Holidate

Frustration with Holiday Celebrations

Sloane Fucking holidays.

[smoking outside on porch; stubs out cigarette on a Christmas decoration Santa]

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Holidate

Debating the Value of Temporary Relationships

Elaine I want you to find someone who has real potential, not this holidate crap like your aunt.

Sloane She seems like she's having fun.

Elaine She's gonna die alone in a wheelchair and a diaper. Is that what you want?

Sloane Do I get a male nurse?

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Holidate

Finding Companionship During the Holidays

Jackson Human beings aren't meant to be alone on the holidays. W-we actually need, you know, warmth, companionship, and someone to drunk-mock strangers with at parties.

Sloane I do enjoy drunk-mocking strangers at parties

Jackson Well, then, this is perfect. We can be each other's holidate for New Year's Eve.

Sloane I don't even know you.

[chuckles]

Jackson Yeah, well, that's what makes it perfect. Cause there's no pressure. There's no expectations. I mean... I don't even think I find you that attractive.

Sloane Wow! Calm down with the flattery.

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Hotel for Dogs

Debating the Consequences of Their Actions

Andi We can't get in trouble again!

[the police see them where a store was broken into, the thieves just got away]

Bruce We didn't do anything.

Andi You want to tell them that?

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Holidate

Holiday Disasters and Unforgettable Moments

Jackson Hey, if it's any consolation, I spent my holiday in an ugly Christmas sweater sipping mocktails with a room full of people who I think were in a cult.

Sloane I'll see your ugly Christmas sweater and raise you a seat at the kids table, my little brother getting engaged, and catching my aunt getting her cookie licked by a mall Santa.

Jackson That's a... festive visual.

Sloane Seared into my brain like a bad tattoo.

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Holidate

Prioritizing Personal Needs in Relationships

Sloane So, Daisy, how are things with Levi the juice box king?

Daisy We broke up.

Sloane Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Daisy It's okay. He wasn't ready for a real relationship. I need someone who's gonna put ME first. Gotta go.

Sloane Wow. She is in such great shape.

[to Jackson after Daisy's exit]

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Holidate

Frustration Over Fashion Choices

Sloane Just rip it. Okay, just, just... You know? Just-just rip it. Just... just rip it. Just... just... RIP MY FUCKING PANTS OFF!

[in an elevator with Jackson; doors open]

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Holidate

Unexpected Confessions in a Complicated Situation

Jackson So I guess we might have...

[awaking from a night of drinking]

Sloane No, we didn't.

[also awaking from a night of drinking; stands up]

Jackson You're wearing my underwear.

Sloane Well, that doesn't... mean anything. I... probably got cold in the night... after my... panties fell... off.

[looks down and gasps; he spies panties, grabs them, and ducks behind a tall-backed chair to change]

Jackson Ah, come on. You must be able to tell somehow.

Sloane Tell how?

Jackson I don't know. I don't have a vagina.

Sloane Well, there's no forensic evidence, nothing's dried on my leg. There's no... wrapper on the floor, if that's what you're wondering.

[throws his underwear at him]

Jackson Okay.

Sloane Can't YOU tell?

Jackson I mean, he looks a little tired, but... I don't think he's really satisfied.

[takes a look at himself under the blanket]

Sloane I'm telling you we didn't do it. One of us would for sure be able to tell.

Jackson Sweet. Let's go with that.

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Holidate

Men, Orgasms, and Explosive Comparisons

Sloane What is it about men and explosives?

Aunt Susan All about the cock.

Liz What do fireworks have to do with a man's... anatomy?

Aunt Susan It's like... jacking off. Men LIVE for the orgasm. If they're not fucking, they're dreamin about fucking... or blowin stuff up. Next best thing to fucking.

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Holidate

Sloane's Stance on Baby Safety

Sloane Nobody drops Baby on her head.

[to Jackson, holding ice pack after being injured in disastrous dance stunt]

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Holidate

Compliments on Appearance in a Dress

Jackson By the way, your tits look exceptional in that dress.

[at a nightclub]

Sloane Thanks. That's why I bought it.

[twirls around]

Jackson Oh, love the way it hugs your ass, too.

Sloane That's really sweet of you to notice.

[pats him on shoulder]

Jackson This is great. I love it. I can just say whatever I want cause I don't care if you think I'm a classy guy or not.

Sloane And I can wear a slutty dress and not worry about ].

[[w:Slut-shaming|being slut-shamed]

Jackson What a holidate bonus.

Sloane Hmm.

[they do high-five]

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Holidate

Nostalgia and Food Choices in Holiday Conversations

Jackson I don't eat that crap. Do you know what that does to your body?

[referring to pretzels]

Sloane Yeah. It fills me with warm, delicious happiness. Like Christmas used to, before I realized Santa was a big scam.

Jackson Yeah. Christmas peaked for me at about ten. I got a surfboard and my first complete set of golf clubs.

Sloane Hmm.

Jackson It was good.

Sloane My best Christmas... was a Barbie Dream House, preassembled, and a ventriloquist puppet named Lester. He looked like :Jaleel White.

Jackson Hmm?

Sloane I sort of had a thing for Urkel. I spent months learning to throw my voice.

Jackson Well, come on, let's hear it.

Sloane No.

Jackson Excuse me. I bought you a free pretzel. So, you owe me an Urkel. Come on. Come on.

Sloane Did I do that? Did I do that?

[clears throat then in monotone voice]

Jackson Nice.

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Hotel for Dogs

Feeling Overwhelmed by the Situation

Andi You know, I think we might be in a little over our heads.

Dave It's four-six; we're out dogged.

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Wild Child

Feeling Out of Place Among Others

Poppy Moore I don't fit in with everybody else.

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Holidate

Valentine's Day Plans Without a Date

Liz What do you mean, you don't have a date for Valentine's day?ǃ

Sloane Don't say it like I just told you I have cancer.

Liz But it's Valentine's dayǃ

Sloane No, it's Thursday. And I'm gonna take a long, hot bath, pop a bottle of Pinot, treat myself to a few pounds of chocolate, and who knows, maybe even watch a little porn.

Liz You can't watch porn on Valentine's Day.

[whispers]

Sloane You should especially watch porn on Valentine's day.

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Hotel for Dogs

Understanding Dogs' Basic Needs

Bruce If you look at it, dogs have three basic needs. That's-- that's eating, sleeping, and peeing and pooping.

Andi That's four.

Bruce No, I think peeing and pooping is one.

Heather Uh, I've stepped in both and I have to disagree.

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Holidate

Questioning Professionalism in Athletics

Jackson I-I don't do drugs.

Sloane And you call yourself a professional athlete?

Wild Child

Accountability and Consequences in America

Poppy Moore I didn't start it, it wasn't my fault, and if this were America, I would sue.

Wild Child

Poppy’s Curiosity About Her Surroundings

Poppy Moore What is this place? ]?

[[Hogwarts]

Holidate

The Harsh Realities of Growing Up

Daisy So, Aunt Sloane, why DIDN'T you call Rodney?

Sloane Why didn't YOU call Rodney?

Daisy Because I already have a boyfriend. His name is Levi, and he shares his juice box with me every day at recess.

Sloane Well, good for you, Daisy. You enjoy it while you can, cause one day you are gonna walk outside and you're gonna catch Levi sharing his juice box with a Starbucks barista named Rainbow. Yeah. Not a good day, Daisy. It hurts. It hardens you. And the next thing you know, you're just south of thirty sitting at the kids table numbing the pain with a vodka.

Holidate

Holiday Dinner Distractions and Family Dynamics

Elaine This is what you wear to Christmas dinner? Don't you even own a dress?

Sloane I'm great, Mom. Thanks. House looks... beautiful.

Elaine Well, your Aunt Susan brought at-the-mall Santa home, and, uh, your nephew just pooped in the manger.

Abby Ugh, it was a tiny poo. I mean, he moved the baby Jesus first.

Wild Child

Greeting in Malibu

Poppy Moore Welcome to Malibu, biatch!

Holidate

A Lighthearted Exchange Between Friends

Sloane Thank you.

Jackson Hmm.

Sloane I owe you.

Jackson That's better. Now, I'll take my hand job in the parking lot, thank you.

Sloane Oh, a hand job. What are you, like, twelve?

Jackson You gave hand jobs at twelve?

Sloane I developed early.

Holidate

Holiday Relationships and Family Dynamics

Elaine Oh, well, I know the holidays can be stressful, but no man wants to marry a smoker... who lies.

Sloane Well, no man wants a bitchy mother-in-law, so I guess that's three strikes.

Holidate

Friendship and Support in Difficult Times

Elaine She doesn't need another friend. She needs a husband, a partner, someone who is legally bound to be there during the chemo.

Sloane What chemo?

Elaine Oh, honey, don't kid yourself. You have bad genes - and bald women don't really get a lot of dates.

Jackson You have nothing to worry about, okay? Sloane is a great girl - even bald.

Elaine Then why aren't you sleeping with her?

Holidate

Changing Perceptions of Halloween Costumes

Sloane When did Halloween go from dressing up like a princess to dressing up like a whore?

Abby Oh, I dunno, like, sixth grade?

Daisy What's a whore?

Abby Um, somebody who gets paid to play with boys.

Violet I wanna be a whore.

Daisy Me, too.

Abby Okay, but just remember that the house gets fifty per cent.

Emma Roberts Quotes

Memorable Quotes from Emma Roberts

find it. watch it.