Rick MoranisQuotes

Doug McKenzie: Figures you wouldn't know how to work it if it's got a computer.

Bob McKenzie: Oh yeah, Mister Wizard, you know, eh...

Doug McKenzie: Let me try, I'm a genius.

Bob McKenzie: Fleshy-headed mutant. Are you friendly?

Doug McKenzie: No way, eh? Ra-... radiation has made... me an enemy of civilization.

Bob McKenzie: [into a comm unit] Alpha Base. This is Bob McKenzie. I've spotted a fleshy-headed mutant in sector 16B.

Doug McKenzie: Ahhh! Take off, you hoser.

Bob McKenzie: [in court, after being sworn in] I do.

Doug McKenzie: I do.

Bob McKenzie: I guess we're married, clerk.

Doug McKenzie: Oh.

Bob McKenzie: Where's the honeymoon?

The Judge: Order, Order!

Bob McKenzie: Gimmie a toasted back bacon, hold the toast.

Doug McKenzie: Don't make me laugh, eh.

The Judge: I remind you not to speak, until you are spoken to!

Bob McKenzie: He's startin to sound like the old man. Soon he'll be sending me out for beers.

Doug McKenzie: [directing Bob] Psst, act! Act!

Bob McKenzie: [voice-over] Lucky for me, I'd been off planet - on vacation at the time of the war, eh. There wasn't much to do. All the bowling alleys had been wrecked. So's I spent most of my time looking for beer.

Doug McKenzie: I am your father, Luke. Give in to the dark side of the force, you knob.

Bob McKenzie: He saw Jedi 17 times, eh.

Bob McKenzie: Jeez, two minutes for elbowing!

Bob McKenzie: [to their dog] Eh... Hosehead, once you get there you can have all the free beer and sausages you want.

Bob McKenzie: This movie was shot in 3B - three beers - and it looks good, eh?

Bob McKenzie: [to Pam in a beer tank that's being flooded with beer] My brother and I used to say that drownin in beer was like heaven, eh? Now he's not here, and I've got two soakers... this isn't heaven. This sucks!

Jack Moniker: Check it out. What about those two?

Barry Steinberg: Eh... I don't think they're interested.

Barry Nye: Too tall.

Jack Moniker: Come on. They were just talking to me about you.

Barry Steinberg: No.

Barry Nye: Really? Then what?

Jack Moniker: They said you weren't fit to sleep with pigs, but I stood up for you. I said you were.

Barry Nye: Isn't that the runway?

Pilot: Geez, I hope not. If that runway was any shorter, it'd be a patio!

Danny O'Shea: [When the Little Giants, losing at the half, want to be put on the injured list] You know, there is something you guys should know. When I was 10 years old, I put myself on the injured list. I never got off it.

Timmy "Rawhide" Moore: Why?

Danny O'Shea: Because I didn't get picked a few times, so I started hiding under the bleachers.

Marcus "The Toe: That's where we belong. Under the bleachers.

Danny O'Shea: No, you don't. You guys belong out there with those Cowboys. You know how I know that? Because I belong out there with my brother.

Rudy "Gasman" Zolteck: Give us a break, coach. You could never beat Kevin O'Shea at anything!

Danny O'Shea: That's not true. I did beat him once.

Jake "Berminator" Berman: When?

Danny O'Shea: When we were kids. We used to race our bikes down Cherry Hill every day after school. We raced every day and he always beat me, but one time - one time - I beat him.

Jake "Berminator" Berman:: You beat Kevin down Cherry Hill?

Danny O'Shea: Yes, I did. He ate my dust.

Johnny "Viper" Vennaro: Big deal. One time.

Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson: You know, one time at Randy Cooper's swim party, I did a backflip off the high dive, and my brother chickened out.

Marcus "The Toe: Roger chickened out? He's a Marine!

Rudy "Gasman" Zolteck: Ah, that's nothing! One time at the spring carnival, I beat both of my brothers in the Cow Dung Toss.

Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson: You beat Matt and Brad in the turd toss?

Jake "Berminator" Berman: You know, one time I went fishing with my entire family, and I was the only one that didn't throw up.

Marcus "The Toe: So what? It still doesn't make us good football players.

Danny O'Shea: Well, wait a second, guys. Who said you had to be good to play football? You play football because you want to. You play football because it's fun. You play football so you can pretend you're Joe Montana throwing a touchdown pass, or Emmitt Smith going for a long run. And even if those Cowboys are better than you guys, even if they beat you 99 times out of 100, that still leaves...

Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson: One time.

Rudy "Gasman" Zolteck: One time.

Junior Floyd: [Smiles] Yeah...one time!

Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson: Death shrouds.

Danny O'Shea: [Turns one around] They've got your names on the back.

Jake "Berminator" Berman: So the guys at the morgue can identify the bodies.

Danny O'Shea: [Disguising his voice as an old lady; Passes the phone to Timmy, who feign cries] State police? Oh, thank God! My name is Thelma Mae Rogers. I'm 86 years old. I live in Urbania. There are two men down the bridge from the Shell station spying on some kids! We're all really scared. I just don't think it's right for men their age to be parading around in their underwear!

Timmy Moore: Please hurry!

Danny O'Shea: [Hangs up the phone; High fives Timmy] Oh, no! Nice job.

Danny O'Shea: This whole town may love you, but I'm the only one who knows how truly sick you are!

Kevin O'Shea: I treated you like a prince!

Danny O'Shea: You ignored me!

Kevin O'Shea: I took you to see the Cleveland Indians!

Danny O'Shea: You left me at the stadium!

Kevin O'Shea: Ahh!

Rudy Zolteck: Great, now they have Spike.

Jake "Berminator" Berman: And we got nothing.

Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson: We got us.

Rasheed "Hot Hands" Hanon: Yeah! We stink!

Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson: Cause you can't catch, Hot Hands.

Rudy Zolteck: At least he can walk, Crush Jerk.

Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson: Hey Zolteck, have another Pop Tart!

Rasheed "Hot Hands" Hanon: Yeah, fart boy, or can't you open your big mouth wide enough?!?

Danny O'Shea: Okay, guys, that's enough.

Junior Floyd: Yeah, Coach's right. Break it up.

Rudy Zolteck: Oh, shut up, Junior! You're so good, it makes us sick!

Junior Floyd: [Pause; Leaves] Hey, you don't want me to play? No problemo. I'm outta here.

Becky: Nice work! If it wasn't for him, we wouldn't even have a team.

Marcus, the kicker: Hey, if it wasn't for him, maybe you'd stop drooling and played a little more football!

Little Giants: Yeah!

Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson: Why can't we all just play together?

Rasheed "Hot Hands" Hanon: Oh, shut up, dipstick! You're probably the main reason Spike quit!

Rudy Zolteck: Yeah, quit bawling you big baby!

Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson: [kicks Rudy's leg] I can cry if I want! It's a free country! I can even do this!

Rudy Zolteck: Ow! Ow!

Marcus, the kicker: [Impressed] Nice kick.

Danny O'Shea: Guys, practice isn't over yet.

Little Giants: Who cares?

Danny O'Shea: C'mon, ref! This isn't American Gladiators! That was a cheap shot!

Referee: No penalty, no penalty.

Timmy Moore: [Dazed] Did I pass the spelling test, Mrs. Greeley?

Rudy Zolteck: Wow, Spike knocked him all the way back to second grade!

Danny O'Shea: Look, with this guy on the team, we got an actual shot at winning this thing. Just give me a minute to see if I can get him used to the idea of playing with a girl.

Becky: [Disgusted; Danny is disgustedly speechless; a car horn is heard; She storms off to tend to the honking car while Danny returns to practice] You don't think I can take him, do you? This is a bunch of crap.

Spike: Who's Spike's lead blocker?

Danny O'Shea: The Icebox.

Spike: Where's he at?

Becky: Right here.

Spike: [Stunned after learning Icebox is female] Is Spike mistaken? Aren't you a girl?

Becky: [Sarcastic] Gee, good eye.

Spike: Spike don't play with girls

Danny O'Shea: She's pretty good, Spike.

Spike: Spike don't care. Didn't you hear? Spike don't play with-

Becky: I can tackle anything. Anytime. Anywhere. Got that?

Spike: Look, you berzerko Barbie doll, when you mess with Spike, you mess with death.

Becky: You can talk the talk. But can you walk the walk?

Spike: Try me!

Becky: I will!

Spike: Let's go!

Becky: Right now!

Jake "Berminator" Berman: [Puts his hands on his helmet] Somebody call 911!

Danny O'Shea: Do you play football?

Timmy Moore: No.

Danny O'Shea: Do you like football?

Timmy Moore: No.

Danny O'Shea: Do you wanna play football?

Timmy Moore: No.

Danny O'Shea: Great, you can be on our team.

Wayne Szalinski: [after Wayne finds Nick and Mandy in the shrunken car] Found them. I think we'd better give them a while though.

Wayne Szalinski: We're his parents, we'll handle this. Diane, how do we handle this?

Wayne Szalinski: Oh no. Honey, I shrunk the kids.

Barney Rubble: [After Fred needs a couple of Bucks] NOT THIS TIME!!!

Barney Rubble: [Fred says he's only one man] Not from the back.

Barney Rubble: (An angry mob about to hang Fred asks him if he knows him) Well, he used to be my best friend. In fact, it's probably because of me that you all are in this mess. (Mob leader: Hang them both.)

Barney Rubble: Can I have everyone's attention, please? (Caveman: I hope it's not another poem)

Barney Rubble: [to Fred about getting a job as a vice president] That does it! The only reason you got that job is cause I switched tests with you.

Barney Rubble: Come on, say "Dadda"! (Bamm-Bamm keeps saying his own name)

Barney Rubble: Someday, I'll pay him back! Someday, somehow.

Barney Rubble: [The adoption agent shows them a monkey] Well, he's not really what we expected, but we'll love him like he was our own.

Dark Helmet: Come back, you fat bearded bitch!

Dark Helmet: [about the self-destruct cancellation button being out of order; [future] Out of order?! Fuck! Even in the ] nothing works!

Dark Helmet: [[friends] Say goodbye to your two best ], and I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago.

Dark Helmet: [[evil; [good] So, Lone Starr, now you see that ] will always triumph, because ] is dumb.

Dark Helmet: Shit! I hate it when I get my Schwartz twisted!

Dark Helmet: [To Lone Starr] I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.

Dark Helmet: You have the ring. And I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now, let's see how well you handle it.

Dark Helmet: [pause] Commence operation "Vacu-Suck"!

Dark Helmet: 1-2-3-4-5? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard of in my life! That's the kinda thing an idiot would have on his luggage!

Dark Helmet: [ogling Dr. Philip Schlotckens' nurse] I bet she gives great helmet.

Dark Helmet: Yogurt! Yogurt! I hate Yogurt! Even with strawberries!

Dark Helmet: [feeling the force of going at Ludicrous Speed; [brain] What have I done?! My ]s are going into my feet!

Dark Helmet: Ludicrous Speed, Go!

Dark Helmet: What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz?! Chicken?!!

Dark Helmet: [[galaxy; A soldier volunteers, but Helmet stops him; Soldier: Jawohl, Lord Helmet!; [planet; pauses, looking at the camera, then opens door, but finds nothing, then lifts helmet] Now we'll show her who is in charge of this ]. Hold it...I'll handle this personally. So Princess Vespa, you thought you could outwit the imperious forces of Planet Spaceball. Well you were wrong. You are now our prisoner and you will be held captive until such time as all the air is transferred from your ]...to ours. She's not in there!

Dark Helmet: [Mr. Radar has just been "jammed" with raspberry.; pulls down helmet as camera zooms in on his face; camera slams into his face and knocks him out] There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry: Lone Starr!

Dark Helmet: ['''Everyone On-Board:''' [raises hands; except one; lowers helmet] How many Assholes have we got on this ship, anyhow? Yo!] I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes! Keep firing, Assholes!

Dr. Peter Venkman: You're next, Bubbles.

Judge Wexler: [screams] ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I rescind the order! Case dismissed!

Louis Tully: Hooray, we won the case!

Judge Wexler: Now do something!

Dr. Egon Spengler: [Egon is running tests on Louis, who has been possessed by Vinz Clortho and is now the Keymaster] Vinz, you said before you were waiting for a sign. What sign are you waiting for?

Louis: Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!