23 quotes
A Grateful Acknowledgment of Fictional Entertainment
Taglines
Thank God it's Only a Motion Picture!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion Over Identity in Airplane Scene
Joey
Wait a minute, I know you. You're ]! You play basketball for the ]!
[[w:Kareem Abdul-Jabbar|Kareem Abdul-Jabbar; [w:Los Angeles Lakers|Los Angeles Lakers]
Murdock
I'm sorry, son, but you must have me confused with someone else. My name is Roger Murdock, I'm the co-pilot.
Joey
You are Kareem! I've seen you play! My dad's got season tickets!
Murdock
I think you should go back to your seat now, Joey. Right, Clarence?
Oveur
Nah, he's not bothering anyone, let him stay here.
Murdock
But just remember, my name is Roger Murdock, I'm an airline pilot.
[shows his nametag]
Joey
I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defense. And he says that lots of times, you don't even run down court. And that you don't really try, except during the playoffs.
Murdock
The hell I don't! Listen, kid. I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night! Tell your old man to drag ] and ] up and down the court for 48 minutes.
[looks around to make sure no one is watching and grabs Joey by the shirt up close; [w:Bill Walton|Walton; [w:Bob Lanier|Lanier]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Description of a Unique Airplane
Reporter
What kind of plane is it?
Johnny
Oh, it's a big, pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the windows and wheels, and it looks like a big Tylenol!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Comparing Flying a Plane to Riding a Bicycle
Rex Kramer
All right, Striker, you listen, and listen close. Flying a plane is no different from riding a bicycle; it's just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unusual Questions in an Airplane Conversation
Oveur
You ever been in a cockpit before?
Joey
No sir, I've never been up in a plane before.
Oveur
You ever seen a grown man naked? Do you like movies about gladiators?
Oveur
Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings in Air Travel Communication
Striker
The stewardess said... BOTH pilots?!
[before he could say that she told him the pilot needed help, he notices that only the autopilot is flying the plane]
Rumack
Can you fly this plane and land it?
Striker
Surely you can't be serious.
Rumack
I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Leadership and Responsibility in Difficult Situations
Steve
He'll never bring it down in this soup. Never! Not one chance in a million.
Rex
I know. I know. But it's his ship now, his command. He's in charge, he's the boss, the head man, the top dog, the big cheese, the head honcho, number one...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Flight Clearance Communication in Air Traffic Control
LA Control Tower
Flight 2-0-9'er, you are cleared for take-off.
Oveur
Roger.
Murdock
Huh?
LA Control Tower
L.A. departure frequency: 1-2-3 point 9'er.
Oveur
Roger.
Murdock
Huh?
Basta
Request vector, over.
Oveur
What?
LA Control Tower
Flight 2-0-9'er, clear for vector 2-3-4.
Murdock
We have clearance, Clarence.
Oveur
Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncertainty in Emergency Landing Situation
Dr. Rumack
Captain, these passengers don't have much time. How soon can we land?
Oveur
I can't tell.
Dr. Rumack
You can tell me, I'm a doctor.
Oveur
What I mean is, I don't know.
Dr. Rumack
Well, can't you take a guess?
Oveur
...Not for another two hours.
Dr. Rumack
You can't take a guess for another two hours?
Oveur
No, what I'm saying is we can't land for another two hours.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cockpit Confusion in Airplane!
Randy
Excuse me sir, there's been a little problem in the cockpit…
Striker
The cockpit...what is it?
Randy
It's the little room in the front of the plane where the pilots sit, but that's not important right now.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Timing and Choices in Adversity
Steve McCroskey
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Regret Over Timing and Substance Use
Steve McCroskey
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Creative Possibilities from Unexpected Materials
McCroskey
Johnny, what do you make out of this?
[hands Johnny a weather bulletin]
Johnny
This? Why, I could make a hat, or a brooch, or a pterodactyl.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion Over Destinations and Outcomes
Taglines
The Plane's going to Chicago. The Pilot's going to New York. The Passengers are going to Pieces!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning the Limits of Superhuman Speed
Taglines
What's slower than a speeding bullet, and able to hit tall buildings at a single bound?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Stewardess Addresses Passengers During Turbulence
Elaine Dickinson
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your stewardess speaking. We regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused. This is due to periodic air pockets we encountered. There's no reason to become alarmed and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Among Jive Characters
Randy
Can I get you something?
Second Jive Dude
S'mo-fo butter layin me to the bone, jackin me up. Tight me?
[subtitle: I ate something that is making my insides cramp up. Can you help me?]
Randy
What did he say?
First Jive Dude
Cutty say he can't hang!
[subtitle: My buddy here says he can't take this for much longer!]
Jive Lady
Oh, stewardess? I speak Jive. He said, he's in great pain and wants to know if you can help him.
Randy
Could you tell him to just relax, and I'll be back as soon as I can with some medicine?
Jive Lady
Just hang loose, blood. She gonna catch you up for the rebound on the med-side.
[subtitle: Just relax, my friend. She's going to come back with medicine to make you feel better.]
Second Jive Dude
What it is, big momma? My momma didn't raise no dummies, I dug her rap!
[subtitle: Ma'am, I'm not stupid. I understood what she just said.]
Jive Lady
Cut me some slack, Jack!
[subtitle: Hey, I'm trying to help!]
Jive Lady
Chump don't want no help, chump don't get da help. Jive-ass dude don't got no brains, anyhow. Hm!
[subtitle: If you don't want help, I won't help you. He really is that stupid. Golly!]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fish Dinner Leads to Imminent Crisis
Elaine
Doctor, Mr. Hammen ate fish, and Randy said there are five more cases, and they all had fish, too.
Rumack
And the co-pilot had fish. What did the navigator have?
Elaine
He had fish.
Rumack
All right, now we know what we're up against. Every passenger on this plane had fish for dinner will become violently ill in the next half hour.
[Oveur looks at his finished dinner plate, sees he had fish too]
Elaine
Just how serious is it?
Rumack
Extremely serious. It starts with a slight fever and dryness of the throat. When the virus penetrates the red blood cells, the victim becomes dizzy, begins to experience an itchy rash... ...then the poison goes to work on the central nervous system, severe muscle spasms followed by the inevitable drooling. At this point, the entire digestive system collapses, accompanied by uncontrollable flatulence. Until finally, the poor bastard is reduced to a quivering, wasted piece of jelly.
[Oveur starts reaching for his throat; Oveur starts to sway dizzily and scratching himself; Oveur's right arm twitches madly, and then drools heavily; Oveur farts loudly]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Timing and Choices in Difficult Situations
Steve McCroskey
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Description of a Seedy Establishment
Ted Striker
It was a rough place - the seediest dive on the wharf. Populated with every reject and cutthroat from Bombay to Calcutta. It's worse than Detroit.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Wildest Flight Experience Awaits
Taglines
The craziest flight you'll ever take!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Regret Over Timing and Addiction
Steve McCroskey
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humor and Chaos in Air Travel
Jack Kilpatrick
], they bought their tickets. They knew what they were getting into. I say, let em crash!
[[w:Shana Alexander|Shana]
Young Girl Passenger
No thank you, I take it black…like my men.
[when offered cream for her coffee]
Radio Announcer
WZAZ in Chicago where disco lives forever" (The Airplane then took out the antenna forcing the station to go off the air).
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.