Crank: High Voltage (2009) - Quotes

Doc Miles: [''Answers phone''] Hello, Doc Miles.

Chev Chelios: Yeah, Doc. It's Chev.

Doc Miles: [Doc Miles spews his drink and ice shaking his head rapidly] Jesus H. Chelios! You've gotta be kidding me!

Chev Chelios: [[w:Artificial heart|put in one of those plastic artificial jobs] Listen, I'm deadly fuckin serious, Doc. These Triad motherfuckers cut out my fuckin heart and ].

Doc Miles: You got an artificial heart?

Chev Chelios: Do you think I'm having a fuckin laugh?!

Doc Miles: No-No-No, but you got to admit, it's a little out there, dude.

Chev Chelios: Yeah, you take your fuckin time, Doc.

Doc Miles: You don't have any time, if you've got an artificial heart. They're not designed to keep you alive more than a couple days while you're waitin on a transplant. And don't do anything strenuous.

Chev Chelios: Yeah, sure, Doc. No problem. So what's my next fuckin move?

Doc Miles: Well, we got to get a real heart put back in you preferably your own.

Chev Chelios: I'm on it.

Doc Miles: Okay, you're on it.

Chev Chelios: Doc! Jesus fucking Christ!

Doc Miles: I'm-I'm sorry. Sorry. Does-Does-- Let me-- Does that thing have a a-a-a a belt battery pack?

Chev Chelios: Check.

Doc Miles: How many bars are showing?

Chev Chelios: One.

Doc Miles: Shit. That's better than none, I guess. Look, what they did you with is an Avicor Total Artificial Heart. It's got an internal battery that'll pick up once the belt battery dies. It's like a reserve tank. Once the internal battery takes over, you got one fuckin hour. The internal battery charges wirelessly through its transcutaneous energy transfer system. Two coils, there's one internal, one external that transmit the, uh, magnetic force across the skin without piercing the surface. The internal coil receives power and sends it to the controller device. Is this makin any fuckin sense to you, Chevy?

Chev Chelios: It's fucking Greek, Doc.

Doc Miles: Greek. Look, you got to keep your body electrically charged to keep that piece of shit pumpin'.

Chev Chelios: Copy that.

Doc Miles: Hey, Chev.

Chev Chelios: Yeah.

Doc Miles: I'm stoked you're alive, dude.

Chev Chelios: I'll get back to you, Doc.

Doc Miles: Yeah, well, y- Call me.

Chev Chelios: Fuck!

Cholo: Hey-Hey-Hey! That's a nice car.

Chev Chelios: I don't suppose you know where the Cypress Social Club is, do you?

Cholo: Man, fuck that shit, puto. Let's race, ese.

Chev Chelios: [''Chev rams a concret barrier and goes flying through windshield''] Don't you tempt me, fucker. What I need from you is directions. Oh, shit. Shit!

Cholo: Damn, dog. You good, esé?

Chev Chelios: Tiger fucking Woods. Never better. Greatest day of my fucking life. You gents couldnt point me in the direction of the Cypress Social Club, could ya?

Cholo: Well, you ain't too far. You go down Orange for, like, two miles and then you're there, homes.

Chev Chelios: [''Clamps jump cables to his nipples''] Cool. You mind givin me a jump? Just juice me.

Chev Chelios: [''They are silent''; ''One points to house''] Hey, Menudo, where's the fuckin Social Club? Uh, dondé esta La Social Club?

Cholo: Buénos nachos, white boy.

Chev: [''To obese man''; ''Obese man shakes head and Chev slaps him, knocking him out and Chev walks into house, wreaking mayhem, throwing people out windows and prostitutes run out with Johnny Vang running into a vehicle''] You Johnny Vang?

Johnny: Go!

Ria: [''She climbs up to obese man''; ''Grabs broken bicycle''; ''Rams bicycle repeatedly on man's crotch''; ''Two Triad thugs pull up''] No sucky fucky for your asshole! Cock suck face! Fag whore! Shrimp dick! BB balls! Chicken fat! What you two faggots looking at?!

Cypress Triad Hood #1: Get lost bitch.

Ria: [''To Triad, about Chev''] Fuck you! This dude my Kevin Costner! He going to beat you off!

Cypress Triad Hood #1: What?!

Chev: Where's Johnny Vang?

Cypress Triad Hood #1: You looking to get your ass killed dog?!

Ria: You ask for it, he's gonna tap your ass!

Chev: Wrong expression.

Cypress Triad Hood #1: [''Points gun''] You ain't tappin my ass!

Chev: What's that, fucking cunt-onese?! I'd rather stick my dick in a blender!

Ria: [''Humping him''] Sticky me. Hey! I know where Johnny Vang go!

Chev: Johnny Vang?

Ria: Yes.

Chev: [''She points down street''] Where?

Ria: Hey, dude, why do you run?! Wait for me!

Chev: [''He attempts to carjack a [[w:station wagon|station wagon] Get out of the fucking car! Out!

Station wagon driver: Get your own station wagon, asshole! Get the fuck off! Damn!

Chev: Fuck!

Ria: You taking it too fast with me!

Chev: Which way?!

Ria: I want you to take it slow.

Chev: Which way?

Ria: Hey! Hey! You didn't ask name!

Chev: Shut up a minute, for fuck's sake! Where is he?! Johnny Vang?!

Ria: [''Points''] Yes.

Chev Chelios: Alright, Chow Mein. Who do you work for?!

Shot Gun Triad: [''Chev whacks him with the butt of the shotgun''] Fuck you, Chelios!

Chev Chelios: [''Dips shotgun barrel in oil, pulls down the thug's pants, makes a face like; I-can't-believe-I'm-going-to-enjoy-doing-this and then brutally rams the shotgun up his anus''; ''Thug looks at him confused and Chev points to his heart while an on-screen subtitle says "strawberry tart=heart"''; ''The thug starts stuttering''; ''Starts further ramming the shotgun in the thug's ass and starts wiggling it''] Fucking grunt! You found me in quite an unpleasant mood this morning, mate. Now I'm going to ask you this question one time. Who's got my fucking strawberry tart?! Capische?! J- j- j- j- just spit the fucking name out!

Shot Gun Triad: Johnny Vang!

Chev Chelios: Johnny fucking Vang?! JOHNNY FUCKING VANG?! Good boy! Where?!

Shot Gun Triad: Cypress Social Club!

Chev Chelios: [''Thug nods head''] Cypress-Cypress Social Club? Now you're sure about that, ain't ya?!

Chev Chelios: [''Leaves the shotgun up the thug's ass and walks away''] Good boy! Thanks for coming! Now you can keep that!

Long Beach Nose Punch Triad: [''Taps on Chev's shoulder pointing [[w:Springfield Armory XD|a two tone Springfield XD pistol] ] at Chev] You Lost?

Chev Chelios: [''Parries the gun out of the gunman's hand and slams his forearm in his face knocking him out''] Nope.

Chinese Doctor 1: [''Conversing in either [[w:Mandarin|Mandarin; [w:Cantonese|Cantonese] ]/ How long can we keep him alive?

Chinese Doctor 2: Maybe long time. He die hard with a vengeance.

Chinese Doctor 1: [[w:lungs|Lungs; [w:pancreas|pancreas; [w:bladder|bladder] Big Boss need to harvest his cornucopia of organs for later. ], ], ]...

Chinese Doctor 2: What comes out next?

Chinese Doctor 1: [''Doctor points to a diagram and circles [[w:penis|the reproductive organ] Boss gave specific order. ] with Chev fully aware of the intentions]

Nurse: [''Lifts up medical blanket''] Oh, you big cock English. Strong like horse.

Chev Chelios: [''He proceeds to brutally assault the two doctors before escaping''] Fuck that.

Chinese Doctor 1: [''After Johnny flicks cigarette ash into Chev's open chest''] Get your cigarette out of here asshole! We're operating!

Johnny Vang: So sorry.

Chinese Doctor 1: Fuck your mother! I let boss know you shit in Superman's stomach. Dumb ass!

Johnny Vang: [''He laughs and then spits into Chev's chest, with the doctor flying into a rage slamming the instrument tray against Johnny''] I said I was sorry.

Donut Cop: This is a weird scene; we've got pissed off beaver-hoover. I'm in pursuit.

Male Porn Star: [''Referring to Eve while at the pornstar strike''] I'm gonna bang that bitch in the back!

Pepper: I can bet on my grandma's coochie, he's at the horse track!

Randy: [''To Eve''; ''Holds up hand in a manner implying [[w:domestic violence|domestic violence; ''Gets thrown onto a parked car by Eve of unexplained superhuman strength''] Look, baby. All right, I'm tryin to be cool to you, but I will drop the hammer. You want me to drop the hammer, baby?

Poon Dong: [''Poon Dong is driven around with him all dressed up and trying to get women's attentions, to Asian women''] Hey, I got five dollars says you blow me for twenty bucks. Oh, stop. Stop right here. Stop right here. Hey, baby. Hey. Hey, baby. How you doing? I'm doing okay, baby. Yeah? How you doing? What you need? You know what I need. Come on. Come on, Daddy.

Don Kim: [''To Chev, about Venus after getting ejected from vehicle after [[w:Psychogenic non-epileptic seizure|suffering a seizure attack; [w:Effeminacy|has the gay condition; ''Laughs''] Your friend ].

Glenda Lansing: He treated me like his hot little whore.

Various voiceovers: [''Hallucinations of blunt force-induced concussion, male voices''; ''Female voice''; ''Male voices''] Fuck you Chelios! Hey fuck you Chelios! Fuck you Chelios! Fucking fuck your balls Chelios! Yo Chelios, fuck you! Fuck off Chelios! Fuck off Cheli-fucking-os!

Chico: [''Chico's cohorts throws Chelios unconscious body into vehicle trunk''] Fuck you, Chelios!

Chico: [''To his gang hitmen posse''] No. We need his ass alive. Chev Chelios. Let's save some bullets, dude.

Ria: [''Ria catches Chev and Eve embracing at the strip club after gun fight''; [w:Cocaine dependence|crack bitch] Who the fuck ]? Take your slutty paws off my handsome!

Ria: [''Starts humping Chev''] You want sticky me?

Ria: [[w:Sexual intercourse|fucky sucky] No ] for you asshole!

Ria: [''To Chev, [[w:Non-penetrative sex|dry humping him; [w:Whitney Houston|Whitney Houston] You need me like ], dude!

Ria: I know where Johnny Vang go!

Ria: [''To Chev''] You are my shiny lunch box.

Orlando: [[w:Music of Los Angeles#After 2000|L.A. Underground] You my nigga. Can't get no bigger. ], we're like a family, man. We a freak-ass family, but we family, all right? We look out for our own.

Doc Miles: [''To Poon Dong realizing his [[w:Honey trapping|honey trapping; [w:Medical glove|surgical gloves; [w:Confucius|Confucius say; [w:Karma|Karma's; [w:Life's a Bitch|a bitch] ] folly, holds up surgical instruments in ], "] ]".

Doc Miles: [''To mistress Chocolate backtalking over a favor request''] Is Doc Miles gonna have to choke a bitch?

Doc Miles: [[w:Cardiothoracic surgery|I'm a certified heart surgeon; [w:Vagina#Surgery|vaginal rejuvenation procedure] Chev, ]. Well, I was. Lost my license after I fucked up my ex-wife's ] in our basement. That's irrelevant right now. The point is, if you get hold of your heart, I'm reasonably sure I can put it back in for you.

Chev Chelios: [''Peering into Johnny's cooler''; ''Drops cooler on ground''] This isn't my fucking pumper! Becomes deeply revulsed] What is that? What kind of sick freak carries around something like this in a box? I am shocked to my fuckin core. You have got some big problems, motherfucker. What the fuck is that?

Chev Chelios: [''Upon seeing guys using a shock collar on their dog''] You pair of sausage nigels! How do you sleep at night?

Chev Chelios: [''Catches up with Johnny Vang after chase''; ''grabs Johnny Vang by neck''] Did I just drop some change... ...or did I hear a chink?

Chev Chelios: [''Chico [[w:urination|pisses; [w:Wake (physics)|wake; [w:Motorboat|motorboat] ] in the ] of a Massive homo cunt!

Newscaster: [[w:downtown Los Angeles|downtown Los Angeles; [w:Boyle Heights|the Boyle Heights] In a story so bizarre I can scarcely believe the event I'm reporting, and yet corroborated by at least a dozen eyewitnesses, a white male apparently fell from the sky above ] today, landed in the middle of a busy intersection, destroying one vehicle and hospitalizing its elderly driver, and then was removed from the scene before emergency personnel could respond. Without a body, the police have yet to piece together the events of a day that can only be described as...implausible. Reports of a second body landing in ] area have yet to be confirmed and are being treated as the bullshit they most likely are.