16 quotes
Misunderstandings in a Challenging Situation
Scrilla
Why the hell would KZLA's Meghan Miles be sucking dick for ] in our ]?
[[w:crack cocaine|crack; [w:neighbourhood|'hood]
Meghan
No, no, I'm not sucking dick for crack.
Hulk
What you're sucking dick for then?
Meghan
Nothing!
Hulk
That shit's free?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Trust and Protection
Rose
You better be telling the truth, ], because I will out-psycho you. And if you hurt Meghan, I will reign fucking fury down on you.
[[w:psychopathy|psycho]
Gordon
Relax. Where do you live?
Rose
Where the fuck is that?
Gordon
It's downtown near the ].
[[w:Sixth Street Viaduct|Sixth Street bridge]
Rose
People live there?
Gordon
Yeah. I do.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Night Out with Friends
Rose
I can't wait to get my drink on. And get my dance on. And... Just those two things. Denise.
Denise
What?
Rose
Meghan. Meghan! Meghan Miles. Either she's not home or she's ignoring us.
Denise
Or she's incapacitated, tied up... or maybe she had a stroke or a seizure or something.
Rose
Denise, this is ]. Nothing bad ever happens in Brent... Oh, my God, O.J. Simpson. I just remembered that. Yeah.
[[w:Brentwood, Los Angeles|Brentwood]
Denise
Meghan! It's open.
Rose
Honey, you are not back on the farm in ]. You cannot just leave your door unlocked.
[[w:Texas|Texas]
Meghan
Hey, party girls. What's up? What do you want to drink? I have tap water. Wait.
Rose
Wait, what's going on? Where's Kyle?
Meghan
He's at the supermarket.
Rose
And, um, where's all your stuff?
Meghan
Oh. Um... Kyle took it all to the supermarket. The supermercado. He's gone. He, um... He said he didn't know who I was anymore, and then he left and he took everything.
Rose
That's so weird. When is he coming back? Why did you not tell us?
Meghan
I don't know. I'm sorry. Rosie, I just...
Rose
Yeah, but, honey, we're your friends. We're not gonna judge you.
Meghan
Hang on. It's Dan.
Boss
Meghan, don't freak out, but they're going with Wendy Chang. Meghan, are you okay?
Meghan
Chang!
Denise
This is such a terrible time for Kyle to not be here.
Rose
Denise, shut up.
Meghan
They gave it to Wendy Chang. She's an anchor in San Francisco.
Rose
There you go, honey. That's a diversity hire. Asian. What can you do about that?
Meghan
She's not even Asian. She's adopted. She has red fucking hair. I'm sorry. That was mean. Good for her. No.
Rose
Screw Chang. You are the best.
Denise
Yeah. No one reads the news like you, Meghan.
Rose
We're going to sit down and come up with a plan to fix your life. Okay, guys, no more pity party.
Meghan
It's fine.So go. I'll be fine. I'm just gonna stay here and catch up on ].
[[w:American Idol|Idol]
Rose
No! We're not gonna leave you here. You don't even have your dog.
Meghan
Technically, it was Kyle's dog.
Denise
Who cares? Forget it. Get a cat.
Meghan
Ew. That's gross. Cats hate me.You know that.
Denise
People say cats are clean, but they're really filthy.
Meghan
I am sorry, okay? Whatever.
Rose
I'm gonna take you to a club, you're gonna meet some young stupid hot guy, and ].
[[w:misandry|you're gonna take all your anger and aggression out on his penis]
Meghan
I don't know, I don't do that with penises. I'm more of ].
[[w:Courtship|a relationship type of girl]
Rose
We're taking you out. Come on. Let's go.
Denise
Fine, but I'm wearing these sweatpants.
Rose
No. You're gonna wear something slutty, like Denise.
Denise
I don't own anything slutty like Denise.
Rose
Denise, give Meghan your dress.
Denise
But...
Rose
No buts. You can wear one of her pantsuits.
Denise
Ew. Ew.
Meghan
Why is it so loud in here?
Rose
Isn't it great? This is what you need.
Meghan
Shots time. Already?
Rose
Yup, that's right. Throw it back. Unless you're too soft.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Testing Comfort in Social Situations
Rose
Denise, four-point douche test. Go.
Gordon
What?
Denise
Have you ever been to a ]?
[[w:strip club|strip club]
Gordon
Yes, but they make me uncomfortable.
Denise
What do you call your penis?
Gordon
My penis.
Denise
That's hot.
Rose
Denise, Focus.
Denise
Sorry. How do you feel about ]?
[[w:Robert Pattinson|Robert Pattinson]
Gordon
Not my favorite actor.
Denise
You shut your mouth.
Gordon
Okay.
Denise
Can I get a "whoop, whoop"?
Gordon
Whoop, whoop.
Denise
No. Don't ever do that again.
Denise
]?
[[w:Fuck, marry, kill|Kill an innocent dog or cheat on your girlfriend]
Gordon
Cheat on my girlfriend. I'm not going to kill an innocent dog. That's sick.
Denise
You passed.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Media Infiltration and Misunderstanding Unveiled
Sergeant Dave
Ma'am, did you see a woman in a yellow dress get on that helicopter?
Denise
I saw Meghan Miles, undercover investigator for KZLA, get on a helicopter.
Officer Walter
Wait. The woman we're chasing is just a reporter? Dear God, it's worse than we ever imagined. The hooker has infiltrated the media, where she's posing as KZLA's Meghan Miles.
Denise
What do you mean, she's infiltrated the media?
Rose
So, you're saying that our best friend Meghan is an undercover hooker?
Officer Walter
It looks that way.
Sergeant Dave
So, you have an idiot friend too?
Rose
Yeah. Mine's by choice. You got stuck with this guy, right?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate Over Hidden Truths and Visibility
Denise
He is lying to us, there is no ].
[[w:Los Angeles Metro Rail|subway in Los Angeles]
Gordon
Yes, there is!
Denise
Where? How come I've never seen it?
Gordon
It's underground.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Shame in Public Space
Old woman
Shame.
[''To Meghan riding on bus without paying fare'']
Meghan
Are-- Are you talking to me?
Old woman
Have you no shame?
Meghan
I don't know who you think you are, Judgey Judgey Judgeyson,
Old woman
Why don't you get your pimp to drive you? These are good people!
Meghan
Oh, I'm sorry. I missed the sign "good people only." How do you know what is in my soul?
Bus driver
Listen. I'm gonna give you some advice.
Meghan
Sure.
Bus driver
You might wanna think about another line of work, cause you ain't no good at this. If you ain't even got $1.50, you probably should think about retiring as a whore. And if you do scrape up $1.50, use it to buy yourself a sandwich. That's the reason you can't turn no tricks-- cause you ain't got no meat on your bones. Now, that advice was free.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Misunderstanding Over Lunch Plans
Impound Woman
Are you trying to bribe me?
Meghan
No.
Impound Woman
That's a shame. You know, I'm thinking ] for lunch today.
[[w:Quiznos|Quiznos]
Meghan
How much?
Impound Woman
$500.
Meghan
Quiznos does not cost $500!
Meghan
Fuck!... This!
Meghan
Yeah! Suck it, lady!
Meghan
Come on. Go. Come on. Go. Come on. Go, go, go, go. Come on. Come on. No, no, no, no, no.
Gordon
I know you. You're stuck again.
Meghan
You gonna--
Gordon
Hi. I'm Gordon. I'm-- From last night. How you doing?
Meghan
How you doing?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Witness Describes Suspect's Disturbing Appearance
Officer Walter
You saw this little in the yellow dress steal your bike?
Stolen bike boy
She was really scary.
Sergeant Dave
You got a good look at her?
Stolen bike boy
Yeah. She had these, like, crazy eyes.
Officer Walter
All right, kid. Come with us. Hop in. We'll do a ride-along, okay?
Stolen bike boy
But when we find her, I want five minutes alone with her, okay?
Sergeant Dave
Not okay, creepy kid. Get in the back. Be happy that you're coming. Just concentrate on apprehending the perp.
Stolen bike boy
Hey, driver, you got to go faster. We have to find the bike.
Sergeant Dave
It's "Officer.
Sergeant Steve
Driver"?
Sergeant Dave
What, your dad rich or something?
Stolen bike boy
My dad's taxes pay your bills. Find the bike.
Sergeant Dave
Kid, if you don't shut up, I'm going to drop you off right on this corner.
Stolen bike boy
God, I just want to find my bike!
Sergeant Dave
And I just want to be fucking ]!
[[w:fishing|fishing]
Officer Walter
Oh, come on. There you go. You've really hurt his feelings now.
Sergeant Dave
Well, the kid's an asshole.
Sergeant Dave
What are you smoking?
[[w:Electronic cigarette|It's an e-cig]
Sergeant Dave
Fake cigarette. That's dumb.
Stolen bike boy
Well, ]!
[[w:Cannabis|I smoke weed]
Sergeant Dave
Great. Now we have to arrest you.
Stolen bike boy
No. I was kidding.
Sergeant Dave
Well, you're already in the back.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Aftermath of a Wild Night
Taglines
The morning after the night before.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day of Unfortunate Events and Help
Boy
Lady, what are you doing with my ]?
[[w:Bicycle|bike]
Meghan
I'm really, really sorry. But I'm gonna need to borrow your bike. I got to get to my car. I got to get my life back. Have you ever had one of those days... where everything you do just goes wrong? And no matter how hard you try or how good your intentions, life just keeps beating, beating you down, huh? Well, I could really use a friend right now. So if you just let me borrow your bike, I'll have it back to you in no time. Really, I promise. It would just be so great if you could help me out.
Boy
Okay.
[Sighs]
Meghan
Oh, kid. You're an angel.
Boy
] and I'll let you borrow my bike. ].
[[w:Breast fetishism|Show me your boobs; [w:Breast|Boobies]
Meghan
I had higher hopes for you. Yeah, let's go. Get over here. Come on. All right, get in close. Close your eyes first. I'm calling your mother!
[''Pushes boy in the forehead and rides away on bike'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Heartfelt Offer from Pookie
Meghan
Pookie, I can't take your crack.
Pookie
It's worth about $10 on the street. But don't smoke it. It normally doesn't end well, at least for me.
Meghan
Pookie, I cannot take your crack.
Pookie
No. No, no. I insist. Please. When a crackhead gives you his crack, you have his heart right there. Just remember, shout out your boy Pookie next time you're on air, okay?
Meghan
Um, okay.
[''Starts walking away'']
Pookie
And don't forget to shout out Scrilla and Hulk--
Meghan
Yup. ]
[''Continues walking]
Pookie
and Skip, Skip-a-doo, Treezy, B-Bow-- not to be confused with G-Bow-- Little Markeese and also my Uncle Joseph.
Meghan
Sure.
[''Continues walking'']
Pookie
He's ].
[[w:California Institution for Men|locked down in Chino]
Meghan
Okay.
[''Continues walking'']
Pookie
Oh, and Meghan Miles?
Meghan
Yeah?
[Really far away]
Pookie
Be well.
Meghan
Be well too.
[Continues walking]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation with Authority and Responsibility
Officer Walter
I have nothing against... uh, ].
[[w:prostitution|modern... female entrepreneurs]
Sergeant Dave
Do not approach the vehicle. Ma'am, what you're doing is the opposite... of not approaching the vehicle.
Meghan
But I didn't do anything wrong.
Sergeant Dave
Really? You haven't done anything wrong? What, are you going out to get some eggs? ]? It's time to grow up.
[[w:paperboy|Just wrapping up your paper route]
Officer Walter
]. Off his streets and grow the fuck up, okay?
[[w:fellatio|Don't be on your knees]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mystery of the Yellow Dress Woman
Taglines
Who is the woman in the yellow dress?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perception of Cats' Cleanliness Challenged
Denise
People say cats are clean but they're actually really filthy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Proposal in Unlikely Circumstances
Meghan
Hey, I don't wanna waste anyone's time. I'm gonna assume that you're a crack dealer. And, um, I was wondering if you wanted a little more...
Figueroa dealer
A little more what?
Meghan
A little more crack. You know, like, maybe I could cash it in for some money.
[Whispering]
Figueroa dealer
You wanna sell me crack?
Meghan
Well, I technically don't wanna sell it because I think that that's wrong. But I was hoping that maybe make a return or something.
Figueroa dealer
Oh. Okay. A return. Yeah. You got the receipt? The, Uh, or maybe the box it came in?
Meghan
Oh, come on, man, I just have the crack.
Figueroa dealer
Oh, you just got the crack?
Meghan
Yeah, that's all I have. And I just thought, you know, you could add it to your stash...
Figueroa dealer
Uh-huh.
Meghan
...give me, like, 10 bucks, and then you can sell it for more, and that's good business.
Figueroa dealer
You don't walk into ] with your own ]... and try to sell it to em. You know why? Because they already got their own hamburgers. They're not gonna look at your hamburgers and be like, "Oh, shit. She's got hamburgers. That looks like a good deal. Maybe I could buy em, turn around and sell em for twice as much.
[[w:McDonalds's|McDonald's; [w:hamburgers|hamburgers]
Meghan
Crack is all the same, right? It's just this little thing.
Figueroa dealer
Put that shit away. What the fuck you doing, trying to set me up?
Meghan
I'm saying that it would be very easy to pass off as your own crack. It's probably all from the same place, isn't it? I technically got it from Pookie who, I'm sure, got it from Scrilla.
Figueroa dealer
Scrilla?
Meghan
Yeah, yeah. It's his crack.
Figueroa dealer
You wanna unload Scrilla's shit on my corner, pass it off as my own? You got a death wish, lady? Yo, Ladeke!
[''Whistles'']
Meghan
What?! Who's Ladeke?!
[''Starts running'']
Figueroa dealer
Deal with this shit! School this bitch right now! You're in the wrong territory! This is the Figueroa Crew, man!
[''To Meghan'']
Meghan
I'm going!
Figueroa dealer
No, no, no, no, no. I'm not done with you!
Meghan
I'm getting on the bus!
[''Spots city transit bus''; ''Runs after bus'']
Figueroa dealer
Come back here, man. You wanna disrespect me? Yo, Ladeke, what am I, a sparrow? When I whistle, you got to respond!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.