24 quotes
Preference for the Less Intelligent Partner
Carmen
I like the one who is not so smart.
Other girl
Which one is that?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Arrival of Foreigners
El Guapo
What? Are gringos falling from the sky?
Jefe
Yes, El Guapo.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Surprise Encounter with Real Danger
Lucky Day
Oh GREAT!!! REAL bullets!!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Facing a Life-Threatening Situation
Lucky Day
Uh, this is real... Yes: They. are going. to KILL us!
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Lucky Day's Repetitive Exclamation
Lucky Day
Farley Farley Farley Farley Farley, Hufaaaaarrr!
[To summon the invisible swordsman]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Outcomes in Planning Strategies
Dusty Bottoms
Time for plan B. Plan A was to break into El Guapo's fortress.
Carmen
And that you have done, now what?
Dusty Bottoms
Well we really dont have a plan B. We didn't expect for the first plan to work. Sometimes you can overplan these things.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Familiarity and Identity in El Guapo's Words
El Guapo
I know each one of you, like I know my own smell!
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A Promise of Return
Lucky Day
I'll come back some day.
Carmen
Why?
Lucky Day
Well, I thought...
[stumbles over his words]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Preparing for El Guapo's Birthday Celebration
Conchita
Carmen, today is El Guapo's birthday, and tonight you are to be El Guapo's woman.
[El Guapo has kidnapped Carmen and taken her to his fortress]
Carmen
I would sooner die.
Conchita
Let me prepare you for the way El Guapo makes love. Tell me, Carmen, do you know what foreplay is?
Carmen
No...
[shakes her head, trembling slightly with fear]
Conchita
Good! Neither does El Guapo.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Instructions to Prepare for Departure
Lucky Day
Mount up! ... It means get on your horses.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire for Diverse Cuisine
Dusty Bottoms
Do you have anything besides Mexican food?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict and Frustration Among Friends
Jefe
Could it be that once again you are angry for something else, and you are taking it out on me?
[to El Guapo]
Pablo
Can I have your watch when you are dead?
Dirty Mexican
And then they called us scum sucking pigs...US!
Harry Flugelman
(ranting at the Amigos) It'll be a cold day in hell when Harry Flugelman lets an actor tell him what to do!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication in a Tense Standoff
Lucky Day
Not so fast, El Guapo! Or I'll fill you so full of lead that you'll be using your dick for a pencil!
El Guapo
What do you mean?
Lucky Day
...I don’t know.
Jefe
I think he means that if you –
El Guapo
SHUT UP!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Plethora of Piñatas Explained
Jefe
We have many beautiful piñatas for your birthday celebration, each one filled with little surprises!
El Guapo
How many piñatas?
Jefe
Many piñatas, many!
El Guapo
Jefe, would you say I have a plethora of piñatas?
Jefe
A what?
El Guapo
A plethora.
Jefe
Oh yes, El Guapo. You have a plethora.
El Guapo
Jefe, what is a plethora?
Jefe
Why, El Guapo?
El Guapo
Well, you just told me that I had a plethora, and I would just like to know if you know what it means to have a plethora. I would not like to think that someone would tell someone else he has a plethora, and then find out that that person has no idea what it means to have a plethora.
Jefe
El Guapo, I know that I, Jefe, do not have your superior intellect and education, but could it be that once again, you are angry at something else, and are looking to take it out on me?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding Relationships Through Flower Metaphor
El Guapo
Jefe, you do not understand women. You cannot force open the petals of a flower. When the flower is ready, it opens itself up to you.
Jefe
So when do you think Carmen will open up her flower to you?
El Guapo
Tonight, or I will kill her!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Facing Fear with Courage and Resolve
Ned Nederlander
Tell us we will die like dogs.
[whispers]
El Guapo
You will die like dogs!
Dusty Bottoms
No, we will not die like dogs, we will fight like lions!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Facing Our Personal El Guapo
Lucky Day
In a way, all of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be the actual El Guapo!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tequila Confusion Among Three Amigos
Bartender
We don't have no beer, just tequila.
Ned Nederlander
What's tequila?
Bartender
...It's like beer...
Dusty Bottoms
Is it fattening?
Bartender
...Fat-ten-ing?
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Ned's Encounter with Dorothy Gish
Ned Nederlander
One time, ] was visiting me on the set of "Little Neddy, Grab Your Gun". And she came up to me and she looked me in the face and - I'd never met her, I'd just known her on films, you know, Dorothy Gish, Lillian's sister - and she looked me in the eyes and she said, "Young man, you have got it." And. Ah! Dorothy Gish. It's a true story.
[[w:Dorothy Gish|Dorothy Gish]
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El Guapo's Threat to the Three Gringos
El Guapo
Tomorrow I will take fifty men with me, find these three gringos, open their stomachs, grab their intestines, and squeeze the shit out of them!
[Describing his plans for dealing with the Amigos]
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Lucky Day's Colorful Insult to Enemies
Lucky Day
Well you slime eating dogs, you scum-sucking pigs, you sons of a motherless goat!
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Dreams of Wealth and Adventure
Dusty Bottoms
Hey, Lucky, what are you gonna do with your share of the money?
Lucky Day
A car. A big, shiny silver car. I'll drive all over Hollywood. Show Flugleman a thing or two. What about you?
[thinks]
Dusty Bottoms
New York. Maybe Paris. Champagne. Parties. I'll be a big shot for a while.
Lucky Day
Yeah.
Dusty Bottoms
How about you, Ned?
Ned Nederlander
I'm gonna start a foundation to help homeless children.
Dusty Bottoms
That occurred to me to do that at one point, too.
[he and Lucky realize how selfless that is compared to their ideas]
Lucky Day
Well, I meant that I would do that first, and then I would get a big shiny car.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
El Guapo's Code of Conduct
El Guapo
El Guapo only kills men. He does not kill crying women!
[horse neighs, Three Amigos shuffle nervously; Three Amigos let out a sigh of relief]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration with Immaturity in a Group Setting
Lucky Day
You were supposed to fire up! We both fired UP! It's like living with a six-year-old.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.