24 quotes
Challenges in Selling Healthy Foods to Kids
Jim
We're killing it.
Charlie
Hey, come on Jim, we had one bad test and it's a hard nut to crack. Any fool can sell chocolatey chocolate balls and cotton candy-flavored cereal to kids, man.
Jim
Cotton candy. That's not bad. Hey guys, look, I'm sorry, but it was a dog. Kids just don't want to eat vegetables for breakfast. Who knew?
[takes out his notebook and a pen and writes something down]
Charlie
It's exactly what I told you six months ago when you put us on this project.
Jim
You did? Well, it's not just Veggie-O's. We're shutting down the whole health division.
Phil
That's like 300 people.
[appalled]
Jim
Yeah, it's just not a business we want to be in.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate Over Visiting a New Location
Charlie
This is the right address.
Kim
You gotta be kidding me!
Charlie
Hey, we can at least check it out, you know!
Kim
Ben is NOT going here!
Charlie
Looks can be deceiving, let me just go take a look!
Kim
Looks can be deceiving"?! We're in a trailer park!
Trailer Park Lady
Yeah...???
Charlie
I might've made a mistake; I'm looking for the preschool.
Trailer Park Lady
Oh-ho, yes, it is! Welcome to the- Sorry...Welcome to the Touch of Eden Preschool, can I help you?
[putting her cigarette away; flips around a "BEWARE OF DOG" sign to reveal that "TOUCH OF EDEN PRESCHOOL" is written on the back; goes into a smoking induced coughing fit]
Charlie
Oh, no thank you... Is this the right place???
[realizing that Kim was totally right; the next place on their list is a farmhouse owned by an old couple. They walk up to an old woman fanning herself]
Kim
I think so...
Old Woman
Hello...
[gets up to greet Charlie and Kim]
Charlie
Hi!
Old Woman
We keep the children right around here!
[leads Charlie and Kim off the porch]
Old Woman's Husband
Go ahead! After you, ma'am!
Charlie
Where'd you get the address to this place?!
Kim
No, you picked this place!
Charlie
We should report this to somebody! Alright, now that's what I'm talking about! See, I knew there had to be at least ONE decent place in town!
[the third and final stop on their tour is a seemingly normal house]
Kim
Yeah, it looks alright...
Police Officer
THIS IS THE POLICE. WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED.
[through the megaphone]
Charlie
OH, SHIT! GO!!
[freaking out]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Marvin Declares His Possessions Are Not For Sale
Marvin
THIS STUFF - IS NOT FOR SALE!
[throws down his magazine]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Child's Call for Help
Jamie
911, Mommy.
Jamie's Mom
Oh, such a good girl!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
First Day at School Reflections
Kim
So, Pooch, how was your first day at school?
Ben
Okay.
Kim
Just Okay?
Ben
I don't know anybody there.
Kim
Oh, well, give it some time. You'll make some friends. How was your day, baby?
[to Charlie]
Charlie
I lost my J-O-B.
Kim
You lost your J-O-B?
Charlie
I got F-I-R-E-D. Me and 300 other people.
Kim
They cannot do that. What about Jim Fields? Can't he do something?
Charlie
Jim Fields is the one that pulled the trigger. Now, he's not gonna be inclined to do anything cause when I found out it was him, I told him he could take a flying F...
Kim Hinton
Charlie!
Charlie
H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P. Don't worry about this. I'm a guy in demand, and I'll have a new job in a week. A week.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Chaos vs. Organization in Childcare
Charlie
Today, we need some organization and planned activities.
[to Phil]
Phil
No. We need Ritalin and leashes, that's what we need.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Suggesting a simple activity for fun
Max
How about we just run in a circle?
[While Charlie is explaining a play for football]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Question of Paternity
Taglines
Who's your Daddy?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication About a Missed Opportunity
Charlie
Hey, big guy! How'd it go in there?
Max
I missed.
Charlie
What's that mean?
Max
I missed!
Charlie
Oh, hell no.
[realizing he's not kidding; slowly opens the bathroom door, the Psycho theme starts playing as he gazes in horror at the bathroom walls and the ceiling offscreen, and closes the door in disgust]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Absence Causes Confusion Among Characters
Charlie
What's going on?
Phil
Your worst nightmare.
Charlie
What?
Phil
Mr. Broccoli's a no-show.
Actor
He got a callback for a potato chip commercial.
Charlie
These snack foods are killing us!
Phil
Yeah, I know...
Charlie
Marvin!
[looks around for a replacement for Mr. Broccoli, his eyes land on Marvin, a nerdy outcast who's pilfering through the mail]
Marvin
Yeah?
Phil
Marvin? The guy who smells the mail?
[to Charlie]
Charlie
Yes, look; we need a guy who can wear a broccoli suit, not a normal person. Marvin, my man! My friend Marvin! Hey man, what's going on today? Listen, we need a favor: We're having a little focus group in there and the guy who's supposed to wear the broccoli suit left, so you can put the suit on and cover for us.
[quietly to Phil; loudly]
Marvin
No...I just can't do the broccoli, cause it's just not me. Sorry... Hey, can I be the carrot, though?
[notices the guy in the carrot suit]
Charlie
Yeah...Yeah, you can be the carrot! Let him try the carrot on!
Actor
No!
Charlie
You're gonna be the broccoli!
Actor
I don't wanna be the bush!
Charlie
It's not a bush, it's a stalk of broccoli! It's a strong stalk of broccoli!
Actor
I'm pretty strong...
[considering]
Charlie
Yeah, you can make that work! Let's go in here and you go switch this suit on and get the broccoli! Trust me on this thing, let's go!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mr. Broccoli Celebrates Healthy Eating with Kids
Mr. Broccoli
B-R-O-CC-O-L-I! I am the broccoli, and don't know why! C-A-RR-O and a T! Carrots are healthy for you and me! Go broccoli! It's yo birthday! Go broccoli! It's yo birthday! Go carrot! Go carrot! Go carrot...
[claps twice; starts shouting and dancing while The Message by Grand-Master Flash plays]
Marvin
No, I don't wanna....
[timid]
Mr. Broccoli
Hello, boys and girls! Zowie, do we have a special treat for you today!
Marvin
Hey! We have a brand-new cereal! You're the first kids- Help!
[reading off of flashcards that he's holding in his hand; drops the flashcards; tries to bend over to get his cards; falls over onto his face; struggling to get up off the floor]
Mr. Broccoli
It's super yummy and LOADED... with all sorts of stuff that's good for you! And do you know what we call it? VEGGIE-OOOOOOOOOS!!!
[decides to stand in for Marvin; pretends to blow smoke off the barrel of some finger guns]
Kid
THIS CEREAL SUCKS!!
Phil
They're turning on us...
Charlie
Give it a chance, let them get it in their mouths...They gotta taste it.
Kid
TAKE THAT!
[throwing a bowl of Veggie-Os at the one-way mirror]
Marvin
HELP ME, CHARLIE!!!
Mr. Broccoli
Not in the Face! SAVE YOURSELF, CARROT!!!
Charlie
Call security now - OH, SH - OH! HEY! STOP THAT!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Safety in Parenting Adventures
Phil
Let's get safety gate crazy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Competition and Threats in Child Care Industry
Miss Harridan
Rock for Daddy Day Care. Help us finance our new permanent home". Do you know what this means?
[put the flyer on her desk; to Jenny]
Jenny
It's a chance to improve ourselves through a little healthy competition?
Miss Harridan
No, you bubble-headed idiot. It's a death sentence. If they get their hands on a big enough space, they'll ruin me. They're selling fun. I can't compete with fun. I should've crushed them in the beginning when they were weak. It'll be harder now, but I have no choice. I've got to stop them.
[frustrated; turns away in anger]
Jenny
How're you gonna do that?
Miss Harridan
By any means necessary.
[turns back to Jenny and smiles cruelly]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Family in Childcare
Charlie
Any boob can run a day-care center, but it takes a family to raise some kids and that's what we're gonna be from now on: a family.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Positive Perspective on Trade-offs
Charlie
Whoa! Hey, little man! I'd say this wasn't a bad trade-off.
[looks around room]
Ben
Yeah, Dad.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Preschool Comparison to Princeton
Charlie
Look at this place. It's Princeton for preschoolers.
[walking into Chapman Academy]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Between Paint and Glue
Marvin
That's not paint! It's glue!
[after realizing that he has painted glue on his face instead of face paint; screams in horror along with Jamie]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Balancing Work and Family Responsibilities
Ben
Good morning, Daddy.
Charlie
Hey, Ben, how you doing, man? Oh, God. Daddy's got to get ready for work.
[wakes up; yawns]
Ben
Can't you stay home?
Charlie
No, I got a big day at work today. A real big day.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Reaction to a Shocking Event
Marvin
OH MY GOD, THEY VAPORIZED HIM!!!
[seeing Tony's discarded Flash costume on the floor]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Star Trek References
Charlie
If you don't stop it with that Star Trek stuff, I'm gonna push you in that sticker bush.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
D-Day Is Approaching
Taglines
D-Day Is Coming.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Learning at a Young Age
Becca
We need more learning about things!
Charlie
More learning about things?
Becca
Yes. We're at a very critical age. You have to feed our minds!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Offering Beverages with a Touch of Humor
Charlie
Is there anything I can get you to drink? Coffee, tea, water, eye of newt?
[while leading Miss Harridan into his house]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Transformation into a Kumquat
Phil
When The Carrot is done with you, you will be nothing but a kumquat!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.