Burt ReynoldsQuotes

Buford T. Justice:   I gotcha!

The Real Bandit:   Hello, Buford.  Well, you caught me with my pants down.

Buford T. Justice:   I did?

The Real Bandit:   That's a…figure of speech.

Judge Walter Burns: Mr. Pruitt, I don't want to hear about Price World, and I don't want to hear another word about a hockey game. We talked about that.

Dan Mott: Mmm, bacon.

Del Knox: Squirrel.

Dan Mott: Mmm, squirrel.

Del Knox: [after scaring off Dennis and Elwood] When you peckawoods get your diapers cleaned come back! I'll be waiting!

Del Knox: [after giving the nearly naked guys clothes] I'd get dressed faster if I were you cause I've been alone in this cabin for 30 years.

Del Knox: [After finding Dan, Jerry and Tom in their boxers] Freeze you perverts!

Lewis Medlock: I sleep at night. I have no worries. I am becoming myself, as inconsequential as that may be. I am not something that somebody shoved off on me. I am what I chose to be, and I am it.

Lewis Medlock: Sometimes you have to lose yourself before you can find anything...A couple more months, she'll all be gone...from Aintry on up. One big dead lake.

Fenderbaum: [Fenderbaum and Blake's Ferrari drives alongside J.J.'s ambulance] Pull over! We want to give you our blessing!

Victor Prinsi: J.J., there are two priest in that car. They want us to pull over.

J.J. McClure: Victor, that's two priests driving a Ferrari. When's the last time you saw two priests drive a Ferrari? What are they doing, taking home the bingo money?

Victor Prinsi: No, they're doing the work of the Lord. In a Ferrari, they can just do it faster.

J.J. McClure: Thanks to you, Victor, we do not have a female patient in the back.

Victor Prinsi: Well, it's not my fault that she didn't fit in the stretcher!

J.J. McClure: She doesn't fit in the AMBULANCE!

Mr. Foyt: Well, how do you all feel now you have raped the American highways?

J.J. McClure: Beautiful!

Paul Crewe: Nate, if you're thinking about winning this game, then you're as crazy as he is.

Nate Scarboro: Well, maybe so. But you spend fourteen years in this tank, you begin to understand that you've only got two thing left they can't sweat out of you or beat out of you. Your balls. And you better hang onto them, because they're about the only thing you're gonna have when you get out of here.

Caretaker: Well, there he is. Connie Shokner, baddest cat in the joint. Even the guards are scared of him. He killed three people on the outside and two since he's been in here.

Paul Crewe: Yeah, that karate's some bad stuff.

Caretaker: Oh, that was before he learned karate.

Paul Crewe: Say, what's he doing now?

Caretaker: Nobody's ever had the guts to ask him.

Paul Crewe: You know, there's only one thing I'm sorry about.

Warden Hazen: What's that, Mr. Crewe?

Paul Crewe: That you're not out here with us knockin heads.

Warden Hazen: I'm afraid I'm a little old for that.

Paul Crewe: No, you never had the guts to begin with!

Paul Crewe: What's his name?

Caretaker: Indian.

Paul Crewe: That makes sense.

Paul Crewe: Paul Crewe. Heard you played some football.

The Indian: Yeah.

Paul Crewe: Where?

The Indian: Oklahoma State.

Paul Crewe: Oklahoma State U?

The Indian: Prison.

Paul Crewe: Well, first thing we have to do is get you out of here.

The Indian: How?

Paul Crewe: Well, we'll work on it.

Paul Crewe: Whattya got for me, Sunshine?

Caretaker: I can get you steroids, vitamins, greenies, anything you want. You name it. I'm the best hustler in the joint.

Paul Crewe: How much of what this guy says he can do, can he do?

Nate Scarboro: He can get you laid in here... with a woman.

Warden Hazen: How do you think we'd do against the pros?

Paul Crewe: That team against the pros?

Warden Hazen: Yeah.

Paul Crewe: Well, you'd have a real problem.

Warden Hazen: Well, how do you think we'd do against the cons?

Paul Crewe: You know what my problem has been all my life? I've always had my shit together. Always. My problem's been I couldn't lift it.

Paul Crewe: The most important thing to remember is: to protect your quarterback - ME!

Carl Henry: What about the fear?

Joe Tanto: It's gone.

Carl Henry: The fear is never gone.

Buford T. Justice: [over Bandit's CB radio, just after the showdown in the desert] You ain't getting away from me Bandit, I'm still in hot pursuit!

Bandit: [cuts to Justice's car, which is revealed to be a barely driveable wreck that has been bent in half with no roof] I copy that Buford....but from what I hear your pursuit ain't that hot!

Bandit: [finding out Charlotte's pregnant] Who did it?

Cledus Snow: Don't look at me.

Doc: Probably another elephant.

Bandit: I know that, when did it happen?

Doc: Long time ago.

Buford T. Justice: [leaning against his car with his gun pointed at Bandit] Well as you can see, Bandit, I've got my piece in my hand.

Bandit: You've got your WHAT in your hand?

Amber Waves: What are you looking at?

Jack Horner: I'm looking at you.

Amber Waves: You're staring.

Jack Horner: You know what I'm staring at? I'm staring at the foxiest bitch in the whole world.

Jack Horner: Alright, you didn't know how old she was, and you just brought her back to your place, that's all. You didn't do anything.

Colonel James: No.

Jack Horner: You didn't do anything, right?

Colonel James: No! You know me, Jack.

Jack Horner: Alright.

Colonel James: [[W:child pornography|something else] It's just...they found ] at the house.

Jack Horner: What?

Colonel James: [[Pedophilia|They're so cute. They're so small. They're so adorable.] Well, it's just...it's my fucking weakness, Jack. ]

Jack Horner: [disgusted] Ah, Jesus...

Colonel James: I don't touch them, Jack! I don't touch them in any way! Now you think I'm an asshole. Now, I love you, Jack, you know that. Now, there's just one thing I wanna know. Are you gonna be my friend? Are you my friend, Jack?

Jack Horner: [puts the phone down and gets up to leave] Alright.

Floyd Gondolli: This is the future. Videotape tells the truth.

Jack Horner: Wait a minute. You come into my house, my party, to tell me about the future? That the future is tape, videotape, and not film? That it's amateurs and not professionals? I'm a filmmaker, which is why I will never make a movie on tape. I'll tell you something else. I will never, ever loan out any of the actors that I have under contract.

Floyd Gondolli: Wait, Jack, I'm not a complicated man. I like cinema. In particular, I like to see people fucking on film. But I don't want to win an Oscar, and I don't want to reinvent the wheel. I like simple pleasures...like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That's just me. That's just something that I enjoy. Call me crazy, call me a pervert, but there's one little thing I want to do in this life, and that is to make a dollar and a cent in this business. I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to help you stay one step ahead of the game.

Eddie Adams: Jack, I was thinking about my name, y'know?

Jack Horner: Yeah?

Eddie Adams: I was wondering if you had any ideas.

Jack Horner: I've got a few, but you tell me.

Eddie Adams: Well, my idea was, y'know, I want a name, I want it so it can cut glass, y'know, razor sharp.

Jack Horner: Tell me.

Eddie Adams: When I close my eyes, I see this thing. A sign. I see this name in bright blue neon lights with a purple outline. And this name is so bright and so sharp that the sign...it just blows up because the name is so powerful. It says, "Dirk Diggler." What do you think?

Jack Horner: I think...that's a great name.

Jack Horner: The Colonel here puts up all the money for our films. It's an important part of the process.

Eddie Adams: Great.

Colonel James: I'm looking forward to seeing you in action. Jack says you've got a great big cock.

Eddie Adams: Well, I don't know, I guess so.

Colonel James: May I see it?

Eddie Adams: Really?

Colonel James: [stares as Eddie lowers his shorts] Please!

Colonel James: Thank you, Eddie.

Eddie Adams: No problem.

Jack Horner: [[Pornography|the big dicks, the big tits] But you gotta get the people in the theater. You know, you need ]...

Amber Waves: Uh oh, here we go.

Jack Horner: [[Orgasm|come; [W:semen|joy juice] How do you keep them in the theater after they've ]? The beauty and the acting. No, I understand you've got to get em in the theater. You know, you've got to get the seats full. But I don't want to make a film where they show up, they sit down, they jack off, and they get up and they get out before the story ends. It is my dream, it is my goal, it is my idea to make a film where the story just sucks them in. And when they spurt out that ], they've got to just sit in it. They can't move until they find out how the story ends. You know, I want to make a film like that. And I understand, they have to make films...I've made them myself, you know where there's a few laughs, everyone fucks their brains out. And that's fine. But it's my dream to make a film that is true and right and dramatic.

Jack Horner: We're about to make film history, right here... on videotape.

Jack Horner: [to Dirk] I got a feeling that behind those jeans is something wonderful just waiting to get out.

General Newton: I don't know the difference between Picasso and a car crash.

Captain Chaos: J.J. ... Long time, no see.

J.J. McClure: Nice to see you, Captain Chaos.

Captain Chaos: Have no fear, "Him" is here.

CHP Officer: What are you boys trying to pull?

J.J. McClure: There's been a nuclear meltdown and we're transporting some contaminated materials to Connecticut.

CHP Officer: Well, why Connecticut?

J.J. McClure: They ran out.

Fenderbaum: It's General Patton and general admission.

J.J. McClure: Heckle and Jeckle dressed as cops. They oughta arrest their minds for vagrancy.