The House poster

The House Quotes

"If you can't beat the house, be the house."

R 2017 · 1h 28m
56
Audience
56
Audience
7 quotes
Tension Among Unlikely Companions
Carl Shackler Remember me, motherfucker?
Frank Theodorakis Wow, that looks great.
Carl Shackler Hey, dickfuck. You're not gonna like Tommy. He doesn't cut off fingers, he cuts off heads.
Tommy Papouli Shut up.
Scott's Frustration with Martha
Scott Johansen Eat her fucking face off, Martha!
The Truth Behind Clichés and Winning
Frank Theodorakis Are you guys familiar with the cliché, "It's a cliché because it's true? Well, that cliché about clichés being true has never been more true than right now with the cliché, the house always wins.
High-Stakes Jackpot Humor Unleashed
Taglines A hilarious high-stakes jackpot!
Confronting the Wrong Opponent
Kate Johansen Wrong couple to fuck with, pal!
[Scott and Kate hold up their weapons to intimidate a bad driver]
Robbery Reveals Empty Safes and Tension
Tommy Papouli Where's the money?
Frank Theodorakis We just got robbed.
Scott Johansen Yeah.
Frank Theodorakis Look, the saves are all empty.
Tommy Papouli Do you know how many times I see someone point to any empty safe and say we have no money?
Frank Theodorakis A hundred?
Scott Johansen 500?
Frank Theodorakis 30,000.
Tommy Papouli It's rhetorical, fuckstick.
Frank Theodorakis Okay.
Tommy Papouli Shut up. This your daughter?
Scott Johansen Where? Who, her?
Tommy Papouli Right here.
Scott Johansen That's such a compliment. This is my wife.
Kate Johansen Alex?
Scott Johansen In fact, there's our daughter.
Kate Johansen There she is. Hello, daughter.
Scott Johansen Hi, honey.
Kate Johansen Don't overthink it, just be our daughter.
Scott Johansen Come right here.
Rachel I'm not your daughter, that's your--
Scott Johansen Sorry, Rachel!
Tommy Papouli The fuck's the matter with you?
Scott Johansen What?
Tommy Papouli Shoving a girl like that?
Scott Johansen We are strict diciplinarians in our household.
Tommy Papouli Get out of my way. I know this is your daughter.
Alex Johansen Mom!
Scott Johansen No, no, no!
Tommy Papouli Cuff her.
Scott Johansen Sweetie.
Alex Johansen Mom.
Kate Johansen Honey.
Scott Johansen No.
Frank Theodorakis Wait, no. Take me, not her.
Tommy Papouli No. No one cares if you die.
Frank Theodorakis Oh, thank god.
Tommy Papouli Help em find the money. Oh, and hey... 300 grand. Or you'll never see your daughter again.
Alex Johansen Mom! Dad! Help!
Carl Shackler Fuck you.
[raises his crooked middle finger at Scott, Kate, and Frank]
Alex Johansen Help!
Carl Shackler Fuck you.
Alex Johansen Let go of me.
Italian Accessories and Gender Perceptions
Joe Are those women's sunglasses?
[gestures to the feminine sunglasses Scott is wearing]
Scott Johansen No, they're Italian.
Joe Well, that's a woman's cigarette - that's nice.
[gesturing to the thin long cigarette Scott is smoking]
Scott Johansen No - also Italian. Italian sunglasses, Italian cigarettes.
Joe Okay. Ciao!