23 quotes
Accusations and Ambitions in Politics
Victoria Leeds
Such accusations! I'm not a Bond villain. Well... yet! You're in politics. You know that no one can claw their way to the top without getting a little dirt under their fingernails. Clearly I overestimated you. But calling me a drug dealer! I'm... so much bigger than that, you know.
[considers]
Councilman Rodriguez
I...
Victoria Leeds
Leon, teach him some manners. Have fun, boys.
[puts on sunglasses]
Councilman Rodriguez
I agree with... I overstepped! I overstepped, Victoria! Guys, we can talk about this.
[stammers; professional killer Leon takes off his coat, he has a gun; to the two thugs]
Frankie
Leon doesn't talk. He's a man of action. There's a purity to that.
Leon
I'm gonna kill you!
[snarling at Rodriguez]
Frankie
Damn it! You do that every time. I build you up, and then you ruin the mystique.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Officially Graduated from Trainees to Lifeguards
Mitch Buchannon
Uh, guys, after finding the drugs, helping save Chen and helping me blow up the bad girl with a Roman candle, it's a pleasure to say you are officially no longer trainees.
CJ Parker
Whoo!
Mitch Buchannon
Congratulations!
CJ Parker
Yeah, guys.
Mitch Buchannon
Hey, guys, one more important thing. I want to introduce you to our new captain who has been running our Hawaii division very successfully for years now: the amazing Captain Casey Jean.
Ronnie Greenbaum
Is it just me, or is she in...
Stephanie Holden
Super slow motion?
Summer Quinn
Yeah.
CJ Parker
Wow. This is gonna take a while.
[dryly]
Mitch Buchannon
That's how we roll.
[winks]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Indifference in Introductions
Matt Brody
Hey, I'm Matt Brody!
Summer Quinn
And not a single fuck was given...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Oceanic Defiance in the Face of Danger
Victoria Leeds
Time to die, boys.
Mitch Buchannon
No! I w– born of the sea. I eat fire coral and I piss salt water. I scratch my back with a whale's dick, and I loofah my chest with his ballsack.
Victoria Leeds
What the fuck?
Mitch Buchannon
I'll die when the tide stops and the moon drowns. Until then... I'm oceanic, motherfucker.
Victoria Leeds
How tacky.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Anticipating the Arrival of Summer
Taglines
Don't worry, summer is coming
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion of an Unlikely Smuggling Scheme
Mitch Buchannon
How about diamond smugglers who are putting the rocks in surfboards and bringing them ashore?
Matt Brody
Everything that you guys are talking about sounds like a really, like, entertaining but far-fetched TV show.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perceptions of Beauty in Slow Motion
Summer Quinn
Why does she always look like she's running in slow-mo?
[about CJ Parker]
Ronnie Greenbaum
You see it too?
Summer Quinn
And she always looks wet, but not too wet.
Ronnie Greenbaum
Right? She's the reason I believe in God.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Driving Skills
Mitch Buchannon
Who taught you how to drive? ]?
[[w:Stevie Wonder|Stevie fucking Wonder]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Matt Brody Seeks Help with Computers
Matt Brody
Ronnie, I need your help. Because as much as I know about laptops, I don't know shit about computers...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncertainty and Humor in Challenging Situations
Matt Brody
Will it work? Maybe. Will there be some surprises along the way? Abso-fucking-lutely. Is anyone gonna die? I don't know. Maybe Ronnie.
Ronnie Greenbaum
Sorry, what?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Proposals and Flirty Banter
Matt Brody
Hey. I'm more motivated than ever. So you're going to make me guess your name? Are you following me?
Summer Quinn
I was actually just going to ask you the same thing. Okay. Look, you're hot. I may resist for a while, but we both know eventually I'll give in. So why don't we just skip that. Why don't you put a baby in me? Now.
Matt Brody
You know, honestly... I was thinking dinner first. But we could try the baby thing, if you want.
Summer Quinn
You are trying. Way too hard.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unprepared Beaches Ahead
Taglines
Beaches ain't ready
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding Perspectives in Baywatch Dialogue
Matt Brody
What do you mean You People'?
Mitch Buchannon
You don't get to say that. You're just tan.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embrace the gaze without hesitation
Taglines
Go ahead and stare
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding about a modern character
Ronnie Greenbaum
She's like some sort of modern-day ].
[[J. Edgar Hoover]
Matt Brody
The vacuum guy.
Ronnie Greenbaum
No.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unintended Glances and Awkward Conversations
Summer Quinn
Did you just, uh look at my boobs?
Matt Brody
Ah, that was not my intention...I didn't, uh, stare directly at them.
[looks down at her]
Summer Quinn
You're looking at them right now.
[laughs]
Matt Brody
No I didn't. Now I did. Cause you're talking about them.
[looks down again]
Summer Quinn
Testing... Oh, failed. Oh my god. We're gonna be in swimsuits a lot, so...
[bouncing her breasts]
Matt Brody
Yeah.
Summer Quinn
If it's going to be a problem for you...
Matt Brody
There's not a problem at all, for me.
Summer Quinn
Yeah.
Matt Brody
Cool.
Summer Quinn
Alright. You just looked at them again.
[walks off]
Matt Brody
No, I didn't...I was...I didn't...I mean, when you point them out like that... It's a compliment, if you think about it, sort of.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Stay Alert and Ready for Action
Taglines
Get your guard on
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Identity in High-Pressure Situations
Ronnie Greenbaum
I've never seen any interface like this! I don't know what to fucking do!
CJ Parker
Hey, look at me! You are the tech guy. You are the motherfucking tech guy.
Ronnie Greenbaum
I'm the motherfucking tech guy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontational Statement by Mitch Buchannon
Mitch Buchannon
You going night-night, bitch.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mitch's Warning About Bedroom Conduct
Mitch Buchannon
There's your cot, don't jack off on my sheets.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Take on Intuition and Caution
Mitch Buchannon
My gut says there's some bad shit going on over there, and my balls say we need to go over there and check it out.
Matt Brody
Your balls said that?
Mitch Buchannon
Yes, they did.
Matt Brody
Okay, my balls say "Just take it easy right here. Just chill.
[in a high-pitched voice]
Mitch Buchannon
Why the fuck do your balls sound like three-year-old girls?
Matt Brody
I don't know, man. That's just how they talk. But they're wise.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion Over Technical Terminology in Planning
Matt Brody
So, Dave had access to Leeds server.
Ronnie Greenbaum
Her server? You mean her network.
Matt Brody
Yeah, her network, that's what I meant. Okay, so we just take a flash drive, and we plug it in, you know, get in to her cloud, and then steal all her cookies, right, and then we're straight through the firewall.
Ronnie Greenbaum
Okay, literally none of what you said made any sense.
Matt Brody
Straight over the firewall.
Ronnie Greenbaum
It's not, like, a physical thing you do.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Team Introduction at Baywatch Qualifiers
Mitch Buchannon
Hey, fresh face. You here for the qualifiers?
Matt Brody
Uh, no, no, I'm not trying out. I'm actually already on the team.
Mitch Buchannon
You're already on this team?
Matt Brody
I'm Matt Brody. Ready for duty.
Mitch Buchannon
Ready for duty"? Oh, okay. Um, you got any papers or anything like that?
Matt Brody
I do. There you go.
Mitch Buchannon
Oh, it's a permission slip. Literally. "Dear Mitch, I am pleased to write you on behalf of Mr. Matt Brody." Right. Well, no free passes.
Matt Brody
Yeah. Whoa.
Mitch Buchannon
At all. Yeah, cause I don't give a shit.
Matt Brody
I legit needed those for my taxes.
Mitch Buchannon
What you need is to understand that if you're going to be on this team, you got to earn it.
Matt Brody
Really?
Mitch Buchannon
Yeah. So, why don't we start this whole thing over, just like gentlemen? Where you from, ]?
[[w:One Direction|One Direction]
Matt Brody
Um... Iowa? Iowa? You heard of it?
Mitch Buchannon
Yeah, I know what it is. Hey, Steph.
Stephanie Holden
Hey.
Mitch Buchannon
] here is from Iowa.
[[w:New Kids on the Block|New Kids on the Block]
Stephanie Holden
Oh, man.
Mitch Buchannon
And, uh, he says he's already on the team. Yeah. Doesn't have to try out.
Stephanie Holden
Really?
Mitch Buchannon
Yeah, absolutely. Let me ask you this...A lot of oceans in Iowa?
Stephanie Holden
No, just ponds and lakes and cocky pretty boys, apparently.
Mitch Buchannon
Uh-huh. Cocky pretty boys.
Stephanie Holden
Hey, Mitch, what happened to that last pretty boy recruit we had?
Mitch Buchannon
He died.
Stephanie Holden
R.I.P.
Matt Brody
Are you guys being serious right now? I honestly can't tell. You show up here, matching bathing suits. What is this, "lifeguard hazing"? I'm Matt Brody. I hold the world record in the 200 meter. Two gold medals.
Mitch Buchannon
Hey! Matt Brody.
Stephanie Holden
Matt Brody.
Mitch Buchannon
Yes, yes. Absolutely. And we still don't give a fuck.
Stephanie Holden
Don't give a fuck.
Mitch Buchannon
No, fresh out.
Stephanie Holden
Fresh out of fucks.
Mitch Buchannon
Yeah. Okay, that ocean out there has riptides that'll tear your little mangina in two.
Matt Brody
My mangina? So you are being serious.
Mitch Buchannon
Dead serious, right now, ], all right? This ain't no little fucking pond out of Iowa. So with all due respect, you want to be here on this team, on our team, you're gonna have to earn it.
[[w:NSYNC|NSYNC]
Matt Brody
Look, I get it. You're big, sasquatch. But I'm fast. Really fucking fast. Which is why somebody important thinks I belong here. So when you two figure out who the fuck I am, you can find me on the beach. See you.
[slaps Mitch's face lightly]
Stephanie Holden
Did that really just happen?
Mitch Buchannon
It did. He slapped me.
Stephanie Holden
Wow.
Mitch Buchannon
Yeah. His hands were soft and supple though, like a woman. No offense.
Stephanie Holden
None taken.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.