The Price of Fortune in Cookies
Taglines:
How Harry Hinkle became a fortune cookie OR: some people will do anything for $249,000.92.
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The Importance of Dough in Fortune Cookies
Taglines:
Dough is the most important ingredient in THE FORTUNE COOKIE
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Questioning Identity and Intentions in Life
Taglines:
Is he a spy? A security risk? Is he unfaithful? Or is he a nice, normal shnook out to make a lousy million bucks by sheer accident!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Her Presence in Harry's Bedroom
Taglines:
Why was she planted in Harry Hinkle's bedroom?
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The Dual Nature of People and Money
Taglines:
There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who'll do anything for money and those who'll do almost anything for money...
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Counting Steps in a Conversation
Luther "Boom Boom" Jackson:
One, two. Left, right.
Chester Purkey:
What's that with the "One, two. Left, right"?
Luther "Boom Boom" Jackson:
One, two. Left, right.
Chester Purkey:
Hey, Max!
Luther "Boom Boom" Jackson:
One, two. Left, right.
Chester Purkey:
What are they doin over there? Can you see anything?
Luther "Boom Boom" Jackson:
One, two. Left, right.
Max:
They're dancin the frug.
Chester Purkey:
What?
Luther "Boom Boom" Jackson:
One, two. Left, right.
Luther "Boom Boom" Jackson:
Left, right. One, two. Left, right.
Chester Purkey:
The frug! Hey, you have some sense of humor.
Max:
If you ask me, we're just wastin our time. I think this guy's legit.
Chester Purkey:
Maybe so, but let's give it a chance.
Max:
We've been watchin for three days and three nights! The colored guy has to dress him, shave him, feed him, put him to bed, carry him to the toilet, brush his teeth. If that's an act, then I'm Soupy Sales.
Chester Purkey:
Listen. I once shadowed a guy who was suin the Yellow Cab Company. Some kind of collision. Claimed he was paralyzed. For six weeks, we were watchin him and nothin', never even moved a muscle. He had this Swedish masseuse come every so often, give him a rubdown. Then, one night, bingo! There he was, givin her a rubdown.
Max:
No kiddin'?
Chester Purkey:
Caught him red-handed. Except that idiot cameraman. He got so carried away, he forgot to roll the film.
Max:
Couldn't you ask for another take?
Chester Purkey:
Well, I - You mind if I laugh after lunch?
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A Cautious Hope for Recovery
Sister Veronica:
Oh, doesn't it do your heart good? I have a hunch he'll be up and around in no time.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Now, look, Sister, I asked you to pray for him, but we don't want any miracles.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Meeting of Important Characters
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Gentlemen.
O'Brien:
Ah, Mr. Gingrich. I've heard a lot about you. Sit down, sit down.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Say! You each have an office like this, or do you all bunk together?
O'Brien:
The reason we called you up here, Mr. Gingrich is because -
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Lemme guess. You want to settle.
O'Brien:
Settle?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
You don't want to settle.
O'Brien:
Certainly not.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
That settles that.
Thompson:
You got no case, Gingrich. It's a simple matter of workmen's compensation.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
It's a simple matter of negligence. That tarpaulin should have been rolled back 50 feet, and it's gonna cost you $20,000 per foot!
O'Brien:
Rubbish! All the legal precedents are on our side.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
That so? What about Fishbein v. the Empire State Building?
O'Brien:
What about it?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
You'll find it in Volume 16, New York Supplement Two, Page 45, 1900 and 39. A window washer, 61st floor. The safety belt broke and -
Thompson:
As a window washer, Mr. Fishbein was taking a normal occupational risk.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
The window washer's name was Jones. Mr. Fishbein was a pedestrian walking innocently down 34th Street, and the next thing he knew, he was splattered all over the sidewalk. The widow sued, was awarded $85,000. Case appealed, judgement upheld. Volume 259, Appellate Division, page 56. Also Volume 24, New York Supplement Two, page 168, 1900 and 40.
O'Brien:
Maybe in New York, they throw money around like that.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
All right, what about Mrs. Cunningham v. Baltimore and Ohio Railroad? US District Court, Eastern District of Ohio, Number eighty-nine twenty-seven. Mrs. Cunningham, en route to Cincinnati to visit dying uncle, gets trapped in the toilet on account of a faulty lock. The car is hitched to another train. Mrs. Cunningham winds up in San Bernardino, California. By this time, the uncle is dead, and she's cut of the will. So, she sues the railroad for damages. Does this ring a bell?
Thompson:
Never heard of it.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
You mean, none of you has? Because you gentlemen represented the railroad.
O'Brien:
We did?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
And lost the case.
O'Brien:
Suppose we get back to the Hinkle case?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
You guys should really bone up on negligence.
O'Brien:
We've been going over the hospital report.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Discouraging, isn't it?
O'Brien:
Naturally, we don't accept it at face value.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
I wouldn't either.
Thompson:
Look, Gingrich. Let's stop horsing around. We demand the right to have our own doctors examine Hinkle.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
You got it.
Kincaid:
Unless you agree to it, we'll get a court order and force you.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
I agree to it.
O'Brien:
Now, don't give us any trouble, Gingrich. We know you're reputation. We - What do you mean, you agree to it?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Permission granted.
Thompson:
You have no objections?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
As a matter of fact, I insist on it. To you gentlemen, it's just a question of money. But to me, it's a personal tragedy. My kid brother-in-law, possibly disabled for life. I'm sure you gentlemen'll bring him the best doctors, the kind of specialists we could never afford. Maybe you'll even send him to the Mayo Clinic.
O'Brien:
Don't worry. Mr. Hinkle will get a thorough going-over.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Good. We'll there be anything else, gentlemen?
O'Brien:
I can't think of anything.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Well, I can. If you're to examine my client, you'll need written consent.
O'Brien: [to Thompson]
Yes, of course. Get Miss Heffelfinger in here.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Don't bother. I have the authorizations right here.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Three copies, all signed and notarized. Thank you very much, gentlemen. If you'll excuse me, I have somebody waiting in my office. Interesting case. I'm considering suing the United Fruit Company. There should be a printed warning on every banana peel. Those things can be hazardous to your health. Carry on, gentlemen.
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A Casual Exchange Between Friends
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Hi there, Purkey, old boy.
Chester Purkey:
Hello.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
They keeping you busy?
Chester Purkey:
I'm not complaining.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: [to the Lawyers' receptionist]
Attababy! To see O'Brien, Thompson, and Kincaid.
Lawyers receptionist:
And you are?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Gingrich, Gingrich, and Gingrich.
Chester Purkey:
Hey!
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
What's the matter?
Chester Purkey:
Nothin'.
Lawyers receptionist:
Go right in, Mr. Gingrich.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Thanks. And take the rest of the afternoon off.
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Trust and Deception in Unexpected Encounters
Thompson: [on William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich]
This guy is so full of angles and gimmicks and twists, he starts to describe a doughnut, and it comes out a pretzel.
O'Brien:
Nevertheless, when he gets here, I suggest we try the friendly approach.
Thompson:
Okay. But after you shake hands with him, I suggest you count your fingers.
Chester Purkey:
I'd better get out of here.
O'Brien:
Purkey, I want you to keep digging away.
Chester Purkey:
My pleasure. I'd like to dig a nice, deep hole for our friend Gingrich.
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Injury Discussion on the Sidewalk
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Now, tell me, Mr. Cimoli. Exactly how did you break your hip?
Mr. Cimoli:
It's my pelvis.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
All right, your pelvis. How did it happen?
Mr. Cimoli:
I was comin out this store, and there it was on the sidewalk.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
What?
Mr. Cimoli:
This.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
I see. And you were coming out of what store?
Mr. Cimoli:
Well, that was Nat's Delicatessen on Euclid Avenue.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Too bad.
Mr Cimoli:
Oh, such pain.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
I mean, too bad it didn't happen further down the street in front of the May Company. From them, you can collect. Couldn't you have dragged yourself another 20 feet?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Hello? Speaking? O'Brien, Thompson, and Kincaid? Yes, what can I do for you? The Hinkle case? Oh, yes. I'm handling that. Well, I can't talk right now. I have an office full of people.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Suppose I come up to your place? Right.
Mr. Cimoli:
Say, how much you think my pelvis is worth?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
By itself, nothing. So, it's a good thing you came to me. Before we're through with them, we'll have them begging for mercy.
Mr. Cimoli:
Well, who's "them"?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
That I haven't figured out yet. But don't go away. I'll think of an angle.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Concerned Gathering Around Harry Hinkle
Harry Hinkle's mother:
Harry? Harry, baby, how do you feel?
Harry Hinkle's mother:
It's me, Mama. And Charlotte is here and Willie and Ginger and Jeffrey.
Harry Hinkle:
Hi, sports fans.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
How is he, Doc?
Doctor:
I think he has a mild concussion. We've put him under sedation. He'll rest comfortably tonight.
Harry Hinkle:
This is Harry Hinkle on Camera Four.
Harry Hinkle's mother:
He doesn't know his own mother.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Well, Doc, any ruptures, broken bones, internal bleeding?
Doctor:
I don't think so.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
You don't think so? How long you been outta medical school?
Doctor:
Five months.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
That long, huh?
Doctor:
Sir?
Harry Hinkle:
Okay, Louie. You pick up the band. I'll pan with the pompom girls. La la-la la-la-la-la-la.
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Unexpected Introductions Among Family and Friends
Nun:
Oh, I . . . I'm terribly sorry.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
All my fault, Sister. I was just trying to, uh, I'm his brother-in-law, Sister.
Nun:
I see.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
And this is his mother, Sister, and this is my wife, his sister, Sister.
Nun:
How do you do?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
We were sort of anxious to find out if, uh . . .
Nun:
I understand. But it'll be a few more minutes.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: [to his sobbing mother-in-law]
Thank you, Sister. Shut up, Mother.
Harry Hinkle's mother: [to Charlotte Gingrich]
Poor Harry. He was always so brittle. Remember when he fell off the garage?
Charlotte Gingrich:
Oh, Mother, not that old story again.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
What story?
Harry Hinkle's mother:
When they were kids in Toledo, he and Charlotte were playing paratrooper. She pushed him off the roof.
Charlotte Gingrich:
I didn't push him, he jumped. And anyway, he had an umbrella. Is it my fault if he forgot to open it?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Hospital Humor Amidst Seriousness
Charlotte Gingrich:
Children! Jeffrey. Ginger. Cut that out. This is a hospital.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich:
Let em. If they're gonna break a leg, this is the place to do it.
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A Lawyer's Skills and Fashion Sense
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: [on [[Clarence Darrow]
Great lawyer, lousy dresser.
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Assessment of a President's Legal Skills
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: [on [[Abraham Lincoln]
Great president, lousy lawyer.
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A Direct Command to Silence
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich: [repeated line to his mother-in-law]
Shut up, Mother.
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