Memorable Quotes from Wayne Knight
17 quotesTalent and Teamwork in Space Jam
Michael Jordan
Had it in you all the time, didn't you?
[Proudly]
Monstars
Aww.
Michael Jordan
One thing, though. Pass me the ball, Bugs. You gotta give my friends their talent back.
[To Bugs; Bugs passes the ball to him and Michael turns back to the Monstars]
Monstars
What?
[Shocked]
Pound
Do we have to?
[sadly; Shrugging]
Michael Jordan
Yeah, it's part of the deal, touch the ball.
[Nodding]
Monstars
Aww.
[Disappointed; They sadly look at each other; they don't know what to say but they know they can't keep the talent forever, so they decide to return it.]
Bupkus
Oh, okay.
[Sighing sadly; Places his hand on the ball while Bang and Blanko place their hands on the ball.]
Blanko
Uh, fair is fair.
[Pound places his hand on the ball touching Michael's fingers while Nawt looks for an empty spot.]
Michael Jordan
There you go. Touch it.
[Nawt places his hand on the ball.]
Bupkus
That was so much fun.
Bang
I feel so... insignificant.
[sadly]
Pound
My clothes don't fit.
[Frowning, while looking at his jersey]
Nawt
What a trip.
Blanko
I'm up for another one.
[Chuckling]
Pound
Can we ask you a favor, Mr. Bunny? We don't wanna go back to Moron Mountain.
[Sweetly, walking up to Bugs]
Bang
We hate it up there.
Nawt
It stinks.
[Showing a thumbs down]
Blanko
Um, I was thinking, could we stay here with you?
Nerdlucks
Please?
[Sweetly and showing friendly smiles]
Daffy Duck
Oh, brother.
[Rolling his eyes]
Bugs Bunny
Eh, I don't know if you guys are looney enough.
Bang
Looney enough?!
[Shocked]
Stan Podolak
Michael! Michael! Do you know what time it is?
Porky Pig
Er, 7:15, er, 7:15, er- quarter past seven.
[Looks at his watches]
Stan Podolak
Exactly. You've got a baseball game in 5 minutes.
Michael Jordan
Okay. Take this.
[Hands him the ball]
Stan Podolak
Is it safe?
[Looks at the ball]
Michael Jordan
Yeah. Put it in my bag.
Michael Jordan
I really enjoyed playing wit you guys. You guys got a lot of, uh...
Looney Tunes
Huh?
Michael Jordan
A-a lot of, uh...
Looney Tunes
Yes?
Michael Jordan
Well, whatever it is, you got a lot of it.
Michael Jordan
All right, gotta go. Bugs?
Bugs Bunny
Eh, Mike?
Michael Jordan
Stay out of trouble.
[Walks away]
Bugs Bunny
You know I will. Come here!
[To Lola; Lola giggling]
Barons Manager
The delay is killing us. Where is Michael?
Juanita Jordan
Where is Michael?
Jeffrey Jordan
Oh. He's not back from his other game.
Juanita Jordan
What other game?
Jasmine Jordan
Shh!
[looking at Jeff with her finger to her mouth]
Juanita Jordan
Uh-uh. What other game?
Stan Podolak
Ladies and gentlemen! Michael Jordan!
[Speaks through the bullhorn; The teams come to see]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounter at Michael's House
Daffy Duck
The view back here stinks!
[they stop digging]
Bugs Bunny
Whoa!
[Stops and sees the house; Bumps into Daffy]
Daffy Duck
Ow! What?
Bugs Bunny
We're right in front of Michael's house.
Daffy Duck
I knew that.
Bugs Bunny
Shh! Okay, let's go in dis way.
Daffy Duck
I say, let's go in that way!
Bugs Bunny
He just never learns.
Daffy Duck
Now let me see. I must be very, very close. Mother...
[Lights up a lighter and sees Charles, who is growling at him.; Nervously]
Bugs Bunny
Nice digs. Well, well. I wonder who dat could be?
[As he fixes the rug, he hears knocking on the door.]
Daffy Duck
Twinkle, twinkle, little star...
[Dizzy; Falls down]
Bugs Bunny
Shh. Everyone's sleeping.
[Whispering]
Daffy Duck
I knew that.
[Gets up]
Bugs Bunny
Come on, come on. We gotta find Michael's basketball stuff.
[Closes the front door]
Bugs Bunny
Nope. Nothing in here.
[Opens the right door and peaks; Closes the door]
Daffy Duck
Nope. Ahh, but a very nice dinette set.
[Opens the left door and peaks; Closes the door]
Bugs Bunny
Eh-eh. Not here. Let's look upstairs.
[Peaks through another door; Closes the door]
Daffy Duck
Yes. Oh, fearless leader.
Daffy Duck
So, he needs his special underwear...
[Sees Jasmine sleeping]
Bugs Bunny
Shh!
Daffy Duck
Sorry. You think she's got enough toys?
[Quietly]
Bugs Bunny
Speaking of toys, you know all of those mugs and, uh, t-shoits and lunchboxes wit our pictures on em?
Daffy Duck
Yeah.
Bugs Bunny
You, uh, ever see any money from all that stuff?
Daffy Duck
Not a cent.
[Scoffs]
Bugs Bunny
Hmm, me neither.
Daffy Duck
It's a crying shame. We gotta get new agents. We're getting screwed.
[Sighs]
Bugs Bunny
We have found the trophy room! Now spread out and soich the place.
Daffy Duck
Yes, sahib. Oh, brother. Here I am, in the peak of my form, playing second banana to some sort of harebrain...
[Bows; Turns on the lamp, muttering to himself]
Bugs Bunny
Yap, yap, yap. Hmm. This could be useful. Aha!
[Sees the North Carolina bag; Grabs the bag]
Daffy Duck
If this were a union job, I'd... Yes, that's very nice.
[Digging out the drawers from the dresser]
Bugs Bunny
Hmm. Oh, one of his shoes. Where is that other shoe? Where are you? Eureka! Come to papa.
[Sees the sneaker; Puts the sneaker in the bag and looks around; Singsongy; Sees the sneaker on the stand; Gets the chair and climbs on it]
Bugs Bunny
Oops!
[Nearly slips and the trophy falls]
Daffy Duck
What a fuzz foot. You are so clumsy!
[Annoyed]
Bugs Bunny
Catch, feather head.
[Reaches the shoe and pushes it off]
Daffy Duck
Thanks.
[Catches it with the bag]
Bugs Bunny
Well, time to go.
Daffy Duck
Did we get everything?
Daffy and Bugs
The shorts!
[Realizing]
Bugs Bunny
In there?
[Sees the door to the closet]
Daffy Duck
Okay, I'll check. I found... the shorts. The pain. I'm right behind ya, pal.
[Walks to the door; Opens the door, and sees Charles growling at him, who has the shorts in his mouth, then Daffy closes the door and gets scared; Then Charles breaks down the door and makes it fall on Daffy.; Dizzy; coming out from the door; Then he runs up to Bugs]
Bugs Bunny
Uh, that's none too reassuring.
Daffy Duck
Nice puppy. How's about a bone? No dice.
[Pulls out a bone; Charles doesn't take it]
Bugs Bunny
What about a nice holiday ham? He ain't buying it. Uh, can't we talk this over, rover?
[Pulls out a ham; Charles doesn't take it either]
Daffy Duck
Roll over, ]!
[Hugging Bugs, scared; [w:Beethoven (film)|Beethoven]
Bugs Bunny
Ooh! The kids are here.
[Sees the kids]
Jeffrey Jordan
Give it to me, Charles!
Jeffrey Jordan
Here you go, Bugs.
Bugs Bunny
Thanks, kid.
[Chuckling; Gives him a thumbs up]
Marcus Jordan
Shoo! Shoo!
[To Charles]
Daffy Duck
Bad dog! That is the last time I'm ever working with dogs or children!
Jeffrey Jordan
Hey, where you going?
[Stops them]
Bugs Bunny
Well, uh, you see, the Looney Tunes have a big basketball game coming up, and uh, your dad's gonna play.
Jeffrey Jordan
All right!
Bugs Bunny
Yeah! But don't tell anybody.
[Jeff nods his head, Bugs and Daffy leave the house.]
Fortune teller
I see aliens. Little aliens from outer space. They force their way inside your bodies. They need your talent to win a... basketball game against... Bugs Bunny.
Patrick Ewing
Bugs Bunny?
[Whispering]
Fortune teller
I also see Michael Jordan... being sucked down a golf hole... by furry creatures.
Patrick Ewing
That's it. We're outta here.
[Gets up from the chair]
Larry Johnson
We're leaving now.
Shawn Bradley
Let's try some acupuncture.
Muggsy Bogues
Good idea. Bye.
[To Fortune teller]
Stan Podolak
This is it! This is it! I don't know where you are, Michael, but wherever you are, you obviously enjoy being there more than spending time with me!
Daffy Duck
You better hope this Jordan character still knows how to play hoops.
Bugs Bunny
You and me both, brudda.
Daffy Duck
Listen, how's this for a new team name? ]!
[[w:The Mighty Ducks|The Ducks]
Bugs Bunny
Please. What kind of ] would name their team The Ducks?
[[w:The Walt Disney Company|Mickey Mouse organization]
Daffy Duck
So sue me, It's just a suggestion.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Overcoming Adversity in Team Dynamics
Michael Jordan
Look, I know we're down.
Daffy Duck
Oh, yeah, let's hear the story.
[Sarcastically]
Michael Jordan
But I've been in this situation many times before.
Daffy Duck
Oh, this is a piece of work.
Michael Jordan
We can still win this thing. It's not over with. We gotta come together.
Daffy Duck
Oh, yeah.
[Rolling his eyes]
Michael Jordan
We gotta believe in ourselves. We can come back and win this game.
Daffy Duck
Yeah, right. that's gonna help us.
[Bored]
Daffy Duck
Looks like Stan just had a close encounter with a bug zapper.
Stan Podolak
The Monstars... the Monstars!
[Walking in; Coughing]
Lola Bunny
Oh, my!
Daffy Duck
Ooh, that's gotta hurt.
Michael Jordan
You all right, Stan?
[Helping Stan up with Bugs]
Stan Podolak
The Monstars! The Monstars... stole the talent from the NBA players!
Michael Jordan
So that's what happened to those guys.
[Realizing]
Porky Pig
I think we should q-q-q-qui... forfeit.
Looney Tunes
Yeah!
[Agreeing with Porky]
Michael Jordan
Listen. I didn't get dragged down here just to get my butt whipped by a bunch of ugly Monstars. I ain't going out like that. We're letting em push us around!
[To Porky]
Bugs Bunny
Eh, finished? Eh, great speech and all, doc. Eh, you had em riveted. But uh, didn't ya forget something?
Michael Jordan
What?
Bugs Bunny
Your secret stuff.
[Showing Michael a bottle that says "Michael's Secret Stuff"]
Lola Bunny
Wow!
[Awed]
Daffy Duck
Whoa, nice deltoids!
[Impressed]
Bugs Bunny
Play along!
[Winking and Flexing]
Bugs Bunny
Eh, stop hogging it, Mike. We're your teammates!
Elmer Fudd
Seecwet" stuff?
Daffy Duck
Secret stuff?
Sylvester
You wouldn't hold out on us, would ya?
Michael Jordan
No. I mean, I didn't think you guys really needed it. I mean... you're so tough, and competitive.
Foghorn Leghorn
We're also chicken, son. We need it bad.
[To Sylvester and Wile E. who are fighting over the bottle; Drinks the water]
Sylvester
Hey!
Stan Podolak
Uh, I'd like a sip of that.
[Stands up]
Daffy Duck
Yeah!
[Catches the bottle]
Lola Bunny
Could I have a sip please?
Daffy Duck
You know, this goes against everything they taught me in health class.
Michael Jordan
Do you wanna win or not?
[Looking at Daffy]
Daffy Duck
Bottoms up. Yummy.
[Drinks the water and gives it to Stan]
Michael Jordan
All right, how bout we go out and kick some alien butt, huh? Let's go.
[Michael and the Tunes all put their hands together]
Looney Tunes
Yeah!
Michael Jordan
All right. Ready?
Looney Tunes
Yeah!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Memory and Identity in Relationships
Pete Dugan
You don't have to worry about forgetting her name... she's already forgotten it for you!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Charles Barkley's Unexpected Encounter with Fans
Teenage girl
You're... You're Charles Barkley.
[Surprised; Charles nods]
Teenage girl #2
Who you talking to?
Teenage girl
Girls, come on over. Hurry up, hurry. Look! It's Charles Barkley.
[Calling to her friends]
Charles Barkley
Hey, can I play?
Teenage girls
Sure!
[Agreeing]
Teenage girl
You're not Charles Barkley. Just a wannabe who looks like him. Sorry. Break out. You shouldn't even be here! Be gone. Wannabe! Be gone!
Doctor
Just a few more tests, gentlemen. Tests for electrolyte levels, glucose, CBC's, RBC's, et cetera. and we've scheduled a 12-lead stress test and neurological battery to include EEG, the reflex test...
Charles Barkley
And t-this girl... 5 feet nothing... blocked my shot.
Charles Barkley
It wasn't a dream! It really happened!
Larry Johnson
And it climbed up my back, and into my brain.
[Stands up]
Psychiatrist
Are there any other areas, besides basketball...where you find yourself...
Barry White's voice
Yeah.
Psychiatrist
...unable to perform?
Barry White's voice
Yeah, yeah.
Patrick Ewing
No!
[Sits up, irritated]
Psychiatrist
Just asking.
Larry Johnson
I've been MRI'd, EKG'd, X-rayed, laser beamed...
Charles Barkley
I promise I'll never swear again. I'll never get another technical. I'll never trash-talk.
Shawn Bradley
I've got other skills. I could go back and work on the farm.
Psychiatrist
Really?
Shawn Bradley
Or maybe... I could go back to the jungle and be a missionary again.
[Then it's Muggsy's turn]
Muggsy Bogues
What are you saying? That I'm tryna disobey my mama?
Psychiatrist
I didn't say that. You did, Muggsy.
Muggsy Bogues
But I love my mama.
Patrick Ewing
Still can't find anything wrong with us.
Muggsy Bogues
Hey, maybe there's nothing wrong with us.
Larry Johnson
That's right, Muggs. Maybe it's just in our heads.
Muggsy Bogues
We're fine. It's just some psychosomatic deal, or something to do with the moon or the alignment of the planet.
Charles Barkley
I'll never go out with ] again.
[[Madonna]
Golfer
What are you doing?
Stan Podolak
I'm, uh...I'm fixing a divot.
[Stops and sees him]
Golfer
Oh. He's fixing a divot!
[Walking back and yelling to his friends]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Feeding Time on the Court
Pound
Feeding time, boys!
Porky Pig
Ya, gee--
[Stuttering fearfully; Bang and Bupkus butt-slammed Porky, making him flat.]
Pound
Goodbye!
[Stepping on Sylvester who has the ball]
Bupkus
Fore!
[Hitting Tweety]
Daffy Duck
But, mommy, I don't want to go to school today.
[Dizzy]
Daffy Duck
I want to stay home and bake cookies with you!
[Hugging Bupkus's face]
Pound
This is gonna be fun.
[Chuckling; Jumps off]
Lola Bunny
I'm open, I'm open.
Bugs Bunny
Lola, Lola, heads up!
Pound
Belly flop!
Bugs Bunny
Look out!
[Bugs pushes Lola out of the way, and he gets crushed instead. Lola rolls around and drops on the ground. As she gets up, she looks and feels shocked seeing Bugs crushed by Pound.]
Lola Bunny
Oh, my! Bugs! Bugs!
[Gasps; Crowd gasps in horror and she screams and runs to Pound.]
Pound
Is this your man?
[Mockingly; Gets off Bugs and walks away chuckling]
Lola Bunny
Are you okay?
[Worried]
Bugs Bunny
Me? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Are you okay?
Lola Bunny
Oh, Bugs... thank you.
[Smiling]
Bugs Bunny
Aw, it was nothing.
Lola Bunny
That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
[Kisses Bugs and walks away leaving Bugs blushing with awe and hearts in his eyes.]
Michael Jordan
Time-out.
Elmer Fudd
The Monstars. The Monstars.
[feeling dizzy]
Witch Hazel
Clear!
[The pads shock Taz and he twitches around. There are words on his chest that say, "Eat at Joe's".]
Michael Jordan
Okay, we need a fifth player.
Daffy Duck
Hey, coach, listen. You got any more of that secret stuff? I think it's starting to wear off.
[Flexing his muscles then deflates]
Michael Jordan
It didn't wear off. It was just water. You guys had the special stuff inside of you all along.
Daffy Duck
Yeah, yeah, I knew that. But listen, you got any more?
[Nodding]
Lola Bunny
Yeah, I'll take double.
Porky Pig
Er, can I have some too?
[Beaky Buzzard who is bandaged nods to Michael]
Michael Jordan
Stan?
Stan Podolak
Yeah? Uh, me?
Michael Jordan
You're in at center. Just guard the big guy, okay?
[Stan smiles and chuckles happily]
Stan Podolak
Guard him? Guard him? I'll smother him! I'll be all over him like a cheap suit! I'll be on him like stink on rice! I tell you; he's going down!
[Taking off his jacket; he falls down]
Stan Podolak
Michael, over here. Over here, over here, I'm open, I'm open!
[Calling to Michael; Michael throws the ball to Stan]
Michael Jordan
Yes!
[The crowd cheered]
Nerdluck Slave
Ha ha! Nice shot!
[Cheering; Swackhammer slams his hand down to the Nerdluck and he is not happy about it.]
Pound
Big man pancake!
[Getting off Stan as the others get off]
Blanko
Hey, no fair.
[The Monstars walk away from Stan who is flat as a pancake]
Bugs, Lola, Daffy
Ooh!
Little Medical Dog
Let's get him outta here!
Lola Bunny
Eww!
[Disgusted, holding her nose; The Nerdluck slaves groan in disgust]
Pepe Le Pew
Oh, my.
[Putting a clothes pin on his nose]
Michael Jordan
How'd he do that?
Bugs Bunny
Aw, anybody could do dat, doc. Even you. Watch dis.
[Grabbing Daffy's neck]
Daffy Duck
Watch what? See? No sweat. This is Looney Tune Land.
[Choking; Bugs stretches Daffy's neck]
Michael Jordan
Ten seconds to go? Thanks for telling me... doc.
Marvin the Martian
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Your Airness, but if you don't find a fifth player, your team will forfeit the game.
[Worried]
Michael Jordan
Forfeit?
Marvin the Martian
Precisely, Sir Altitude.
[Nodding]
Michael Jordan
No way. We'll find someone.
Swackhammer
Whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn't know ] was in this picture.
[Surprised; jumping from his seat; [Dan Aykroyd]
Bill Murray
Hey! Perhaps I could be of some assistance.
[pops up near the end of the game]
Bill Murray
All right.
Michael Jordan
All right, we need to score two points...
Bill Murray
Here's how I see it. ]?
[To Daffy; [w:Daffy Duck|Duck]
Daffy Duck
Yes.
Bill Murray
You kick it in to ] down in the post.
[[w:Lola Bunny|the girl bunny]
Lola Bunny
Yeah?
Bill Murray
You dish it back out to ].
[to Lola; [w:Bugs Bunny|the guy bunny]
Lola Bunny
Got it!
[Seriously]
Bill Murray
You swing it to Mike over here. You go to the hole and dominate.
Michael Jordan
Bill, we on defense.
Bugs Bunny
Oh, yeah.
[Agreeing with Michael]
Bill Murray
Whoa, ho, ho! I don't play defense.
Michael Jordan
Typical.
Bill Murray
All right. You're gonna have to listen to Mike on this, guys. Listen up.
Michael Jordan
Somebody steal the ball, get it to me, and I'll score before the time runs out.
Bill Murray
Don't lose that confidence. OK! Paws and wings in here! All right!
[stacks hands with the team]
Bill Murray
This is why I was born. I thrive on pressure.
Daffy Duck
Excuse me. Uh, sorry.
[Tugging Bill's shorts]
Bill Murray
Yo, yo. Easy on the trousers, Daf. Easy, man.
Daffy Duck
Pardon me. Um, Mr. Murray, something's really been bugging me.
Bill Murray
Yeah?
Daffy Duck
Just how did you get here anyway?
[Pound stops to look at Bill Murray]
Bill Murray
] a friend of mine. Just had a teamster come and drop me off, you know.
[[w:Ivan Reitman|Producer's; Pound rolls his eyes while listening, he growls and shakes his head in annoyance]
Daffy Duck
Uh-huh. Well, that's how it goes.
Bill Murray
You see this uh, kinda chunky fellow over here?
[Sees Pound making a face and chuckling rudely at Lola]
Daffy Duck
Uh-huh.
[Sees Pound and nods his head]
Daffy Duck
Ooh. Ooh, that's good. Oh, yes.
Bill Murray
All right. Let's do it. You the duck.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Shocking Incident from the Past
Pete Dugan
Same thing happened to me once. Two years ago. This mailman in Lawndale freaked out, chopped up his entire family with a hedge trimmer.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mystery Ailment Affects NBA Players' Coordination
Ahmad Rashad
In a shocking development, 5 NBA players have been placed on the disabled list in the last 24 hours, all suffering from the same mysterious ailment. Whatever this mystery is, it seems to have a devastating effect on the player's coordination. Watch Patrick Ewing.
Michael Jordan
Yeah, I'll be home in a couple days. Put your mom on the phone.
[Talking to his family on the phone]
Michael Jordan
Hey, baby, how you doing? You watching TV?
[On the phone]
Ahmad Rashad
It wasn't just here in New York, that's what's really frightening about it. Check out Muggsy Bogues and Larry Johnson at the Highlands.
Hornets Coach
What the hell's going on?
[Angrily]
Hornets Player
You all right, Larry?
Larry Johnson
Yeah. I'm ready, coach, sure. All right.
[Tries to drink the water but it spilled all over him]
Michael Jordan
Looks like I retired just in time. All right, baby. I gotta go, I'll call you later? Love you, bye.
[To himself; Hears knocking on the door; On phone]
Michael Jordan
It's open!
Stan Podolak
Come on, Michael, it's game time. Get your Hanes on. Lace up your Nikes. Grab your Wheaties and your Gatorade. We'll pick up a Big Mac on the way to the ballpark.
[Opens the door]
Ahmad Rashad
Now we take you live to the Forum in Los Angeles, where the Lakers are refusing to take the court.
Del Harris
Guys, we gotta get dressed. We got a game in 5 minutes. I mean, we're talking about a huge fine here.
Vlade Divac
No way, coach. We can't go in the locker room.
Del Harris
Oh.
Cedric Ceballos
You heard what happened to Barkley and Ewing. It's gotta be germs in there or something.
Lakers Players
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
[Agreeing]
Del Harris
Cedric, that was in New York. 3,000 miles away.
Vlade Divac
Yeah, it could be ].
[[w:Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978 film)|Invasion of Body Snatchers]
Lakers Players
Yeah, yeah, could be.
Del Harris
All right. Dress in the hallway.
[Sighs]
Lakers Players
Okay.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Friend or Enemy in the Game
Bill Murray
175 yards, OK little fella. You my friend or are you my enemy? You are my friend, right? You are my ally. You are my associate, my personal assistant. You are my weapon. You are leaving.
[Sighs talking to the golf ball; Hits the golf ball]
Michael Jordan
Oh. Great shot.
Stan Podolak
Mmm. Nice shot, Mr. Murray.
[Clapping]
Michael Jordan
You can stop posing now. Good try.
[Chuckling softly]
Larry Bird
Not bad. Not bad.
[Walks in next]
Bill Murray
Something for you all to shoot at.
[Walking up to Michael]
Michael Jordan
Hit it good, Larry.
Larry Bird
Do my best.
Michael Jordan
It was a good shot.
[To Bill]
Bill Murray
Yeah, I know. Mike, I gotta ask you something. The NBA has to face reality. What's happening to these players is serious. They're gonna need new players with talent, guys who are skilled but never really thought about a professional career before. You think I got a shot? Come on, really?
[Thinks for a moment; Michael shakes his head]
Michael Jordan
No.
Bill Murray
Don't kid me.
Michael Jordan
Listen, it's a man's game, and you can't play.
Bill Murray
What if I tried really hard?
Larry Bird
Can you keep it down? I'm tryna hit this ball.
Bill Murray
It's because I'm white, isn't it?
[after Michael is reluctant to let him join the NBA]
Michael Jordan
No. Larry's white. So what?
Bill Murray
Larry's not white, Larry's clear. You got it, Larry!
[Larry hits the ball]
Michael Jordan
Get inside his ball.
Stan Podolak
Whoa.
[Impressed]
Larry Bird
You clowns can't beat that. It's the best shot I ever hit.
Michael Jordan
You haven't been playing long.
Larry Bird
It's a Hall-of-Fame shot.
Stan Podolak
Real nice shot, Mr. Bird.
Larry Bird
Larry. please.
Stan Podolak
Nice shot, Mr. Larry.
Bill Murray
Nice shot Larry.
Stan Podolak
You can do this. Don't be nervous. Don't be nervous. You can do this.
[To Michael]
Bill Murray
Larry, you feel that the NBA has to face reality, don't ya? It's just gotta start looking for some more dominant players in places they've never looked before.
Stan Podolak
Just look at the ball. Visualize the shot where you want it to go.
[Continuing]
Michael Jordan
Right, right, right.
[Takes the golf ball and pin]
Stan Podolak
Be the ball. Be the ball.
Michael Jordan
Get off the tee.
[Annoyed]
Stan Podolak
All right.
Larry Bird
You can't jump.
Bill Murray
I... Yeah, go on.
Michael Jordan
Close to the pin?
Bill Murray
Close to the pin, for dinner?
Larry Bird
Sounds good.
Bill Murray
I'll go close to the pin.
Larry Bird
I'll take some of that.
Bill Murray
That's not bad. Good shot.
Michael Jordan
Get down! Look at that. Look at that spin.
[Looks on as the ball goes down]
Michael Jordan
Come on.
Bill Murray
It...is... alive!
Michael Jordan
Yes! My first hole in one! Yes!
[Gives Bill and Larry high fives]
Bill Murray
Oh.
Larry Bird
Don't say this.
Michael Jordan
Larry, nothing but the bottom of the cup.
[Takes the flag out]
Bill Murray
That's his ball too.
Michael Jordan
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my ball, sorry.
Stan Podolak
Wait, wait, wait. Let me get a picture of this.
Michael Jordan
You guys are jealous.
Stan Podolak
All right. Here we go. Now you're gonna smile. You reach in, you reach in for the ball, and then you smile, OK?
Michael Jordan
Yes.
[Leaning in and reaching in for the ball]
Stan Podolak
And you think, "This is good.
Michael Jordan
Just take the picture!
Stan Podolak
All right. OK.
Bill Murray
What kind of camera is that?
Stan Podolak
It's just a--
Bill Murray
Would you not point that at me, please? And close the lens cap!
[Grabbing the camera; Tosses the camera away]
Stan Podolak
I didn't do anything! I just took--
Larry Bird
Where'd he go?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Weather Report Introduction
Suzanne Stone
Good evening, from the WWEN Weather Center!
Ed Grant
Weather Center?
[to himself, confused]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggles of a Basketball Team
Charles Barkley
Guys...we suck.
[Sits down]
Larry Johnson
Yeah, man. My grandmother played better than I do.
Muggsy Bogues
At least you guys are still tall. I'm nothing now. Just another short guy.
Charles Barkley
You got that right.
Larry Johnson
That's the only thing that's right.
Patrick Ewing
Who's that?
Larry Johnson
Who's that?
Muggsy Bogues
I don't know.
Michael Jordan
Been getting your butts kicked, haven't you?
Muggsy Bogues
Who's that?
Charles Barkley
It's Mike.
Muggsy Bogues
What's up?
Patrick Ewing
Hey, man. What you doing here?
Michael Jordan
Don't be embarrassed. Just face it. You guys stink.
Larry Johnson
Come on, Mike, lighten up.
Michael Jordan
I know, and you want your games back, huh? What little games you had to begin with.
Shawn Bradley
It's hard enough as it is, Mike.
Charles Barkley
Come on, give us a break.
Michael Jordan
I'm gonna regret this. Stan, give me the ball.
Larry Johnson
Look at that.
Muggsy Bogues
Look like something from ].
[[w:List of Star Trek films|Star Trek]
Michael Jordan
Touch it.
Shawn Bradley
No way. Jose.
[Shaking his head]
Michael Jordan
Pat, you want your talent back? You don't have any other choice. Just touch it.
Patrick Ewing
I don't know, man.
Larry Johnson
Don't touch that, man.
Michael Jordan
Okay, you're gonna walk around wit a bad game for the rest of your career. Touch the ball.
Shawn Bradley
Be careful, Pat. We've tried everything else.
Patrick Ewing
Thank goodness.
Michael Jordan
Come on, Charles. Touch it. The rest of you guys. Just touch it.
Larry Johnson
Oh, man!
Charles Barkley
What was that?
Muggsy Bogues
Hey. Hey, I caught it!
[Dribbling the ball and doing the "rock"]
Patrick Ewing
Hey, look at Muggsy handle the rock. Handle it, baby.
Muggsy Bogues
I can handle that rock again!
[Passes the ball to Larry]
Larry Johnson
That's the old Muggs I know.
Patrick Ewing
Yeah, get height now. Yeah!
[Larry slam dunks the ball]
Larry Johnson
It gave me my powers back!
Charles Barkley
That wasn't bad. Let me show you something.
[Takes the ball]
Larry Johnson
Let me see. Whoo!
[Charles slam dunks the ball]
Patrick Ewing
The Round Mound is back. You wanna see something? Oh, man that felt good.
[Takes the ball; Slam dunks the ball]
Shawn Bradley
I got it.
[Slam dunks the ball]
Muggsy Bogues
You got it. Yeah, baby.
Charles Barkley
Hey, Michael. Why don't you stay? Play some 3-on-3 with us.
Michael Jordan
No. I don't think so.
Charles Barkley
What are you gonna do, work on that baseball swing?
Patrick Ewing
Now leave the baseball player alone, man. You know he doesn't play basketball anymore.
Shawn Bradley
You know, he probably doesn't even have it anymore, guys.
Stan Podolak
Michael, do you hear them? They don't think you can play the game anymore.
Michael Jordan
There's only one way to find out.
Announcer on P.A.
The Chicago Bulls welcome back... Michael Jordan!
Larry Bird
What's the matter, Bill?
[concerned]
Bill Murray
Larry, that could've been me.
Larry Bird
Will you get off that kick? It's over. It's done with. You can't play.
Bill Murray
Okay. Let's go Bulls!
[Voice breaking]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uniforms and Autographs in a Game Setting
Umpire
Strike!
Barons player
Looks good in that uniform.
Barons player
Can't teach it.
Stars catcher
Hey, thanks for autographing that basketball for my kid. I'm a hero now.
Michael Jordan
No problem. Happy to do it, man.
[The catcher smiles and nods his head]
Umpire
Let's go!
Stars catcher
Curve ball. Don't swing. Don't swing.
[Nodding his head]
Umpire
Ball!
Stars catcher
Fastball, outside corner. Swing.
Umpire
Strike!
Stars catcher
That was your pitch.
Michael Jordan
I know. I missed it.
Stars catcher
Don't worry, I'll get you another one.
Barons manager
Podolak! Podolak, come here. Come here!
[Calling]
Stan Podolak
Sorry, didn't mean to.
Barons manager
Come here!
Stan Podolak
Yes, sir?
Barons manager
I want you to make sure nobody bothers Michael. I want him to be the happiest player in the world.
Stan Podolak
The happiest.
Stars catcher
Slider. Don't swing.
Umpire
Strike three!
Stars catcher
I told you not to swing.
Michael Jordan
I couldn't help it.
Stars catcher
I understand. Hey, nice talking to ya.
Barons player
We're not worried. We're not worried.
[Michael sits down as they talk to him.]
Barons player
Good job, Mike.
Barons player #2:
Don't worry. Good try. Good hustle.
Barons player #3
Good cut, Michael. Good cut.
Barons player #4
That was a strikeout, Mike. That was a good-looking strikeout. Real good.
Barons player #5
I mean, you look good when you strike out, man. When I strike out, man, it looks nasty, man. At least you did good, man. Good looking.
Stan Podolak
Hi, Hi, Mr. Jordan. Mr. Jordan, I'm Stan Podolak.
[Smiling and waving; Leans in too far and falls down]
Michael Jordan
You all right? That was a nasty fall.
Stan Podolak
Yeah. Oh, I'm Stan Podolak, Mr. Jordan. I'm the Barons new publicist. I'm here to make your life easier. You want me to drive you somewhere, I will drive you anywhere. You want me to pick up your laundry, babysit your kids, I will do it. I am here to personally guarantee that no one will ever...bother... you.
[Looks at him and shakes his hand]
Michael Jordan
What was that?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Teamwork and Determination in Space Jam
Lola Bunny
Yes!
[Taping her hand]
Daffy Duck
Just get out of my way.
Michael Jordan
Ready?
Looney Tunes
Yeah! Yes!
Michael Jordan
Let's go.
Swackhammer
Are these the best seats? I like em, yes! I can see everything from here. Very good.
Bertie
Okey-doke, ready to go?
Hubie
Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, Riot! Ladies and gentlemen, the starting lineup for the Tune Squad. Standing 2-foot-4, the Wonder from Down Under, the Tasmanian Devil!
[Pushing Bertie out of the way; clears throat then uses a sportscaster-style voice]
Hubie
At Small Forward, standing a scintillating 3-foot-2, the Heartthrob of the Hoops, Lola Bunny!
Hubie
At Power Forward, the Quackster of the Court, Daffy Duck!
Daffy Duck
Thank you! Thank you!
[Running to the court]
Daffy Duck
Very funny. Let's all laugh at the duck.
[disappointed but sarcastically]
Bugs Bunny
Thank you! Thank you!
[Pops out of the floor]
Hubie
And now the player-coach of the Tune Squad, at 6-foot-6, from North Carolina, His Royal Airness: Michael Jordan!
Swackhammer
Who? Is he a Looney Tune?
[Confused]
Nerdluck Slave
Uh, uh, well, perhaps.
[Stammers nervously]
Michael Jordan
You guys ready?
Daffy Duck
I'm set to take the rack, Jack!
Tweety
Those Monstars will wish they never been born!
Michael Jordan
Guys, let's just go out and have fun.
Looney Tunes
Yeah!
Hubie
The challengers for the Ultimate Game, all the way from Moron Mountain, The Monstars!
Nerdluck Slaves
Go Monstars! Go Monstars! Go, Monstars! Go, go!
Bang
What are you looking at?
Blanko
Cool shoes.
[Chuckling]
Marvin the Martian
Ready?
Bugs Bunny
I got it, I got it, I got it! I got the ball, I got the ball! Yipe!
Bang
Coming through little boys!
[Backhanding Bugs; Bugs slides on the floor.]
Michael Jordan
Ooh.
[Sees Bugs hurt]
Swackhammer
Way to go, boys! Did ya see the moves on that one?
[Cheering, to the Monstars; To slaves]
Bupkus
Come on, come on, show me something.
[Taunting]
Nawt
Whatcha got?
Daffy Duck
Whoops!
[Catches the ball]
Bupkus
The duck!
[Pointing at Daffy]
Pound
Yeah, beat up on the duck, man!
Granny
Oh, my.
[Dizzy, seeing birds]
Daffy Duck
She was wide open!
[To Lola who is glaring at him, smiling]
Nawt
Watch the screen. Coming your way. Coming your way. Watch out!
[Trying to block Michael]
Bang
Come on, get him!
Swackhammer:
How did he do that?
[Surprised; Slam his fist down angrily]
Porky Pig
Er, nice shot, Mr. J-J-Jordan.
Michael Jordan
Hey, hey, hey come on. Get back on defense!
[Sees Nawt with ball]
Swackhammer
Way to go!
[Cheering]
Bugs Bunny
MJ! MJ!
[Passing the ball to Michael and he catches it, he looks up to see the Monstars staring down at him]
Monstars
Red light!
Tweety
Feed me! Feed me!
Sylvester
Feed you? Feed me!
[Grabbing Tweety; Puts Tweety in his mouth, Michael passes the ball to Sylvester, hitting his stomach which made him spit out Tweety.]
Tweety
Bad ol putty tat!
[Lands on the ground]
Pound
I'll take that, thank you. Don't try this at home!
[Picking up the ball; Runs up to the hoop; Jumps up and slam dunks it.]
Foghorn Leghorn
I wish I was in the land of cotton...
[Singing while dribbling the ball]
Bang
You going somewhere?
[Blocking Foghorn's way]
Foghorn Leghorn
May I remind you, sir, that physical violence is patently against- Yeow! Did you order original recipe or extra crispy?
[Before he could finish, Bang leans back then breathes fire like a dragon and burns Foghorn to a crisp.; Quoting the old KFC saying; Dissolves into ashes as Bang looks on smiling meanly.]
Michael Jordan
Let's go.
Sniffles
Me? Oh, boy! I'm ready! I can do this!
[happily; Running to the court]
Stan Podolak
Mouse? You picked the mouse?
[Confused]
Sniffles
I love basketball. I've always loved basketball. Do you love basketball?
Blanko
Uh-huh.
Sniffles:
You're big. I bet you're good at basketball.
[Continuing]
Blanko
Right.
[Listening to Sniffles]
Sniffles
I'm small, but I'll try really hard to be good at basketball. Really, I will.
Blanko
Okay. Yeah.
Sniffles
I always try hard, my mom always says. "Try your best at everything you do-" Oh!
Pound
Try to get by me, doll!
[Jeering]
Lola
Doll?
Lola
Don't ever call me... doll.
[Blows the ears out of her face; Pound looks at her dumbfounded]
Bugs
Nice shot!
[High fives Lola]
Lola
Thanks, Bugs.
Bupkus
Hmm?
[Confused seeing Michael block him]
Pound
Where's your defense, boy? I gotcha right here!
[To Michael; Grabs and spins Michael around]
Bupkus
911!
[Jumping up to the hoop; Slam dunks and earned two more points]
Nerdluck Slave
Piece of pie? Pork chop? Some sorbet perhaps?
[Serving Swackhammer food]
Bang
In your face!
[Slam dunking the ball; The crowd boos as the Monstars continue to score, and on the scoreboard on the Monstars' side is going up like a casino machine and it says "Kinda one-sided, isn't it?" then Pound jumps up letting out a yell and makes one more slam dunk before the time runs out.]
Tweety
Holy putty tat!
[Flying through a hole; Sylvester feels annoyed.]
Bupkus
Yeah, man. We got it going. One more half.
Pound
Right man. We got em.
Sylvester
Moron Mountain, here we come.
[Sadly]
Elmer Fudd
We're gonna be swaves.
Michael Jordan
Come on guys, keep your heads up. We got another half to play.
Bupkus
It's the boss!
[Swackhammer lights his cigar.]
Monstars
Hello, Mr. Swackhammer.
Swackhammer
All right. Not bad for the first half, but we gotta keep this up.
Pound
Hey, no problem. We stole the-
[Gleefully, shrugging; Before he could finish, Nawt interrupted]
Nawt
We stole the talent, boss, from the best players in the NBA.
[Talking fast to Swackhammer; Grabbing Swackhammer's lapels]
Stan Podolak
From the NBA?
[Shocked and softly]
Nawt
It was then uh, uh, uh, Grandmama, wasn't it Larry Johnson?
[Continuing]
Swackhammer
Shut up! I smell something.
[Annoyed, shoving Nawt away; Sniffs the air]
Blanko
Uh, we have been playing really hard.
[Sniffing his armpit, thinking it was him]
Monstars
Yeah!
[Agreeing with Blanko]
Swackhammer
Not you, you idiot! It’s coming from over here.
[To Blanko; Looks over to the lockers]
Pound
That locker!
Monstars
Yeah!
[Agreeing with Pound]
Bang
Look!
[Pointing at Stan]
Bang
It’s the chubby boy!
Swackhammer
Ah... it smells like a spy!
[Pushing Pound and Bang aside and sees Stan]
Stan Podolak
You guys need a publicist? I can make you big.
[Chuckling nervously; Squeaks fearfully as they corner him.]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Motivation and Team Spirit
Richard Simmons on TV
You're doing it! You're becoming mighty! Go!
Porky Pig
Come on guys. No pain, no gain.
Richard Simmons on TV
I don't hear it! What is it?!
Foghorn Leghorn
Come on.
Porky Pig
Come on.
Richard Simmons on TV
Now shake it! Keep on sweating!
Bugs Bunny
Eh, guys?
Looney Tunes
Yes?
Bugs Bunny
Look who's finally ready to play.
Michael Jordan
Let's see if I remember how to do this.
Stan Podolak
Michael! Is it really you?! Oh! Thank god, you're all right! You're all right! Oh! I was so worried!
[happily; Michael stops and turns to see him.; Runs up to him and hugs him happily.]
Michael Jordan
Come on, Stan. Don't hug me, please.
[annoyed]
Stan Podolak
Sorry.
[stops hugging]
Michael Jordan
What are you doing here?
Stan Podolak
I-I-I gotta take you back. You got baseball practice.
Michael Jordan
I can't. I'm helping my friends in their basketball game.
Stan Podolak
Uh, Michael, do you know that your friends are cartoon characters?
Michael Jordan
Yeah. so?
Stan Podolak
No, no. Doesn't bother you, doesn't bother me. Let me help! Let me help! I can help, I can help! Let me help!
Michael Jordan
What can you do?
Stan Podolak
Well, you know what I mean. I may not be very tall, but... I'm slow.
[Takes the ball and dribbles]
Sylvester
And large.
[moves his belly]
Daffy
And a dork.
Stan Podolak
I'll do anything, Michael! Anything!
Michael Jordan
Anything?
Stan Podolak
Anything.
Michael Jordan
Come here. Come here for a second. Sit right here.
[escorts Stan to the benches]
Stan Podolak
Okay.
[He's about to sit on Tweety and he moves out of the way. He blows a raspberry at Stan.]
Michael Jordan
Okay?
Stan Podolak
Okay. No problem. All right! All right! Let's go, team! Y'know, if somebody gets injured, we could see a lot of minutes.
[Clapping; Chuckling, to Granny]
Granny
I'm a cheerleader.
[Holding out pompons]
Foreman
Mr. Commissioner, we've got the place sealed off.
Commissioner
Quiet! Ladies and gentlemen, please, quiet! Listen, after meeting with team owners, I have decided that until we can guarantee the health and safety of our NBA players, there will be no more basketball this season.
[To reporters]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cartoon Characters Encounter Reality
Bugs Bunny
Oh, uh, look out for the first step, doc, it's a real lulu.
Michael Jordan
Bugs Bunny?
Bugs Bunny
Eh, you were expecting maybe the Easter Bunny?
Michael Jordan
You're a cartoon, you're not real.
Bugs Bunny
Not real, eh? If I weren't real, could I do dis?
Elmer Fudd
Ooh, wook; is that Michael?
Sylvester
It's Michael!
[Comes out from a manhole cover, rejoicing]
Granny
It's Air Jordan!
Taz
Basketball!
[Bursts from the mailbox]
Tweety Bird
Ooh, I tawt I taw... I did; I did tee Michael Dordan!
[Sees Michael down below from his nest in a tree; As he flies down from his nest]
Porky Pig
Eh, pardon me, Mr. Jordan. Eh, could I have your a-a-auto...your John Hancock, please?
[Pulling out a pencil and autograph book]
Daffy Duck
Back off! Let the doctor take a look.
[Shows up wearing a doctor's uniform]
Daffy Duck
Whoops. A little high.
Michael Jordan
No.
[Shaking his head]
Daffy Duck
Going down!
[Pulls the lever]
Michael Jordan
No!
[Closing his eyes and yelling]
Daffy Duck
So, what do you say we go for a little spin? Hmm. Now let's see what we got inside here.
[He spins Michael around then stops the chair and looks in his ear with an otoscope; a bent paperclip and some earwax are seen]
Bugs Bunny
Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!
[Waving]
Daffy Duck
Say "Ahh"! All right, he's OK!
[Puts a thermometer in Michael's mouth; The thermometer swells and it explodes, then Daffy stamps an "A-OK" sign on Michael's forehead]
Michael Jordan
What's going on here?
[expressionlessly]
Bugs Bunny
Why, Michael, I thought you'd never ask. You see, these aliens come from outer space, and they wanna make us slaves in their theme park. Eh, what do we care? They're little. So we challenged them to a basketball game. But then they show up and they ain't so little. They're huge! We need to beat these guys. ‘Cause they're talking about slavery! Then they'll make us do stand-up comedy, the same jokes every night for all eternity. We're gonna be locked up like wild animals and then trotted out to perform for a bunch of lowbrow, bug-eyed, fat-headed, humor-challenged aliens! Eh, what I'm trying to say is... WE NEED YOUR HELP!
[Jumps on Michael's lap; Imagining himself being chained up and being forced to perform on stage; Shouting]
Michael Jordan
Yeah, but I'm a baseball player now.
Bugs Bunny
Right, and I'm a Shakespearean actor.
[Sarcastically, pulls out a rabbit skull; Tosses the skull away]
Stan Podolak
Mike? Michael? It-it's Stan. Uh, Stan Podolak? Uh, look, I-I need you to come out now, okay? Because uh, you-you got a baseball game tomorrow. And I'd look pretty stupid if you don't show up.
Larry Bird
You think Michael's all right? Boy, I hate to leave him like this.
Bill Murray
Aw, I'm sure he's fine. I think he just had to get away from that Stan character.
Larry Bird
God, he's pathetic, isn't he?
Bill Murray
Yeah. Larry, I'm gonna give us both twos back there. We weren't in any kind of emotional state to putt.
Larry Bird
I think that's fair.
Bill Murray
Now, if Mike is gone, the NBA is gonna need some new people. There's room at the top. An exciting kinda guy who could maybe even perform at halftime. Now, are you still tight with David Stern? I mean, a phone call from you...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Entrance in Space Jam
Pound
Open!
[Catching the ball and exclaiming, Bugs is riding a moped and dressed like a mailman.]
Bugs
Coming through!
[Stealing the ball]
Pound
Whoa!
[Surprised]
Michael Jordan
Bugs!
[Running while Nawt runs after him; Bugs stops and holds the ball]
Bugs Bunny
Special delivery!
[Throwing the ball to Michael]
Swackhammer
No! Boo!
[Sees the scoreboard and gets grumpy]
Bugs Bunny
Eh, nice kaboom, Wile E.
[Wile E. smiles]
Pound
Let's teach them a lesson.
[To Nawt and Bang; Running to the hoop]
Pound
Hey! What--
[Covering his shorts with his jersey; Smiling and blushing with embarrassment]
Lola Bunny
Nice butt!
[Taunting Pound]
Porky Pig
Er, going up.
Pound
You're mine, boy.
[Porky slams the ball into the hoop and Pound gets hit in the face with the ball]
Granny
Slam me!
Stan Podolak
Yeah! How's that?
[Slapping her left hand; Granny falls from the bench]
Pepe Le Pew
Hello! A little surprise for you, my friends.
[Chuckles]
Pepe Le Pew
Two points.
[Chuckling and kissing the ball into the hoop; The score is now Monstars 68, TuneSquad 62 with 5:01 left on the clock]
Swackhammer
Dang!
[Furiously]
Daffy Duck
Ooh, this will be good.
[Painting Pound's shorts red]
Crowd
Olé!
Bang
Okay, birdie.
Tweety
Uh-oh.
[The Monstars show him their teeth about to hurt him]
Michael Jordan
Yes!
Swackhammer
Time out!
[Fed up, shouting; The score is now Monstars 68, TuneSquad 66 in the 4th period with 4:32 left in the game]
Swackhammer
Shut up, you little bug. Get away from me. Pow-wow.
[Grabbing Marvin]
Michael Jordan
All right guys, We're right back in this game. Come on now. Let's play some tough defense.
Swackhammer
Why didn't you get this guy?
[Furiously to the Monstars, pointing at Michael]
Bupkus
He's a baseball player.
Nawt
Yeah, boss, a baseball player.
[Agreeing with Bupkus]
Swackhammer
Looks like a basketball player to me!
[Dryly]
Blanko
Yeah, me too.
Swackhammer
He's the one I want for Moron Mountain!
[Shushing Blanko]
Michael Jordan
Hey!
[Angrily; This got Swackhammer's attention and turns to face him.]
Swackhammer
Are you talking to me?
Michael Jordan
Yeah, I'm talking to you. You want a piece of me? Come and get it.
Bupkus
Uh-oh.
[Smirking]
Swackhammer
What did ya have in mind?
Michael Jordan
What about we raise the stakes a little bit?
Swackhammer
Hmm... interesting.
[Puffing on his cigar]
Michael Jordan
If we win, you give the NBA players their talent back.
Swackhammer
But what if we win?
Michael Jordan
If you win?
Swackhammer
Uh-huh.
Michael Jordan
You get me.
[Firmly]
Pound
Good deal, boss.
[Smiling gleefully; He and the other Monstars laugh with evil glee.]
Bugs Bunny
Eh, doc, do you think that's a good idee?
[Nervously; Michael places his hand on Bugs mouth silencing him.]
Swackhammer
You'll be our star attraction. You'll sign autographs all day long... and play one on one with the paying customers. And you'll always lose.
[Michael is seen sitting at a table writing autographs endlessly; Michael is then bound by a ball and chains. A kid alien runs up several stairs, drops a ball into the hoop and cheers happily, which shocks Michael.; The kid alien blows a raspberry at Michael and the images end. Michael looks back to Swackhammer.]
Swackhammer
Do we have a deal?
[Smirking evilly]
Michael Jordan
Deal.
[Holding out his hand; Swackhammer chuckles and shakes his hand with Michael.]
Swackhammer
All right!
[Then they both go back to their teams and Bugs follows Michael]
Bugs Bunny
I don't think you should've done that, doc.
Michael Jordan
I have faith in my team.
[Assuring Bugs]
Swackhammer
Crush em!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication During a Road Trip
Stan Podolak
Aw, I'm really sorry it took so long.
Michael Jordan
Don't worry about it.
Stan Podolak
That exit on 65 wasn't clearly marked.
Michael Jordan
Hold up, hold up, right here.
Stan Podolak
What, here?
Michael Jordan
Yes.
Michael Jordan
Thanks for the ride, Sherm. I appreciate it.
Stan Podolak
It's Stan, Mike.
Michael Jordan
Sorry.
Stan Podolak
But that's all right, you can call me Sherm if you want to because I've followed your whole career and I think you're the greatest athlete that's ever lived.
Michael Jordan
Stan. Stan. Stan. How do I get outta here? The door doesn't work.
[Trying to get out of the car]
Stan Podolak
Oh! I'm sorry. I-I- I forgot to tell you it's a classic. It's a classic, but it's got a few peccadilloes. Hold on just a second.
[Gets out of the car; Taps the car door and opens it]
Michael Jordan
Huh, a few, huh? It's smoking too, man. You need to get that checked.
[Gets out of the car]
Michael Jordan
Thanks for the ride.
[Takes the bag from the car]
Stan Podolak
Oh. Oh, this is nice. This is a nice house. Oh, that is a beauty. What is that, Colonial?
[Looking at the house]
Michael Jordan
No, it's a nice house.
Stan Podolak
If you need anything done around the house, I'd be more than happy to help you out.
Michael Jordan
Oh, no. I'm fine, thanks.
Stan Podolak
Anything you need.
Michael Jordan
Nah. You gave me a ride. I appreciate it.
Stan Podolak
Okay, sure.
Michael Jordan
Tomorrow, I'ma drive, so I don't need the ride. But thanks, though.
Stan Podolak
Oh. Why? Too conspicuous?
Michael Jordan
Yeah.
[Smiling]
Stan Podolak
All right. All right.
[Chuckling]
Michael Jordan
Thanks, though.
Stan Podolak
All right. Tomorrow!
[Gets in his car]
Michael Jordan
See you tomorrow.
Michael Jordan
Come on, dog. No, not today. Oh!
[Seeing his dog]
Michael Jordan
Dog, get off me! Your breath!
Jordan's housekeeper
Mr. Jordan, are you okay? Get off of him, Charles! Come on!
[Runs out and sees Michael; To Charles]
Michael Jordan
Bad dog! Git! Oh!
Jordan's housekeeper
Come on, Charles! Get off of him! Pooch, stop it! Get off of him before I cook you! Come on, come on, come on, baby, come on.
[Grabs Charles by the collar, pulling him away]
Juanita Jordan
Come on, you guys. Get out of the car!
Kids
Bye, Mr. Jordan.
Michael Jordan
Bye, kids.
Little League girl
Hey, good game.
Michael Jordan
Hey, Jeff. You okay?
[Concerned]
Michael Jordan
How was your game?
Jeffery Jordan
I don't wanna talk about it.
Marcus Jordan
Hi, dad!
[Running past him]
Michael Jordan
Hey, hey, hey.
Passengers
Bye Michael!
[Driving by and waving to Michael]
Jasmine Jordan
Daddy! Daddy!
[Happily running up to him]
Michael Jordan
Hi, how you doing?
[Picks her up and hugs her]
Juanita Jordan
Hey.
Michael Jordan
Hey.
Juanita Jordan
Ooh! You're all covered up with drool, baby.
[Kisses him]
Michael Jordan
That's your dog.
Michael Jordan
What's the matter with Jeff?
Juanita Jordan
Well, he went 2 for 5 and lost 32 points in his batting average.
Michael Jordan
Is that all?
[Shocked]
Juanita Jordan
Yeah, so that puts him at, like, uh, 685 or something.
Michael Jordan
He's batting what?
Juanita Jordan
Mmm, smells good in here. Whatcha cooking?
Jordan's housekeeper
Chicken.
Jordan's housekeeper
Chicken and collard greens.
Michael Jordan
Good. I'ma need a good meal tonight.
[Housekeeper chuckles and Michael feels sad]
Juanita Jordan
Is everything okay?
[Concerned]
Michael Jordan
Boy, I stunk up the place. I hope this baseball's thing is a good idea.
Jim Rome
It was another career day for Michael Jordan at Barons Field this afternoon. Let's face it. This baseball...
Michael Jordan
What are you guys watching?
[He goes into the living room and sees the news on TV, and sits down to watch]
Jim Rome
Today he went 0 for 4 with three strikeouts.
Michael Jordan
Is this the only thing on TV?
Jim Rome
That brings his batting average down to an anemic .214, which also happens to be his playing weight. Baseball bat? Get this guy a tennis racket!
Jeffrey Jordan
Did everyone get mad at you?
Michael Jordan
No, worse. Everyone was real nice about it.
Jim Rome
Michael, I know golf is your sport, but not here.
Jeffrey Jordan
I think you should open your stance a little. It might make you more aggressive at the plate.
Michael Jordan
Oh, you think so? I'll try to remember that.
Jim Rome
Watching this hurts me more than it hurts you. What is that?
Michael Jordan
What are you guys doing watching that stuff? It's bad for you.
[Picks up the remote]
Michael Jordan
There you go, Road Runner. Beep-beep, here. Looney Tunes.
[Gets up and goes into the kitchen]
Road Runner
Beep beep!
Porky Pig
Stop this cartoon! We got an emergency cartoon character union meeting to go to.
[Jumps in front of the screen, stammering; Panting to Wile E. and Road Runner, stammering; Jeff sighs]
Road Runner
Beep-beep!
[Running off]
Porky Pig
Hey, wait for me! Hold your horses!
[Running after him]
Marcus Jordan
Dang. Where'd they go?
Jasmine Jordan
Oh, no.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.