Channing TatumQuotes

Jenko: Let's do this, Schmidt!

Morton Schmidt: Yeah, just like we always do, Jenkins.

Jenko: [whispering] Dude, it's Jenko!

Morton Schmidt: Sorry.

Jenko: It's 2014, asshole. You can't use "faggot". "Gay" is okay. "Homosexual", maybe.

Jenko: Did you get Mercedes?

Schmidt: Yes, all my myself!

Jenko: Really?

Schmidt: ...Mainly by myself!

Captain Dickson: This time, foreign exchange students!

Schmidt: Awesome!

Jenko: Yes!

Captain Dickson: In Russia!

Jenko: What?

History Professor: Mr. McQuaid?

Jenko: ...uh, Covalent Bonds.

Jenko: Fuck you, doves!

Schmidt: [while hanging from a helicopter] There's a grenade in my shorts, can you reach it? Go in from underneath!

Jenko: Oh, shit! Is that it?

Schmidt: No, that's my dick!

Jenko: What about that?

Schmidt: That's my dick also!

Jenko: Why is it hard?

Schmidt: I'm so full of adrenalin right now!

Jenko: I'm really, really glad you're back, Schmidt.

Schmidt: What are you talking about? What contract dispute? I have been here the whole time.

Captain Dickson: Hey, shut the fuck up! How about a flight academy?

Schmidt: I just wanna say that it was bizarre not to share the fact that your daughter went to MC State...

Captain Dickson: I think it's bizarre that I haven't cut your motherfuckin nuts off.

Jenko: [to Schmidt] What if, Captain gets to punch you in the face, one time? Really, really, REALLY hard?

Captain Dickson: Nah, I've got something WAY better than that.

Schmidt: Say something cool when you throw it!

Jenko: One, two, three!

Jenko: Something cool!

Captain Dickson: Jenko, what are you doing, man?

Jenko: Fuck you, Schmidt!

Captain Dickson: Stop dicking around!

Jenko: Hey, captain!

Captain Dickson: Congratulations, you two. You managed to unfuck a situation you originally already fucked up!

Schmidt: Thanks!

Captain Dickson: [talking to Schmidt] I wish I could have you unfuck my daughter, but I'ma let that be the past.

Captain Dickson: [talking to Schmidt and Jenko] Now, for your next mission, you two sons of bitches going to medical school!

Jenko: What?

Captain Dickson: Gentlemen, you're not gonna sit here.

Captain Dickson: & pretend there's not a big-ass elephant in the room.

Jenko: [confused] What the fuck is going on?

Captain Dickson: [turns picture frame on desk around, revealing a photo of Maya] *This* is what the fuck is going on!

Jenko: [looks at the picture confused, looks at Schmidt, then back at the picture as he realizes] OH SHIT! Oh, shit!

Jenko: Oh, shit! No! That is not happening right now!

Jenko: No!

Jenko: Hey, y'all. He's fucking the captain's daughter! Yo! Oh my FUCK!

Captain Dickson: [as Jenko is laughing outside office, to Schmidt] Every time, he says that shit? That's another foot in your ass!

Jenko: [outside office] Schmidt! You clearly... yo, this is the best thing ever!

Jenko: Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter!

Jenko: Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter! Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter!

Jenko: [re-enters office] Shit! Fuck!

Jenko: You fucked the captain's daughter? Captain? What the fuck, you bragged to him to his face! To his actual face, the captain, do you understand that *this face?*

Jenko: right here! You bragged to that face!

Jenko: [to Captain Dickson] You actually high-fived Schmidt for fucking your daughter? Holy shit! Oh my God, this is...

Jenko: [composing himself] It's really not that funny.

Captain Dickson: Fuck a 21 Jump Street & *FUCK* a Korean Jesus!

Jenko: [pointing across the room to the statue of Jesus] Captain, Korean Jesus is right there!

Captain Dickson: That's Vietnamese Jesus now. See, this is a Vietnamese church, you racist sacrilegious sack of shit!

Captain Dickson: Yeah, Vietnamese Jesus is just droppin swag-goo!

Captain Dickson: We Jump Street, and we bout to jump in yo ass.

Jenko: Mmmm-hmmm.

Schmidt: Right in the crack.

Schmidt: Yo Sleepy, whassup, homie? Everyone saying at the barrio that "Sleepy, he like the Mexican Wolverine and shit!" My partner here wanna see that product.

Scarface: [pointing at Jenko] Why ain't he talking?

Jenko: [after a moment of silence; in a high-pitched voice] My name Jeff!

Jenko: What are you doing, trying to find my g spot? Just stick it in. GO!

Eric Molson: Get in the fucking car now!

Jenko: Not until you ask nicely.

Eric Molson: Please get in the car.

Jenko: Hey, you want me to beat your dick off?

Domingo: [looks surprised] You want to beat my dick off?

Jenko: I'll beat your dick off with both hands, let's go!

Jenko: The three keys of coolness in high school, by Jenko.

Schmidt: Mmhmm.

Jenko: One, don't try hard at anything. Okay? Two, make fun of people wo do try. Three, be handsome. Four, if anyone steps you on the first day of school, you punch them directly in the face. Five, drive a kick-ass car.

Jenko: Shit.

Jenko: Where do we report to?

Deputy Chief Hardy: Down on Jump Street. 37 Jump Street... wait, that doesn't sound right.

Jenko: [is asked if he knows the Miranda rights] Look, it obviously starts with... you have the right to remain silent...

Schmidt: [whispers] You have the right to an attorney.

Jenko: You have the right to remain... an attorney.

Deputy Chief Hardy: Did you just say you have the right to be an attorney?

Schmidt: You do have the right to be an attorney if you want to.

Annie Schmidt: What kind of a sick animal draws an ejaculating penis into a 8-year-old's mouth?

Jenko: It's arguably, like, an airplane throwing up.

Annie Schmidt: [[Robert Downey Jr.] You think I don't know that's a dick and balls? I know all about dick and balls! I partied with ] before he got sober, when he was really fucked up and a lot of fun!

Jenko: Are you ready for a lifetime of being absolutely badass motherfuckers?

Schmidt: Oh, I am.

Jenko: I really thought this job would have more car chases and explosions... and less homeless people doodooing everywhere.

Sanders: You punched me because I'm gay?

Jenko: What? No, I... oh, come on. I punched him and... he turned out to be gay afterwards.

Jenko: [[Glee (TV series)|Glee] Fuck you, ]!

Tom Hanson: [pointing gun at Schmidt and Jenko] Goddamn it! Tom Hanson, DEA!

Tom Hanson: On your knees now!

Officer Doug Penhall: Fuck! Doug Penhall, DEA! You're under arrest!

Domingo: What the...

Officer Doug Penhall: Put your guns on the ground!

Schmidt: Yes! Yes!

Tom Hanson: Shut the fuck up! You dweebs just ruined a five year investigation!

Schmidt: We had no idea, you're like, an amazing actor, man.

Domingo: You played saxophone at my sister's wedding, man!

Tom Hanson: Tough titty, I fucked her too!

Domingo: What?

Tom Hanson: You little turds. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to infiltrate a gang like this? You see this nose? This is a fake nose. You want to wear a fake nose on your fucking head? For, like, months on end!

Schmidt: There are worse things in the world.

Tom Hanson: We had to get fucking tattoos on our dicks, man!

Officer Doug Penhall: Actually, I just said that to mess with you.

Tom Hanson: What?

Officer Doug Penhall: It looks tough.

Jenko: Hey, man, look we know what it's like being undercover. Metro Police, Jump Street division.

Tom Hanson: You're with the Jump Street? That's funny, because we were actually Jump Street.

Jenko: What? That's crazy, man!

Tom Hanson: Yeah!

Captain Dickson: The mission is this: infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.

Jenko: We get to be brothers?

Captain Dickson: [slams desk] Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!

Jenko: But if you find the supplier first, we don't have to worry about the dealers.

Captain Dickson: Goddamn.

Captain Dickson: Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!

Jenko: [raiding the evidence locker for drugs to take to their party] Got a pound of coke.

Schmidt: We are trying to show them a good time, not ruin their fucking lives.

Jenko: Pound of marijuana?

Schmidt: Best party ever!

Jenko: Booyah!

Jenko: [while passing different cliques] Those are jocks, those are nerds...

Jenko: I don't know what those are...

Schmidt: What the fuck are those things?

Captain Dickson: New assignment. Since you two boys love to drink booze, smoke weed with kids, and fuck anything with a big ass in jeans with low self-esteem, I'm gonna send you to a place where all that shit is allowed.

Jenko: Oh, I love Disneyland!

Captain Dickson: You two sons of bitches are going to college!

Schmidt: Yes!

Jenko: No!

Zack: You look really old. Were you held back?

Jenko: No. You look super young, were you held forward?

Jenko: One particle of unobtainium has a nuclear reaction with the flux capacitor - carry the "2" - changing its atomic isotoner into a radioactive spider. Fuck you, science!

Jenko: Chemistry's the one with the shapes and shit, right?

Deputy Chief Hardy: Do you even know the Miranda rights?

Jenko: It obviously starts with... you have the right to... remain an attorney...

Deputy Chief Hardy: Did you just say you have the right to be an attorney?

Schmidt: Well, you do have the right to be an attorney if you want to...

Jenko: You have the right to...

Jenko: ...suck my dick, motherfucker!

Sadie Logan: I finally know what song I'm gonna sing for Talent!

Jimmy Logan: What song?

Sadie Logan: [[w:Umbrella (song)|Umbrella; [Rihanna] ] by ].

Dylan Chapman: When Rihanna sings Umbrella, she's not really singing about a rain umbrella. She's really singing about her vagina. It's code.

Jimmy Logan: Who told you that?

Dylan Chapman: Everybody.

Clyde Logan: A real bank vault?

Jimmy Logan: Yeah. It's a tough one, too. I looked it up on the Google.

Jimmy Logan: We need, like, a computer whizz, like one of them Facebook boys.

Fish Bang: I know everything there is to know about computers, okay?

Jimmy Logan: Do you?

Fish Bang: All the Twitters, I know em.

Melvin Purvis: Pretty Boy Floyd?

Pretty Boy Floyd: [coughs] Charles Floyd.

Melvin Purvis: Mr. Floyd, you are under arrest.

Pretty Boy Floyd: I'm done for; you've hit me twice.

Dave Schultz: Mark... Look, I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but Nancy and I would like to try and make it work here.

Mark Schultz: You and I both know that I can't stay here.

Dave Schultz: [long pause] I know, Mark. Hey, do you remember when we were kids? You remember how we lived? Moving all over the place? Never had any idea of where or how long we were gonna be anywhere. You remember how that was for us? Was it easy for us?

Mark Schultz: No.

Dave Schultz: That's my responsibility to my family, Mark. I know you understand that. Keep your head in the game, Mark. Go on down.

John du Pont: Mark. After practice, I want you to shower, and come talk to me. All right?

Mark Schultz: Yeah. All right.

John du Pont: Three hundred eighty-seven days to Seoul, gentlemen. Let's have a good practice, shall we?

Mark Schultz: You all right? Huh?

John du Pont: You are a good friend, Mark.

Mark Schultz: Thank you, John.

John du Pont: I only had one real friend growing up. Hugh Cherry. Hughby. He was the son of my mother's chauffeur.

Mark Schultz: Uh-huh.

John du Pont: When I was 16, I found out that my mother had been paying him to be my friend.

Mark Schultz: Dave was my only friend growing up. Yeah.

John du Pont: Three thousand men died here. These patriots were willing to give up everything... including their lives... for freedom. I like to come here to remind myself what really matters. We're going to do great things, Mark. Great things.

Mark Schultz: Yes, sir. I'm gonna give you everything I have.

John du Pont: You look good. You look strong. Fit.

Mark Schultz: Thank you, sir.

John du Pont: Feeling confident?

John du Pont: That's one of the most important elements of entering a match is feeling the confidence, knowing that you're going to win. Feeling it inside. If you get - go to a match knowing you're going to win that match, odds are you're going to win that match. You're training with your brother Dave?

Mark Schultz: Yes, sir.

John du Pont: Great Dave Schultz?

Mark Schultz: Yeah.

John du Pont: And I'm talking to the great Mark Schultz. Do you have any idea why I asked you to come here?

Mark Schultz: No.

John du Pont: No. Well, Mark, do you - do you have any idea who I am?

Mark Schultz: No. No.

John du Pont: Some rich guy calls you on the phone. I want the great Mark Schultz to come visit me. Well, I'm a - I'm a wrestling coach. And I have a deep love of the sport of wrestling. And I wanted to speak with you about your future. About what you hope to achieve. What do you hope to achieve, Mark?

Mark Schultz: Well, I wanna be the best in the world. I wanna go to the Worlds and win gold. I wanna go to the 88 Olympics and win gold.

John du Pont: Good. I'm proud of you. Are you getting the support that you need?

Mark Schultz: What do you mean, sir?

John du Pont: Well, you know how the Soviets support their wrestlers.

Mark Schultz: I do.

John du Pont: Mark, we as a nation have failed to honor you. And that's a problem. Not just for you, but for our society. When we fail to honor that which should be honored, it's a problem. It's a canary in a coal mine. Do you bird-watch?

Mark Schultz: Uh, no.

John du Pont: You can learn a lot from birds. I'm an ornithologist. But more importantly, I am a patriot. And I want to see this country soar again.

Mark Schultz: I want that too.

John du Pont: I can see that.

Mark Schultz: [gives a speech to a school; holds up his Olympic gold metal to the kids] Hello. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk to you today. My name is Mark Schultz. I wanna talk about America, and I wanna tell you why I wrestle. This is an Olympic gold metal. I won this three years ago at the 23rd Olympic games in Los Angeles, California. This is more than just some piece of metal. It's about what the metal represents. The virtues it requires to attain it.

Duke: [Snickers] Ok. Um do you like... cheese?

Sebastian: [In a girl voice; Poses and smiles] Why yes, I do. My favorite's Gouda.

Viola: (Singing) I get to take a shower. I get to take a shower.

Malcolm: [startled gasp then realizes he forgot to introduce himself] Malcolm Festes, Dorm Director. Shower shoes are to be worn in the bathroom at all times except when in the actual shower! ...Did you not read your "Dorm Life" pamphlet? It was in your cubby.

Viola: Sup dog?

Duke: [''Sarcastically''] Yeah, what's kickin', homie?

Viola: Later.

Duke: [holding up Viola's chest bandage] Hey, you forgot, ew... This, coolio.

Viola: Word, G-man.

Duke: Dude, why do you have tampons in your boot?

Viola: [as Sebastian] Uh, I get really bad nose bleeds?

Andrew: So you stick them up your nose?

Viola: [guys shake heads] Yeah! You mean you've never done that? Oh my god, Beckham does it all the time!

Duke: No.

Viola: Look, I'll show you. You take that off.. and whatever that is.. and you just stick it right in. It absorbs right up!

Duke: [Using one of Viola's tampons after getting into a fight with Justin at the carnival] Oh, yeah, I uh, borrowed one of your... yeah... and you're right, they really do work.

Viola: [as Sebastian; Clears throat] Oh my God, you're hurt! I mean, suck it up. Be a man and rub some dirt on it.

Duke: All right, I'll rub some dirt on it...

Viola: [as Sebastian] What does your heart tell you?

Duke: What?

Viola: I mean... which one would you rather see NAKED?

Duke: Dude, come on, you're a guy, what would you do if the hottest girl in school came and asked you on a date?

Duke: [to Viola (as Sebastian)] Why, why do you always talk about girls in such graphic terms?

Duke: [Quoting Coach] Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.

Jackson Briggs: Dear Lulu, I got the adoption papers from the Army today. Riley would be so proud. Maybe even of both of us. Look, I'm no good at this poem stuff, so I'll just get to the damn point. Thanks. Thanks for saving my life.

Duke: This is Captain Duke Hauser, prepare to be boarded.

Viper Guard: Sir.

Cobra Commander: You are relentless, Duke, I'll give you that much. And what's to stop me from blowing you out of the water?

Duke: Self preservation. I'm taking you in, Rex.

Cobra Commander: [laughing evilly] You and what army?

Duke: My army.

General Hawk: Well, it appears that I've been made official custodian of the warheads. Looks like your mission is complete here, Duke.

Duke: [about the Baroness] When you move then, she's gonna come after you. You know that, right? And with her Intel and toys, she'll find you.

General Hawk: What's your point?

Duke: You're going after her first and we want in.

Ripcord: General, it was our team that got wasted out there. We deserve payback.

General Hawk: You don't ask to be part of G.I. Joe. You get asked.

Duke: You scouted me four years ago. Now I'm ready. Let's have at it.

General Hawk: Well, I've lost men too, Captain. If you want revenge-

Duke: I know her.

General Hawk: Excuse me?

Duke: [gives General Hawk a photo] You said knowing's half the battle, right? Well, I know who she is. She was a blonde. Her name is Ana Lewis. I can tell you everything you need to know about her, up until the last four years. After that, obviously, a lot of things have changed.

The Baroness: [smiles] Hello, Duke.

Duke: [surprised] Ana?

The Baroness: [kicks him] Now you have to admit, you had that coming.

Duke: Okay, that was crazy. I didn't expect that.

Duke: (about the Baroness) She's gonna come after you. You know that, right? And with her Intel and toys, she'll find you.

Jason Lyle: [to Coach Carter as he walks into the gym] Sir, they can cut the chains off the door, but they can't make us play.

Damien Carter: We've decided we're going to finish what you've started, sir.

Worm: Yeah, so leave us be, coach. We've got shit to do, sir.

Coach Carter: You, shooting the ball, what's your name sir?

Jason Lyle: Jason Lyle, but I ain't no “sir”.

Coach Carter: Oh, well are you a madam?

Timo Cruz: Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Sir I just wanna say thank you...you saved my life.

Jason Lyle: You said we're a team. One person struggles, we all struggle. One person triumphs, we all triumph.

Mrs. Battle: After you lose a son, every time the phone rings, your heart stops.

Tequila: A bottle in a secret wall. You really expect me to take that seriously? See, I think your story's horse shit. Y'all just trying to cover for a failed rescue mission. You're here for the lepidopterist, ain't you?

Tequila: [grabs a bottle of Statesman whiskey] Okay, so your mystery bottle, huh? Look anything like that, right there?

Eggsy: [impatiently] Yes. Same brand, much older.

Tequila: [opens bottle and sniffs the whiskey] All right. Let's see here. You know why the measurement of alcohol content is called proof'?

Eggsy: Oh, fuck off!

Merlin: Oh, for Pete's sake!

Tequila: [drinks a little; splashes more whiskey, much to the annoyance of Eggsy and Merlin; Tequila pulls out a lighter as Merlin chuckles] See, comes from back in the old days when pirates wanted to test the strength of their rum. They used to pour a little bit out on gunpowder. Oh, that'll make you wanna slap your mama right there, boy. And then the gunpowder, if it burnt when they set it alight, they considered it proof that their rum was good and strong. But see, I ain't got no gunpowder on me, do I? But I'm pretty sure you boys'll make just as impressive of a sound when I set your balls on fire. Or you could just tell me who the fuck y'all really are and how the hell you found us.

Merlin: Look, for the last time, we have nothing to protect but our honor. So you can take your cheap horse piss that you call whiskey, which, by the way, is spelled without an e and is nothing compared to a single malt scotch and you can go fuck yourself.

Tequila: What about you?

Eggsy: Me?

Tequila: Yeah.

Eggsy: No, I love a Jack and Coke, bruv. But I do agree with the part where you go fuck yourself.

Tequila: All right. Y'all ain't got nothing to protect other than your honor? Let's see what happens when we change things up.

Merlin: Harry!

Eggsy: Fuck me!

Tequila: Y'all got three seconds to tell the truth.

Merlin: Wait! No!

Eggsy: Harry!

Tequila: He can't hear you, but I can. So talk.

Merlin: No!

Eggsy: Get down, Harry!

Tequila: That's two.

Eggsy, Merlin: Harry! Harry!

Tequila: Three.

Ginger Ale: Stop!

Ginger Ale: Their story checked out. I opened our doomsday scenario locker and that umbrella was in it. Kingsman. It's got our logo on it.

Ginger Ale: I'm really sorry.

Tequila: My apologies, boys. I'd, I hope there ain't no hard feelings. I was just doin my job. Welcome to Statesman, independent intelligence agency. Just like y'all, I reckon. But our founders went into the booze business. Thank the sweet Lord above. This is Ginger Ale. She's our strategy executive.

Ginger Ale: Hello.

Tequila: I'm Agent Tequila.

Eggsy: This is the part where you untie us.

Tequila: [spits tobacco] You know, my momma... she always told me, "Us Southerners get our good manners from the British." I was thinkin', "Ain't that a pity? Y'all ain't keepin none for yourself." Y'all ain't ever heard of knockin before you enter?

Eggsy: Well, a-actually... we had an invitation, didn't we?

Merlin: Yeah.

Tequila: Oh, did you now?

Eggsy: Yeah, yeah, it came in the shape of a bottle? We're from the Kingsman tailor shop in London. Maybe you've heard of us.

Tequila: Oh, the Kingsman!

Merlin: Yeah.

Tequila: Huh. That's where y'all got them fine suits and them fancy spectacles y'all got on.

Merlin: Exactly.

Eggsy: That's right.

Tequila: Y'all look damn sharp. Let me see if I got it right here. You want me to believe that it's normal for a tailor to hack through an advanced biometric security system with nothin but a little bitty ol watch on?

Tequila: I can promise you, though.

Tequila: That dog don't hunt. So why don't you go on and get down on your knees and tell me who you really work for?

Tequila: That's 1963 Statesman Reserve. You just made it personal.

Eggsy: [passes out] Who the fuck are you?

Burt Gurney: We are heading out to sea and however it will be, it ain't gonna be the same. cause no matter what we see, when we're out there on the sea, we ain't gonna see a dame. we'll be searching high and low on the deck and down below but it's a crying shame. Oh, we'll see a lot of fish but we'll never clock a dish. We ain't gonna see a dame. No dames! we might see some octopuses No dames! or a half a dozen clams No dames! we might even see a mermaid But mermaids got no gams! No gams! Have I got a girl for you! out there on the sea! Here's how it will be i'm gonna dance with you, pal you're gonna dance with me! When we're out there on the sea we'll be happy as can be Or so the Captain claims! But we have to disagree. Cause the only guarantee Is I'll see a lot of you And you'll see a lot of me! And it's absolutely certain That we'll see a lot of sea. But we ain't gonna see no dames. No dames! We're going to sea! No dames! We're going to sea! No dames! We're going to sea! We ain't gonna see no Dames!

Miles Darby: Look, I can play it alright. I just prefer playin wit myself.

Tyler Gage: Woa, what?

Lucy Avila: He makes it too easy.

Miles Darby: No, not playin wit myself. Just listen.

Miles Darby: I left my G-4 at home.

Tyler Gage: [coughing] It's in his bag.

Camille: Are you going to jail?

Tyler Gage: No, I'm not going to jail, but they will have to take me to jail if you don't start knocking. Get outta here.

Skinny Carter: [coming back from playing a basketball game] Man, I was droppin dimes today!

Mac Carter: Man, you tripped over your own shoes!

Tyler Gage: Twice actually, but you rolled outta the second one pretty nice, you played it off pretty cool.

Director Gordon: See, that's my concern... he's not taking this seriously.

Tyler Gage: Well, I'm sorry... it's just that you guys talk about dancing like it's rocket science or something.

Director Gordon: And you say that he can dance?

Nora: He's... adequate.

Tyler Gage: Adequate?

Director Gordon: See. That's my concern. He's not taking this seriously.

Tyler Gage: Look, I'm sorry. It's just... ya'll are talking about dancing like it's rocket science or something.

Nora: It's just for a couple of weeks. Until Andrew gets better.

Tyler Gage: Yeah.

Director Gordon: This would be your risk Nora. It's your Senior piece.

Nora: I know.

Director Gordon: Well, don't make me regret my decision.

Nora: [talking to Tyler] 2:30 tomorrow. Bring your tights.

Tyler Gage: Tights? Wait. What?

Camille: Guess what she bought for us. Cap'n crunch. Peanut butter Cap'n crunch. I told you she liked us.

Tyler Gage: Let me get a bite of that?

Camille: Okay. One bite, just one bite.

Camille: That's the biggest bite I've ever seen! Come on! Give it back!

Camille: Get your own! I spit on that spoon!

Camille: Oh yeah, now you give it back.

Tyler Gage: You're like Ellen.

Mac Carter: But even she gets more girls than you!

Skinny Carter: yo lemme do it this time.

Mac Carter: Skin, you the look out.

Skinny Carter: But why can't I do it this time?

Tyler Gage: Can you do it?

Skinny Carter: Yeah.

Tyler Gage: Let him do it then.

Mac Carter: You know what? Here you go tough guy.

Mac Carter: See that one right there. Go get it.

Tyler Gage: That car's got an alarm on it.

Mac Carter: I know.

Tyler Gage: [the car alarm goes off and the boys run away] Dude, I told you that alarm was gonna go off.

Skinny Carter: Wait a minute. Ya'll set me up?

Tyler Gage: You shoulda saw your face.

Mac Carter: [seeing Tyler teaching a bunch of people the dance he and Nora made up] Man, what is this?

Tyler Gage: It's part of my community service

Miles Darby: [about Tyler and Nora no longer working together] Man I bet you've been moping around too.

Tyler Gage: [looking happy] She's been moping?

Miles Darby: I'm not saying anything

Tyler Gage: [laughing] Come on man! Tell me, have you seen a tear?

Mac Carter: [after Tyler gets in a fight at a party] You feel like because you're a white boy you gotta overcompensate or something?

Tyler Gage: Wow, like wow, you got me figured out, Montel

Mac Carter: Yeah, well you're the one going Jerry Springer all the time

Skinny Carter: Hey, if you're Montel and you're Jerry, then I'm like...

Mac Carter: Jenny Jones

Tyler Gage: No, like Ellen

Mac Carter: Except Ellen gets more chicks than he does!

Tyler Gage: [about a dance Nora imagines] If you imagined it with dancers you should do it!

Nora: Where am I going to get dancers?

Tyler Gage: You know, you do go to a school just busting with kids in tights!

Nora: You know what this means, right?

Tyler Gage: No, what's it mean?

Nora: You're gonna have to get some tights.

Tyler Gage: Done.

Tyler Gage: I'm fighting, for something that's real for the first time in my life!

Nora: So are you gunna ask me to dance?

Tyler Gage: I didn't know you could dance without your tights!

Tyler Gage: [imitating opera] Figaro. Figaro. Figaaaro.

Tyler Gage: What? I'm not late

Nora: You're not dress either... You can change at the back

Tyler Gage: I can change here...

Nora: I told you to bring tights

Tyler Gage: Do I look like I own tights?

Nora: Shoes?

Tyler Gage: I move better with them

Tyler Gage: Is... is this where you kill me?

Tyler Gage: I'll do it.

Nora: Do what?

Tyler Gage: I don't know, whatever y'all trying to do out here...

Nora: You wanna lift me? Are you kidding?

Tyler Gage: Does it look like I'm kidding?

Mike Lane: How pregnant did you get that girl's mouth last night?

Jay Baruchel: [after he, Seth, and James are attacked by a group of cannibals and everything comes to a halt when Danny comes out of the truck] Danny?

Danny McBride: What the fuck?! You guys are still alive?!

Seth Rogen: Yeah!

Danny McBride: [tugs on his leash; On the other side of the leash is a gimp complete with a luchador mask, hockey pads and a thong coming out of the truck] Holy shit, I didn't expect that. Fuck out here. Shit, I can't believe you guys are here! That's fuckin crazy! And your timing couldn't be more perfect. It's been a long time since any of us have eaten. And you three gentlemen look delicious.

Jay Baruchel: What does that have to do with us?

James Franco: The fuck you talking about?

Danny McBride: [laughs] I'm a cannibal hombre! We're gonna fucking eat your ass!

Seth Rogen: Fuck you, you can't eat us! Fuck that, man!

Danny McBride: I do whatever the fuck I want, WHEN I WANT! I've butt-fucked this dude. See that? I fuckin slide right in that shit, I do whatever I want. This is my gimp! Channing, introduce yourself.

Channing Tatum: Hey, wassup guys? Y'all cool?

James Franco: That's Channing Tatum!

Seth Rogen: That's Channing Tatum, dude. What the fuck?!

Danny McBride: Channing fucking Tatum, I found him wandering on the freeway, I collected him and made him my bitch, get off my dick. I call him "Channing Tate-yum.

James Franco: Hardcore, man.

Danny McBride: I got him trained good, watch, he does tricks. Wait, shake hands.

James Franco: All right, Seth…

Danny McBride:: Fucking roll over.

James Franco: I’m gonna create a diversion…

Seth Rogen: Yeah.

James Franco: …you and Jay make a run for it.

Seth Rogen: What? Danny’s gonna eat you!

James Franco: Listen. Full-on sacrifice for you, dawg, like the ending to Pineapple 2.

Danny McBride: Yeah, lick that! That’s Channing fucking Tatum, dawg!

Channing Tatum: I love him.

Danny McBride: [[w:G.I. Joe|G.I. Joe; laughs] That’s fucking ], dude. He fucking loves me.

Seth Rogen: Danny, we’re friends! You can’t eat us!

Danny McBride: I’d love to catch up, but we’re fucking starving, so… LET’S EAT!

James Franco: FUCK YOU!