Memorable Quotes from Channing Tatum
93 quotesTyler Gage's Playful Reference to Figaro
Tyler Gage
Figaro. Figaro. Figaaaro.
[imitating opera]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Surprises in Battle
Duke
Okay, that was crazy. I didn't expect that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unforeseen Consequences of Past Actions
The Baroness
Hello, Duke.
[smiles]
Duke
Ana?
[surprised]
The Baroness
Now you have to admit, you had that coming.
[kicks him]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings About Identity and Violence
Sanders
You punched me because I'm gay?
Jenko
What? No, I... oh, come on. I punched him and... he turned out to be gay afterwards.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggling with Uncertainty and Family Ties
Dave Schultz
Mark... Look, I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but Nancy and I would like to try and make it work here.
Mark Schultz
You and I both know that I can't stay here.
Dave Schultz
I know, Mark. Hey, do you remember when we were kids? You remember how we lived? Moving all over the place? Never had any idea of where or how long we were gonna be anywhere. You remember how that was for us? Was it easy for us?
[long pause]
Mark Schultz
No.
Dave Schultz
That's my responsibility to my family, Mark. I know you understand that. Keep your head in the game, Mark. Go on down.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Infiltration Strategy and Brotherhood Discussion
Captain Dickson
The mission is this: infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.
Jenko
We get to be brothers?
Captain Dickson
Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!
[slams desk]
Jenko
But if you find the supplier first, we don't have to worry about the dealers.
Captain Dickson
Goddamn.
Captain Dickson
Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Call for Coolness in Action
Schmidt
Say something cool when you throw it!
Jenko
One, two, three!
Jenko
Something cool!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Question of Preference and Attraction
Viola
What does your heart tell you?
[as Sebastian]
Duke
What?
Viola
I mean... which one would you rather see NAKED?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sharing Snacks and Friendly Teasing
Camille
Guess what she bought for us. Cap'n crunch. Peanut butter Cap'n crunch. I told you she liked us.
Tyler Gage
Let me get a bite of that?
Camille
Okay. One bite, just one bite.
Camille
That's the biggest bite I've ever seen! Come on! Give it back!
Camille
Get your own! I spit on that spoon!
Camille
Oh yeah, now you give it back.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontational Statement in 21 Jump Street
Jenko
You have the right to...
Jenko
...suck my dick, motherfucker!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Empowerment and Teamwork in Overcoming Fear
Timo Cruz
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Sir I just wanna say thank you...you saved my life.
Jason Lyle
You said we're a team. One person struggles, we all struggle. One person triumphs, we all triumph.
Mrs. Battle
After you lose a son, every time the phone rings, your heart stops.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected College Assignment for the Duo
Captain Dickson
New assignment. Since you two boys love to drink booze, smoke weed with kids, and fuck anything with a big ass in jeans with low self-esteem, I'm gonna send you to a place where all that shit is allowed.
Jenko
Oh, I love Disneyland!
Captain Dickson
You two sons of bitches are going to college!
Schmidt
Yes!
Jenko
No!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation About Consequences and Choices
Camille
Are you going to jail?
Tyler Gage
No, I'm not going to jail, but they will have to take me to jail if you don't start knocking. Get outta here.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Keys to High School Coolness
Jenko
The three keys of coolness in high school, by Jenko.
Schmidt
Mmhmm.
Jenko
One, don't try hard at anything. Okay? Two, make fun of people wo do try. Three, be handsome. Four, if anyone steps you on the first day of school, you punch them directly in the face. Five, drive a kick-ass car.
Jenko
Shit.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation on Respect and Identity
Coach Carter
You, shooting the ball, what's your name sir?
Jason Lyle
Jason Lyle, but I ain't no “sir”.
Coach Carter
Oh, well are you a madam?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Identity and Stereotypes in Conversation
Mac Carter
You feel like because you're a white boy you gotta overcompensate or something?
[after Tyler gets in a fight at a party]
Tyler Gage
Wow, like wow, you got me figured out, Montel
Mac Carter
Yeah, well you're the one going Jerry Springer all the time
Skinny Carter
Hey, if you're Montel and you're Jerry, then I'm like...
Mac Carter
Jenny Jones
Tyler Gage
No, like Ellen
Mac Carter
Except Ellen gets more chicks than he does!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Evolving Language and Social Sensitivity in 2014
Jenko
It's 2014, asshole. You can't use "faggot". "Gay" is okay. "Homosexual", maybe.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Uses for Tampons in Conversations
Duke
Dude, why do you have tampons in your boot?
Viola
Uh, I get really bad nose bleeds?
[as Sebastian]
Andrew
So you stick them up your nose?
Viola
Yeah! You mean you've never done that? Oh my god, Beckham does it all the time!
[guys shake heads]
Duke
No.
Viola
Look, I'll show you. You take that off.. and whatever that is.. and you just stick it right in. It absorbs right up!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Debate on Roles Among Friends
Skinny Carter
yo lemme do it this time.
Mac Carter
Skin, you the look out.
Skinny Carter
But why can't I do it this time?
Tyler Gage
Can you do it?
Skinny Carter
Yeah.
Tyler Gage
Let him do it then.
Mac Carter
You know what? Here you go tough guy.
Mac Carter
See that one right there. Go get it.
Tyler Gage
That car's got an alarm on it.
Mac Carter
I know.
Tyler Gage
Dude, I told you that alarm was gonna go off.
[the car alarm goes off and the boys run away]
Skinny Carter
Wait a minute. Ya'll set me up?
Tyler Gage
You shoulda saw your face.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Among Characters in 21 Jump Street
Jenko
Fuck you, ]!
[[Glee (TV series)|Glee]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Meaning Behind Olympic Gold Medals
Mark Schultz
Hello. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk to you today. My name is Mark Schultz. I wanna talk about America, and I wanna tell you why I wrestle. This is an Olympic gold metal. I won this three years ago at the 23rd Olympic games in Los Angeles, California. This is more than just some piece of metal. It's about what the metal represents. The virtues it requires to attain it.
[gives a speech to a school; holds up his Olympic gold metal to the kids]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Age Perception in Youthful Appearances
Zack
You look really old. Were you held back?
Jenko
No. You look super young, were you held forward?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Misunderstanding in Religious Context
Captain Dickson
Fuck a 21 Jump Street & *FUCK* a Korean Jesus!
Jenko
Captain, Korean Jesus is right there!
[pointing across the room to the statue of Jesus]
Captain Dickson
That's Vietnamese Jesus now. See, this is a Vietnamese church, you racist sacrilegious sack of shit!
Captain Dickson
Yeah, Vietnamese Jesus is just droppin swag-goo!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation on the Edge of Danger
Tyler Gage
Is... is this where you kill me?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Striving for Authenticity and Purpose
Tyler Gage
I'm fighting, for something that's real for the first time in my life!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Community Service Unveiled Through Dance
Mac Carter
Man, what is this?
[seeing Tyler teaching a bunch of people the dance he and Nora made up]
Tyler Gage
It's part of my community service
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dance and Seriousness: A Clash of Perspectives
Director Gordon
See, that's my concern... he's not taking this seriously.
Tyler Gage
Well, I'm sorry... it's just that you guys talk about dancing like it's rocket science or something.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning the Validity of a Secret Mission
Tequila
A bottle in a secret wall. You really expect me to take that seriously? See, I think your story's horse shit. Y'all just trying to cover for a failed rescue mission. You're here for the lepidopterist, ain't you?
Tequila
Okay, so your mystery bottle, huh? Look anything like that, right there?
[grabs a bottle of Statesman whiskey]
Eggsy
Yes. Same brand, much older.
[impatiently]
Tequila
All right. Let's see here. You know why the measurement of alcohol content is called proof'?
[opens bottle and sniffs the whiskey]
Eggsy
Oh, fuck off!
Merlin
Oh, for Pete's sake!
Tequila
See, comes from back in the old days when pirates wanted to test the strength of their rum. They used to pour a little bit out on gunpowder. Oh, that'll make you wanna slap your mama right there, boy. And then the gunpowder, if it burnt when they set it alight, they considered it proof that their rum was good and strong. But see, I ain't got no gunpowder on me, do I? But I'm pretty sure you boys'll make just as impressive of a sound when I set your balls on fire. Or you could just tell me who the fuck y'all really are and how the hell you found us.
[drinks a little; splashes more whiskey, much to the annoyance of Eggsy and Merlin; Tequila pulls out a lighter as Merlin chuckles]
Merlin
Look, for the last time, we have nothing to protect but our honor. So you can take your cheap horse piss that you call whiskey, which, by the way, is spelled without an e and is nothing compared to a single malt scotch and you can go fuck yourself.
Tequila
What about you?
Eggsy
Me?
Tequila
Yeah.
Eggsy
No, I love a Jack and Coke, bruv. But I do agree with the part where you go fuck yourself.
Tequila
All right. Y'all ain't got nothing to protect other than your honor? Let's see what happens when we change things up.
Merlin
Harry!
Eggsy
Fuck me!
Tequila
Y'all got three seconds to tell the truth.
Merlin
Wait! No!
Eggsy
Harry!
Tequila
He can't hear you, but I can. So talk.
Merlin
No!
Eggsy
Get down, Harry!
Tequila
That's two.
Eggsy, Merlin
Harry! Harry!
Tequila
Three.
Ginger Ale
Stop!
Ginger Ale
Their story checked out. I opened our doomsday scenario locker and that umbrella was in it. Kingsman. It's got our logo on it.
Ginger Ale
I'm really sorry.
Tequila
My apologies, boys. I'd, I hope there ain't no hard feelings. I was just doin my job. Welcome to Statesman, independent intelligence agency. Just like y'all, I reckon. But our founders went into the booze business. Thank the sweet Lord above. This is Ginger Ale. She's our strategy executive.
Ginger Ale
Hello.
Tequila
I'm Agent Tequila.
Eggsy
This is the part where you untie us.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Comparing Popularity and Charisma in Friendship
Tyler Gage
You're like Ellen.
Mac Carter
But even she gets more girls than you!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Honesty About the Past and Its Impact
Cole Davis
I'm never going to lie about those men or that day.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Searching for a Computer Expert
Jimmy Logan
We need, like, a computer whizz, like one of them Facebook boys.
Fish Bang
I know everything there is to know about computers, okay?
Jimmy Logan
Do you?
Fish Bang
All the Twitters, I know em.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fate and Relationships: A Reflection on Togetherness
Leo Collins
No, if we were meant to be together, we would be together.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Sea Adventure Without Women
Burt Gurney
We are heading out to sea and however it will be, it ain't gonna be the same. cause no matter what we see, when we're out there on the sea, we ain't gonna see a dame. we'll be searching high and low on the deck and down below but it's a crying shame. Oh, we'll see a lot of fish but we'll never clock a dish. We ain't gonna see a dame. No dames! we might see some octopuses No dames! or a half a dozen clams No dames! we might even see a mermaid But mermaids got no gams! No gams! Have I got a girl for you! out there on the sea! Here's how it will be i'm gonna dance with you, pal you're gonna dance with me! When we're out there on the sea we'll be happy as can be Or so the Captain claims! But we have to disagree. Cause the only guarantee Is I'll see a lot of you And you'll see a lot of me! And it's absolutely certain That we'll see a lot of sea. But we ain't gonna see no dames. No dames! We're going to sea! No dames! We're going to sea! No dames! We're going to sea! We ain't gonna see no Dames!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sacrifice and Ambition in Foxcatcher
John du Pont
Three thousand men died here. These patriots were willing to give up everything... including their lives... for freedom. I like to come here to remind myself what really matters. We're going to do great things, Mark. Great things.
Mark Schultz
Yes, sir. I'm gonna give you everything I have.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tension Between Officers Escalates in Scene
Captain Dickson
Jenko, what are you doing, man?
Jenko
Fuck you, Schmidt!
Captain Dickson
Stop dicking around!
Jenko
Hey, captain!
Captain Dickson
Congratulations, you two. You managed to unfuck a situation you originally already fucked up!
Schmidt
Thanks!
Captain Dickson
I wish I could have you unfuck my daughter, but I'ma let that be the past.
[talking to Schmidt]
Captain Dickson
Now, for your next mission, you two sons of bitches going to medical school!
[talking to Schmidt and Jenko]
Jenko
What?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Expectations vs. Reality in Law Enforcement
Jenko
Are you ready for a lifetime of being absolutely badass motherfuckers?
Schmidt
Oh, I am.
Jenko
I really thought this job would have more car chases and explosions... and less homeless people doodooing everywhere.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jenko's Frustration with Doves
Jenko
Fuck you, doves!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Dilemma of Dating Choices
Duke
Dude, come on, you're a guy, what would you do if the hottest girl in school came and asked you on a date?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings in a Conversation About Music
Miles Darby
Look, I can play it alright. I just prefer playin wit myself.
Tyler Gage
Woa, what?
Lucy Avila
He makes it too easy.
Miles Darby
No, not playin wit myself. Just listen.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding in a Tense Situation
Schmidt
There's a grenade in my shorts, can you reach it? Go in from underneath!
[while hanging from a helicopter]
Jenko
Oh, shit! Is that it?
Schmidt
No, that's my dick!
Jenko
What about that?
Schmidt
That's my dick also!
Jenko
Why is it hard?
Schmidt
I'm so full of adrenalin right now!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion Between Social Groups in High School
Jenko
Those are jocks, those are nerds...
[while passing different cliques]
Jenko
I don't know what those are...
Schmidt
What the fuck are those things?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Confidence in Competition
John du Pont
You look good. You look strong. Fit.
Mark Schultz
Thank you, sir.
John du Pont
Feeling confident?
John du Pont
That's one of the most important elements of entering a match is feeling the confidence, knowing that you're going to win. Feeling it inside. If you get - go to a match knowing you're going to win that match, odds are you're going to win that match. You're training with your brother Dave?
Mark Schultz
Yes, sir.
John du Pont
Great Dave Schultz?
Mark Schultz
Yeah.
John du Pont
And I'm talking to the great Mark Schultz. Do you have any idea why I asked you to come here?
Mark Schultz
No.
John du Pont
No. Well, Mark, do you - do you have any idea who I am?
Mark Schultz
No. No.
John du Pont
Some rich guy calls you on the phone. I want the great Mark Schultz to come visit me. Well, I'm a - I'm a wrestling coach. And I have a deep love of the sport of wrestling. And I wanted to speak with you about your future. About what you hope to achieve. What do you hope to achieve, Mark?
Mark Schultz
Well, I wanna be the best in the world. I wanna go to the Worlds and win gold. I wanna go to the 88 Olympics and win gold.
John du Pont
Good. I'm proud of you. Are you getting the support that you need?
Mark Schultz
What do you mean, sir?
John du Pont
Well, you know how the Soviets support their wrestlers.
Mark Schultz
I do.
John du Pont
Mark, we as a nation have failed to honor you. And that's a problem. Not just for you, but for our society. When we fail to honor that which should be honored, it's a problem. It's a canary in a coal mine. Do you bird-watch?
Mark Schultz
Uh, no.
John du Pont
You can learn a lot from birds. I'm an ornithologist. But more importantly, I am a patriot. And I want to see this country soar again.
Mark Schultz
I want that too.
John du Pont
I can see that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggling with Love and Letting Go
Leo Collins
How do you look at the girl you love and tell yourself it's time to walk away?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jump Street's Bold Approach to Law Enforcement
Captain Dickson
We Jump Street, and we bout to jump in yo ass.
Jenko
Mmmm-hmmm.
Schmidt
Right in the crack.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Reunion Amidst Dire Circumstances
Jay Baruchel
Danny?
[after he, Seth, and James are attacked by a group of cannibals and everything comes to a halt when Danny comes out of the truck]
Danny McBride
What the fuck?! You guys are still alive?!
Seth Rogen
Yeah!
Danny McBride
Holy shit, I didn't expect that. Fuck out here. Shit, I can't believe you guys are here! That's fuckin crazy! And your timing couldn't be more perfect. It's been a long time since any of us have eaten. And you three gentlemen look delicious.
[tugs on his leash; On the other side of the leash is a gimp complete with a luchador mask, hockey pads and a thong coming out of the truck]
Jay Baruchel
What does that have to do with us?
James Franco
The fuck you talking about?
Danny McBride
I'm a cannibal hombre! We're gonna fucking eat your ass!
[laughs]
Seth Rogen
Fuck you, you can't eat us! Fuck that, man!
Danny McBride
I do whatever the fuck I want, WHEN I WANT! I've butt-fucked this dude. See that? I fuckin slide right in that shit, I do whatever I want. This is my gimp! Channing, introduce yourself.
Channing Tatum
Hey, wassup guys? Y'all cool?
James Franco
That's Channing Tatum!
Seth Rogen
That's Channing Tatum, dude. What the fuck?!
Danny McBride
Channing fucking Tatum, I found him wandering on the freeway, I collected him and made him my bitch, get off my dick. I call him "Channing Tate-yum.
James Franco
Hardcore, man.
Danny McBride
I got him trained good, watch, he does tricks. Wait, shake hands.
James Franco
All right, Seth…
Danny McBride:
Fucking roll over.
James Franco
I’m gonna create a diversion…
Seth Rogen
Yeah.
James Franco
…you and Jay make a run for it.
Seth Rogen
What? Danny’s gonna eat you!
James Franco
Listen. Full-on sacrifice for you, dawg, like the ending to Pineapple 2.
Danny McBride
Yeah, lick that! That’s Channing fucking Tatum, dawg!
Channing Tatum
I love him.
Danny McBride
That’s fucking ], dude. He fucking loves me.
[[w:G.I. Joe|G.I. Joe; laughs]
Seth Rogen
Danny, we’re friends! You can’t eat us!
Danny McBride
I’d love to catch up, but we’re fucking starving, so… LET’S EAT!
James Franco
FUCK YOU!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Researching a Bank Vault Challenge
Clyde Logan
A real bank vault?
Jimmy Logan
Yeah. It's a tough one, too. I looked it up on the Google.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Being Authentic in Social Interactions
Cole Davis
I wasn't selling. For the record, you can bring people over just being who you are.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Post-Practice Discussion Before the Seoul Olympics
John du Pont
Mark. After practice, I want you to shower, and come talk to me. All right?
Mark Schultz
Yeah. All right.
John du Pont
Three hundred eighty-seven days to Seoul, gentlemen. Let's have a good practice, shall we?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding Inappropriate Humor in Conversations
Annie Schmidt
What kind of a sick animal draws an ejaculating penis into a 8-year-old's mouth?
Jenko
It's arguably, like, an airplane throwing up.
Annie Schmidt
You think I don't know that's a dick and balls? I know all about dick and balls! I partied with ] before he got sober, when he was really fucked up and a lot of fun!
[[Robert Downey Jr.]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Legal Rights in Conversation
Jenko
Look, it obviously starts with... you have the right to remain silent...
[is asked if he knows the Miranda rights]
Schmidt
You have the right to an attorney.
[whispers]
Jenko
You have the right to remain... an attorney.
Deputy Chief Hardy
Did you just say you have the right to be an attorney?
Schmidt
You do have the right to be an attorney if you want to.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Direct Approach in Awkward Situation
Jenko
What are you doing, trying to find my g spot? Just stick it in. GO!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Toughness Through Adversity
Duke
Oh, yeah, I uh, borrowed one of your... yeah... and you're right, they really do work.
[Using one of Viola's tampons after getting into a fight with Justin at the carnival]
Viola
Oh my God, you're hurt! I mean, suck it up. Be a man and rub some dirt on it.
[as Sebastian; Clears throat]
Duke
All right, I'll rub some dirt on it...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bizarre Conversations Among Friends and Authority
Schmidt
I just wanna say that it was bizarre not to share the fact that your daughter went to MC State...
Captain Dickson
I think it's bizarre that I haven't cut your motherfuckin nuts off.
Jenko
What if, Captain gets to punch you in the face, one time? Really, really, REALLY hard?
[to Schmidt]
Captain Dickson
Nah, I've got something WAY better than that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Missing Item in the Bag
Miles Darby
I left my G-4 at home.
Tyler Gage
It's in his bag.
[coughing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Science and Fiction Collide in Humor
Jenko
One particle of unobtainium has a nuclear reaction with the flux capacitor - carry the "2" - changing its atomic isotoner into a radioactive spider. Fuck you, science!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Identities and Humor Among Friends
Schmidt
Yo Sleepy, whassup, homie? Everyone saying at the barrio that "Sleepy, he like the Mexican Wolverine and shit!" My partner here wanna see that product.
Scarface
Why ain't he talking?
[pointing at Jenko]
Jenko
My name Jeff!
[after a moment of silence; in a high-pitched voice]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jenko's Misunderstanding of Chemistry Concepts
Jenko
Chemistry's the one with the shapes and shit, right?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on Friendship and Loneliness
Mark Schultz
You all right? Huh?
John du Pont
You are a good friend, Mark.
Mark Schultz
Thank you, John.
John du Pont
I only had one real friend growing up. Hugh Cherry. Hughby. He was the son of my mother's chauffeur.
Mark Schultz
Uh-huh.
John du Pont
When I was 16, I found out that my mother had been paying him to be my friend.
Mark Schultz
Dave was my only friend growing up. Yeah.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Fashion Misunderstanding Before Rehearsal
Tyler Gage
What? I'm not late
Nora
You're not dress either... You can change at the back
Tyler Gage
I can change here...
Nora
I told you to bring tights
Tyler Gage
Do I look like I own tights?
Nora
Shoes?
Tyler Gage
I move better with them
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Hidden Meanings in Song Lyrics
Sadie Logan
I finally know what song I'm gonna sing for Talent!
Jimmy Logan
What song?
Sadie Logan
] by ].
[[w:Umbrella (song)|Umbrella; [Rihanna]
Dylan Chapman
When Rihanna sings Umbrella, she's not really singing about a rain umbrella. She's really singing about her vagina. It's code.
Jimmy Logan
Who told you that?
Dylan Chapman
Everybody.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Shower Etiquette in Dorm Life
Viola
(Singing) I get to take a shower. I get to take a shower.
Malcolm
Malcolm Festes, Dorm Director. Shower shoes are to be worn in the bathroom at all times except when in the actual shower! ...Did you not read your "Dorm Life" pamphlet? It was in your cubby.
[startled gasp then realizes he forgot to introduce himself]
Viola
Sup dog?
Duke
Yeah, what's kickin', homie?
[''Sarcastically'']
Viola
Later.
Duke
Hey, you forgot, ew... This, coolio.
[holding up Viola's chest bandage]
Viola
Word, G-man.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Addressing the Unspoken Issues
Captain Dickson
Gentlemen, you're not gonna sit here.
Captain Dickson
& pretend there's not a big-ass elephant in the room.
Jenko
What the fuck is going on?
[confused]
Captain Dickson
*This* is what the fuck is going on!
[turns picture frame on desk around, revealing a photo of Maya]
Jenko
OH SHIT! Oh, shit!
[looks at the picture confused, looks at Schmidt, then back at the picture as he realizes]
Jenko
Oh, shit! No! That is not happening right now!
Jenko
No!
Jenko
Hey, y'all. He's fucking the captain's daughter! Yo! Oh my FUCK!
Captain Dickson
Every time, he says that shit? That's another foot in your ass!
[as Jenko is laughing outside office, to Schmidt]
Jenko
Schmidt! You clearly... yo, this is the best thing ever!
[outside office]
Jenko
Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter!
Jenko
Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter! Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter!
Jenko
Shit! Fuck!
[re-enters office]
Jenko
You fucked the captain's daughter? Captain? What the fuck, you bragged to him to his face! To his actual face, the captain, do you understand that *this face?*
Jenko
right here! You bragged to that face!
Jenko
You actually high-fived Schmidt for fucking your daughter? Holy shit! Oh my God, this is...
[to Captain Dickson]
Jenko
It's really not that funny.
[composing himself]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Answer in History Class
History Professor
Mr. McQuaid?
Jenko
...uh, Covalent Bonds.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Commitment to Finish What Was Started
Jason Lyle
Sir, they can cut the chains off the door, but they can't make us play.
[to Coach Carter as he walks into the gym]
Damien Carter
We've decided we're going to finish what you've started, sir.
Worm
Yeah, so leave us be, coach. We've got shit to do, sir.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reporting Instructions at Jump Street
Jenko
Where do we report to?
Deputy Chief Hardy
Down on Jump Street. 37 Jump Street... wait, that doesn't sound right.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings and Tensions in the Team
Jenko
I'm really, really glad you're back, Schmidt.
Schmidt
What are you talking about? What contract dispute? I have been here the whole time.
Captain Dickson
Hey, shut the fuck up! How about a flight academy?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Cheese Preferences
Duke
Ok. Um do you like... cheese?
[Snickers]
Sebastian
Why yes, I do. My favorite's Gouda.
[In a girl voice; Poses and smiles]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Dance Invitation Amidst Light Banter
Nora
So are you gunna ask me to dance?
Tyler Gage
I didn't know you could dance without your tights!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exchange Students in Russia Adventure
Captain Dickson
This time, foreign exchange students!
Schmidt
Awesome!
Jenko
Yes!
Captain Dickson
In Russia!
Jenko
What?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
DEA Officers Make Arrest in Action Scene
Tom Hanson
Goddamn it! Tom Hanson, DEA!
[pointing gun at Schmidt and Jenko]
Tom Hanson
On your knees now!
Officer Doug Penhall
Fuck! Doug Penhall, DEA! You're under arrest!
Domingo
What the...
Officer Doug Penhall
Put your guns on the ground!
Schmidt
Yes! Yes!
Tom Hanson
Shut the fuck up! You dweebs just ruined a five year investigation!
Schmidt
We had no idea, you're like, an amazing actor, man.
Domingo
You played saxophone at my sister's wedding, man!
Tom Hanson
Tough titty, I fucked her too!
Domingo
What?
Tom Hanson
You little turds. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to infiltrate a gang like this? You see this nose? This is a fake nose. You want to wear a fake nose on your fucking head? For, like, months on end!
Schmidt
There are worse things in the world.
Tom Hanson
We had to get fucking tattoos on our dicks, man!
Officer Doug Penhall
Actually, I just said that to mess with you.
Tom Hanson
What?
Officer Doug Penhall
It looks tough.
Jenko
Hey, man, look we know what it's like being undercover. Metro Police, Jump Street division.
Tom Hanson
You're with the Jump Street? That's funny, because we were actually Jump Street.
Jenko
What? That's crazy, man!
Tom Hanson
Yeah!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Inspiring Creativity Through Dance Collaboration
Tyler Gage
If you imagined it with dancers you should do it!
[about a dance Nora imagines]
Nora
Where am I going to get dancers?
Tyler Gage
You know, you do go to a school just busting with kids in tights!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concerns About Dance Skills and Commitment
Director Gordon
And you say that he can dance?
Nora
He's... adequate.
Tyler Gage
Adequate?
Director Gordon
See. That's my concern. He's not taking this seriously.
Tyler Gage
Look, I'm sorry. It's just... ya'll are talking about dancing like it's rocket science or something.
Nora
It's just for a couple of weeks. Until Andrew gets better.
Tyler Gage
Yeah.
Director Gordon
This would be your risk Nora. It's your Senior piece.
Nora
I know.
Director Gordon
Well, don't make me regret my decision.
Nora
2:30 tomorrow. Bring your tights.
[talking to Tyler]
Tyler Gage
Tights? Wait. What?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Question About Last Night's Encounter
Mike Lane
How pregnant did you get that girl's mouth last night?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Challenging Proposition Between Friends
Jenko
Hey, you want me to beat your dick off?
Domingo
You want to beat my dick off?
[looks surprised]
Jenko
I'll beat your dick off with both hands, let's go!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Party Planning and Substance Choices
Jenko
Got a pound of coke.
[raiding the evidence locker for drugs to take to their party]
Schmidt
We are trying to show them a good time, not ruin their fucking lives.
Jenko
Pound of marijuana?
Schmidt
Best party ever!
Jenko
Booyah!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding the Miranda Rights
Deputy Chief Hardy
Do you even know the Miranda rights?
Jenko
It obviously starts with... you have the right to... remain an attorney...
Deputy Chief Hardy
Did you just say you have the right to be an attorney?
Schmidt
Well, you do have the right to be an attorney if you want to...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Living with Failure Every Day
Cole Davis
I failed them and I will live with that every single day of my life. Is that the quote you were looking for, you piece of shit?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Between Duke and Cobra Commander
Duke
This is Captain Duke Hauser, prepare to be boarded.
Viper Guard
Sir.
Cobra Commander
You are relentless, Duke, I'll give you that much. And what's to stop me from blowing you out of the water?
Duke
Self preservation. I'm taking you in, Rex.
Cobra Commander
You and what army?
[laughing evilly]
Duke
My army.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Teamwork and Individual Accomplishments
Jenko
Did you get Mercedes?
Schmidt
Yes, all my myself!
Jenko
Really?
Schmidt
...Mainly by myself!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Gratitude for Life and New Beginnings
Jackson Briggs
Dear Lulu, I got the adoption papers from the Army today. Riley would be so proud. Maybe even of both of us. Look, I'm no good at this poem stuff, so I'll just get to the damn point. Thanks. Thanks for saving my life.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Graphic Language About Girls
Duke
Why, why do you always talk about girls in such graphic terms?
[to Viola (as Sebastian)]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Warning of the Baroness's Pursuit
Duke
(about the Baroness) She's gonna come after you. You know that, right? And with her Intel and toys, she'll find you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Planning a Strategic Mission Against an Adversary
General Hawk
Well, it appears that I've been made official custodian of the warheads. Looks like your mission is complete here, Duke.
Duke
When you move then, she's gonna come after you. You know that, right? And with her Intel and toys, she'll find you.
[about the Baroness]
General Hawk
What's your point?
Duke
You're going after her first and we want in.
Ripcord
General, it was our team that got wasted out there. We deserve payback.
General Hawk
You don't ask to be part of G.I. Joe. You get asked.
Duke
You scouted me four years ago. Now I'm ready. Let's have at it.
General Hawk
Well, I've lost men too, Captain. If you want revenge-
Duke
I know her.
General Hawk
Excuse me?
Duke
You said knowing's half the battle, right? Well, I know who she is. She was a blonde. Her name is Ana Lewis. I can tell you everything you need to know about her, up until the last four years. After that, obviously, a lot of things have changed.
[gives General Hawk a photo]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Between Friends
Jenko
Let's do this, Schmidt!
Morton Schmidt
Yeah, just like we always do, Jenkins.
Jenko
Dude, it's Jenko!
[whispering]
Morton Schmidt
Sorry.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perspectives on Greatness and Achievement
Duke
Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.
[Quoting Coach]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Lighthearted Exchange About Dance Attire
Nora
You know what this means, right?
Tyler Gage
No, what's it mean?
Nora
You're gonna have to get some tights.
Tyler Gage
Done.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reminder of Our Mission
Cole Davis
Those are our guys! I know you know that. Just reminding you what we're doing here.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Manners and Misunderstandings
Tequila
You know, my momma... she always told me, "Us Southerners get our good manners from the British." I was thinkin', "Ain't that a pity? Y'all ain't keepin none for yourself." Y'all ain't ever heard of knockin before you enter?
[spits tobacco]
Eggsy
Well, a-actually... we had an invitation, didn't we?
Merlin
Yeah.
Tequila
Oh, did you now?
Eggsy
Yeah, yeah, it came in the shape of a bottle? We're from the Kingsman tailor shop in London. Maybe you've heard of us.
Tequila
Oh, the Kingsman!
Merlin
Yeah.
Tequila
Huh. That's where y'all got them fine suits and them fancy spectacles y'all got on.
Merlin
Exactly.
Eggsy
That's right.
Tequila
Y'all look damn sharp. Let me see if I got it right here. You want me to believe that it's normal for a tailor to hack through an advanced biometric security system with nothin but a little bitty ol watch on?
Tequila
I can promise you, though.
Tequila
That dog don't hunt. So why don't you go on and get down on your knees and tell me who you really work for?
Tequila
That's 1963 Statesman Reserve. You just made it personal.
Eggsy
Who the fuck are you?
[passes out]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Moping Around: A Conversation Between Friends
Miles Darby
Man I bet you've been moping around too.
[about Tyler and Nora no longer working together]
Tyler Gage
She's been moping?
[looking happy]
Miles Darby
I'm not saying anything
Tyler Gage
Come on man! Tell me, have you seen a tear?
[laughing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncertain Commitment to a Dance Challenge
Tyler Gage
I'll do it.
Nora
Do what?
Tyler Gage
I don't know, whatever y'all trying to do out here...
Nora
You wanna lift me? Are you kidding?
Tyler Gage
Does it look like I'm kidding?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Arrest of Pretty Boy Floyd by Melvin Purvis
Melvin Purvis
Pretty Boy Floyd?
Pretty Boy Floyd
Charles Floyd.
[coughs]
Melvin Purvis
Mr. Floyd, you are under arrest.
Pretty Boy Floyd
I'm done for; you've hit me twice.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Demanding Request for Cooperation
Eric Molson
Get in the fucking car now!
Jenko
Not until you ask nicely.
Eric Molson
Please get in the car.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Moves on the Dance Floor
Skinny Carter
Man, I was droppin dimes today!
[coming back from playing a basketball game]
Mac Carter
Man, you tripped over your own shoes!
Tyler Gage
Twice actually, but you rolled outta the second one pretty nice, you played it off pretty cool.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.