The Martian Quotes

Mark Watney I've got to make a lot more water. The good thing is, I know the recipe: You take ], you add ], and you burn. Now, I have hundreds of liters of unused hydrazine at the MDV. If I run the hydrazine over an iridium catalyst, it'll separate into N2 and H2. And then if I just direct the hydrogen into a small area and burn it. Luckily, in the history of humanity, ].

Taglines Bring Him Home.

Tim Grimes Okay, he says, "They don't know I'm alive? What the--" F-word, F-word in ] form, F-word again "--is wrong with you?

Taglines Help is only 140 million miles away.

Mark Watney In the face of overwhelming odds, I'm left with only one option: I'm gonna have to ] the shit out of this.

Mark Watney They say once you grow crops somewhere, you have officially colonized it. So, technically, I colonized Mars. In your face, ]!

Mark Watney At some point, everything's gonna go south on you... everything's going to go south and you're going to say, this is it. This is how I end. Now you can either accept that, or you can get to work. That's all it is. You just begin. You do the math. You solve one problem... and you solve the next one... and then the next. And If you solve enough problems, you get to come home. All right, questions?

Teddy Sanders I just had to explain to the President of the United States what a bureaucratic ] is.

Mitch Henderson I made the mistake of typing it into Google. Don't.

Mark Watney I've been thinking about laws on ]. There's an international treaty saying that no country can lay claim to anything that's not on ]. By another treaty if you're not in any country's territory, ] applies. So Mars is international waters. Now, ] is an American non-military organization, it owns the Hab. But the second I walk outside I'm in international waters. So here's the cool part. I'm about to leave for the Schiaparelli Crater where I'm going to commandeer the Ares IV lander. Nobody explicitly gave me permission to do this, and they can't until I'm on board the Ares IV. So I'm going to be taking a craft over in international waters without permission, which by definition... makes me a pirate. Mark Watney: Space Pirate.

Vincent Kapoor How's he doing?

Mindy Park Uh... He asked us to call him Captain Blondebeard.

Vincent Kapoor Well technically Mars is international waters..

Mindy Park Yeah, I know. He explained it to us.

Teddy Sanders Every time something goes wrong, the world forgets why we fly.

Mark Watney I don't want to come off as arrogant here, but I'm the greatest botanist on this planet.

Annie Montrose What the hell is "Project Elrond?

Vincent Kapoor I had to make something up.

Annie Montrose But "Elrond?

Mitch Henderson Because it's a secret meeting.

Annie Montrose How do you know that; why does Elrond mean secret meeting?

Bruce Ng The Council of Elrond. It's the... it's... it's... from ]. It's the meeting where they decide to destroy the One Ring.

Teddy Sanders If we are going to call something Project Elrond, I would like my code name to be Glorfindel.

Annie Montrose Okay, I hate every one of you.

Mark Watney I know what they're doing. I know exactly what they're doing. They just keep repeating "go faster than any man in the history of space travel", like that's a good thing. Like it'll distract me from how insane their plan is. Yeah, I get to go faster than any man in the history of space travel, because you're launching me in a convertible. Actually it's worse than that, because I won't even be able to control the thing. And by the way, physicists, when describing things like acceleration do not use the word "fast". So they're only doing that in the hopes that I won't raise any objections to this lunacy, because I like the way "fastest man in the history of space travel" sounds. I do like the way it sounds... I mean, I like it a lot. I'm not gonna tell them that.

Melissa Lewis You're in Martinez's hands now.

Mark Watney Well... tell that asshole no barrel rolls.

Mark Watney If the oxygenator breaks down, I'll suffocate. If the ] reclaimer breaks down, I'll die of thirst. If the hab breaches, I'll just kind of implode. If none of those things happen, I'll eventually run out of ] and starve to ]. So, yeah... Yeah...

Annie Montrose But if something goes wrong?

Vincent Kapoor Then we lose the crew.

Bruce Ng So what, we either have a high chance of killing one person, or a low chance of killing six people. How do we make that decision?

Vincent Kapoor We don't. He does.

Mitch Henderson Yeah, bullshit. It should be Commander Lewis call.

Teddy Sanders We still have a chance to bring five astronauts home safe and sound. I'm not risking their lives.

Mitch Henderson Let them make that decision.

Teddy Sanders Mitch, we are going with option one.

Mitch Henderson You goddamn coward.

Mitch Henderson He's not even got to the bad parts yet.

Vincent Kapoor Well, let's get to the bad parts.

Bruce Ng We need to remove the nose LR, the windows, and the whole of panel 19.

Vincent Kapoor You want to take the front of the ship off?

Bruce Ng Sure. The nose alone is 400 kilograms.

Vincent Kapoor You want to send a man into space without the front of his ship?

Bruce Ng Well, no. We are going to have him cover it with HAB canvas. The hull is mostly there to keep air in. Mars atmosphere is so thin, you do not need a lot of streamlining. By the time the ship is going fast enough for air resistance to matter, it'll be high enough that there will be practically no air.

Vincent Kapoor You want to send him into space under a tarp?

Bruce Ng Yes. Can I go on?

Vincent Kapoor NO!

Mark Watney I'm the first person to be alone on an entire ].

Mark Watney Hi, I'm Mark Watney and I'm still alive... obviously.

Mark Watney I admit it's fatally dangerous, but I'd get to fly around like ].

Mark Watney Good news: I may have a solution to my heating problem. Bad news: it involves me digging up the ]. Now, if I remember my training correctly, one of the lessons was titled: "Don't dig up the big box of plutonium, Mark." I get it; RTGs are good for spacecraft, but if they rupture around humans... no more humans, which is why we buried it when we arrived. And planted that flag so we would never be stupid enough to accidentally go near it again. But, as long as I don't break it... I almost just said "Everything will be fine," out loud. Look, the point is, I'm not cold anymore.

Melissa Lewis All right team, stay in sight of each other. Let's make NASA proud today.

Rick Martinez How's it looking over there, Watney?

Mark Watney Well, you will be happy to hear that in Grid Section 14-28, the particles were predominately coarse but in 29, they're much finer and they should be ideal for chem analysis.

Rick Martinez Oh, wow. Did everybody hear that? Mark just discovered dirt. Should we alert the media?

Mark Watney So... I blew myself up.

Annie Montrose I mean, what are we gonna say, "Dear America, remember that astronaut we killed and had a really nice funeral for? Turns out he's alive and we left him on Mars. Our bad. Sincerely, NASA". I mean, do you realize the shit storm that is about to hit us?