Eugene Levy Quotes

Walter Kornbluth I'm a really nice guy. If I had friends you could ask them.

Mr. Levenstein Let me see if I have this straight. Elyse, you think Matt is an arrogant jock who wears his penis on his forehead just to gain the approval of his sociopathic older brother. And Matt, you think Elyse is an uptight, geeky prude who needs to, uh, loosen up a bit and get laid. Excuse the expression, dear. Is that close to being on the money?

Executioner By order of the court...

Crowley Looks like Spike's gonna make his quota after all. I'm sorry, Mrs. Knable.

Executioner I deliver the soul of the Marquis de Knable to its rightful owner!

Spike Finally, he's mine!

Jim's Dad My son is sitting here right now with his hand glued to his penis. , but that doesn't mean anything to you, does it? Because you don't have a penis, or maybe you do.

George Mr. Habib, please. You see this pathway? I laid these bricks with my own two hands, I planted grass, I built this fence, I BROKE THAT WINDOW WITH A FRISBEE, I painted these shutters. Don't bulldoze my memories, man. Sell me back my home.

Mr. Habib For how much?

Mr. Levenstein We didn't have MTV when I was growing up. So maybe it's the overstimulated times that we live in that causes young men to stick their... instruments in such... odd places. I knew a certain young man once who actually engaged in sexual congress with an apple pie, and he turned out just fine. So, uhh... you're perfectly normal.

Crowley Nice disguise. Interesting concept. Diagonal boobs. Can you fix that thing?

Roy I thought the wolves got you!

Crowley Oh yeah? Lemme tell you about wolves. Vicious? Extremely. Goes without saying. But not that bright. While those dumb bunnies were fighting over a couple of my appendages, I managed to escape.

Jim's Dad Hi, I'm Jim's Dad. You must be the parents of this young lady, I... didn't get your daughter's name, but I hope my son did.

Crowley We did it! We beat Spike! Oh, I would have given an arm and a leg to see this! In fact, I already did!

Pierce I get his parking space.

Dr. Allan Pearl People say, You must have been the class clown. And I say, No, I wasn't. But I sat next to the class clown, and I studied him.

UFO Expert I've been coming to this circle for about five years, and measuring it. The diameter and the circumference are constantly changing, but the radius stays the same. Which brings me to the number 5. There are five letters in the word Blaine. Now, if you mix up the letters in the word Blaine, mix em around, eventually, you'll come up with Nebali. Nebali. The name of a planet in a galaxy way, way, way... way far away. And another thing. Once you go into that circle, the weather never changes. It is always 67 degrees with a 40% chance of rain.

Ron Albertson If there's an empty space, just fill it with a line, that's what I like to do. Even if it's from another show.

Mrs. Pearl We don't associate with the creative types. We have a Scrabble club. We associate with people with babies.

Mayor Glenn Welsch There's a saying in Missouri, if you don't like the weather just wait five minutes. In Blaine, with hard work, I think we can get that down to three or four minutes.

Steve Stark, Councilman He can act and he can sing and he can dance. There's only one other person in the world who can do all that, and that's ].

Walter Kornbluth I was right. Behold, the mermaid!

Mitch Cohen I feel ready for whatever the experience is that we will... take with us after the show. I'm sure it will be... an adventure... a voyage on this... magnificent vessel... into unchartered waters! What if we see sailfish... jumping... and flying across the magnificent orb of a setting sun?

Leonard Crabbe This whole area here is called Crabbe Town. We've got a brothel down there above the saloon. And right down there further along I'm thinking of building a French Quarter. I've actually got a bit of French blood.

Mitch Cohen I would love to see this town in the autumn. I think Crabbeville in autumn would look quite magnificent. I would have made tiny little leaves, oak, poplar, maple, chestnut, and spread them across the town of Crabbe...ville. Magnificent.

Leonard Crabbe It's Crabbe Town, not Crabbeville.

Helen Let me get this straight. We've been sucked into some kind of TV world?

Roy Are you saying that that salesman was...

Crowley Mr. Spike? Mephistopheles of the cathode ray, big brother to the ungrateful dead.

Jim's Dad Ah, yes, the one that got away.

Jim Yeah.

Jim's Dad Yeah. Well, evidently you two made quite the handsome couple on the Internet. Oh, I didn't see it. It, uh, was brought up at a PTA meeting.

Jonathan Would $20 help?

Bloomingdale's Salesman It might if I were a health inspector.

Jim's Dad Hey. Keep it real, homies.

Mr. Levenstein You know you're like your brother Steve? And I don't think those are the shoes you should be so eager to fill. You know the people Steve thought were his friends? Really didn't like him very much. But I think you're different. I think people wanna like you, Matt, you just make it really hard.

Gerry Fleck She had dozens of boyfriends.

Cookie Fleck Hundreds.

Gerry Fleck Hundreds?

Cookie Fleck Yeah, hundreds.

Gerry Fleck Well, I did not know that.

Mitch Cohen Seeing these long lines of fans who want nothing more than to have you sign an autograph, it's like it's 1968... Or 67... Or 66.

Walter Kornbluth I suppose you're just some harmless beachcomber who happens to wear a tuxedo! How dare you try and horn in on someone else's research!

Jack Moniker Check it out. What about those two?

Barry Steinberg Eh... I don't think they're interested.

Barry Nye Too tall.

Jack Moniker Come on. They were just talking to me about you.

Barry Steinberg No.

Barry Nye Really? Then what?

Jack Moniker They said you weren't fit to sleep with pigs, but I stood up for you. I said you were.

Mitch Cohen You know, 35 years ago, preparing for a concert meant playing "find the cobra" with the hotel chambermaid.