Unexpected Coffee Request During High-Speed Ride
Businessman:
Listen, I am really late for a hotel opening downtown, the Wallbridge hotel.
Zohan:
I understand sir. I know the neighborhood inside and backwards. We will not let them stop us.
Businessman:
What?
Zohan:
(Whilst screeching the limo round a corner on two wheels) You want some coffee back there?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication at the Counter
Clerk:
So, how can I help you gentlemen?
Salim: [takes out paper from pocket and reads]
We wants lee-khwa-heed kny-troha-gesawin!
Clerk: [Salim repeats the words; places a box of Neosporin in front of them]
I beg your pardon? Uh, I think I have some over here There you go. This is the large container.
Salim:
This work?
Clerk:
Yes, it works fine.
Salim:
You use?
Oli:
Ballsack.
Clerk:
Yes, from time to time. Sure!
Salim: [smiling at his friends and then whispering to the clerk]
We take twelve!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Phantom's Chewy Muchentuchen: Food for Heroes
Phantom (commercial):
Everybody's running to Phantom's Chewy Muchentuchen! for the food that heroes eat. Kubeh, sambousek, delicious Muchentuchen! You never know who you meet! You are going to get spoiled. ALLAH!!!!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Feet Uppercut Humor in Zohan Dialogue
Zohan: [to executive; kick-punches him]
You like to insult people?
Executive: [gets kicked again]
Was that your feet?
Zohan:
Yes, it was the feet. The feet uppercut!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings between Cultures and Identities
Palestinian immigrant:
People hate us. They think we're terrorists.
Israeli immigrant:
People hate us, too. They think we're you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Response to a Compliment
Michael:
Whoa, what are you, bionic?
Zohan:
No, no, no, I only like the girls. Thanks anyways.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A humorous approach to nightlife and relationships
Zohan:
I bang your mother one more time, then we go disco.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Caution Against Sudden Movements with Scissors
Zohan:
You know, you shouldn't jump around when this nice woman is holding a sharp pair of scissors. If you move she could slip and slice your jugular vein, on accident. There is no way to stitch the jugular. All of your blood will be on the floor in four minutes. I have seen this. I have done this. You don't want this.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire for Silky-Smooth Hair
Zohan:
I just want to make hair silky-smooth.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Importance of Communication Before Action
Zohan:
It's nice to have a little talk before the Bang-Boom.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Zohan's Appreciation for Hair and Peacefulness
Zohan:
I like hair. It's pleasant. It's peaceful. No one gets hurt.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing the Outdoors and Its Freedom
Zohan:
I like this, being inside the outside.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
