The Odd Couple (1968) - Quotes

Speed: Scuse me sir, but aren't you the one they call the Cincinnati Kid?

Murray: You don't like it, get a machine.

Roy: Jeez, it stinks in here.

Vinnie: What time is it?

Speed: Again what time is it?

Vinnie: My watch is slow. I'd like to know what time it is.

Speed: You're winnin $95. That's what time it is. Where the hell are you runnin'?

Vinnie: I'm not runnin anywhere. I just asked what it was.

Roy: [looks at his watch] It's 10:30.

Vinnie: [pauses] Gotta leave by 12.

Speed: [laughs] Jeez!

Vinnie: I told you that when I sat down. I gotta leave by 12. Uh, Murray, didn't I say that when I sat down? I said I gotta leave by 12.

Speed: [To Murray] Don't talk to him. He's dealin'. You wanna rest for a while, Murray? Go lie down, sweetheart.

Murray: [He continues shuffling slowly while Speed puffs on his cigar angrily.] You want speed or accuracy? Make up your mind.

Roy: [Speed blows smoke into Roy's face. Roy gets up and walks around.] Hey, you wanna do me a really big favor? Smoke towards New Jersey.

Murray: No kidding. I'm really worried about Felix. He's never been this late before. Maybe somebody should call.

Vinnie: Hm.

Murray: Hey, Oscar! Why don't you call Felix?!

Speed: Listen, why don't we chip in three dollars apiece and buy another window. How the hell can you breathe in here?

Murray: How many cards you got? Four?

Speed: Yes, Murray, we all have four cards. When you give us one more, we'll all have five. If you gave us two more, we'd all have six. You understand how it works now?

Murray: [Yells off.; Cut to Oscar in the kitchen.] Is Oscar playing or not? Hey, Oscar!

Oscar Madison: [Yells off.] Yeah?

Murray: [Yells.] Hey, Oscar, you in or out?

Oscar Madison: [Yells.] Out, pussycat, out!

Vinnie: I told my wife I'd be home by one the latest. We're making an eight o'clock plane to Florida. I told you that when I sat down.

Murray: Who goes to Florida in July?

Vinnie: Well, it's off-season. There's no crowds, and you get the best room for one-tenth the price. No cards.

Murray: Hm.

Speed: Some vacation. Six cheap people in an empty hotel.

Murray: Dealer takes four. Hey, you think maybe Felix is sick? I mean he's never been this late before.

Roy: [picks up a piece of junk] You know, this is the same garbage from last week's game. I'm beginning to recognize things.

Murray: I'm out.

Speed: Two kings.

Vinnie: Straight.

Murray: [laughs.; laughs.; cracks up. The others laugh with him. Murry is still laughing.] Hey, maybe he's in his office locked in the john again. Did you know that Felix was once locked in the john overnight? Yeah. He wrote out his entire will on a half a roll of toilet paper What a nut.

Speed: [to Vinnie] Don't play with your chips. I'm askin you nice. Don't play with your chips.

Vinnie: I'm not playing. I'm counting. I mean, leave me alone, will you?

Speed: [Oscar comes out of the kitchen with a tray of food and drinks and heads over to the table.] I'll leave you alone if you stop playin with your chips. I can't stand a guy who's winnin who plays with his chips.

Oscar Madison: [He puts his tray down on the coffee table next to the poker table.] This is my house, Vinnie. You wanna play with your chips, you play with them, darling.

Felix Ungar: Room please.

Receptionist: [Felix nods.; Felix shakes his head.] You alone? Luggage? How long you want it for?

Felix Ungar: Not very long.

Receptionist: [He hands Felix the guestbook.; Felix starts registering.; Felix takes out his wallet and gives the five dollars. The receptionist goes and gets a key and leaves it by Felix.; Felix stops writing and looks up.] Five dollars. Five dollars. 307.

Felix Ungar: Uh, haven't - haven't you anything uh higher?

Receptionist: [Felix nods. The receptionist goes and checks.; Felix nods. The receptionist hands him the key, and Felix heads to his room.] Higher? 914?