High-Stakes Jackpot Humor Unleashed
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A hilarious high-stakes jackpot!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Robbery Reveals Empty Safes and Tension
Tommy Papouli:
Where's the money?
Frank Theodorakis:
We just got robbed.
Scott Johansen:
Yeah.
Frank Theodorakis:
Look, the saves are all empty.
Tommy Papouli:
Do you know how many times I see someone point to any empty safe and say we have no money?
Frank Theodorakis:
A hundred?
Scott Johansen:
500?
Frank Theodorakis:
30,000.
Tommy Papouli:
It's rhetorical, fuckstick.
Frank Theodorakis:
Okay.
Tommy Papouli:
Shut up. This your daughter?
Scott Johansen:
Where? Who, her?
Tommy Papouli:
Right here.
Scott Johansen:
That's such a compliment. This is my wife.
Kate Johansen:
Alex?
Scott Johansen:
In fact, there's our daughter.
Kate Johansen:
There she is. Hello, daughter.
Scott Johansen:
Hi, honey.
Kate Johansen:
Don't overthink it, just be our daughter.
Scott Johansen:
Come right here.
Rachel:
I'm not your daughter, that's your--
Scott Johansen:
Sorry, Rachel!
Tommy Papouli:
The fuck's the matter with you?
Scott Johansen:
What?
Tommy Papouli:
Shoving a girl like that?
Scott Johansen:
We are strict diciplinarians in our household.
Tommy Papouli:
Get out of my way. I know this is your daughter.
Alex Johansen:
Mom!
Scott Johansen:
No, no, no!
Tommy Papouli:
Cuff her.
Scott Johansen:
Sweetie.
Alex Johansen:
Mom.
Kate Johansen:
Honey.
Scott Johansen:
No.
Frank Theodorakis:
Wait, no. Take me, not her.
Tommy Papouli:
No. No one cares if you die.
Frank Theodorakis:
Oh, thank god.
Tommy Papouli:
Help em find the money. Oh, and hey... 300 grand. Or you'll never see your daughter again.
Alex Johansen:
Mom! Dad! Help!
Carl Shackler: [raises his crooked middle finger at Scott, Kate, and Frank]
Fuck you.
Alex Johansen:
Help!
Carl Shackler:
Fuck you.
Alex Johansen:
Let go of me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tension Among Unlikely Companions
Carl Shackler:
Remember me, motherfucker?
Frank Theodorakis:
Wow, that looks great.
Carl Shackler:
Hey, dickfuck. You're not gonna like Tommy. He doesn't cut off fingers, he cuts off heads.
Tommy Papouli:
Shut up.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Italian Accessories and Gender Perceptions
Joe: [gestures to the feminine sunglasses Scott is wearing]
Are those women's sunglasses?
Scott Johansen:
No, they're Italian.
Joe: [gesturing to the thin long cigarette Scott is smoking]
Well, that's a woman's cigarette - that's nice.
Scott Johansen:
No - also Italian. Italian sunglasses, Italian cigarettes.
Joe:
Okay. Ciao!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Truth Behind Clichés and Winning
Frank Theodorakis:
Are you guys familiar with the cliché, "It's a cliché because it's true? Well, that cliché about clichés being true has never been more true than right now with the cliché, the house always wins.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting the Wrong Opponent
Kate Johansen: [Scott and Kate hold up their weapons to intimidate a bad driver]
Wrong couple to fuck with, pal!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Scott's Frustration with Martha
Scott Johansen:
Eat her fucking face off, Martha!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
