Harvey FiersteinQuotes

Helen Hyde: Are you just gonna stand there and stare at me or are you gonna hand me that towel?

Pete Walston: I'm gonna stand here and stare at you.

Yves DuBois: What am I paying you for? 20 years in therapy and I start liking girls? That's malpractice.

Dr. Richard Jacks: Who would've thought that if another woman came between me and Sarah, that it would be me.

Dr. Richard Jacks: I know you think I'm crazy but this time I can prove it.

Dr. Richard Jacks: The next time I tell you I'm a girl, just take my word for it. OK?

Merv Green: It was a mistake! An honest mistake! I only did it to help the children!

Tommy Kotter: You like kids, eh?

Merv Green: Yes!

Tommy Kotter: You like fairy tales, then?

Merv Green: Yeah!

Tommy Kotter: Jimmy, tell him the one about the worthless prick that got his head chopped off with an axe.

Angelo Pike: He was jacked up higher than a prom dress in June.

Tommy Cotter: [at a funeral] It's a shame this happened. Okay, now let's go pray and get shit-faced.

Nora Wells: You're here to sell sugar and plastic.

Nora Wells: Sheldon, He Set You Up! Look Up There he Is! He's Getting Away Sheldon! No! Sheldon!

Merv Green: Wipe your forehead Frank, you got plenty of time to sweat.

Merv Green: Eventually we all grow old and die, only sometimes the growing old part doesn't happen.

Daniel: [holds up flattened mask] Had a little accident.

Frank: [hands him another one; to himself after Daniel leaves] Would you be careful with this one? She's an old woman. Why wasn't I an only child?

Daniel: [wearing a black wig and speaking with a Spanish accent] I hope you are using Jungle Red, because that is the only color I love.

Jack: Mmm. Matches your lips.

Daniel: God bless you. You know I'm feeling fabulous, because I met this beautiful Cuban. Every night is like the Bay of Pigs.

Jack: Mmm-hmm.

Daniel: I can't lie to you. It's beautiful with him.

Jack: Mmm.

Daniel: I don't know. This will scare the children. Do you think so? I don't know, maybe this is too much for them?

Frank: [pulls out a latex nose] I think we'll have to go to the next level. Latex.

Daniel: [while wearing a headscarf with a Yiddish accent; normal voice] Oy, it vas such a shande! I should never buy gribenes from a mohel; it's so chewy. No, oh no, I feel like bubbe. This is not working.

Frank: Yes, I know it's not working, but don't worry, it's a work in progress, and you're my brother; I will never let you be embarrassed.

Daniel: God bless you.

Frank: I think we're gonna have to do the entire face.

Daniel: But look at this nice thing, though, we have here!

Daniel, Frank, and Jack: [singing; [w:Matchmaker, Matchmaker|Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match; find me a find, catch me a catch!] ]

Daniel: [in a strawberry-blonde wig as [[w:Barbra Streisand|Barbra Streisand; [w:Don't Rain On My Parade|Don't tell me not to live just sit and "puttah". Life’s candy and the sun's a ball of "buttah". Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade!; stops singing] ], singing] ] It's not working. I need to go older.

Frank: Older? Like Shelley Winters older or Shirley MacLaine older?

Daniel: What's the difference?

Frank: Some Scotch tape and red hair dye.

Daniel: What about Joan Collins?

Frank: Oh, I don't think I have the strength.

Daniel: Alright.

Frank: [Montage begins of Frank making a plaster cast of Daniel's face and creating a face mask. "[[w:Luck Be A Lady|Luck Be A Lady; [w:Guys and Dolls|Guys and Dolls] But I have some plaster. ]" from ] plays over the montage as Daniel assembles his costume. Finally, Daniel - in full costume - faces Frank and Jack.]

Daniel: Are we close?

Frank: [Jack smiles with ecstatic delight and the three of them start to dance with glee] Any closer and you'd be Mom.

Frank: Daniel, hi!

Daniel: Could you make me a woman?

Frank: [hugs Daniel] Honey, I'm so happy! Oh, come in.

Daniel: I knew you'd understand.

Frank: [on the phone with his mother Evelyn; to Daniel, his brother] She wants to know if you wanna come stay with her.

Daniel: [quietly] No way!

Frank: [to his mother] He says he'll think about it, Ma.