The Star Wars universe might seem like a cool place to live. It's all about that lightsaber and blue milk life. But it is also a place where folks die in ways that are horrible. If you're not the Jedi Chosen One, you can probably expect to fall victim to one of these fates sooner or later.
1. Taking on the Empire All by Yourself
This is Dak. Dak thinks he can take on the Empire all by himself. Don't be like Dak, unless you fancy catching a laser bolt to the face and being left in the snow to be crushed by an AT-AT Walker. And never ride shotgun in a Snowspeeder.
2. Getting Sliced in Half
Han Solo is famous for saying, "Don't get cocky, kid!" That's some advice Darth Maul probably should have taken. Instead, he decided to toy with his Jedi prey for a bit, leaving Obi-Wan Kenobi just enough room to turn the tables and separate Maul from his leg parts. The worst part is that, according to the new canon, Maul didn't actually die after losing his lower half and falling down a bottomless pit. He probably wishes he did, though.
3. Stabbed by a Star Destroyer
We can't even imagine the death toll that occurred when the second biggest weapon in the Imperial fleet crashed into the biggest one. And all because one pesky A-Wing pilot decided to go out in a blaze of glory. We're not even sure how a Star Destroyer can "fall" in the middle of space, but here we are.
4. Younglings Getting Anakin'd
Even little children aren't safe in this universe. All it takes is one Jedi Knight gone bad and, suddenly, the halls of the Jedi Temple are filled with the screams of dying toddlers. Even Darth Sidious probably thought this one was cold.
5. Force Choked
There's a pretty high turnover among Darth Vader's administrative staff, mostly because Vader's preferred (really, only) method of motivating employees is Force choking them into submission. If you're lucky, like Admiral Motti, you get let off with a stern warning. But if you're like poor Captain Needa, you'd better have that will updated.
6. The Emperor's Force Lightning
As bad as Vader's choking habit is, even that seems preferable to running afoul of Emperor Palpatine. This cranky old geezer doesn't take kindly to having his offers rebuffed, and he's quick to follow that up with a nonstop stream of evil fingertip lightning. It's best to hope that there's a one-armed cyborg around who's contemplating a sudden change in allegiances.
7. Stabbed by Your Emo Son
We always knew Han Solo had to die sooner or later. No one that cool gets to live forever. We just didn't expect his death to come at the hands of the galaxy's whiniest wannabe Sith Lord. If your son ever grows up to slaughter the entire Jedi Order, we recommend not trying to have a family reunion while standing over a gaping chasm. Important safety tip.
8. Decapitation via Jedi Lightsaber
Obi-Wan may have sliced Darth Maul clean in half, but Mace Windu is a more precise swordsman. He'll just cut your head off and be done with it. It must have come as a sad shock to poor Jango Fett, thinking he was the baddest warrior in the galaxy before running into Samuel L. Jackson in the middle of a battle pit. And don't get us started on the whole "kid cradling his dad's severed head" thing.
9. Being Blown Up
Pretty much anyone who appeared in "Rogue One" can sympathize with this one. Anyone who's anybody in that movie gets consumed in a massive explosion sooner or later. And those who escape said explosion the first time around, they go on to be caught in a second explosion a day later. Jyn and Cassian had the right idea in the end. Why run from fate?
10. Getting Order 66'd
Few things suck worse than fighting alongside a fanatically loyal group of soldiers for several years, only to have those soldiers turn on you in an instant because Emperor Angry McForceLightning ordered them to. Clones aren't much for loyalty, or even giving their commanding officers the honor of not shooting them in the back.
11. Pod Racing
Even in a galaxy far, far away, people love their NASCAR. Pod racing seems like a terrific spectator sport. You've got racers breaking the sound barrier and crashes happening everywhere. But if you're unlucky enough to actually be a racer, you have little to look forward to beyond a quick, fiery death and a couple jokes courtesy of that two-headed announcer.
12. Death by Sarlacc
As terrible as most of the deaths in the Star Wars universe seem, at least most of them are quick. Not so with the Sarlacc, which Jabba promises takes 1000 years to fully digest its prey. Don't ask us how that works. And if you're Boba Fett, you can add insult to endless agony knowing that you only fell in because your blind nemesis bumped into you.