've lost it all, Frenchy. Or should I say, you've been swindled out of it all.
Frenchy
You mean I got...?
Frenchy's Lawyer
Nothing, Mrs. Winkler. You have nothing. No... no house, no bank account, just a couple of large, outstanding loans which we feel you can best deal with by filing for bankruptcy.
Frenchy
Bankruptcy? Bankruptcy? I'm not up to the B-words yet!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion of a Rented Car Sale
Denny
Did you get your share?
Tommy
My share of what? Oh, oh, yeah. I got it. I sold some stuff.
Denny
What did you sell?
Tommy
A rented car.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Comedic Take on Crime Prevention
Taglines
They took a bite out of crime.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Consequences of a Rat Bite
Ray
Today Benny got bit by a rat. We had to give him a rabies shot.
Frenchy
Who, the rat?
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Memories and Morality in Crime
Frenchy
Hey, It was you who taught me how to open a safe.
Ray
That was one of my fondest memories of our time together... What are you saying? You boosted this from David's safe? Frenchy, that's stealing.
Frenchy
Not exactly. Look, it's a long story, Ray. Let's sell it, and I'll fill you in on the flight to Miami.
Ray
Sweetheart, you are the greatest.
Frenchy
Yeah.
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Comparing Intelligence with Humor
Denny
Ray really is a genius, Frenchy.
Frenchy
Compared to you, this chair is a genius, Denny.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.