Philip Seymour HoffmanQuotes

Brandt: Uh, our guest needs to be going now, Mrs. Lebowski.

The Dude: Oh, you're Bunny.

Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.

Brandt: [laughs] Wonderful woman! We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.

Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.

Brandt: Ha ha. That's marvelous.

The Dude: Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.

The Big Lebowski: What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski?

The Dude: Dude.

The Big Lebowski: Huh?

The Dude: Uhh... I don't know sir.

The Big Lebowski: Is it being prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost? Isn't that what makes a man?

The Dude: Hmmm... Sure, that and a pair of testicles

Jon Savage: [about his girlfriend] She's moving back to Poland.

Wendy Savage: What, you and Kasia broke up?

Jon Savage: No, her visa expired.

Wendy Savage: So that's it? Her visa expires, and it's over.

Jon Savage: It's either that or we get married and no one's ready for that.

Jon Savage: Dad's not the one that has a problem with the Valley View. There's nothing wrong with Dad's situation. Dad's situation is fine. He's never gonna adjust to it if we keep yanking him outta there. And, actually, this upward mobility fixation of yours, it's counterproductive and, frankly, pretty selfish. Because it's not about Dad, it's about you and your guilt. That's what these places prey upon.

Wendy Savage: I happen to think it's nicer here.

Jon Savage: Of course you do, because you are the consumer they want to target. You are the guilty demographic. The landscaping, the neighborhoods of care; they're not for the residents, they're for the relatives. People like you and me who don't want to admit to what's really going on here.

Wendy Savage: Which is what, Jon?

Jon Savage: People are dying, Wendy! Right inside that beautiful building right now, it's a fucking horror show! And all this wellness propaganda and the landscaping, it's just there to obscure the miserable fact that people die! And death is gaseous and gruesome and it's filled with shit and piss and rotten stink!

Wendy Savage: Dad has been writing on the walls with his shit!

Jon Savage: [half asleep] Wen, what the fuck are you talking about?

Jon Savage: We're not in therapy now—we're in real life.

Jon Savage: [[w:Sam Shepard|Sam Shepard] We don't have to go after him, Wendy; we're not in a ] play.

Joseph Turner White: I may have to go to jail.

Ann Black: I'll knit you a sweater.

Joseph Turner White: I'm gonna be in there a long time.

Ann Black: I'll knit you a jumpsuit.

Joseph Turner White: Ever wonder why the Dalmatian's the symbol of the firehouse?

Ann Black: First organized fire department was on the border of Dalmatia and Sardinia in the year 642.

Joseph Turner White: That's why the Dalmatian?

Ann Black: It was either that, or a sardine.

Joseph Turner White: You believe that?

Ann Black: I do if you do.

Joseph Turner White: But it's absurd.

Ann Black: So is our electoral process. But we still vote.

Quentin: The day has come. Tonight pirate radio dies. From midnight, we are a ghost ship floating without hope on cold and dark waters. You have done almighty work here. Thank you. But your work is done.

The Count: Not mine, sir. I'm an American citizen and I don't give a hootenanny God damn about your nitpicking limey laws. I intend to broadcast from this ship 24 hours a day until the day I die. And then for a couple days after that.

Gavin Cavanagh: Not wanting to sound rude or anything, but don't you think that might be an ever so slightly monotonous experience for the listener? What do you say to 12 hours each, noble sir?

Angus: The way I look at it, the world couldn't survive without my comedy, and who's going to have the moral backbone to play the Seekers when the mood is right?

Dave: They've split up.

Angus: I intend to celebrate the back catalogue.

Dave: I intend to stop you doing so.

Simon: As some of you know, my wife left me after 17 hours of marriage, but I survived that because I live for music. And now, with nothing else to live for, I'm willing to die for it as well.

John: I've always lived for news and weather. Happy to die for them, too. Especially the weather.

Bob Silver: I've got nowhere else to go.

Harold: I have somewhere else to go, but it's Peckham. So I think I'll stick around.

Felicity: Can't let everyone starve. And I'm slightly worried where my increasingly powerful sexuality will take me when I return to normal life.

Thick Kevin: I've got a very strong suspicion that Felicity fancies me. Not about to go anywhere, just when I'm in with a chance.

Young Carl: Obviously, I'm in. You're the only people in the world who like me.

Doctor Dave: And how are you set up, Angus?

Angus: Well, her name is Daphne.

Doctor Dave: She likes the bearded man, does she?

Angus: She does indeed.

Doctor Dave: With a tiny knob.

Angus: Whatever.

Thick Kevin: I've got a tiny knob, actually, and I rather like it. Means I can wear smaller underpants.

The Count: Don't know what that means. I didn't understand any of that.

The Count: To all our listeners, this is what I have to say - God bless you all. And as for you bastards in charge, don't dream it's over. Years will come, years will go, and politicians will do fuck all to make the world a better place. But all over the world, young men and young women will always dream dreams and put those dreams into song. Nothing important dies tonight, just a few ugly guys on a crappy ship. The only sadness tonight is that, in future years, there'll be so many fantastic songs that it will not be our privilege to play. But, believe you me, they will still be written, they will still be sung and they will be the wonder of the world.

The Count: You know, a few months ago, I made a terrible mistake. I realized something, and instead of crushing the thought the moment it came I... I let it hang on, and now I know it to be true. And I'm afraid it's stuck in my head forever. These are the best days of our lives. It's a terrible thing to know, but I know it.

The Count: Because if you shoot a bullet, someone dies. When you drop a bomb, many die. You hit a woman, love dies. But if you say the f-word, nothing actually happens.

Charlie Wilson: [[U.S.; [strategy; [Afghanistan; [Russians] You mean to tell me that the ] ] in ] is to have the Afghans keep walking into machine gun fire til the ] run out of bullets?

Gust Avrakotos: That's Harold Holt's strategy, it's not U.S. strategy.

Charlie Wilson: What is U.S. strategy?

Gust Avrakotos: Well strictly speaking, we don't have one. But we're working hard on that.

Charlie Wilson: Who's we'?

Gust Avrakotos: Me and three other guys.

Joanne Herring: I talk about God for one simple reason. We need him on our side.

Charlie Wilson: [[w:Sarin|sarin] Well, should we try this scotch or is it going to release ] gas when I open it?

Gust Avrakotos: Ah, I don't think so — but open it over there.

Gust Avrakotos: You see the nerdy-looking kid in the white shirt playing against the four guys at once?

Charlie Wilson: Yeah?

Gust Avrakotos: Which one of the guys do you think is a strategic weapons expert with the CIA?

Charlie Wilson: …hm.

Gust Avrakotos: That was a trick question, Charlie; it's the nerdy-looking kid in the white shirt. Alright, no reason this can't be fun, y'know.

Charlie Wilson: [[James Bond] You're no ].

Gust Avrakotos: [[Thomas Jefferson] You're no ], so let's call it even.

Gust Avrakotos: *Questioning the firing of 3000 first generation and second generation American spies.

Gust Avrakotos: [[loyalty; [kill; [Greek; [American; [spy] My ]? For 24 years people have been trying to ] me, people who know how. Now do you think that's because my dad was a ] soda pop maker or because I'm an ] ]? Go fuck yourself, you fucking child!

Gust Avrakotos: [[Max Lucado; http://barnabasministry.com/quotes-oldmanwhitehorse.html "The Old Man and the White Horse"] *Comment about the nature of uncertainties, in relation to the course of the Afghan war, using a truncated variant of some famous teaching stories, similar to one widely popularized by ], as in In the Eye of the Storm (1991).

Gust Avrakotos: [[horse] A boy is given a ] on his 14th birthday. Everyone in the village says, “Oh how wonderful.” But a Zen master who lives in the village says, “We'll see.” The boy falls off the horse and breaks his foot. Everyone in the village says, “Oh how awful.” The Zen master says, “We'll see.” The village is thrown into war and all the young men have to go to war. But, because of the broken foot, the boy stays behind. Everyone says, “Oh, how wonderful.” The Zen master says, “We'll see.”

Gust Avrakotos: [[cold war; [war] Thats how a ] turns into a real ] and that's something you want to keep a very good eye on.

Freddie Miles: Hey, if I'm late, you should hear what her husband's saying!

Freddie Miles: [upon seeing Tom spying on Dickie and Marge] Tommy, how's the peeping? Tommy, how's the peeping? Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy?

Freddie Miles: Oh God! Don't you want to fuck every woman you see just once?

Reuben Feffer: So whose party is this again?

Sandy Lyle: [pause] It's an art opening for this Dutch guy, Jost. His art sucks, but he used to sell me really good pot.

Sandy Lyle: Oh, man, I'm so friggin horny.

Sandy Lyle: Reuben, I'm in a situation here. We have to leave now.

Reuben Feffer: No. Can we stay a couple more minutes, please?

Sandy Lyle: Dude, no. This is serious. I just sharted.

Reuben Feffer: I don't know what that means.

Sandy Lyle: I tried to fart and a little shit came out. I just sharted. Now let's go.

Reuben Feffer: You're the most disgusting person I've ever met in my life.

Lancaster Dodd: [Lancaster and Freddie have been imprisoned in two separate cells, sharing a wall] Your fear of capture and imprisonment is an implant from millions of years ago. This battle has been with you from before you know. This is not you.

Freddie Quell: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Lancaster Dodd: It's not you.

Freddie Quell: SHUT. THE FUCK. UP!

Lancaster Dodd: It's not you. You are asleep. Your spirit was free. Moving from body, to the next body. Free. Free for a moment. Then it was captured by an invader force, bent on turning you to the darkest way, you've been implanted with a push-pull mechanism that keeps you fearful of authority and destructive. We are in the middle of a battle that's a trillion years in the making and it's bigger than the both of us!

Freddie Quell: You're making this shit up! You make this shit up! You don't know what you're talking about!

Lancaster Dodd: I don't know what I'm talking about?

Freddie Quell: No, you don't.

Lancaster Dodd: I give you facts.

Freddie Quell: You don't give me facts!

Lancaster Dodd: They are not opinions.

Freddie Quell: What facts?! What facts?!

Lancaster Dodd: They are fucking facts!

Freddie Quell: What facts?! What facts?!

Lancaster Dodd: Fuck you!

Freddie Quell: Fuck you! Fuck you!

Lancaster Dodd: Fuck you! Fuck you! Why don't you kick the bed some more?!

Freddie Quell: Fuck you!

Lancaster Dodd: Fuck you, you lazy ass piece of shit!

Freddie Quell: Fuck you! Fuck you! I'm not lazy!

Lancaster Dodd: I'm done! You're fucking lazy!

Freddie Quell: Oh, you make shit up!

Lancaster Dodd: You're fuckin lazy!

Freddie Quell: Your fucking family hates you! Your son hates you!

Lancaster Dodd: Oh, they do?!

Freddie Quell: Yeah! Your son hates you!

Lancaster Dodd: Who fucking likes you except for me?!

Freddie Quell: Nobody!

Lancaster Dodd: Except for me!

Freddie Quell: No, you don't fucking like me!

Lancaster Dodd: Who likes you except for me?!

Prisoner: [sitting in a cell behind, to Freddie and Lancaster] Shut up!

Lancaster Dodd: [to Freddie] Except for me?!

Freddie Quell: [to the prisoner] You, shut up!

Lancaster Dodd: I'm the only one who likes you.

Freddie Quell: [to the prisoner] Fuck you!

Prisoner: Fuck you!

Freddie Quell: Yeah, fuck you, too!

Prisoner: Fuck you!

Freddie Quell: [to Lancaster] Fuck you!

Lancaster Dodd: Just me, Freddie.

Freddie Quell: Just you?!

Lancaster Dodd: [pause; pause] I'm the only one that likes you. The only one. You're a fucking drunk. And I'm done with you. Fucking...

John More: I belong to no club, and if you're unwilling to allow any discussion...

Lancaster Dodd: No, this isn't a discussion, it's a grilling! There's nothing I can do for you, if your mind has been made up. You seem to know the answers to your questions, why do you ask?

John More: I'm sorry you're unwilling to defend your beliefs in any kind of rational...

Lancaster Dodd: [beat] If, if you already know the answers to your questions, then why ask PIG FUCK? We are not helpless. And we are on a journey that risks the dark. If you don't mind, a good night to you.

John More: Some of this sounds quite like hypnosis. Is it not?

Lancaster Dodd: This is a process of dehypnotization, if you will. Man is asleep; this process wakes him from his slumber.

John More: I still find it difficult to see the proof with regards to past lives that your movement claims.

Lancaster Dodd: Would you care to submit yourself to processing? You'd look through the telescope, as my friend said.

John More: Perhaps another time. You've also said that these methods, Cause methods, can cure leukemia. According to your book...

Lancaster Dodd: Some forms of leukemia. In being able to access past lives we are able to treat illnesses that may have started back thousands, even trillions of years.

John More: Trillions?

Lancaster Dodd: With a T, sir.

John More: [chuckles] Earth is not understood to be more than a few billion years old.

Lancaster Dodd: Well even the smartest of our current scientists can be fooled, yes?

John More: You can understand skepticism, can you not?

Lancaster Dodd: Yes, oh yes yes. For without it we'd be positives and no negatives, therefore zero charge. We must have it.

John More: Good science by definition allows for more than one opinion, doesn't it?

Lancaster Dodd: Which is why our gathering of data is so far-reaching.

John More: Otherwise you merely have the will of one man. Which is the basis of cult. Is it not?

Lancaster Dodd: Tis, tis. And thankfully we are, all of us, working at breakneck speeds, in the unison towards capturing the mind's fatal flaws and correcting it back to its inherent state of perfect. While righting civilization and eliminating war and poverty and therefore the atomic threat.

Lancaster Dodd: Why aren't you with her?

Freddie Quell: I'm an idiot.

Lancaster Dodd: Why aren't you with the lovely girl?

Freddie Quell: I got no reason. I'm a fool.

Lancaster Dodd: Do you love Doris?

Freddie Quell: Yes.

Lancaster Dodd: Is she the love of your life?

Freddie Quell: Yes, sir.

Lancaster Dodd: Then why aren't you with her?

Freddie Quell: I don't know.

Lancaster Dodd: Yes you do. Tell me why you are not with her if you love her so much.

Freddie Quell: I told her I'd come back and I never went back and now I just... I gotta get back to her.

Lancaster Dodd: Why don't you go back?

Freddie Quell: I don't know.

Lancaster Dodd: Why don't you--

Freddie Quell: I DON'T KNOW!

Lancaster Dodd: Close your eyes.

Freddie Quell: I don't know what I told you but if you have work for me to do I can do it.

Lancaster Dodd: You seem so familiar to me.

Freddie Quell: Yeah. What do you do?

Lancaster Dodd: I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist and a theoretical philosopher. But above all, I am a man, a hopelessly inquisitive man, just like you.

Lancaster Dodd: If you figure a way to live without serving a master, any master, then let the rest of us know, will you? For you’d be the first person in the history of the world

Lancaster Dodd: When we're in love we experience pleasure, and extreme pain.

Lancaster Dodd: What a horrible young man you are. This is acting like an animal. A dirty animal that eats Its own feces when hungry.

Lancaster Dodd: If you leave me now, in the next life you will be my sworn enemy. And I will show you no mercy.

Lancaster Dodd: Man is not an animal. We are not a part of the animal kingdom. We sit far above that crown, perched as spirits, not beasts. I have unlocked and discovered a secret to living in these bodies that we hold.

Lancaster Dodd: Free winds and no tyranny for you, Freddie, sailor of the seas. You pay no rent, free to go where you please. Then go, go to that landless latitude and good luck. If you figure a way to live without serving a master, any master, then let the rest of us know, will you? For you'd be the first person in the history of the world.

Lancaster Dodd: Marriage, previous to The Cause, was awful. Awful. There's a cycle, like life. Birth, excitement, growth, decay. Death. Now... now. How about this? Here comes, a large dragon. Teeth! Blood dripping! Red eyes! What do I got? A lasso. And I whip it up, I wrap it around its neck, and I wrestle! Wrestle! Wrestle him to the ground. I snap up, I say "Sit, dragon!" Dragon sits. I say "Stay!", dragon stays. Now it's got a leash on. Take it for a walk. And that's what-where we're at with it now. It stays on command. Next we're gonna teach it to roll over and play dead.

Lancaster Dodd: My daughter's getting married, come join us! Leave your worries for awhile, they will still be there you get back, and your memories aren't invited.

Truman Capote: I was writing the script as they were filming - all that time in Italy - and I'd work like mad all day long and then dash down to the bar around midnight to hand in the next day's scenes. And Humphrey had just about moved into the hotel bar.

Marie Dewey: [to Alvin] Humphrey Bogart.

Truman Capote: Where he and John...

Marie Dewey: [to Alvin] John Huston.

Truman Capote: Had - eh - they drank every night. And I mean drank, you know, like famished water buffaloes.

Truman Capote: I had lunch with Jimmy Baldwin the other day.

Party Date: How is he?

Truman Capote: [everyone laughs] He's lovely, he's a lovely man. And he told me the plot of his new book. And he said, "I just wanted to make sure it's not one of those problem novels," you know. And I said , "Jimmy. Your book is about a Negro homosexual who's in love with a Jew. Wouldn't you call that a problem?

Truman Capote: It's the hardest when someone has a notion about you and it's impossible to convince them otherwise.

Truman Capote: On the night of November 14th, two men broke into a quiet farmhouse in Kansas and murdered an entire family. Why did they do that? Two worlds exist in this country: the quiet conservative life, and and the life of those two men - the underbelly, the criminally violent. Those two worlds converged that bloody night.

Patch Adams: [Angrily entering his room to his roommate Mitch Roman] You told Walcott I cheated. I know you did it, just tell me why.

Mitch Roman: Look, cut the crap, Hunter. I live with you, I know how much you study, or should I say "don't" study. And you do better than me? Give me a break.

Patch Adams: You arrogant, pompous prick! Who appointed you custodian in medical profession? Is it because your father was a doctor, and his father was a doctor? Is it some sort of genetic thing?

Mitch Roman: You're damn right.

Patch Adams: Really?

Mitch Roman: You know, I grew up with it. I know what it takes to look in the eyes of dying people day after day after day and then come home for dinner at night. I know what it takes. You don't have it.

Patch Adams: Oh, really? And you do? If you don't like me, just say it.

Mitch: [shouts] I don't like you!!!

Patch Adams: Why don't you like me? You're a prick, and I like you.

Mitch: Because you make my effort a joke! I want to be a doctor! This isn't a game to me! This isn't play time! This is serious business! I have it in me to be a great doctor! But in order to do that, I have to sacrifice in order to be better.

Patch Adams: Better? Better than me?

Mitch: I will save lives that have otherwise not been saved. Now, I can be like you, and go around laughing and have a good time, ha-ha, but I prefer to learn. Because the more I learn, the more likely I will have the right answer the crucial moment and save a life. And you say I'm a prick? You say I'm a prick? You know, maybe I am. But you ask the average person when death comes knocking at their door, whether they'll want a prick on their side, or some kindergarten teacher who's gonna kiss their ass! Because when that day comes, I'll want the prick, and so will you.

Patch Adams: [Leaving the room] You know, I forget how young you are, Mitch. That you think that you have to be a prick to get things done, and that you actually think that that's a new idea.

Mitch Roman: I don't mean to be rude, but aren't you a little old to be starting medical school?

Patch Adams: You know, Babe Ruth was 39 when he joined the Yankees.

Mitch Roman: No, he wasn't!

Patch Adams: I know. If you have a better example, please tell me. Hi. Patch Adams.

Mitch Roman: Mitch Roman. Georgetown University. I was awarded the William F. Thompson Scientific Achievement Award.

Patch Adams: Mmm. Emerson Elementary. I once drew a picture of a rabbit that got me two gold stars.

President Alma Coin: What is she doing?

Plutarch Heavensbee: [nonchalant, shrugs slightly] I don't know. It's so frustrating when she goes rogue.

President Alma Coin: This isn't just adolescent, it's insubordination.

Plutarch Heavensbee: Put her on the first hovercraft back.

President Alma Coin: Don't be ridiculous. She can't come back now. She's mythic.

Phil Parma: When was the last time you talked to your son?

Earl Partridge: [moans] ...I don't know. Ten, maybe... five... ... that's another thing that goes...

Phil Parma: Your memory?

Earl Partridge: Time lines, you know? I remember things, but not... right there, you know?

Phil Parma: Yeah.

Earl Partridge: Yeah". The fuck do you know?

Phil Parma: I've seen it before.

Earl Partridge: Yeah, other assholes like me.

Phil Parma: Oh, there's no asshole like you.

Earl Partridge: Cocksucker.

Phil Parma: How come every other word you use is either "cocksucker", "shitballs" or "fuck"?

Earl Partridge: Do me a personal favor.

Phil Parma: Go fuck myself?

Earl Partridge: Yeah, you got it.

President Snow: Look at them. She's not who they think she is. She's not a leader. She just wants to save her skin. It's as simple as that.

Plutarch Heavensbee: I think that's true.

President Snow: But she has become a beacon of hope for the rebellion, and she has to be eliminated.

Plutarch Heavensbee: I agree she should die, but in the right way. At the right time. It's moves and counter-moves, that's all we've gotta look at. Katniss Everdeen is a symbol. Their Mockingjay. They think she's one of them. We need to show them that she's one of us. We don't have to destroy her, just the image. Then we let the people do the rest.

President Snow: What do you propose?

Plutarch Heavensbee: Shut down the black markets, take away what little they have, then double the amount of floggings and executions, put them on TV; broadcast them live. Sow fear- more fear.

President Snow: It won't work. Fear does not work as long as they have hope, and Katniss Everdeen is giving them hope.

President Snow: Brilliant.

Allen: I don't know I could ever really begin to talk to her. I mean what can I talk about? I have nothing to talk about, I'm boring. And I know, I've been told before so don't tell me it's not true, cause it's a fact. I bore people. People look at me and they get bored, people listen to me and they zone out... bored. Who is that boring person?', they think. I've never before met anyone so boring'. And I'm for her to see how boring I am.

Bill Maplewood: [to self, while pretending to listen] Gallon of skim milk. Dozen eggs. One of those disposable cameras for this weekend. I gotta stop at the 7-11 on the way home. I gotta get the dry cleaning for Trish. I gotta check Billy's homework, and call Mrs. Mitchell about her appointment on Tuesday. I gotta reschedule the dentist, get the dog cleaned...

Allen: I'm gonna fuck you so hard, you'll be coming out of your ears. Fuck you...

Allen: Pussy...need pussy...

Dean Trumbell: NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, PERVERT!

Barry: DIDN'T I WARN YOU?!

Dean Trumbell: That's that.

Barry: Listen to me. What's your name, Sir?! ANSWER ME!

Dean Trumbell: What's your name, asshole?

Barry: I'm Barry Egan!

Dean Trumbell: How do I know?! You could be anybody, fuckwit!

Barry: You're a bad person. You have no right taking people's confidence in your service. You understand me, sir? You're sick!

Dean Trumbell: [Simultaneously] No no, SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Barry: [Simultaneously] You have no right to take people's trust.

Dean Trumbell: SHUT UP! Will You- SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT, SHUT, SHUT, SHUT, SHUT UP! SHUT UP! Now! Are you threatening me, dick?!

Barry: Why don't you--? You go fuck yourself!

Dean Trumbell: You-- Grrr... You... FUCK! Did you just say, "Go fuck myself"?

Barry: Yes, I did.

Dean Trumbell: That wasn't good! You're dead!

Dean Trumbell: Fuck you. You're a pervert. Think you can be a pervert and not pay for it?

Lena: So, here we go.

Caden Cotard: I know what to do with this play now. I have an idea. I think...

Millicent Weems: [voice over] Die.

Caden Cotard: I don't understand why you're with Sammy.

Hazel: He's nice, he's available, he fucks me without crying.

Sammy Barnathan: Why did we leave Adele, Caden?

Caden Cotard: She left us. Nobody knows that better than you. Except me.

Adult Olive: I need to forgive you before I die... but I can't forgive someone who has not asked for forgiveness.

Caden Cotard: I just want...

Adult Olive: I have no time. I need you to ask for forgiveness.

Caden Cotard: Can you ever forgive me?

Adult Olive: For what?

Caden Cotard: For abandoning you.

Adult Olive: For abandoning you to have anal sex with my homosexual lover, Eric.

Caden Cotard: I will, I'll say it... For abandoning you... to have anal sex with my homosexual lover, Eric.

Adult Olive: [Starts crying; Dies] No... nNo, I'm sorry. I cannot...

Maria: I hope you are happy, faggot.

Olive Cotard: What's wrong with your face, Daddy?

Caden Cotard: [[w:sycosis|sycosis; [psychosis] It's pustules. It's called ]. Spelled differently than ], but it sounds the same.

Olive Cotard: I don't know what that means.

Caden Cotard: Well, there's two different kinds of psychosis. They're spelled differently. P-s-y is like if you're crazy and s-y is like these things on my face.

Olive Cotard: You could have both though.

Caden Cotard: I could. But I don't.

Caden Cotard: I won't settle for anything less than the brutal truth. Brutal. Brutal. Each day I'll hand you a paper, it'll tell you what happened to you that day. You felt a lump in your breast. You looked at your wife and saw a stranger, et cetera.

Needleman Actor: Caden?

Caden Cotard: What?

Needleman Actor: When are we gonna get an audience in here? It's been seventeen years.

Caden Cotard: All right, I'm not excusing myself from this either. I will have someone play me, to delve into the murky, cowardly depths of my lonely, fucked-up being. And he'll get notes too, and those notes will correspond to the notes I truly receive every day from my god! Get to work!

Sammy Barnathan: I don't have a resume, or a picture. I've never worked as an actor.

Caden Cotard: Good. Tell me why you're here.

Sammy Barnathan: Well I've been... I've been following you for twenty years. So I knew about this audition because I follow you. And I've learned everything about you by following you. So hire me. And you'll see who you truly are. Peek-a-boo. Okay... Hazel, I don't think we need to talk to anyone else, this guy has me down. I'm going to cast him right now. And then maybe you and I can get a drink and we can try and figure out this thing between us. Why I cried... Because I've never felt about anybody the way I feel about you. And I want to fuck you until we merge into a Chimera, a mythical beast of penis and vagina, eternally fused, two pairs of eyes that look only at each other, and lips, ever touching, and one voice that whispers to itself.

Caden Cotard: Okay. You got the part.

Caden Cotard: I wanted to ask you, how old are kids when they start to write?

Madeleine Gravis: Listen, there's an absolutely brilliant novel written by a four year old.

Caden Cotard: Really?

Madeleine Gravis: Little Winky" by Horace Azpiazu.

Caden Cotard: That's cute.

Madeleine Gravis: Hardly, Litty Winky is a virulent anti-Semite. The story follows his initiation into the klan, his immersion in the pornographic snuff industry, and his ultimate degradation at the hands of a black ex-convict named Eric Washington Jackson Jones Johnson...

Caden Cotard: -Written by a four year old?

Madeleine Gravis: -Jefferson.

Caden Cotard: Wow, written by a four year old.

Madeleine Gravis: Well Azpiazu killed himself when he was five.

Caden Cotard: Why did he kill himself?

Madeleine Gravis: I don't know, why did you?

Caden Cotard: What?

Madeleine Gravis: I said, Why would you?

Caden Cotard: I don't menstruate, so I don't know how I could smell like I'm menstruating.

Caden Cotard: Hazel, you've been a part of me forever. Don't you know that? I breathe your name in every exhalation.

Caden Cotard: [[Arthur Miller|Willy and Linda] We're a hit. Reviews are great. Times said it was brilliant casting young people as ].

Caden Cotard: [[Harold Pinter; ...] ] died No, wait. He won the Nobel Prize.

Caden Cotard: I know how to do the play now. It will all take place over the course of one day. And that day will be the day before you died. That day was the happiest day of my life. Then I'll be able to live it forever. See you soon.

Caden Cotard: My father died. They said his body was riddled with cancer and that he didn't know, he went in because his finger hurt. They said he suffered horribly, and that he called out for me before he died. They said that he said he regretted his life. They said he said a lot of things, too many to recount, and they said it was the longest and the saddest deathbed speech any of them had ever heard.

Caden Cotard: Try to keep in mind that a young person playing Willie Loman thinks he's only pretending to be at the end of a life full of despair. But the tragedy is that we know that you, the young actor will end up in this very place of desolation.

Caden Cotard: I know how to do it now. There are nearly thirteen million people in the world. None of those people is an extra. They're all the leads of their own stories. They have to be given their due.

Caden Cotard: I will be dying and so will you, and so will everyone here. That's what I want to explore. We're all hurtling towards death, yet here we are for the moment, alive. Each of us knowing we're going to die, each of us secretly believing we won't.

Lester Bangs: Aw, man. You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong.

William Miller: Well, it was fun.

Lester Bangs: Because they make you feel cool, and hey, I met you. You are not cool.

William Miller: I know. Even when I thought I was, I knew I wasn't.

Lester Bangs: That's because we're uncool. And while women will always be a problem for us, most of the great art in the world is about that very same problem. Good-looking people don't have any spine. Their art never lasts. They get the girls, but we're smarter.

William Miller: I can really see that now.

Lester Bangs: Yeah, great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love... and let's face it, you got a big head start.

William Miller: I'm glad you were home.

Lester Bangs: I'm always home. I'm uncool.

William Miller: Me too!

Lester Bangs: The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we're uncool.

William Miller: I feel better.

Lester Bangs: My advice to you. I know you think those guys are your friends. You wanna be a true friend to them? Be honest, and unmerciful.

Lester Bangs: What, are you like the star of your school?

William Miller: They hate me.

Lester Bangs: You'll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle.

Lester Bangs: Great art is about guilt and longing and, you know, love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love.

Lester Bangs: Here s a theory for you to disregard - completely. Music, you know, true music - not just rock n roll - it chooses you. You know, it lives in your car, or alone, listening to your headphones, with vast scenic bridges and angelic choirs in your brain. You know, it's a place apart from the vast, benign lap of America.

Lester Bangs: [[w:Black Sabbath|Black Sabbath] You know, because once you go to L.A., you're gonna have friends like crazy. But they're gonna be fake friends. You know, they're gonna try to corrupt you. You got an honest face, and they're gonna tell you everything. But you cannot make friends with the rock stars...If you're gonna be a true journalist -- you know, a rock journalist -- first, you never get paid much. But you will get free records from the record company. Jesus. Fucking nothing about you that is controversial, man. God, it's gonna get ugly, man. They're gonna buy you drinks. You're gonna meet girls, they're gonna try to fly you places for free, offer you drugs. I know. It sounds great, but these people are not your friends. You know, these are people who want you to write sanctimonious stories about the genius of rock stars. And they will ruin rock n roll, and strangle everything we love about it, right? You know, because they're trying to buy respectability for a form that is gloriously and righteously dumb. Now, you're smart enough to know that. And the day it ceases to be dumb is the day that it ceases to be real, right? And then it just becomes an industry of cool. I'm-I'm telling ya, you're comin along at a very dangerous time for rock n roll. I mean, the war is over. They won. And 99% of what passes for rock n roll these days, silence is more compelling. That's why I think you should just turn around and go back, you know, and be a lawyer or somethin'. But I can tell from your face that you won't. I can give you 35 bucks. Give me a thousand words on ]...Hey, you have to make your reputation on being honest and, uh, you know, unmerciful...If you get into a jam, you can call me. I stay up late.

Billy Beane: [[w:Scott Hatteberg|Hatteberg] ] at first... and anyone but Mags first out of the pen.

Art Howe: You want Peña on the bench?

Billy Beane: That's right. So you can play Hattie.

Art Howe: Peña is not only the best first baseman... he's the only first baseman.

Billy Beane: Hattie gets on base more than Peña. In fact, 20 percent more.

Art Howe: And his fielding?

Billy Beane: His fielding does not matter.

Art Howe: I've heard enough of this.

Billy Beane: Have you?

Art Howe: And I... I disagree with you, plain and simple. And moreover, I'm playing my team... in a way that I can explain in job interviews next winter.

Owen Davian: Didn't I tell you she'd call out your name? And I told you I was gonna kill you in front of her? Well, I'm gonna kill her in front of you.

Owen Davian: You only had five seconds left, do you realize that?

Owen Davian: [''to Ethan, on phone''] You hung me outside of an airplane. You can always tell someone's character by the way they treat those they don't need to treat well.

Owen Davian: What I'm selling... and who I'm selling it to... is the last thing you should be concerned about... Ethan.

Owen Davian: You don't have any idea what the hell's going on, do you? I mean, you saw what I did to your little blonde friend at the factory, right? Well... Well, that was nothing. That was... fun. That was fun.

Owen Davian: Oh no, it's fine. I always spill red wine on my white custom-made shirt.

Owen Davian: (first lines) We put an explosive charge in your head. Does that sound familiar?

Dusty: It's the wonder of nature baby!

Rabbit: You know, Jo, some of us couldn't help but notice how close we are to Wakita.

Jo: No.

Sanders: Aunt Meg wouldn't mind a pit stop, right?

Jo: No!

Dusty: Red meat! We crave sustenance!

Dusty: F-food!

Rest of the Team: Food! FOOD!

Jo: Hey! We're absolutely not going!

Jo: [Jo's truck falls from the sky in the way of Melissa. Melissa screams hysterically, while at the same time able to swerve around it] Where's my truck? There it is.

Bill: Melissa?!

Dusty: Did you just miss that truck? That's AWESOME! That's AWESOME!

Melissa: I was just wondering why do you call Billy "The Extreme"?

Dusty: Cause Billy is The Extreme.

Preacher: Bill is most out-of-control sonofabitch in the gang!

Bill: [Gives Jo a look, who smirks back] No, I think I came in 2nd.

Dusty: Oh, I've seen The Extreme in high gear.

Jo: [Leaves to take a shower] You guys need to come up with some new stories. I'm gonna go clean up.

Dusty: So we get this one near Daleton right?

Rabbit: Oh, god.

Dusty: And we are way too close. And Jo's got the vid on it right, she's filming it. And all of the sudden outta nowhere, this shitty lookin green Valiant comes pulling up right in the way.

Beltzer: [points to Bill] And this loser stumbles out of the car, he's got like a bottle of Jack Daniel's in his hand...

Dusty: He is naked!

Rabbit: He is buck naked.

Beltzer: Naked!

Bill: [laughter] NOT naked! I was not naked!

Beltzer: [whispering into Melissa's ear] He was without apparel.

Bill: Half naked.

Dusty: [laughter] Naked. Ok, so Jo's yelling at him to get out of the way, right? And he just strolls up to the twister, says have a drink', and he chucks the bottle into the twister, and it NEVER hits the ground.

Beltzer: The twister caught it and sucked it right up!

Bill: Honey, this is a tissue full of lies. See, there was another Bill, an evil Bill, and I killed him.

Dusty: I LOVE THIS GUY!

Rabbit: God Meg, you got alot of beef. Where'd you get all this beef?

Aunt Meg: Did you see my cows out front?

Rabbit: No.

Aunt Meg: Op...aaah!

Rabbit: Oh.

Dusty: You slaughter your own cows! Meg, nice!

Dusty: Well, there's some good news. It DID fly. What was it like?

Jo: ...It was windy.

Dusty: [Chuckles] Windy. That's intense.

Jo: Alright, get out of the way, Dusty.

Dusty: That's intense. That's intense.

Dusty: Bill, she just missed the truck!

Dusty: [realizes a tornado is coming] Jo, Bill, it's coming! It's headed right for us!

Bill: [staring at the nearby tornado with Jo and Mellisa; to everyone nearby] It's already here! Everybody underground now!

Dusty: [after Jo and Bill drive through an explosion] Jo, Bill did you see that explosion?

Jo: ...We saw it.