Some Like It Hot Quotes

Taglines The movie too HOT for words!

Joe You don't want me, Sugar. I'm a liar and a phony. A saxophone player. One of those no-goodniks you keep running away from.

Sugar I know, every time.

Joe Sugar, do yourself a favor. Go back to where the millionaires are, the sweet end of the lollipop, not the cole slaw in the face, the old socks and the squeezed-out tube of toothpaste.

Sugar That's right. Pour it on. Talk me out of it.

Jerry I feel like such a tramp, taking jewelry from a man under false pretenses.

Joe Get it while you're young. You'd better fix your lips. You wanna look good for Osgood, don't ya?

Jerry It's just gonna break his heart when he finds out I can't marry him.

Joe So, it's gonna break Sugar's heart when she finds that I'm not a millionaire. That's life. You can't make an omelette without breaking an egg.

Jerry What are you giving me with the omelette?

Joe Nag, nag, nag. Look, we've got a yacht, we've got a bracelet. You've got Osgood, I've got Sugar. We'll be really cookin'!

Jerry Now you've done it! Now you have done it!

Joe Done what?

Jerry You tore off one of my chests!

Jerry Oh, why did I ever let you talk me into this?

Joe Why are you even speaking to me about it?

Jerry I just don't have a good feeling about this.

Joe Oh, come on! What are you worried about? This job is going to last a long time.

Jerry Well, suppose it doesn't?

Joe Jerry, boy, why do you have to paint everything so black? Suppose you got hit by a truck. Suppose the stock market crashes. Suppose Mary Pickford divorces Douglas Fairbanks. Suppose the Dodgers leave Brooklyn!

Jerry Joe...?

Joe Suppose Lake Michigan overflows.

Jerry Well, don't look now, but the whole town is underwater!

Taglines Marilyn Monroe and her bosom companions

Sig Poliakoff The instruments are right but you're not...

Jerry Wait a minute. What's wrong with us?

Sig Poliakoff You're the wrong shape. Goodbye!

Joe What are you looking for — hunchbacks or something?

Sig Poliakoff Oh, it's not the backs that worry me...

Jerry Well, then, what is it then?

Joe Yeah! What kind of a band is this, anyway?

Sig Poliakoff You gotta be under twenty-five...

Jerry Oh, we could pass for that!

Sig Poliakoff ..you gotta be blonde...

Jerry We could dye our hair!

Sig Poliakoff ...and you gotta be girls.

Jerry We could—!

Joe No, we couldn't!

Sugar Kane Kowalczyk I'm not very bright, I guess...just dumb. If I had any brains, I wouldn't be on this crummy train with this crummy girls band...I used to sing with male bands but I can't afford it anymore...That's what I'm running away from. I worked with six different ones in the last two years. Oh, brother!...I can't trust myself. I have this thing about saxophone players, especially tenor sax...I don't know what it is, they just curdle me. All they have to do is play eight bars of Come to Me, My Melancholy Baby and my spine turns to custard. I get goose pimply all over and I come to em...every time... That's why I joined this band. Safety first. Anything to get away from those bums...You don't know what they're like. You fall for em and you really love em - you think this is gonna be the biggest thing since the Graf Zeppelin - and the next thing you know, they're borrowing money from you and spending it on other dames and betting on horses...Then one morning you wake up, the guy is gone, the saxophone's gone, all that's left behind is a pair of old socks and a tube of toothpaste, all squeezed out. So you pull yourself together. You go on to the next job, the next saxophone player. It's the same thing all over again. You see what I mean? Not very bright...I can tell you one thing - it's not gonna happen to me again - ever. I'm tired of getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop.

Jerry How do they walk in these things, huh? How do they keep their balance?

Joe It must be the way the weight is distributed. Now, come on.

Jerry It's so drafty. They must be catching cold all the time, huh?

Joe Will you quit stalling? We're gonna miss the train.

Jerry I feel naked. I feel like everybody's staring at me!

Joe With those legs, are you crazy? Now, come on.

Jerry Look at that! Look how she moves. That's just like Jell-O on springs. She must have some sort of built-in motors. I tell you, it's a whole different sex!

Joe What are you afraid of? Nobody's asking you to have a baby.

Jerry Dirty old man...I just got pinched in the elevator.

Joe Now you know how the other half lives.

Jerry Look at that. I'm not even pretty.

Joe They don't care. Just so long as you're wearing a skirt. It's like waving a red flag in front of a bull.

Jerry Really. Well I'm sick of being the flag. I want to be a bull again.

Joe So you got pinched in the elevator. So what! Would you rather be picking lead out of your navel?...What's the beef? We're sitting pretty. Look, we've got room and board, we're getting paid every week...

Jerry I know why you want to stay here. You're after Sugar.

Joe Me after Sugar?

Jerry I saw you, the both of you on that bus, all lovey-dovey and whispering and giggling and borrowing each other's lipstick. I saw ya.

Joe What are you talking about?...We're just like sisters.

Jerry Well I'm your fairy godmother. And I'm gonna keep an eye on you.

Jerry Have I got things to tell you!

Joe What happened?

Jerry I'm engaged.

Joe Congratulations. Who's the lucky girl?

Jerry I am!

Joe WHAT?!

Jerry Osgood proposed to me! We're planning a June wedding.

Joe What are you talking about? You can't marry Osgood.

Jerry Why, you think he's too old for me?

Joe Jerry, you can't be serious.

Jerry Why not? He keeps marrying girls all the time.

Joe But, you're not a girl! You're a guy, and, why would a guy wanna marry a guy?

Jerry For security! Look, I know there's a problem, Joe.

Joe I'll say there is.

Jerry His mother - we need her approval, but I'm not worried because I don't smoke.

Joe Jerry. There's another problem, like what are you gonna do on your honeymoon?

Jerry We've been discussing that. He wants to go to the Riviera but I'm kinda leaning toward Niagra Falls.

Joe My God.

Jerry I don't expect it to last Joe. I'll tell him when the time's right.

Joe Like when?

Jerry Like right after the ceremony. Then we get a quick annulment, he makes a nice little settlement on me and I keep getting those alimony checks every month.

Joe Jerry listen to me there are laws, conventions. It's just not been done.

Jerry Joe this may be my last chance to marry a millionaire.

Joe Oh, Jerry — Jerry, will you take my advice? Forget about the whole thing, will ya? Just keep telling yourself: you're a boy, you're a boy.

Jerry I'm a boy.

Joe That's the boy.

Jerry I'm a boy. I'm a boy. I wish I were dead. I'm a boy. Boy, oh boy, am I a boy. Now, what am I gonna do about my engagement present?

Joe What engagement present?

Jerry Osgood gave me a bracelet.

Joe Hey, these are real diamonds!

Jerry Of course they're real! What do you think? My fiance is a bum?

Jerry How about that talent, huh? Like falling into a tub of butter.

Joe Watch it, Daphne.

Jerry When I was a kid, Joe, I used to have a dream. I was locked up overnight in a pastry shop and there was goodies all around. There was jellyrolls and mocha eclairs and sponge cake, and Boston creme pie and cherry tarts -

Joe Don't. Listen to me. No butter, no pastry. We're on a diet!

Sugar Kane Kowalczyk Real diamonds! They must be worth their weight in gold!

Sugar I want to thank you for covering up for me. You're a real pal.

Jerry/Daphne Oh, it's nothing. I-uh, I just thought that us girls should stick together.

Sugar If it wasn't for you, they would have kicked me off the train. I'd be out in the middle of nowhere sitting on my ukelele.

Jerry/Daphne Oh, it's freezing outside. When I think about you and your poor ukelele!

Sugar If there's ever anything I can do for you?

Jerry/Daphne I can think of a million things. That's one of em.

Osgood I called Mama. She was so happy she cried! She wants you to have her wedding gown. It's white lace.

Daphne Yeah, Osgood. I can't get married in your mother's dress. Ha ha. That-she and I, we are not built the same way.

Osgood We can have it altered.

Daphne Oh no you don't! Osgood, I'm gonna level with you. We can't get married at all.

Osgood Why not?

Daphne Well, in the first place, I'm not a natural blonde.

Osgood Doesn't matter.

Daphne I smoke! I smoke all the time!

Osgood I don't care.

Daphne Well, I have a terrible past. For three years now, I've been living with a saxophone player.

Osgood I forgive you.

Daphne I can never have children!

Osgood We can adopt some.

Daphne/Jerry But you don't understand, Osgood! Uhhh, I'm a man!

Osgood Well, nobody's perfect!

Joe/Josephine Men! Oh, you don't have to worry about that.

Jerry/Daphne We wouldn't be caught dead with men. Rough, hairy beasts! Eight hands. And they...they all just want one thing from a girl.

Beinstock I beg your pardon, Miss!

Beinstock Saxophone, Bass. Am I glad to see you girls. You saved our lives.

Jerry/Daphne Likewise, I'm sure.

Sue Where did you girls play before?

Jerry/Daphne Here, there, and around.

Joe/Josephine We spent three years at the Sheboygan Conservatory of Music.