The Pacifier (2005) - Quotes

Final Showdown: Claire vs. Mr. Chun

Teams: Claire Fletcher vs Mr. Chun (final defeat)

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Final Confrontation Between Julie and Mrs. Chun

Teams: Julie Plummer vs Mrs. Chun (final battle)

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Confrontation Between Shane Wolfe and Bill Fawcett

Teams: Shane Wolfe vs Bill Fawcett (final battle)

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Ready for Parenting Challenges

Taglines: Prepare for bottle. Prepare for battle.

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Preparing for Parenthood Challenges

Taglines: Prepare for bottle.

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Navy S.E.A.L. Encounters Unexpected Challenges

Taglines: This Navy S.E.A.L. Meets His Match.

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Welcome to the Infantry

Taglines: Welcome to the infantry.

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A New Direction for Murney's Talents

Claire Fletcher: Looks like you have a hit on your hands.

Shane Wolfe: You think so?

Claire Fletcher: [She and Shane chuckle] Mm-hmm. You should take over the drama department instead of the wrestling team. It's gonna be nice having you around now. Now that Murney's found his true calling.

Murney: [singing] Climb every mountain/Ford every stream…

Shane Wolfe: It's gonna be my pleasure serving with you.

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Unexpected Teamwork in a Tense Moment

Shane Wolfe: Gary, now!

Mr. Chun: AAAHHH!!!!!!!!!

Claire Fletcher: Couldn't let you have all the fun.

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Misunderstanding in a Parking Situation

Seth: Zoe, you're going too fast. You're not gonna have time to stop.

Zoe: Who said anything about stopping? I'm parking.

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Final Words in Unlikely Circumstances

Bill Fawcett: Any last words, Shane?

Shane Wolfe: Say good night, Peter Panda.

Julie Plummer: [Julie punches Mrs. Chun the face] Shane, are you okay? She was never a good neighbor.

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Finding Strength in Adversity Through Dance

Julie Plummer: I knew Howard; you haven't a chance!

Shane Wolfe: [''slowly''] When you're low… lower than the floor… and you think you haven't got a chance… don't make a move til you're in the groove: do the Peter Panda Dance!".

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Facing Pursuit with Determination

Zoe: He's gaining on us.

Seth: I'll handle it.

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Emergency Situation Calls for Immediate Action

Zoe: Oh, my God! What do we do?

Seth: Find a cop.

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Leaving No One Behind

Lulu: Shane. You can't do this. You can't leave a man behind.

Seth: [open bottle with milk awake Shane] Hold on, I got it.

Zoe and Lulu: Shane!

Zoe: Where's Mom?

Shane Wolfe: [four kids running in Julie's car.] Mom? I'll find her. You guys run and get help. Hurry!

Lulu: Are you sure you're gonna be okay?

Shane Wolfe: Yes, Lulu. Go, get help.

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Classroom Tensions Between Teacher and Student

Murney: I don't think you understand. Don't you ever do that again. Is that clear? Okay, I've had it. I caught the kid dancing on the bleachers to no music. I want him out of my class. Somebody's gotta give this punk a talking to.

Shane Wolfe: Seth?

Murney: Well, you got something to say, twinkle toes?

Seth: Yeah. Yeah, I do, Murney. I quit.

Murney: You quit. You know why you quit? Because you're a quitter. And everybody knows that quitters quit. What are you scared of, huh, Prancer?

Seth: I'm not scared. I want to act.

Murney: And I want to take up origami.

Seth: I'm in The Sound of Music.

Murney: Oh, a musical. So you're giving up wrestling to be in a musical. You see, that's what happens when there isn't a man in the house.

Seth: There is a man in the house. It's me.

Murney: [laughs] Well, it's gotta be a tiny house. You think you're tough, boy, don't you? Wanna shave the tiger? Do you? Huh? You want it tough?

Shane Wolfe: Where did you wanna do this?

Murney: What are you talking about, babysitter?

Shane Wolfe: You said you wanted to wrestle. Where? When?

Murney: After school.

Shane Wolfe: Okay. Today?

Murney: [snorts] That's right, the gym, okay? Remember, you mess with the bull, you get the horns. Out of my way!

Shane Wolfe: How did that feel?

Seth: It was good.

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Questioning Competence in a Chaotic Situation

Helga: [to Shane] Tell me, are you licensed to kill?

Shane Wolfe: No, ma'am.

Helga: Hmm. Too bad. It could have come in handy.

Shane Wolfe: [Lulu points to the kitchen] Where's the baby? Is there anyone here who understands the meaning of the word "discipline"?

Helga: [Peter throws some cereal onto Helga and Tyler cries] Hey, Flipper, you don't like it? Do something. I make bottle. Thank you, Peter.

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Respect and Self-Perception in Adolescent Relationships

Zoe: Come on, Seth. You've been in there for an hour. Thanks a lot, Lieutenant Loser. Now I'm gonna be the school joke. I don't even know what I'm gonna say to my friends.

Shane Wolfe: You call those people your friends? They have no respect for you. They have no respect for your home. You have no respect for yourself.

Zoe: I do, too, respect myself.

Shane Wolfe: Company downstairs. And that means you too.

Zoe: You're not my dad. In case you haven't noticed, this family is going through a really hard time, and you're just making everything a lot worse. You have no feelings. We hate you, and you hate us. So why don't you just leave us alone?

Shane Wolfe: [crash] Don't worry. When your mom comes back, I'm gone. Now what?

Zoe: Scott.

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Unexpected Compliments and Kung-Fu Skills

Lulu: Hi. Zoe says you look like the Hulk. I think you're cute.

Shane: (stunned) Thank you.

Lulu: Do you know kung-fu?

Shane Wolfe: Yes.

Lulu: Have you ever punch a guy so hard his head came off?

Shane Wolfe: No.

Lulu: Why are your boobs so big?

Shane Wolfe: [shocked] They are not... boobs.

Lulu: Do you have to wear a bra? Will mine be as big as yours one day?

Shane Wolfe: You know what, little girl? I think it's time you went nappy-poo in beddy-bye land.

Lulu: Do I look like I'm five to you?

Shane Wolfe: What did I say?

Lulu: Disrespectful. And to think I was interested in you.

Shane Wolfe: Okay, troops! Breakfast! What are you waiting for? Dig in. Feel free to mix and match. Stay away from the cheese. It'll back you up. Don't worry about running out. I can get lots more of these. I've survived months off this stuff.

Zoe: Okay, like, I'm really gonna eat all of these carbs?

Lulu: I can cross my eyes. Wanna see?

Shane Wolfe: No.

Lulu: Tyler hates it when I do that.

Shane Wolfe: [phone rings] I know how he feels. What's he...? Red Four! Plummer residence. Yes, I know it's Monday today. No, Mrs. Plummer's away. Yes, we'll be right there.

Zoe: Who was that?

Shane Wolfe: Your vice principal. He said that if you and Seth are late again, you're both suspended. He wants to see you in his office right away.

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Class Attendance and Responsibility Concerns

Shane Wolfe: Okay, so she wrecked the Driver's Ed car. The insurance will pay for it.

Murney: They were parallel parking when the instructor jumped from the car. But it's not about her. It's about the boy.

Shane Wolfe: Has he been skipping class again?

Claire Fletcher: Skipping class? He always skips sixth period, but...

Murney: All right, Seth! Okay, take off the hat.

Shane Wolfe: Go ahead.

Murney: [holds up a Nazi armband, part of Seth's "Young Rolf" costume] Look at that. That's how he showed up for practice today. And that's not all. I was doing a little recon in his locker and I found this, okay? Now if it was a girlie magazine or a hamster, fine. Boys will be boys. But this is sick.

Shane Wolfe: All right, he dyed his hair. He's not a Nazi.

Claire Fletcher: [bell rings] This is not normal. We're very concerned. All right, kids, why don't you get back to class? Mr. Murney, would you give me a minute? Look, I'm sure this is about their father. We've tried to get Seth and Zoe to talk to the school psychologist, but they won't. Maybe you can get through to them and see what's going on?

Shane Wolfe: I'll talk to them and see what I can do.

Claire Fletcher: Thanks.

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Morning Routine and Urgency Conflict

Seth: What are you doing?

Shane Wolfe: You're burning daylight. Move!

Seth: It's Sunday. And it's 6:00 am. You're insane!

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Managing Conflict Among Friends

Seth: Hey!

Shane Wolfe: Enough.

Murney: All right, you heard the lady. Let's break it up, guys. Come on. Hmm? Relax, Popeye. Boys will be boys, huh? Anyway, it's kinda good for the creeper. Gives him a chance to punk up. Learn to defend himself.

Shane Wolfe: Six against one?

Murney: [Seth angrily tries to attack Murney, but Shane restrains him] Well, you know, the odds are never pretty, but look at it, as like, a preparation for him. You know, the naked streets of Bethesda can be so dark and dangerous, right, creeper?

Shane Wolfe: Ooh, whoa.

Murney: You're pretty quick there, frogman. I, myself, happen to be a blackbelt. That's why they wanted me to coach the wrestling team. Ooh-aah! Sensei. You know what that's called, homeboy? Total control. You all right? Hmm? I tell you what, maybe sometime you can pop by our wrestling class, and we'll show a couple pros how it's done. What do you think? I'll go easy on you.

Shane Wolfe: I'm on duty.

Murney: You're on duty. Oh, that's right. That's right, you're a babysitter. So it's kind of like "doo-doo duty". Don't worry about it. We'll do it on a day when you're not washing your hair, hmm? And I'll see you in class. At ease.

Shane Wolfe: That guy don't have his head on right.

Seth: I was fine. I don't need your help.

Consequences of Responsibility and Humor

Shane Wolfe: Got them here. My fault.

Murney: Yeah, I always said these kids needed a parole officer. I guess Mrs. Plummer thought so too, huh? Wow, you got a real upper torso going on, huh? You ever do any time?

Seth: [low] Sasquatch.

Murney: You got something to say, boy?

Seth: No.

Murney: No? Good. Wow, it looks like you have a pair of legs coming out of your shoulders. You hit the gym a lot, do you?

Shane Wolfe: Eh.

Seth: [low tone] Woolly mammoth.

Murney: All right, you know what, Creeper? You just bought yourself an extra 15 minutes on the mats with the Murninator!

Shane Wolfe: Excuse me. Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. I'm watching the kids for the Plummers, a few days.

Murney: Oh, babysitter, huh? Well, good, whatever job you can get, right? I'm Murney, Dwayne Murney. My friends call me "Little Puppet". I'm the VP here. I'm in charge of discipline, conduct and truancy from top to bottom, K through 12. You're in my house now, strong man.

Shane Wolfe: You're the vice principal.

Murney: And the wrestling coach. See the Creeper over there? He has played hooky from every wrestling practice this month. And her, she has missed 22 Driver's Ed classes out of 23! These are the worst students in my school. I'm ashamed of...

Claire Fletcher: [clears throat] Your school? Good morning, kids. Mr. Murney, thank you so much for watching my chair for me. I'll take it from here.

Murney: Roger that. Absolutely. I was just informing our new friend here about some of the duties as vice principal.

Claire Fletcher: Yes, and speaking of which, how's it going with the investigation into the baloney slices on the cafeteria ceiling?

Murney: Oh, that's been taking some interesting turns.

Claire Fletcher: You just keep up the good work.

Murney: Right then. I'll be on the roof.

Claire Fletcher: Bye, now. All right, kids, I think it's time to get back to class. I'll cut you some slack seeing as it's Lieutenant Wolfe's first day. Thank you.

Confrontation Among Friends and Family

Scott: What's your problem, man? Hey, get off me!

Zoe: Oh, my God! What are you doing, you spaz? That's my boyfriend!

Shane Wolfe: So you're the one that has been breaking in! Go back inside!

Zoe: No!

Mr. Chun: Oh, we speak English, buddy.

Mrs. Chun: Look, about the sirens and the strobe lights. We own a bakery, so we're up kind of early. Would you mind?

Shane Wolfe: [sirens stop] Sorry.

Mr. Chun: Oh, and we found this in our pool filter. Try to keep that zoo reined in, huh, babysitter?

Scott: Yo, fool, handle me like that again and I'll be forced to lay knuckles upside your head.

Zoe: Okay. Enough is enough! Come on, Scott. Let's go. Come on.

Shane Wolfe: [pulls Scott back; Scott pulls out his wallet to give Shane $20] No, you don't. Get back here. Give me 20. I meant push-ups.

Scott: Zoe?

Shane Wolfe: [Scott does push-ups] Drop down! Do 20!

Zoe: Okay, this is not the Army or the Navy. Real nice move, Lieutenant Smooth. He'll probably never speak to me.

Shane Wolfe: Then I did you a favor.

Zoe: Whoa, personal bubble invasion.

Shane Wolfe: Your mother was worried sick about you. You should just call her and tell her the truth.

Zoe: [Zoe tries to kick Shane, but Shane grabs her foot] Oh, I'm sure you'll take care of that for me. Stay out of my life. Wait, you can't do this! I have plans! It's Saturday night! Ow!

Shane Wolfe: [slams the bedroom door; to Seth] Not anymore. You too. Lights out.

Seth: [scoffs] Bite me.

Shane Wolfe: Boy, this family is in for a rude awakening.

Mission Briefing and Expectations for Perfection

Shane Wolfe: [first lines] Atten-hut! Here's our man. Professor Howard Plummer. He's been kidnapped by a group of Serbian rebels. Yeah, I know we've been up for 72 hours, but I expect perfection. Nothing else. They enemy has a boat, 4 jet skis, and a chopper.