The Waterboy (1998) - Quotes

Main cast: [[w:Lynn Swann|Lynn Swann; [w:ABC Sports|ABC Sports] ] - Himself (] commentator)

Main cast: [[w:Brent Musburger|Brent Musburger; [w:ABC Sports|ABC Sports] ] - Himself (] commentator)

Main cast: [[w:Dan Fouts|Dan Fouts; [w:ABC Sports|ABC Sports] ] - Himself (] commentator)

Main cast: [[w:Soon Hee Newbold|Soon Hee Newbold] ] - Mud Dog Cheerleader

Main cast: [[w:Paul Wight|Paul Wight] ] - Captain Insano

Main cast: [[w:Frank Coraci|Frank Coraci] ] - Robert "Roberto" Boucher, Sr.

Main cast: [[w:Kevin P. Farley|Kevin P. Farley] ] - Jim Simonds

Main cast: [[w:Kirk Lindell|Kirk Lindell] ] - Dumb Redneck 3

Main cast: Todd Holland - Greg Meaney

Main cast: [[w:Matt Baylis|Matt Baylis] ] - Student

Main cast: [[w:Rob Schneider|Rob Schneider] ] - Townie

Main cast: [[w:Allen Covert|Allen Covert] ] - Walter

Main cast: [[w:Al Whiting|Al Whiting] ] - Casey Bugge

Main cast: [[w:Jonathan Loughran|Jonathan Loughran] ] - Lyle Robideaux

Main cast: [[w:Peter Dante|Peter Dante] ] - Gee Grenouille

Main cast: [[w:Blake Clark|Blake Clark] ] - Farmer Fran

Main cast: [[w:Larry Gilliard, Jr.|Larry Gilliard, Jr.] ] - Derek Wallace

Main cast: [[w:Jerry Reed|Jerry Reed] ] - Coach Red Beaulieu

Main cast: [[w:Henry Winkler|Henry Winkler] ] - Coach Klein

Main cast: [[w:Fairuza Balk|Fairuza Balk] ] - Vicki Vallencourt

Main cast: [[w:Kathy Bates|Kathy Bates] ] - Helen "Mama" Boucher

Main cast: [[Adam Sandler] ] - Robert "Bobby" Boucher, Jr.

Roberto: Bobby! It's me! Your daddy, Roberto!

Bobby: Daddy?

Roberto: I seen you on the ESPN, when they was talkin about you bein drafted by the NFL.

Bobby: I'm not goin’ to the NFL. I'm gonna stay in school and graduate.

Roberto: [[w:Tiger Woods|Tiger Woods; sees Helen bolting towards him in rage] The hell with school, dopey! Take the money! You and me can be partners! Just like that ] and his daddy. Uh-oh.

Bobby: Nice hit, Mama!

Helen Boucher: Thanks, baby. Now you go on and have some fun becomin a man.

Dan Fouts: The waterboy just needed some water!

Brent Musburger: Wow, Dan, did you come up with that all by yourself?

Dan Fouts: Shut up, Brent!

Helen Boucher: [smiles] Fool's ball's not for the devil. It's for my Bobby.

Coach Klein: Anybody got an idea?

Derek Wallace: Hey, remember the time Bobby tackled the referee by mistake?

Lyle Robideaux: Yeah, that was pretty funny. How bout the time Bobby tackled the guy from Louisville, and threw him into the stands?

Guy Grenouille: Y'all remember the time he intercepted the ball and his pants fell off, and he ran for the touchdown bare assed?

Farmer Fran: [begins to mumble, everyone stares at him] Remember the time Bobby Boucher...

Bobby: [shows up in the locker room by surprise] Remember the time Bobby Boucher showed up at halftime and the Mud Dogs won the Bourbon Bowl, do ya?

Guy Grenouille: [to Bobby] Sorry for givin you so much shit this year. You’re the heart and soul of this team, Bobby.

Bobby: Mama, I gotta read this book and six other books tonight or else I can't play foot...ball.

Helen Boucher: Fool's ball? You playin da fool's ball behind my back?!

Bobby: The only reason I'm doin it, so I can go to school.

Helen Boucher: [fakes a headache as Steve brays] School?! You goin’ to school?! Ow!

Bobby: I'm sorry, Mama. I wanted to tell you.

Helen Boucher: [gestures to donkey drinking out of toilet bowl] You're off gallivantin with yo fancy fool's ball friends at school, while I'm sittin here all day with nobody to keep me company, except Steve? The chickens are comin home to roost, Bobby Boucher. You reap the fruit of yo selfish ways. You gonna lose all your fancy fool's ball games, and you're gonna fail your big exam, because school is-

Bobby: [Helen gasps and sits down looking up at him; runs out, turns back to Helen; runs out the door, then back in; slams the door again] The devil?! Everything is the devil to you, Mama! Well, I like school, and I like football! And I'm gonna keep doin em both because they make me feel good! And by the way, Mama. Alligators are ornery cause of their "medulla oblongata"! And I like Vicki, and she likes me back! And she showed me her boobies, and I like them too!

Coach Red Beaulieu: [crowd gasps; shows official letter] I got somethin for you. This is his transcript from South Lafayette High School in Cherokee Plains, Louisiana. Now, the problem with that is there ain't no South Lafayette High School in Cherokee Plains, Louisiana. So obviously, this is a fake! However, this is not a fake. This is from the NCAA. They don't think you ought to play football no more. So allow me to say this to you one more time: You're fired.

Townie: Oh, no! We suck again!

Professor: Now, is there anyone here who can tell me why most alligators are abnormally aggressive?

Bobby: [quietly, to Derek] I know the answer to this question.

Derek: Raise your hand.

Professor: [points to Bobby] Anybody? Anyone? Yessir, you sir.

Bobby: [standing up] Mama says that alligators are ornery cause they got all them teeth but no toothbrush.

Professor: [laughing; the class briefly laughs again] Mama says alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush? Wow! Is there anybody else? Yessir, you sir.

Student: [[w:Medulla Oblongata|medulla oblongata] Alligators are aggressive because of an enlargement - ]. It's the sector of the brain that controls the aggressive behavior.

Professor: That is correct! The medulla oblongata!

Bobby: [starting to rise again] But mama say that-

Professor: [Bobby sits back down; all 3 words are seen written on the board as the professor ticks them off; Bobby raises his hand again as Derek tries to push his hand down telling him no, but...too late] The medulla ob-lon-ga-ta... ...is where anger, jealousy, and aggression come from. Now, is there anybody here who can tell me where happiness comes from? Alright. Let's hear what mama has to say on the subject.

Bobby: [rising again] Mama say that happiness is from magic rays of sunshine that come down when you're feelin blue.

Professor: Well folks...mama's wrong again!

Bobby: [Class goes "ooohhh..."; the class breaks back into laughing; runs for the door] No, Colonel Sanders, you're wrong. Mama's right! You're all wrong! Mama's right! Mama's right!

Professor: [mockingly] Mama's right! Somethin wrong with his medulla oblongata!

Bobby: Mr. Coach Klein said I could! Mr. Coach Klein said I could!

Coach Klein: [after drinking Bobby's water] This is good. This is much better than what I serve.

Bobby: [looks up to see a jug of polluted water in the corner] That is the water that you serve to your players?

Coach Klein: Uh huh.

Bobby: It is imperative that you allow me to be your waterboy.

Coach Klein: I can't hire you. I can't hire anybody. We're the poorest footb...

Bobby: You do not have to...have to pay me. I-I will do it for free. Just promise me that you will never distribute the contents of that jug to any human person.

Coach Klein: [pause] That's a deal.

Coach Klein: Is there any sport that you do watch? You know, a physical sport? Boxing? Hockey?

Bobby Boucher: I-wrestling.

Coach Klein: Wrestling! Wrestling is good. Who's your favorite wrestler?

Bobby Boucher: Well, even though he was slightly discourteous to me recently, I'm gonna have to say Captain Insano.

Coach Klein: kay, okay, I want you to do to Casey...what Captain Insano does to the bad guy. Go.

Casey: He poked me in the eye!

Bobby Boucher: Captain Insano shows no mercy.

Coach Klein: Bobby. Bobby! Can you do this for me? Every single game, can you do this?

Bobby Boucher: Coach, not only will I do it for ya, I...I...I...yes, yes, I'll do it for ya.