Memorable Quotes from Craig Robinson
21 quotesReflections on Childhood Relationships and Regrets
Zack Brown
I've known her since the first grade. You don't fuck someone you met in the first grade.
Delaney
Excuse me, I met my wife in kindergarten. We got married senior year, and she's been the queen of my world ever since.
Zack Brown
But what if you could do it all over again?
Delaney
I would jerk off and live by myself. That woman is the bane of my existence.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate Over a Milky Way Bar
Seth Rogen
Okay, food. How are we gonna deal with this?
[after the group inventories the remaining food]
Jonah Hill
Um, can I have that Milky Way?
James Franco
No, you can't have the Milky Way, that's my Milky Way. I went out this morning and specifically bought this Milky Way to eat after my party.
Jay Baruchel
That's weird.
James Franco
It's not weird, it's my special food, I like it. Back me up on that, Seth.
Seth Rogen
I don't think you should get the whole Milky Way. I want some of the Milky Way.
Craig Robinson
I'd be pretty bummed if I don't get at least a bite of the Milky Way.
James Franco
Oh, now Craig wants a bite of the Milky Way.
Craig Robinson
Yeah, I want a bite of the Milky Way! It's a fucking Milky Way.
Jonah Hill
Guys.
Jay Baruchel
A fifth of everything is what's fair and reasonable.
Seth Rogen
Everyone gets a fifth of everything.
James Franco
I want one fifth of your T-shirt! I want the bottom part. The belly.
[To Craig]
Craig Robinson
I'm not sporting a crop-top in your house.
James Franco
I'll cut that shit off and make a headband.
Craig Robinson
You couldn't handle my midriff.
Jonah Hill
Guys, the only issue is...I kinda need the Milky Way.
Jay Baruchel
For fuck's sake.
Jonah Hill
No, for real, I have low blood sugar, and if my endorphins drop too low, I'm gonna be a nightmare to be around.
Jay Baruchel
What?
James Franco
Your LBS starts acting up, you can have a finger scoop of Nutella, okay?
Seth Rogen
One finger scoop of Nutella.
Jonah Hill
Fair.
James Franco
I’m going to bed.
Jay Baruchel
Jesus fucking…
James Franco
Don’t touch that Milky Way, Jonah.
Jonah Hill
Night, James.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Disaster Theories Among Friends
James Franco
Earthquakes cause tsunamis.
Seth Rogen
Yes.
James Franco
Tsunamis cause other tsunamis, disaster.
Danny McBride
I mean for all we know, the fucking Lakers could’ve just won and that’s the reason why all this is happening.
Seth Rogen
Hole in Franco’s front yard? Sinkhole. Every single time I turn on the news, sinkhole in South America, bunch of South Americans getting sucked into the ground.
Jonah Hill
Sinkhole de Mayo.
Seth Rogen
Sinkhole de Mayo. That’s why it’s named that, because sinkholes happen in the summertime.
Jay Baruchel
It’s not wildfires, it’s not earthquakes, it’s not sinkholes. I think I know what it is.
Craig Robinson
Let’s hear it.
Jay Baruchel
I think it’s the Apocalypse.
James Franco
What?
Jay Baruchel
I’m serious, boys. It’s all here, in the book of Revelations.
[holds up a Bible]
James Franco
You took my Bible?
Jay Baruchel
Well, just hear me out, and you tell me that what I’m describing isn’t what’s going on right now. “And the skies shall open up and the light of the Lord shall shine down and those of good heart shall be brought into my kingdom of heaven.” That’s the Rapture, those are the gigantic beams of blue light. “And there will be a great mountain burning in fire.” I mean the Hollywood Hills are literally engulfed in flames as we sit here right now.
[starts reading the Bible]
Craig Robinson
The Hollywood Hills ain’t no mountain, it’s a hill. Takes about 10 minutes to get across that motherfucker with no traffic.
James Franco
Coldwater.
Seth Rogen
I take Laurel Canyon.
Jonah Hill
Cahuegna.
Danny McBride
I usually cup down Barham.
Jay Baruchel
Boys, can I just fricking finish?
Craig Robinson
I love Laurel Canyon.
Jay Baruchel
“And out of the pit rose a great red dragon having seven heads, that old serpent called the devil and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world, was released onto the Earth.”
[continues reading]
Craig Robinson
I love that dude. He’s from ].
[[Where the Wild Things Are]
James Franco
It’s a load of bullshit.
Jay Baruchel
It’s not bullshit.
James Franco
You wanna know something else, Jay? If this is the end of the world and all the good people died, what you’re saying is, Seth, me, Jonah, Craig and Danny are a bunch of assholes.
Craig Robinson
I’m straight-up lovable, son.
James Franco
And if this is really the Apocalypse, you’re here too. So that means you’re just as shitty as the rest of us. Doesn’t feel too good, does it?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Playful Farewell with Cultural References
Nick
D-d-do svidanya! Do svidanya! Martina Navratilova... "Smirnoff Ice"... Priviet! Na zdorovie!translation: "G-g-goodbye! Goodbye! Martina Navratilova... "Smirnoff Ice"... Hello! You're welcome!
[pretending to speak Russian]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Coffee Order Amidst a Conversation
Customer
Can I get a coffee, black?
Delaney
Can't you see we talking, white?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Strong Exclamation of Frustration
Nick
Muthafucka.
[upon seeing their hotel for the first time in years]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggling with Job Search Challenges
Nick
How am I supposed to get a job?
[on being stuck in the 80's]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Acknowledging the Pioneers of Aviation
Tuskegee Airman #2
Ma'am, I'd just like to thank you.
Amelia Earhart
For what?
Tuskegee Airman #2
Well, a lot of people didn't think we could fly, either. Thanks for clearing the runway.
[salutes]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Celebrity Reference in Conversation
Nick
Enrique fuckin Iglesias!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Welcome to Heaven Announcement
Craig Robinson
Welcome to Heaven, motherfuckers.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Survival Supplies in a Crisis Situation
Seth Rogen
We got 12 bottles of water, 56 beers, two vodkas, four whiskeys, six bottles of wine, tequila, ], cheese, pizza, eggs, bananas, apples, bacon, steaks, pancake mix, ], milk, ketchup, a ], a half-ounce of ], 3 1/2 grams Grand Master Kush, one ounce of shrooms, 15 pills of ecstasy, a porno mag, a baseball bat and a video camera from the movie 27 Hours.
[taking inventory of the food and supplies at James' house; [w:Nutella|Nutella; [w:Cinnamon Toast Crunch|C.T. Crunch; [w:Milky Way (chocolate bar)|Milky Way; [w:Sour Diesel|Sour Diesel]
James Franco
].
[correcting Seth; [127 Hours]
Seth Rogen
Uh... ], and a functioning revolver from the movie ].
[[127 Hours; [Flyboys]
James Franco
Old faithful.
[picks up the gun'']
Jay Baruchel
Jesus.
James Franco
Thing’s real. No, I kept this from the movie.
Seth Rogen
Yeah.
James Franco
This is an actual revolver.
Seth Rogen
I see, yeah.
Craig Robinson
Franco, that’s very uncomfortable. Could you put that thing down, please?
James Franco
Loaded.
Jonah Hill
Love it.
Jay Baruchel
Awesome. Can you just put the gun away?
James Franco
I always keep my props.
Jay Baruchel
That’s really cool.
James Franco
Always keep my props. I know how to handle it.
Jonah Hill
He knows what he’s doing. I like this bit. I like it. I get it. Let me see.
James Franco
It’s real. It’s heavy.
Jonah Hill
Let me see it like that.
Craig Robinson
Goddamn!
Seth Rogen
Come on, guys! You could kill…
James Franco
Careful.
Jonah Hill
Bang, bang!
[pretends to shoot it]
Jay Baruchel
Jesus!
Seth Rogen
Please put it down!
Jay Baruchel
Oh, fuck!
Jonah Hill
Bang, bang, bang! You’re dead!
Jay Baruchel
I hope you’re fucking happy.
Jonah Hill
Pow, pow, pow!
Seth Rogen
Stop- Guys, stop fucking with the gun!
Jay Baruchel
Jesus. Jesus!
Jonah Hill
Pow! Pow! Bang!
Seth Rogen
It’s a real gun! It’s so funny. It’s so funny.
Jonah Hill
Guys, it’s funny.
Jay Baruchel
It’s not funny! We’re getting sidetracked.
Jonah Hill
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’ll just kill myself.
All
No!
Seth Rogen
Don’t do that Jonah!
Jay Baruchel
Jesus!
James Franco
Jonah, give it back.
Jonah Hill
I don’t know! I don’t know!
[puts the gun in his mouth]
James Franco
Don’t do that!
Seth Rogen
Oh, dude!
Jay Baruchel
Hey, come on! Come on, no, don’t! Jesus!
Craig Robinson
Would you put the thing down?!
Jonah Hill
The whole… I’m trying to have some fun, man. Look, just because a bunch of people fell into a hole outside doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun. We’re a bunch of best friends hanging out. It’s like a sleepover.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion on Food Preferences and Humor
James Franco
] to James’ bedroom] We’ll be right here, okay? Fuck are you guys doing here?
[after sending [[w:Emma Watson|Emma Watson]
Seth Rogen
Here’s what I think we should do. She’s British, right? She’s used to eating shitty food anyway. Let’s just give her all the shitty food that we don’t want.
James Franco
That’s fucked up. Look how tiny she is. She’s not even a full seven. She’s like half a seven.
Danny McBride
This is a fucking cool thing, man. I, for one, am very excited. I’m a massive ] fan.
[[w: Harry Potter|Harry Potter]
James Franco
What?
Danny McBride
Yes. I love fucking ]. I cannot wait until she wakes up and I can ask her all these amazing questions about how they made those motion pictures.
[[w:Harry Potter|Harry Potter]
James Franco
Take it easy, ].
[[w:Dumble Dore|Dumble Dore]
Jay Baruchel
Guys, listen listen. I think we need to address the elephant in the room.
Seth Rogen
Whoa, Jay, don't talk about Craig like that.
Craig Robinson
That's fucked up. I'm right here man.
Jay Baruchel
I'm not calling Craig an elephant.
James Franco
That's racist.
Jay Baruchel
I wasn’t referring to him. I was referring to the issue that’s on all of our minds.
James Franco
What?
Jay Baruchel
This is one girl in a house with six males.
James Franco
Real safe.
Seth Rogen
Ideal scenario.
Craig Robinson
She’s like a little sister.
Jay Baruchel
I think that she needs… It’s important that she feels safe. And comfortable. And we should be mindful.
Craig Robinson
Who’s making her not feel safe?
Jay Baruchel
Well, I’m just saying we should… We don’t wanna give off a bad vibe.
James Franco
Vibes? I ain’t got no vibes.
Seth Rogen
Wait, what kind of vibes are you talking about, man?
Danny McBride
He’s talking about us giving off a rapey vibe.
All
Whoa!
Craig Robinson
Jesus.
James Franco
Jay, what the fuck, man?
Seth Rogen
Chill out dude.
James Franco
Why you putting that shit in the mix?
Jay Baruchel
He fucking said it!
Danny McBride
You’re the one saying it. No one here is thinking about raping anyone.
James Franco
Well, you talking about vibes is the only thing that’s rapey going on right now.
Seth Rogen
Dude, nothing was rapey until you brought up the rapey vibe.
James Franco
Fucking one who smelt it dealt it, dawg.
Seth Rogen
True that, dude.
James Franco
One who denies it supplies it.
Jay Baruchel
I know, it’s farts, I get it.
Jonah Hill
Guys, guys, guys. Jay’s not rapey. Jay couldn’t rape a fly.
Seth Rogen
He probably could.
Craig Robinson
Maybe we should stop this entire conversation right now.
James Franco
If anyone’s gonna rape anyone here, it’s probably gonna be Danny.
Danny McBride
What the fuck, Franco?
James Franco
What?
Danny McBride
Why do you think I’m gonna rape somebody?
James Franco
I’m just trying to lay it out here.
Danny McBride
I’m not gonna rape anyone, all right? If anyone’s gonna rape somebody, it’s Jay. He came up with the rape idea and his face looks like the police sketch of a fucking rapist.
James Franco
True.
Jay Baruchel
What the fuck does that mean?
Danny McBride
If anybody’s raping Emma Watson, it’s fucking Sir Rapes-a-Lot over here.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Breaking Through Together Amidst Chaos
Seth Rogen
That is so fucking good.
James Franco
The two heroes over here breaking through the floor.
Seth Rogen
We did break through the floor.
Jay Baruchel
Any of you guys would have done the same thing.
Seth Rogen
Oh, man, that fucking hurt.
Jay Baruchel
Yeah, I’m surprised you didn’t shart again.
Seth Rogen
I think I did.
Jonah Hill
Hey, what year is this?
Jay Baruchel
19…
Seth Rogen
That’s a good… That’s a good year.
Craig Robinson
Hey, hey, no, no, no, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doin?!
[turns his attention to McBride about to pour water]
Danny McBride
What am I doing?
[Danny pours his glass with water as the others exclaim]
Seth Rogen
Fuck, man!
Danny McBride
What? I'm just pouring myself another glass of water to wash down that dry-ass Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
James Franco
That's very nice, but you can't just pour yourself another glass of water, man, will you cut it out?!
Seth Rogen
Yeah, we agreed to one glass at dinner. We voted on it, man.
Danny McBride
Well, man, I'm just getting sick and tired of all these fucking rules, man. You don't see me putting rules on you guys.
James Franco
You cannot have another glass of water.
Danny McBride
Jay weighs 150 pounds less than me. Why the fuck is it fair that him and I should drink the same amount of water? We should be dividing our rations based on our proportionate size.
Jonah Hill
I don't wanna come off as a diva here or anything. It's just that I think everyone should split everything equally.
Danny McBride
I just think that everybody should have the fucking same, I have a goddamn earring." SHUT THE FUCK UP, JONAH!
[mimicking Jonah]
James Franco
You know what, Danny? If you weren't jizzing all the time, maybe you'd be more hydrated.
Danny McBride
You're making me into a joke right now, Franco, and you are not gonna like the fuckin punch line.
James Franco
No more jerking off, no more water, just sit the fuck down!
Danny McBride
Okay, I'm done. We're not gonna have any more water.
Seth Rogen
Good.
James Franco
Alright.
Danny McBride
YOU GUYS MADE THIS HAPPEN, YOU GUYS FORCED MY FUCKING HAND BY GANGING UP ON ME!
James Franco
GODDAMMIT, I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL THIS MOTHERFUCKER!
[aims his revolver at Danny]
Danny McBride
That's what I thought. Nerd.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigating Relationships and Self-Discovery
Delaney
What? ] ain't never had no sex with ] in the ]!
[[w:Han Solo|Han Solo; [w:Princess Leia|Princess Leia; [w:Star Wars|Star War]
Brandon
I will be patient with you. I will be there on your journey. I will be your Sherpa up the mountain...of gayness.
[''To Bobby'']
[[w:Indian exceptionalism|I hate you ebony and ivory motherfuckers!]
Deacon
] during an Can you believe this shit?! ]
[''After getting covered in Stacey's [[w:feces|feces; [w:anal sex|anal sex scene; [w:Wet and messy fetishism|That chick frosted me like I was a fucking cake!]
Lester
Don't know what a Dutch rudder...? All right, you grab your dick, then you have someone else work your arm. Here, let me show you. All right, grab my arm. I'm grabbing my dick, you're grabbing my arm. Now work it. Work my arm. See that shit? Work it up and down. It's like someone else is jerking you off. Okay. There's the double Dutch rudder, which, I grab my dick, you grab your dick, you work my arm, I work your arm, same time. ]. I'm touching my own dick. You're working it, and I'm loving it. It feels good, sir. Try me, come on.
[''To Zack in the kitchen''; [w:homophobia|It's like jerking off together but not gay. We're not touching dicks, each other's dicks anyway]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Exchange About Adult Film Concerns
Zack Brown
Delaney, my friend, you are On-Ur-Knees Bend-Over.
Delaney
Man, I can't be in no porno. My wife will kill me.
Miriam Linky
Hump me, On-Ur-Knees Bend-Over. You're my only hump.
Delaney
On the other hand, fuck my wife.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Helicopters Bring Hope Amidst Chaos
James Franco
Dude, look. Helicopters, helicopter. The good guys are here. We're fine, we're gonna be fine.
Craig Robinson
Goddamn! Oh, goddamn!
[screaming and jumping]
James Franco
You okay?
Craig Robinson
No, I'm not okay. Fuck yo house, Franco!
[shows his damaged finger]
James Franco
My house didn't do that!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Contemplating God During the Apocalypse
Seth Rogen
This shit's cray cray, guys. I mean, it's like, the real, like Apocalypse, it's like the Revel, Book of Revelations, like that means there's a God. Right? I haven't led my life as though there's a God this whole time, who fucking saw that coming that there's actually a God?
[discussing the apocalypse; Jay nods in agreement]
Jay Baruchel
I-I'd say 95% of the planet.
Seth Rogen
Jesus fucking Christ, man.
Craig Robinson
You might wanna stay away from saying that.
Seth Rogen
Jesus fucking Christ"?
Craig Robinson
Yes.
Seth Rogen
Why? Why can't I say that?
Craig Robinson
One of the 10 Commandments: "Thou shall not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain".
Seth Rogen
Jesus isn't the name of the Lord. God is the name of the Lord.
Craig Robinson
Jesus, God. It's all the same.
Jay Baruchel
It's the trinity.
Seth Rogen
Jesus...
Craig Robinson
Father, Son, Holy Ghost.
James Franco
It's like Neapolitan ice cream.
Seth Rogen
I don't even know what the fucking Commandments are.
James Franco
Guys, I think this is sort of bullshit, because...we're all good people. I can look at each one of you in the eye, I know you're good.
Seth Rogen
I'm good.
James Franco
We're four actors, we bring joy to people's lives!
Jay Baruchel
Yeah, but we don't do it for free, we get paid handsomely, much higher than the average profession.
James Franco
It's not like it was just handed to any of us, we've worked really hard to be here.
Craig Robinson
Yeah, pretend like it's hot when it's cold.
Seth Rogen
Oh.
Craig Robinson
You sitting on the beach, it's freezing, you in your drawers, talking about something, everybody's surfing.
Seth Rogen
I think God might've just fucked up, made a mistake and left us behind by accident! I mean, he's got a lot of shit on his plate!
[whispering]
Craig Robinson
It's not oversight, it's not a mistake. Okay, we gotta face facts, we're here and there's a reason we're all here.
James Franco
Wh-Why you so sure?
Craig Robinson
I've- I've done things, man, I... I gouged a man's eyeballs out.
[sighs]
Jay Baruchel
What the?
Seth Rogen
Oh, fuck off.
James Franco
Craig.
Craig Robinson
Well I was a kid, man, it was a fuckin bar fight. It was a bad football game, he said I didn't call spinneys and I fuckin called spinneys, he got all in my face and I smashed a bottle across his face...
Craig Robinson
And the first eyeball was an accident, but then I was, like, fuck it. And I went for the second one.
Craig Robinson
It was fucked up, but you know what? That shit happens, I'm saying that's... I think that's why I'm here.
James Franco
I gotta admit something. I, uh.... I fucked ]. She was fucked up, she was high. It was at the ], she kept banging on my door.
[[w:Lindsay Lohan|Lindsay Lohan; [w:Chateau Marmont|Chateau Marmont]
James Franco
She kept calling me ].
[[w:Jake Gyllenhaal|Jake Gyllenhaal]
Seth Rogen
That's fucked up.
James Franco
Yeah, I said, uh, "Call me the Prince of Persia".
Craig Robinson
See, that's what I'm saying, man. We've all done bad shit, you know? We've done more bad shit than good in our lives and... It's time to pay the piper.
[sighs]
Seth Rogen
Whoa.
James Franco
Oh, shit! Something's wrong! God did this. He gave us light, and then he took it away.
[whispers; lights lighter]
Jay Baruchel
You hear that?! It's the soundtrack of us going insane.
Craig Robinson
Damn, I wish there was something we could do to help him.
[worried about Jonah, whispering]
Jay Baruchel
I know what we can do.
[blows out lighter]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Over a Prop Gun
Danny McBride
Thank you, James. It means a lot to you, and I appreciate that you’d give this to me. Stupid. Stupid motherfucker!
James Franco
Fucking psychopath!
Danny McBride
What the...?
James Franco
It's a prop gun! What, do you think I'd put real bullets in here?
[takes the revolver back]
Danny McBride
You were gonna send me out there with a fucking gun filled with blanks?
Seth Rogen
Oh, fuck you! Don't turn this around on us. You tried to shoot us, you fucking dickhead!
James Franco
Fucking murdering motherfucker!
Danny McBride
Whatever. Fucking civilization is broken down. There's no more reason for this false bullshit. You guys act like you're so fucking high and mighty like you've never made a goddamn mistake before. Franco, you're some pretentious fucking nerd.
James Franco
Fuck you.
Danny McBride
Jonah... you fucking cunt. Craig... you didn't have my back back there. You fucking disappoint me.
[Jonah glares at him offensively]
Craig Robinson
Bro.
Danny McBride
Seth... you duplicitous taint.
Seth Rogen
What?
Danny McBride
And of course, there's Jay... the self-righteous, cock-sucking, two-faced backstabber.
Jay Baruchel
What the fuck are you talking about?
Danny McBride
I overheard your little conversation with Craig, alright? The only reason why you care about any of us is because you think that's what God wants you to do. You don't give a shit about us.
Jay Baruchel
No, no, no, no. That-that's fucking twisting that shit around, you're fucking lying.
Danny McBride
Am I twisting this? I believe you were in Los Angeles two months ago at the four seasons. I saw you there, and you specifically asked me not to tell Seth, so you could maintain the illusion that you always stay with Seth when you're in Los Angeles.
Craig Robinson
Ooh! Jay.
Seth Rogen
Fuck, man.
Danny McBride
It's not, it's textbook twattage. And just for the record, you guys. I'm choosing to leave. You're not kicking me out. You guys had already said that I could come back in, and I'm the one who said that I'm not coming back in. Don't be cocky.
[opens his hands like a book and closes them]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Survival and Tension Among Friends
Danny McBride
Franco! Good morning, sunshine!
James Franco
Guys, guys, wake up! Danny’s alive! He’s eating all the fucking food!
Jonah Hill
Danny!
Danny McBride
No, it’s cool, man. I fucking made this for you guys!
Seth Rogen
Stop eating!
Jay Baruchel
Don’t eat another piece of bacon!
Danny McBride
Guys just chill the fuck out, okay? I’m sure the ] can fucking afford some more bacon.
[[w:Green Goblin|Green Goblin]
Craig Robinson
Dude, that shit’s supposed to last us ‘till we get rescued!
Danny McBride
Wait a second. I know what happened. You guys dropped acid, didn’t you? Mm-hmm. Craig doesn’t have any pants on. He got fucking wild, probably danced and sweated all over the place. You got white shit all over your mouth, Franco. You probably sucked somebody’s dick. Jonah over here probably washed and jerked off. Jay, I didn’t even know you were in town. Good to see you.
Seth Rogen
Danny, we’re not on acid! We didn’t suck each other’s dicks!
Danny McBride
James Franco didn’t suck any dick last night? Now I know you all are tripping.
Seth Rogen
Do you actually not know what happened last night?
Jonah Hill
Daniel, you may want to stay seated for a second. Some really messed up stuff happened, and there were a lot of fatalities.
Danny McBride
Oh, really? You’re putting your serious voice on, Jonah? Okay tell me about these "fatalities.
Craig Robinson
Dude, ]’s dead, ] is dead, Michael Cera’s dead.
[[w:Jason Segel|Segel; [w:David Krumholtz|Krumholtz]
Danny McBride
Guess if Michael Cera’s gone, it’s not a total loss, huh?
[laughing]
Jay Baruchel
Jesus, Danny!
Danny McBride
Michael Cera’s dead.
Jay Baruchel
It’s not like that.
James Franco
It’s not funny, man. It’s really not funny.
Danny McBride
Seth, that’s a better performance than you’ve given in your last six movies. Where the fuck was that in ], huh? Jonah, you’re fucking sucking balls. You’re an Academy award nominated person. You need to be fucking selling that shit, dude. "Fatalities, there were some fatalities.
[[The Green Hornet (film)|Green Hornet]
Jonah Hill
Fatalities.
Danny McBride
Okay, now that was good. That was good.
Seth Rogen
Does it seem like we’re fucking joking?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Unacceptable Behavior Among Friends
Emma Watson
Back the fuck up!
[Holding an axe]
James Franco
Emma, what's wrong?
Seth Rogen
W-W-W-What's wrong?
Emma Watson
What's wrong? I just heard you guys talking about which one of you's gonna get to rape me.
All
No! No, no, no, no!
Seth Rogen
I got it, I got it, no, it's funny, it's funny. We were specifically talking about not raping you... OH!
[Emma hits Seth's nose with the back of her axe]
Jay Baruchel
Holy shit!
Emma Watson
BACK UP!
[swishes her axe around]
Jonah Hill
It's me, Jonah! It's me, Jonah Hill, America's sweetheart, J-bug, J-bone, your friend! I would never hurt you...
Emma Watson
GET BACK! GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO DRINK, PUT IT IN THE BAG!
Seth Rogen
There's six of us, YOU CANNOT ROB US!
Emma Watson
I'M NOT FUCKING AROUND!
[chops off a fake penis using her axe]
Craig Robinson
GIVE HER DRINKS!
James Franco
Okay!
Craig Robinson
GIVE HER DRINKS! PUT THE DRINKS IN HER BAG!
Danny McBride
Oh, God!
Craig Robinson
PUT ALL THE DRINKS IN HER BAG!
Emma Watson
HURRY THE FUCK UP!
Jay Baruchel
Okay, they're getting the drinks, put the axe down!
Craig Robinson
Don't give the Milky Way away!
Jay Baruchel
Put the axe down now!
Danny McBride
Okay? NOW, FRANCO, SHOOT HER FACE, SHOOT HER!
James Franco
I'M NOT GONNA SHOOT EMMA WATSON! Look, Emma. Just stay here with us, it's a lot safer than out there.
[to Danny; to Emma]
Danny McBride
] just stole all of our shit.
[[w:Hermione Granger|Hermione]
Craig Robinson
Little bitty ass, um, 20-year-old jacked us.
Danny McBride
Then Jay suggested that we all rape her and now she's gone.
Jay Baruchel
I didn't... I was just... I...
Danny McBride
I think the only reason why he did that is because Jay knows he's about fucking two minutes away from becoming the house bitch himself.
Craig Robinson
So now, um, motherfuckers is thirsty.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discovery of the Hot Tub Time Machine
Nick
It must be some kind of hot tub time machine...
[deadpans into camera]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.