17 quotes
A Meeting of Important Characters
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Gentlemen.
O'Brien
Ah, Mr. Gingrich. I've heard a lot about you. Sit down, sit down.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Say! You each have an office like this, or do you all bunk together?
O'Brien
The reason we called you up here, Mr. Gingrich is because -
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Lemme guess. You want to settle.
O'Brien
Settle?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
You don't want to settle.
O'Brien
Certainly not.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
That settles that.
Thompson
You got no case, Gingrich. It's a simple matter of workmen's compensation.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
It's a simple matter of negligence. That tarpaulin should have been rolled back 50 feet, and it's gonna cost you $20,000 per foot!
O'Brien
Rubbish! All the legal precedents are on our side.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
That so? What about Fishbein v. the Empire State Building?
O'Brien
What about it?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
You'll find it in Volume 16, New York Supplement Two, Page 45, 1900 and 39. A window washer, 61st floor. The safety belt broke and -
Thompson
As a window washer, Mr. Fishbein was taking a normal occupational risk.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
The window washer's name was Jones. Mr. Fishbein was a pedestrian walking innocently down 34th Street, and the next thing he knew, he was splattered all over the sidewalk. The widow sued, was awarded $85,000. Case appealed, judgement upheld. Volume 259, Appellate Division, page 56. Also Volume 24, New York Supplement Two, page 168, 1900 and 40.
O'Brien
Maybe in New York, they throw money around like that.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
All right, what about Mrs. Cunningham v. Baltimore and Ohio Railroad? US District Court, Eastern District of Ohio, Number eighty-nine twenty-seven. Mrs. Cunningham, en route to Cincinnati to visit dying uncle, gets trapped in the toilet on account of a faulty lock. The car is hitched to another train. Mrs. Cunningham winds up in San Bernardino, California. By this time, the uncle is dead, and she's cut of the will. So, she sues the railroad for damages. Does this ring a bell?
Thompson
Never heard of it.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
You mean, none of you has? Because you gentlemen represented the railroad.
O'Brien
We did?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
And lost the case.
O'Brien
Suppose we get back to the Hinkle case?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
You guys should really bone up on negligence.
O'Brien
We've been going over the hospital report.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Discouraging, isn't it?
O'Brien
Naturally, we don't accept it at face value.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
I wouldn't either.
Thompson
Look, Gingrich. Let's stop horsing around. We demand the right to have our own doctors examine Hinkle.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
You got it.
Kincaid
Unless you agree to it, we'll get a court order and force you.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
I agree to it.
O'Brien
Now, don't give us any trouble, Gingrich. We know you're reputation. We - What do you mean, you agree to it?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Permission granted.
Thompson
You have no objections?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
As a matter of fact, I insist on it. To you gentlemen, it's just a question of money. But to me, it's a personal tragedy. My kid brother-in-law, possibly disabled for life. I'm sure you gentlemen'll bring him the best doctors, the kind of specialists we could never afford. Maybe you'll even send him to the Mayo Clinic.
O'Brien
Don't worry. Mr. Hinkle will get a thorough going-over.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Good. We'll there be anything else, gentlemen?
O'Brien
I can't think of anything.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Well, I can. If you're to examine my client, you'll need written consent.
O'Brien
Yes, of course. Get Miss Heffelfinger in here.
[to Thompson]
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Don't bother. I have the authorizations right here.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Three copies, all signed and notarized. Thank you very much, gentlemen. If you'll excuse me, I have somebody waiting in my office. Interesting case. I'm considering suing the United Fruit Company. There should be a printed warning on every banana peel. Those things can be hazardous to your health. Carry on, gentlemen.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Her Presence in Harry's Bedroom
Taglines
Why was she planted in Harry Hinkle's bedroom?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Introductions Among Family and Friends
Nun
Oh, I . . . I'm terribly sorry.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
All my fault, Sister. I was just trying to, uh, I'm his brother-in-law, Sister.
Nun
I see.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
And this is his mother, Sister, and this is my wife, his sister, Sister.
Nun
How do you do?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
We were sort of anxious to find out if, uh . . .
Nun
I understand. But it'll be a few more minutes.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Thank you, Sister. Shut up, Mother.
[to his sobbing mother-in-law]
Harry Hinkle's mother
Poor Harry. He was always so brittle. Remember when he fell off the garage?
[to Charlotte Gingrich]
Charlotte Gingrich
Oh, Mother, not that old story again.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
What story?
Harry Hinkle's mother
When they were kids in Toledo, he and Charlotte were playing paratrooper. She pushed him off the roof.
Charlotte Gingrich
I didn't push him, he jumped. And anyway, he had an umbrella. Is it my fault if he forgot to open it?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Counting Steps in a Conversation
Luther "Boom Boom" Jackson
One, two. Left, right.
Chester Purkey
What's that with the "One, two. Left, right"?
Luther "Boom Boom" Jackson
One, two. Left, right.
Chester Purkey
Hey, Max!
Luther "Boom Boom" Jackson
One, two. Left, right.
Chester Purkey
What are they doin over there? Can you see anything?
Luther "Boom Boom" Jackson
One, two. Left, right.
Max
They're dancin the frug.
Chester Purkey
What?
Luther "Boom Boom" Jackson
One, two. Left, right.
Luther "Boom Boom" Jackson
Left, right. One, two. Left, right.
Chester Purkey
The frug! Hey, you have some sense of humor.
Max
If you ask me, we're just wastin our time. I think this guy's legit.
Chester Purkey
Maybe so, but let's give it a chance.
Max
We've been watchin for three days and three nights! The colored guy has to dress him, shave him, feed him, put him to bed, carry him to the toilet, brush his teeth. If that's an act, then I'm Soupy Sales.
Chester Purkey
Listen. I once shadowed a guy who was suin the Yellow Cab Company. Some kind of collision. Claimed he was paralyzed. For six weeks, we were watchin him and nothin', never even moved a muscle. He had this Swedish masseuse come every so often, give him a rubdown. Then, one night, bingo! There he was, givin her a rubdown.
Max
No kiddin'?
Chester Purkey
Caught him red-handed. Except that idiot cameraman. He got so carried away, he forgot to roll the film.
Max
Couldn't you ask for another take?
Chester Purkey
Well, I - You mind if I laugh after lunch?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Hospital Humor Amidst Seriousness
Charlotte Gingrich
Children! Jeffrey. Ginger. Cut that out. This is a hospital.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Let em. If they're gonna break a leg, this is the place to do it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Cautious Hope for Recovery
Sister Veronica
Oh, doesn't it do your heart good? I have a hunch he'll be up and around in no time.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Now, look, Sister, I asked you to pray for him, but we don't want any miracles.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Concerned Gathering Around Harry Hinkle
Harry Hinkle's mother
Harry? Harry, baby, how do you feel?
Harry Hinkle's mother
It's me, Mama. And Charlotte is here and Willie and Ginger and Jeffrey.
Harry Hinkle
Hi, sports fans.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
How is he, Doc?
Doctor
I think he has a mild concussion. We've put him under sedation. He'll rest comfortably tonight.
Harry Hinkle
This is Harry Hinkle on Camera Four.
Harry Hinkle's mother
He doesn't know his own mother.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Well, Doc, any ruptures, broken bones, internal bleeding?
Doctor
I don't think so.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
You don't think so? How long you been outta medical school?
Doctor
Five months.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
That long, huh?
Doctor
Sir?
Harry Hinkle
Okay, Louie. You pick up the band. I'll pan with the pompom girls. La la-la la-la-la-la-la.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Assessment of a President's Legal Skills
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Great president, lousy lawyer.
[on [[Abraham Lincoln]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Dough in Fortune Cookies
Taglines
Dough is the most important ingredient in THE FORTUNE COOKIE
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Injury Discussion on the Sidewalk
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Now, tell me, Mr. Cimoli. Exactly how did you break your hip?
Mr. Cimoli
It's my pelvis.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
All right, your pelvis. How did it happen?
Mr. Cimoli
I was comin out this store, and there it was on the sidewalk.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
What?
Mr. Cimoli
This.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
I see. And you were coming out of what store?
Mr. Cimoli
Well, that was Nat's Delicatessen on Euclid Avenue.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Too bad.
Mr Cimoli
Oh, such pain.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
I mean, too bad it didn't happen further down the street in front of the May Company. From them, you can collect. Couldn't you have dragged yourself another 20 feet?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Hello? Speaking? O'Brien, Thompson, and Kincaid? Yes, what can I do for you? The Hinkle case? Oh, yes. I'm handling that. Well, I can't talk right now. I have an office full of people.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Suppose I come up to your place? Right.
Mr. Cimoli
Say, how much you think my pelvis is worth?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
By itself, nothing. So, it's a good thing you came to me. Before we're through with them, we'll have them begging for mercy.
Mr. Cimoli
Well, who's "them"?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
That I haven't figured out yet. But don't go away. I'll think of an angle.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Trust and Deception in Unexpected Encounters
Thompson
This guy is so full of angles and gimmicks and twists, he starts to describe a doughnut, and it comes out a pretzel.
[on William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich]
O'Brien
Nevertheless, when he gets here, I suggest we try the friendly approach.
Thompson
Okay. But after you shake hands with him, I suggest you count your fingers.
Chester Purkey
I'd better get out of here.
O'Brien
Purkey, I want you to keep digging away.
Chester Purkey
My pleasure. I'd like to dig a nice, deep hole for our friend Gingrich.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Price of Fortune in Cookies
Taglines
How Harry Hinkle became a fortune cookie OR: some people will do anything for $249,000.92.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Casual Exchange Between Friends
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Hi there, Purkey, old boy.
Chester Purkey
Hello.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
They keeping you busy?
Chester Purkey
I'm not complaining.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Attababy! To see O'Brien, Thompson, and Kincaid.
[to the Lawyers' receptionist]
Lawyers receptionist
And you are?
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Gingrich, Gingrich, and Gingrich.
Chester Purkey
Hey!
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
What's the matter?
Chester Purkey
Nothin'.
Lawyers receptionist
Go right in, Mr. Gingrich.
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Thanks. And take the rest of the afternoon off.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Lawyer's Skills and Fashion Sense
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Great lawyer, lousy dresser.
[on [[Clarence Darrow]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Direct Command to Silence
William H. "Whiplash Willie" Gingrich
Shut up, Mother.
[repeated line to his mother-in-law]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Dual Nature of People and Money
Taglines
There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who'll do anything for money and those who'll do almost anything for money...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Identity and Intentions in Life
Taglines
Is he a spy? A security risk? Is he unfaithful? Or is he a nice, normal shnook out to make a lousy million bucks by sheer accident!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.