11 quotes
The Importance of the Tooth
Derek "The Tooth Fairy" Thompson
You can't handle the Tooth! And that's the Tooth, the whole Tooth and nothing but the Tooth! I pledge allegiance to the Tooth.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Challenge of the Tooth
Taglines
You can't handle the tooth.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Loose Teeth and Game Disappointments
Derek Thompson
Oh great...
[driving in his car when he sees Carly and her kids; gets out the car to see them]
Carly
Hey honey, how was your game?
Derek Thompson
Not good.
Tess
Derek, guess what? I have another loose tooth.
Derek Thompson
Good for you, honey.
Carly
What's the matter, hon?
Derek Thompson
Everything. Nothing, you know. Forget it.
Randy
Can we go practice now?
Derek Thompson
You know what, can we skip today's session. I just don't have it in me.
Randy
But the Talent Show's tomorrow night.
Derek Thompson
You will be fine.
Randy
I need at least one more run through it.
Derek Thompson
No, you don't, okay.
Randy
No, I do need it. I just need a little more practice. Just so I can get down.
Derek Thompson
Hey, hey, hey! It doesn't matter what you do in the Talent Show. You're never gonna be a famous rock star. You're just gonna be another kid with a guitar. So do yourself a favor and just give it up, okay?
[snaps; Randy stares, feeling hurt]
Carly
Derek, (please...)
Derek Thompson
Look, baby. I am sorry but it's for his own good. Trust me.
[with his dreams crushed, Randy tearfully smashes his guitar on the ground like a blue shell from Mario Kart. Carly gasps, Tess looks on in shock, while Randy gives one last tearful look at Derek, who looks guilty, before picking up his broken guitar and heading to the car]
Randy
Come on, Tess! (Tess, let's go!)
[sobbing]
Carly
What is wrong with you?!
[moans in disappointment over Derek's actions]
Derek Thompson
(Look.) I had a bad day.
Carly
You had a bad day?!
Derek Thompson
Yeah, I had a bad day, okay.
Carly
No, no. That is not okay! You are never gonna speak to my children again! We are done.
[Carly starts heading back to her car]
Derek Thompson
Carly.
Carly
You know what your problem is, Derek? You can't say what if. And you never will.
[sadly; Carly drives off, leaving Derek feeling awful about what he just did]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Costume Compliments Between Derek and Tess
Derek Thompson
Tess.
Tess
Derek.
Derek Thompson
Hi, honey.
Tess
Hi, Derek. I like your costume.
Derek Thompson
I have to tell you something. I was wrong. The tooth fairy. It's real and it's me.
Tess
I know.
Derek Thompson
No, honey, I am not talking about the hockey tooth fairy. I am a real tooth fairy.
Tess
No, you're not.
Tess
You are the real tooth fairy.
Derek Thompson
It will just be our secret, okay.
Tess
Okay.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Inconsistent Mythology in Tooth Fairy Claims
Derek Thompson
I'm the Tooth Fairy.
Randy
Thought you said you were a vampire. You got some inconsistent mythology.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Tooth Hurts
Taglines
The tooth hurts.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Criticism of Tooth Fairy Performance
Lily
You might just be the worst tooth fairy ever!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unwanted Conversation Between Friends
Derek Thompson
Randy.
Randy
What are you doing here?
Derek Thompson
I have to talk to you.
Randy
Go away.
Derek Thompson
Listen. Those things I said yesterday, I was wrong.
Randy
I don't care.
Derek Thompson
You gotta keep playing guitar. You're really good. And nothing you love doing that much could ever be a waste of time. I am so sorry.
Randy
Even if I wanted to, I can't. I smashed my guitar, remember? Tonight is the Talent Show.
Derek Thompson
Hold on a second. Maybe this will help.
[makes a new guitar for Randy with his magic wand]
Randy
Whoa, it's awesome. How did you do that?
Derek Thompson
All-purpose magic generator.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating New Beginnings and Connections
Derek Thompson
Why are you here?
Tracy
Lily gave me this. Obviously, it's just a permit but the main thing is I am on the way.
[shows a permit showing he's now a tooth fairy in-training]
Derek Thompson
]
[[Open Season 2|Okay well, you should be on your way out of my place. I am going to bed.]
Tracy
No, this is all thanks to you. We got to go out and celebrate. I know a place where all the hot fairy godmothers hang out.
Derek Thompson
Are you out of your mind?! I just lost everything that's important to me! My girlfriend, those kids. And I will probably just hang out my skates for good. All because like an idiot I bought into your tooth fairy garbage. And look where it's gotten me!
Tracy
What? You make one effort after all these years and it doesn't work out and suddenly you're just gonna give up? It's not suppose to be that easy. And you know it.
Derek Thompson
I will tell you what I do know. I know that you don't have wings. So that means you can't fly. That also means that you can never ever ever be a tooth fairy. And what happens if you try to escape out of a 10-storey building? I will tell you what happens. Splat! Just like that.
Tracy
You know what's really sad? The person you hurt the most with all your dream killing is not Randy or Carly or even me. It's you.
[unfazed by Derek's words]
Derek Thompson
Get out.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tutu Comments Amidst Playful Banter
Derek Thompson
Does this tutu make my butt look big?
Lily
Huge.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Derek's Ability to Shrink Explained
Derek "The Tooth Fairy" Thompson
I can shrink down to six inches.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.