17 quotes
Unexpected Street Behavior Observed
Annie Walker
You're really doing it, aren't ya? You're shitting in the street!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion and Classiness in Apology
Megan Price
This is some classy sh-... I want to apologize. I'm not even confident on which end that came out of.
[burp]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Expression of Intense Emotion
Megan Price
It's coming out of me like lava!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings in a High-Pressure Situation
Flight Attendant Steve
You have 3 seconds to get back to your seat.
Annie
No one can get anywhere in 3 seconds. You're setting me up for a loss already.
Annie
Whatever you say, Stove.
Flight Attendant Steve
It's Steve.
Annie
Stove? What kind of a name is that?
Flight Attendant Steve
That's not a name. My name is Steve.
Annie
Are you an appliance?
Flight Attendant Steve
No, I am a man, and my name is Steve.
Annie
You're a flight attendant.
Flight Attendant Steve
That is absolutely accurate. You can close that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Personal Responsibility and Self-Solution
Megan Price
I don't associate with people who blame the world for their problems. You are your problem. You are also your solution.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Paris Plans Among Friends
Annie
Are you fucking kidding me?
Annie's Mom
Annie?
Annie
No, mom. Motherfucking Paris? I told you about Paris, Helen! I told you about this whole idea!
Lillian
Annie, calm down...
Annie
No, Lillian! What are you gonna go, you're gonna go to Paris with Helen now? What are you gonna, you guys gonna ride around on bikes with berets and fucking baguettes in the basket on the front of your bikes? Oh, how romantic! What woman gives another woman a trip to Paris? Am I right? Lesbian! We're all thinking it, aren't we?
Becca
I'm not.
[quickly]
Megan
I was.
Annie
Okay! Yes, we're all thinking it, right?
Annie's Mom
Annie...
Annie
Lillian, this is not the you that I know! The you that I know would have walked in here and rolled your eyes and would have thought that this was completely over the top, ridiculous and stupid! Look at this shower! Look at that fucking cookie! Did you really think that this group of women was gonna finish that cookie? Really, and you know that reminds me actually; I never got a chance to try that fucking cookie!
[storms off]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bachelorette Party Ideas from Friends
Rita
What are we doing for the bachelorette party?
Becca
What about like, a princess theme?
Helen
Versace meets the Gold Rush.
Rita
I'm thinking tanned gentlemen that swallow fire and wear sarongs.
Megan
Female fight club. We grease up - surprise! Beat the crap out of her.
Rita
I don't hate it--
Helen
Vegas it is.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Compliments in a Casual Conversation
Annie
I'm glad you called.
[having sex]
Ted
I'm so glad you were free.
Annie
I love your eyes.
Ted
Cup my balls.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Leads to a Personal Revelation
Annie
You read my diary?
Brynn
At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Family Dynamics and Snack Bar Plans
Helen
Oh, Annie, these are my kids.
Girl
Step kids. Step.
Helen
They are so hilarious! Excuse me, my husband's kids. What are you guys up to?
[laughing]
Girl
Going to the snack bar.
Helen
Awesome. You need a ride home later?
Boy
Fuck off, Helen.
[walks off]
Helen
Okay. Put a quarter in the swear jar. Good to see ya. So cute.
[turns to Annie]
Annie
Sweet kids.
[nodding]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Romantic Interests Among Friends
Lillian
This is Dougie's sister Megan.
Megan
You must be Annie's fella?
Annie
I'm not... He's not... I'm not with him.
Megan
I'm glad he's single, cause I'm gonna climb that like a tree.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wedding Tensions and Unexpected Revelations
Lillian
You know what? This is supposed to be about my time. You have managed to ruin every event in my wedding, thank you very much.
Annie
Okay, well, thank YOU very much. It's all her fault! It is not mine! And you would know that if you got your beautiful haired head out of your asshole. In fact, out of HER asshole. Which I'm sure is perfectly bleached!
Lillian
You know what? IT IS! And you know how I know? Because I went to the fucking salon with her! And I got MY asshole bleached too!! And I LOVE my new asshole!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Navigating Awkward Social Situations
Ted
This is so awkward. I really want you to leave, but I don't know how to say it without sounding like a dick.
[to Annie, after sex]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Confession of a Cop
Officer Rhodes
Do you want to tell a cop about it? We're just like priests except we would tell everybody afterwards.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reconnecting with Old Friends and Family
Lillian
You remember my cousin, Rita.
Annie
Rita!
Rita
Annie, I haven't seen you since you graduated high school.
[hugs Annie]
Lillian
She has three kids now.
Rita
Three boys.
Lillian
They're so cute.
Rita
They are cute, but when they reach that age, ugh. Disgusting. They smell, they're sticky, they say things that are horrible, and there is semen all over everything. Disgusting. I cracked a BLANKET in half. Do you get where I'm going with this?
Annie
I do, yeah.
Rita
I cracked it in HALF.
[gesturing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding on the Airplane
Flight Attendant
Miss?!
Annie
Um, no...it's not me.
Flight Attendant
Yes, it is you. Please go back to your seat.
Annie
Yes, I'm with him. I'm, uh...I'm Mrs. Igles...I'm Mrs. Iglesias.
Flight Attendant
Uh, no you're not. You were just out here and you put sunglasses on. Out.
Annie
But I don't want to...
Helen
Sir, she can have my seat, okay? Everyone should experience first class at least once in their lives, and Annie shouldn't miss out just because she can't afford it.
Flight Attendant
No, ma'am. I'm afraid that's not allowed.
Annie
Help me, I'm poor.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Perception of Normalcy
13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store
You're weird.
Annie
I'm not weird, okay?
13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store
Yes, you are.
Annie
No, I'm not! And you started it.
13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store
No, you started it! Did you forget to take your Xanax this morning?
Annie
Oh, I feel bad for your parents.
13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store
I feel bad for your face.
Annie
Okay. Well, call me when your boobs come in.
13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store
You call me when yours come in.
Annie
What do you have, four boyfriends?
13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store
Exactly.
Annie
Okay. Yeah, have fun having a baby at your prom.
13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store
You look like an old mop.
Annie
You know, you're not as popular as you think you are.
13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store
I am very popular.
Annie
Oh, I'm sure you are...very...popular.
[sticks tongue in cheek and mimics fellatio]
13-Year-Old Girl in Jewelry Store
Well, you're an old, single loser who's never going to have any friends.
Annie
You're a little cunt!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.