28 quotes
Garfield Discovers Missing Keys in Loading Dock
Garfield
Okay, Otto, we’re in the loading dock. Where are the keys?
[on com]
Otto
They should be hanging on a pegboard on the far wall.
[on com]
Garfield
What do you mean we have a problem?
Garfield
The pegboard is empty!
Otto
Empty?
[on com]
Marge Malone
Now would you look at this? Three misguided stray pets trying to steal a truck of milk. Never a dull moment at this dairy, is there, Margie? You were looking for these, aren’t ya? Oh, here you go then. So, how’s this gonna play out, fellas? The easy way or the hard way? And just so you know, I’m up for either.
[She throws them the keys and Garfield tries to get them, but they reel back to her]
Garfield
Follow my lead.
[He spots a chair and nearby gets an idea]
Vic
Huh? What?
Marge Malone
Who’s next then?
[cracks her neck; She chases after Vic and Odie]
Garfield
Otto, that security guard has the truck keys!
[on com]
Otto
Crazy eyes? Tragic sense of fashion?
[on com]
Garfield
Yeah. How did you know?
[on com]
Otto
Marge Malone. Ethel!
[on com; Cut to a flashback showing Marge towing him away from Ethel. Flashback]
Ethel
Otto!
[flashback]
Otto
She’s not just my nemesis. She’s also my… enemy.
[on com]
Garfield
Love to hear about it, but right now, what do we do?
[on com]
Otto
Get those keys. I’ll create a distraction so you can get out of there.
[on com; As he runs off]
Marge Malone
Come here, you!
[She tries to get Vic and Odie]
Garfield
You see that? That’s indoor cat style!
Marge Malone
No, no, no, no, you’re not getting away. I’ve already called the pound. Your days of thievery end today.
PA Announcer
Attempted Perimeter breach!
[via intercom]
Marge Malone
Otto..!
[She looks at the security footage to find Otto trying to open the gates]
Vic
Junior, sorry about this.
[He looks at the button and the milk truck before getting a plan with a regretful look]
Garfield
Sorry? For what? Vic?! What are you doing?! Vic! Don’t you go! Vic! Please!
[Vic pushes him and Odie onto Marge, making her lose the keys. As Vic grabs the keys, Garfield is shocked; Vic presses the button to close the gate in front of the two and Marge. He then gets to the milk truck and turns back to look at his son with regret; Vic gets inside the milk truck; Vic drives off, leaving him and Odie with Marge]
Marge Malone
Send security to the loading dock.
[on com]
Ethel
Otto!
Marge Malone
You do not want to try me today, mister!
Marge Malone
Get him!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Taking Responsibility for Mistakes
Jinx
You know, Vic, you only have yourself to blame for this.
Vic
Right. Look, there’s got to be some way for me to make this right. I mean, I know we can think of something.
Jinx
Oh, there is, and you will.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Deal in the Foggy Night
Garfield
It was a dark and foggy night. The air was damp and heavier than a broken pipe. On nights like this, you can’t swing a cat without hitting shady characters making shady deals all over town. Oh, but this night was going to be different. Justice was about to be served with a helping of retribution on the side.
[voiceover; Marge flashes headlights at the figure, who flashes his flashlight back. Voiceover]
Marge Malone
Is that the package?
[She steps out of the truck]
Garfield
It is.
[disguised voice]
Marge Malone
Well, we have a deal.
[She whistles and Ethel steps out of the truck]
Garfield
No one will come looking for her?
[disguised voice]
Marge Malone
Nope. I did what you said. I burned her paperwork, and then shredded it, and burned it some more. It’s like she never existed. Except for the image of her face on millions of dairy products.
Garfield
This...never happened.
[disguised voice]
Marge Malone
Agreed. Oh, save it, Cat Fancy! I know you planned the milk truck heist and then tried to throw those innocent cats off a train to cover it up. The boys told me everything.
[She leaves with the cage, revealing Jinx inside it. She growls at Marge]
Ethel
Otto! You are my day.
[hugs Otto]
Otto
You are my night.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Lost Pet Assistance Call
Automated Voice
Hello?
[on phone]
Jon
Oh, finally! Hello!
[on phone]
Automated Voice
You’ve reached Find My Pet. If your pet is lost, we're here to help.
[on phone]
Jon
Hi! Yes! Great! OK. Uh, my orange tabby and my dog are both missing, and I need your help.
[on phone]
Automated Voice
Please listen carefully, as our menu options have changed.
[on phone]
Jon
OK.
[on phone]
Automated Voice
If you'd like to hear this call in Spanish...
[on phone; speaking Spanish]
Jon
What?
[on phone]
Automated Voice
For Pig Latin, ess-pray even-say.
[on phone]
Jon
Come on.
[on phone]
Automated Voice
For gibberish...
[on phone; speaks gibberish]
Jon
What do I press to talk to a real person?!
[on phone]
Automated Voice
Your call is very important. There are 1,046 people ahead of you.
[on phone; in deep voice; in normal voice]
Jon
What?! Garfield, where are you?!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Apologies and Reflections on Home
Garfield
Uh... Well, this is us.
[sighs]
Vic
Right. Your home. I just..
Garfield
I just wanted to say I’m sorry.
Vic
I’m sorry. What are you sorry for?
Garfield
For misjudging you.
Vic
Oh. Well, thanks. Well, I just wanted to apologize to you for…
Garfield
Everything bad that happened to us the last three days?
Vic
You know, you had your hand in a few bad decisions back there, too, but... Yeah, I’m sorry for dragging you into my world. This is where you belong here. Here with Jon and... what’s your name again? Odor?
[sighs; to Odie]
Odie
Huh?!
[growls then pants happily before hugging Vic]
Vic
So, um, I should go.
Garfield
Yeah, yeah. I mean, unless you want to come in.
Vic
I don’t know. I don’t think that would work. I’m...I’m an outdoor cat.
Garfield
Right. Sure, sure. No, I just...I figured...
Vic
No, no, no, I get it. But you know, I got this thing on the other side of town I gotta go do, so...
Garfield
No, I’m very busy, too. Yeah.
Vic
See you around then?
Garfield
You know where to find me.
Vic
In the kitchen. Well, take care. And remember, stay out of the pinecone.
[imitates Otto; He leaves the two alone and Odie barks at Garfield]
Garfield
What? You heard him. It’s for the best.
Odie
Mm-mm.
[shakes his head]
Jon
Oh, you’re back! What is going on? Are you okay? I was so worried! I was gonna add more locks to the door. You know, try to keep you in, but then I thought, well, what if they wanted to be outdoor pets? Do you want to be free range? I really missed you, guys, and I gotta say it’s great to be together again, the whole entire family. You have no idea what the last few days have been like: phone calls and hold times and tears...
[They shake their heads “no”. Sighs in relief]
Garfield
Don’t give me that. I asked him to stay. He wanted to leave. You heard him. He said he had to... Well, I-I... Fine. I’ll be right back.
[Odie grumbles; Odie groans; Odie growls; Odie growls again; groans; He heads out of the house]
Jon Arbuckle
Wait! Wait! What? Am I using trigger words that I’m not aware of?
[Odie pats his shoulder]
Garfield
So, you coming in or do we have to bring food up there to you?
Vic
I’ll come to you. I just need to finish something up here.
[He comes down, Garfield hugs him in embrace, and they head back to the house]
Garfield
You know, those notches show how much you love me.
Vic
Is that what you think of me?
Garfield
Yep.
Vic
Nah, I was just counting how many slices of lasagna you ate.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Garfield Faces Misunderstanding in a Kidnapping Plot
Garfield
What do you guys...What do you want? Money? I don't have any money, okay? Who-who carries cash anymore? I've-- I-I've got Jon's credit card number memorized. 5552-3857-5521. Did you write that down? Expiration code is 555.
[in the bag]
Nolan
The cat is out of the bag!
[Cackles. He throws the rope up]
Roland
We hope this kidnapping plan works or she’ll put us down....with her insults and cutting observations.
Garfield
I think this is a case of mistaken identity! You must be looking for another gorgeous, lovable kitty cat! Right?! Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, where you going? No, no, come back, come back! No, no. Odie?
[Once they’re high above, the two dogs leave; Odie barking]
Odie
Hmm?
Garfield
I'll handle this. Alright, you guys, I'm giving you the count of 3 to get back here, and let us down! 1, 2, 3! Four, five… I am not kidding here! 308, 309...I can't... yeah, they’re not coming. It’s over.
[Later, Garfield is exhausted while Odie plays the harmonica; groans]
Voice
Psst!
[offscreen]
Garfield
Huh? Am I dead? Are you an angel? Please take me. I am ready to go to the... to the all-you-can-eat buffet in the sky.
[He and Odie turn around to see a shrouded figure standing in the mall; Odie drops his harmonica in awe; The shrouded figure moves around; It comes to the mall ceiling by the ropes; sobs]
Shrouded figure
What? Listen, I’m going to swing you out, cut your ropes, and drop you safely to that landing below.
Garfield
Wait, what? That seems a tad risky. Is there another plan that doesn’t involve cutting the rope from a 40-foot drop?
Shrouded figure
No time. We gotta get outta here before they come back. We need to go! Come on, Junior!
[He swings Odie first then cuts his rope. The dog lands perfectly on the landing. Then, the shrouded figure swings Garfield and cuts his rope. The cat falls and lands next to Odie, though not so gracefully]
Silhouetted cat
Wait here, Junior. I’ll be right back.
[flashback; echoes]
Garfield
You...!?
[narrows his eyes as he pulls the shroud off the figure, revealing Vic, a burly orange tabby cat, then gasps and points angrily at him]
Vic
Uh… Hey, Junior.
Odie
Huh?
Garfield
Who is he? This is Vic, my "father".
Vic
Look, Junior, I know how you might be upset...
Garfield
Upset?! Why would I be upset? You only abandoned me in an alley as a kitten! I’m probably just overreacting!
[ticked off]
Vic
Oh, no. Not her. Quick, follow me, junior!
Garfield
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You lost the privilege of telling me what to do a long time ago.
Jinx
Hello, Vic!
Vic
Dang!
[scared]
Jinx
Scare-cam! Oh, you should’ve seen your faces! OK, boys, show me! Post that ASAP!
[laughs; makes spooky noises then laughs as she runs over to Nolan and Roland holding a phone; The phone shows a video of the trio being scared by her sudden appearance, laughs; laughs]
Vic
Hey, Jinx. I haven’t seen you since… Oh, well, no hard feelings though, right?
[holds his hand out for a handshake]
Jinx
Oh, I don’t think so. I’m a hugger!
[pushes Vic's hand away; glares for a moment, then smiles; hugs Vic]
Garfield
A part of me wants to be mad at her for kidnapping us, but you gotta love her energy.
Jinx
Where are my manners?
[gasps; claps her paws to summon Barry]
Barry
Chop, chop, gentlemen. Look alive.
Jinx
Perfection. You know, I was so delighted to think you accepted my invitation here tonight.
[drinks hers]
Garfield
Well, throwing us in a burlap sack wasn’t exactly an Evite.
Jinx
Vic, you’re so quiet. Are you feline sad? Cat got your tongue? Would you prefer a mew-mosa?
Garfield
Excuse me, how do you two know each other?
Vic
Let me handle this, Junior.
Garfield
Oh, don’t "Junior" me. You may call me Garfield, Mr. Garfield, or G-Money. Okay, whatever, no G-Money. Anyway, can somebody please tell me what is going on!?
[Odie scoffs]
Vic
Uh, we really...
Jinx
I’ll take this one.
[interrupts Vic]
Garfield
What?
Jinx
I’m from a small town outside ] that you’ve probably never heard of. Oh, I scratched and clawed my way through hard times to come here with one dream. I wanted to be seen. I wanted to matter. But... I was a failure.
[[w:London|London; We fade to a flashback of her entering America’s Next Top Feline, walking down the red carpet as people take pictures of her, voiceover; Cut to her holding a tuba. She stands still in stage fright. Crickets chirp. Voiceover; wah-wah sound is heard]
Announcer
The winner!
[offscreen; spotlight shines elsewhere]
Jinx
And then, I met Vic and his crew. They were outcasts. Losers. Thugs. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. We became a real family.
[voiceover]
Garfield
Vic and family. I know where this is going. Excuse me, garcon? Uh, when might we expect appetizers? Perhaps some amuse-bouche?
[scoffs; to Roland]
Jinx
Then, one night... We were about to make our biggest score. Enough milk to last us for weeks! Vic! VIIIIIIC!!!
[Cut to a flashback of the crew stealing quarts of milk from Lactose Farms. Voiceover; She drops one bottle and tries to get it, only to be captured and thrown in a pound truck, flashback; Vic tries to go after the truck, but it drives off with her. Cut back to present day]
Vic
Jinx, I tried to come back for you. You have to know that.
Jinx
Oh, yes. You get an A for effort.
Garfield
So, what happened next?
Jinx
Imagine Alcatraz... But smellier. It was cold and lonely... And stinky. So very stinky. I can’t ever state that enough. But it gave me purpose. I needed to get out. I just needed help.
[Cut to her being served slop in the pound. Voiceover; One cat knocks her lunch away. Cut to Jinx sleeping under a smelly cat, voiceover; Cut to her sulking at the fence. Voiceover]
Garfield
So, your purpose was to escape jail and get involved with charities?
Jinx
Nope. My purpose was...revenge.
[Vic gulps in fear]
Garfield
Oh, I see. I went the other way with it.
Jinx
I’m kidding! Another cat would be bent on revenge, but I’m a...ooh, how do you put it?
Barry
Evolved, compassionate, and incredibly self-actualized.
Jinx
Bingo! I had such trouble finding him and when I discovered you were his son, I had no choice but to kidnap you to lure him here.
[giggles]
Garfield
Listen, I totally get it. It’s all a part of being associated with Vic. So, what do you need from him to make this right?
Jinx
I simply want him to pay back the quart of milk I lost that night, and we’ll call it even.
Vic
I can do that.
Garfield
What he can’t do is raise a child.
Jinx
Just one quart.
Garfield
Just one quart.
Vic
Done!
Garfield
Done!
Jinx
For every day I was in the pound.
Vic
What now?
Garfield
Nice twist. Well played.
Vic
Uh, how long were you in the pound again?
Vic
Whoa! That long?
Garfield
Alright, I’m gonna do the math here in my brain and, uh...the way you do that is... Odie?
[clears his throat]
Garfield
1,675 quarts of milk. Exactly right, Odie. We both came up with it at the exact same time.
Vic
Where am I gonna find that much milk?
Jinx
Well, I suggest you go back to the place you double-crossed me. Lactose Farms.
Garfield
Wow. Well, good luck, Vic. I’ll leave you two to work on the fine print. We’ll just see ourselves out. Odie...
[laughs; He tries to leave but is stopped by Roland and Nolan]
Jinx
Uh, no, you’re all going to do this.
Garfield
What? Why me? He’s the one who abandoned you!
Jinx
Yes, but this is more than a one-cat job.
Garfield
If I’m sure Vic has a whole crew of lowlife cat burglars, he could ask.
Jinx
Oh, I’m sure he does, but if I’m being completely honest, seeing how miserable you make one another brings me endless satisfaction.
Garfield
Oh, well, thank you for your honesty. And if I don’t go?
Jinx
You can stay and have a playdate with Roland and Nolan. Okay, boys, go play!
[to the hench-dogs]
Barry
Ma’am. I think this is an opportunity to take a deep, cleansing breath and repeat your anger management mantra.
[clears his throat, last words]
Jinx
Anyone else have any objections?
[clears her throat]
Garfield
Nope, I’m good. Thanks for the opportunity.
[gulps nervously; gives two thumbs-up]
Jinx
Excellent! Now you boys have 72 hours... or else!
[drinks her milk and throws her glass away]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Simple Grab-and-Go Adventure
Garfield
Quaint. Just a simple little grab-and-go.
Vic
Okay, okay, so they’ve done a few upgrades since I was last here. Stop being so dramatic. All we have to do is climb the fence.
Garfield
Wait. Is that Otto?
Vic
Who?
Garfield
Otto! Of Otto and Ethel?
Vic
Uh, no clue what you’re talking about.
Garfield
He’s one of the mascots of Lactose Farms. See? On the side of the barn? I’ll bet he knows how to get into that place.
[He points to a painting of Otto and Ethel on the barn]
Vic
Leave him alone. Seems to be in a period of meditation. Or depression.
Garfield
Yes, he does. Mmm. This calls for cat sensitivity and diplomacy.
Vic
Oh, yeah? And where are we supposed to get that?
Garfield
I have it in spades. Watch. Maybe you’ll learn something. Excuse me. You’re Otto, right? I’m Garfield. A pleasure.
[He approaches Otto; Otto grunts in response. clear throat]
Otto
Go away.
Garfield
Just wanted to say I am a huge fan. I have eaten everything that has a picture of your face on it.
Otto
I’m not that guy anymore.
Garfield
I even loved that recalled provolone from a few years back.
Vic
Junior, no!
Garfield
Yeah. Anyways, here’s the thing. Me and my crew back there, we’re in a bit of a bind. Got ourselves in a situation. A long story short, we could use your help.
Otto
You’re a fan, huh?
[grunts]
Garfield
Ha ha. Oh yes. Big time.
Otto
Then sing the jingle.
Garfield
Well, I don’t really sing on command. I’m not a circus animal.
Otto
Sing it.
Garfield
Really?
[chuckles]
Otto
Sing it!
Garfield
♪ Lactose Farms. Lactose Farms. We’ve got milk, butters, creams, and cheeses. ♪
[clears his throat and sings]
Otto
More spirit!
Garfield
♪ As much as you want, as much as it pleases... ♪
[sings with more spirit]
Otto
Livelier!
Garfield
♪ Come and take a look and see what we got! ‘Cause what we got is a whole lotta lot! Ha, ha! Bop chee bop. Bibbidi bop bop chee bop! ♪ ♪ The tasty goodness is our motto brought to you by Ethel and Otto! ♪ What was that for?
[sings in livelier and dances; scats while Vic facepalms; Otto punches him to a tree. In pain]
Otto
I hate that jingle.
Garfield
You could’ve just told me to stop.
[in pain; He falls to the ground]
Farmhand
Let’s go. Kids are waiting.
Garfield
Odie, come back! Leave him alone! He might punch you!
Garfield
Was that Ethel?
[refers to the cow in the farm]
Otto
A few years back, Old Man Lactose was forced out of business. The corporation that took over separated me from my Ethel. Ethel!
[He grunts, but Odie whines to the steer. He smiles at the dog before telling his story; Cut to a flashback of Otto being put in a wooden box while farmhands are lassoing Ethel, flashback]
Ethel
You are my day!
[flashback]
Otto
You are my night! I was put out to pasture. She was put on display as part of the tour. I tried to get in there to break Ethel free, but they stopped me every time. Now I only see her six seconds twice a day.
[flashback; Soon, the bull was sent out to pasture, separated from the love of his life, voiceover; Ethel is seen being harassed by children in the amusement park, voiceover; Cut back to present day]
Vic
We...we feel you, Otto. Come on, let’s go, Junior. We’ll find another way to break in there.
Otto
Wha-wha-what could you possibly want from that place?
Vic
Oh, I don’t know. A couple quarts of milk?
Garfield
A couple thousand quarts.
[Vic nudges him]
Otto
Good luck.
Vic
We'll take any help when you have.
Otto
Pass.
Vic
I’m telling you, it’s a life-or-death situation.
Otto
And I hope you’ve notified your next of kin.
Vic
What if we can get Ethel out?
Garfield
Or get you a commemorative pin? Where are we gonna find a commemorative pin?
[Otto quickly returns]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Welcome to Lactose Farms Tour
Tour Guide Tracy
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the one, the only Lactose Farms! If you will all gather around me, we’ll begin our tour and head into the heart of the farm.
Marge Malone
I know you’re here. I can feel it. Show yourself.
[She carefully watches surveillance footage for any robbers]
Tour Guide Tracy
Today, you will discover the answers to all of your dairy questions. Including the most-asked dairy question of all time, “Are curds the way?”
Otto
Bullfrog, Chipmunk, Roadkill, do you copy?
[on com]
Garfield
Are you kidding me? They actually work? You should take this to Shark Tank.
Otto
Now remember, the only way to get the keys to the milk truck and free Ethel undetected is by sneaking to the path I’ve mapped out for you. If you deviate from that path, you will trigger security and all bets are off. Understood? Alright, look alive. The electrical answers door should be coming up on your left.
[on com]
Tour Guide Tracy
Okay, this way.
[offscreen]
Vic
Hey, look! There it is!
[He spots the door to the electrical room]
Garfield
Okay, we’re in.
[on com]
Otto
Continue through and locate the air vent at the end of the hallway. That will take you to the refrigeration room.
[on com]
PA Announcer
Factory workers, your 15-minute break begins now.
[via intercom]
Garfield
Blech! Ugh, your feet need a deep rinse!
Vic
What’s the hold up, Junior?
Garfield
How did you get through this? You’re bigger than me!
Vic
Am I?
[his stomach gurgles]
Garfield
Yes!
Vic
Well, the vent don’t agree. Try sucking in your gut!
[He and Odie start pulling at Garfield]
Garfield
I am!
Vic
Try sucking in your butt and your gut!
Otto
Bullfrog, what’s happening now?
[on com]
Vic
We fell out of a vent, into a room that looks like it was full of heavy machinery.
Otto
Son of a cud. You’re in the pinecone.
[on com]
Marge Malone
Jiminy Davis! The perp is a cat, and this one looks like it could eat us out of business!
[She spots Garfield in the security footage]
Garfield
Oh, Vic, Vic! Look! There’s the loading dock!
Vic
Junior! Don’t move!
Garfield
What, why?
Vic
We’re in the middle of the pinecone! Otto told us to stay out of the pinecone!
Garfield
Oh, stop. There’s no pinecone. Otto’s a bit of a worrywart. I can walk to the loading dock from here.
[He tries to walk, but the floor opens beneath his feet, and he falls in]
Vic
Junior!
Garfield
Mmm. Oh, cheddar. Probably one of my top 26 favorite cheeses. What do you think happens when that gets to zero?
[Then, he rises out on top of a big slice of cheddar cheese, eating part of it; Vic stares at Odie, who shrugs. He notices a timer ticking down]
Otto
Bullfrog, what’s happening now?
[on com]
Vic
Roadkill got carried away to the pinecone!
[on com]
Otto
Listen to me. You have to carry on with the mission. Get to the loading dock before the workers return from their break or you’ll miss your only chance to get that truck.
[on com]
Garfield
No, no, no, ah!
[As he rides down the cheddar cheese...; It gets onto a grater slide]
Computer
Shred sequence initiated.
Garfield
Odie! Thanks, buddy, but I’m already full from the cheddar. Oh, jump off? Good idea!
[Odie barks to Garfield to jump off the cheddar he’s on; He jumps off and grabs onto another piece of cheese hanging next to Odie.]
Vic
Oh, good. He’s safe.
Garfield
Uh, hang on. Wait, where am I going? Fondue? Oh, no!
[He spots a sign saying, “FONDUE AREA”; He sees approaching some giant pots of boiling melted cheese; He tries to get away by jumping from cheese block to cheese block]
Vic
Junior! Junior! That was too close even for me.
[As the two dodge the knives, Vic jumps to the rescue. He walks across some steamy fondue, bounces off a hot pot, and walks on more fondue. Just as the knives prepare to chop up Garfield and Odie...; He jumps in and saves them as the blades come down. As they pant, Vic holds up his severed tail]
Garfield
Thanks.
[pants]
Vic
I couldn’t let you have all the fun.
PA Announcer
Workers, your break ends in 5 minutes.
[via intercom]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Planning a Train Jump
Vic
Our best shot at jumping on a train is here.
Garfield
Hold on a sec. I’m just taking in the wind speed, the direction of the sun, and various angles. Yes, I say we jump the train from right here.
Vic
Didn’t I just say that?
Garfield
I’ve seen enough television a million times. We’ll need a hundred feet of rope...
Vic
Uh-huh. Rope. Yeah, okay.
[He sets Garfield on a branch and pulls it back]
Garfield
We’ll throw the rope over that branch right there.
Vic
Branch. Uh-huh. Got it.
Garfield
Can you follow me? Alright. And then, timing it just right, we swing over as the train passes by and land on top of the car. Boom!
[as the train approaches]
Vic
Or we can do this. Odie! Jump, boy!
[He lets go of the branch, launching Garfield through an open train car]
Nolan
Part of me wants to help him.
Roland
No. This is how he learns.
Used Catapult Customer
I don’t know. It’s kind of pricey. How much does it handle? Whoa! I’ll take it!
[Garfield lands on the catapult and it launches him away; impressed]
Vic
See? I told you this was gonna be fun!
Garfield
You and I have different definitions of “fun.”
[in the manure]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Garfield's Return and Dinner Announcement
Garfield
That’s right! I’m back, baby! I was just talking about you, wasn’t I? Oh, I’ve missed you, too. Pooky! I have a lot to tell you. You’re never gonna believe it. Crazy stuff happened. I slept outside twice! I know. Oh, and I made you this commemorative pin.
[rushes over to his favorite chair; presses the button to put it in recliner mode; turns on the TV to watch Catflix, then rushes over to Pooky and his bed; gets out a pin and puts it on Pooky]
Jon
Dinner time!
[offscreen]
Garfield
Talk later!
[kisses Pooky and runs off]
Jon
Say when?
Garfield
Never, Jon! Bury me in cheese!
Jon
I have two more in the freezer. Let me know when you want them. I’m gonna go check on dessert.
[timer dings]
Garfield
Oh, I apologize in advance. The eating you are about to see will not be pretty. And if you have young children, this would be a good time for them to leave the room.
[gets out a fork and a knife]
Odie
Mm-hmm!
Olivia
He’d just sit across the street from his kid’s house in a giant oak tree.
[voiceover]
Garfield
I know, I know. We’re coming back. I just need to check something out first.
[He gets up from his seat and walks away. His stomach growls and tries to steer him back to the table; his stomach growls; He leaves the house and walks to the oak tree, causing a bit of traffic along the way]
Snickers
He put a notch in the bark. Every time he was there.
[voiceover]
Garfield
He left a notch. Yeah, right. He was here. He saw me grow up.
[He climbs up the tree and looks around for a notch; sighs; He looks up to see one notch followed by tons of notches scratched everywhere on the tree]
Garfield
Oh. Ow. Wow. That really stings. I don’t know why I didn’t think it would. Give me a second. Vic loves us! Me first, of course, but then you too, but me a lot. At first. Wait, wait, wait, wait, but if he loves me, us, why would he let me, us, get captured at the dairy? Unless... he wanted us to get captured!
[gets off the tree and hugs Odie; Odie scoffs; gasps; As he walks down the street, he causes more traffic]
Driver
Hey, watch it!
Garfield
Yes! He knew that Jinx wasn’t going to let him off the hook, but if we got caught, we get sent to the pound and Jon would come and get us! Don’t you see, Odie? He was trying to save us!
[Odie gets him off the road]
Driver
Losers!
[offscreen]
Garfield
We have to go save my dad.
Jon
And here’s your favorite dessert, Mount Candy-toa! Uh, guys? Oh, come on!
[notices they’re gone; He sees the two pets leaving and the volcano erupts, covering the entire kitchen and himself in candy]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Disappointment in Trust and Betrayal
Garfield
I can't believe he did that. He ran out and left me...again. I thought he changed, but it was...it was a lie. All of it... How could I have been so stupid?
[heartbroken; sighs; Fade to he's inside a cage in the pound]
Maurice
Oh, come on, kid. Don’t beat yourself up. Vic, man. We’ve all been burned by Vic.
Olivia
Oh, yeah, the one thing about Vic you can count on is that you can’t count on him.
Garfield
Tell me about it.
Maurice
Yeah, I tell you about it. Long story short, we all used to run in a pack until we had to kick him off the crew.
Olivia
Like I said, couldn’t count on him.
Garfield
Sounds about right.
Snickers
He’d leave in the middle of the job just to go see his kid.
Maurice
Yeah. He said he wanted to check up on him. Make sure he was doing okay.
Olivia
But get this, he never actually visits. He’d just sit across the street from his kid’s house in a giant oak tree.
Garfield
That never happened.
Olivia
He watched that kid eat and eat...
Cats
...And eat and eat and eat...
Snickers
He put a notch in the bark. Every time he was there.
Garfield
Oh, yeah. Sure he did.
[sarcastic]
Olivia
And he’d go every Sunday night rain or shine. Said that it was his kid’s...
Cats
Family dinner night.
Garfield
Okay, hate to tell you guys, I guaranteed that never happened. Okay? You all fell for another one of Vic’s lies. We all have ‘cause that’s what he does best. Odie! Odie! How’d you get out? Quick! Pick the lock on my cage!
[Just then, Odie arrives outside Garfield’s cage]
Jon
Garfield! There you are!
[arrives at the pound]
Garfield
Jon! Oh, take me away from all of this! You can’t imagine what I’ve been through!
Female Pound Worker
You want this one, too?
Jon
Uh, yes, I do.
Female Pound Worker
You sure he's yours? He didn't have a tag.
Jon
Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh, he has a tag.
[shows her the collar and tag on Garfield’s neck]
Garfield
I have a collar and a tag? How long have I had those?
[dumbfounded]
Female Pound Worker
OK, I’m just gonna need you to hold…
Jon
I WILL NOT HOLD! I AM DONE HOLDING! THE JON WHO WAS ON HOLD IS DEAD! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!
[snaps]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Figuring Out a Way to Stay Safe
Vic
Okay, Vic, you gotta figure this out. Jinx can’t be trusted and you gotta keep Junior safe. Just gotta figure out a way to get him out of this.
[to himself; sighs; He finds Odie pulling twigs and spiked nuts off Garfield’s body]
Garfield
Tell me. Is it a bird? It really hurts. OW! You pulled my hair! Is it a bug? A bug? OWWW, OWIE, OWIE, OWIE, STOP IT, ODIE! AAHH! Okay.
Vic
You know what, Junior? This is gonna be good for you.
[He facepalms but then sees Garfield’s collar and tag. He gets an idea]
Garfield
What’ll be good for me?
[pulls a spike nut off his fur]
Vic
What we're doing.
Garfield
We’re about to steal a truck full of milk from a dairy to pay back a deranged... cat. What part of that is going to be good for me?
[pulls off another]
Vic
All of it! You can’t even imagine the life lessons you’re gonna learn.
Garfield
Oh, yeah? Name one.
Vic
Well, for starters, you already know how to get on a movin train. I found it funny. All I'm sayin', is that to break into a dairy, it's gonna take a few skills, I'm guessing a rounded, mush-filled, overly pampered indoor cat like you, doesn't have. So, we need to toughen you up.
[Laughs, Garfield is not amused. Clears throat; Garfield pokes his tummy]
Garfield
Toughen me up? Hey, I know tough, Vic. You obviously have never been in an ] that’s run out of breadsticks. Anyway, I’m never gonna need those skills you’re talking about.
[[w:Olive Garden|Olive Garden]
Vic
But you’ll have them.
Garfield
I'm never gonna break into a dairy, or anything else. Ever again.
Vic
You are missing the point! You're going to learn to improvise. Think on your feet, develop moves that'll come in handy in the real world.
Garfield
I wouldn’t be in the real world if it wasn’t for you!
Vic
True. You’d still be hanging upside down in the mall.
Garfield
You know, I would be asleep at home!
Vic
Missing out on life all together! Look, I’m just a dad trying to teach his son skills.
Garfield
Oh, no, no, no, no. You can't make up for five years of not being around.
Vic
Uh, yes, I can.
Garfield
No, you can’t.
Vic
I think I can.
Garfield
In fact, you can’t.
Vic
Yes, I can!
Garfield
You really can’t!
Vic
With your attitude, I can!
Garfield
Okay, whatever, “dad!” Wow, great lesson! I’m done talking to you, you don’t know me, and you don’t know the first thing about me. I am not pampered. I am not anything you think I am.
[screams in anger; sarcastic; groans in upset]
Vic
Okay. Just gonna say that blanket is not the best idea.
Garfield
Ah, fantastic. Thank you. I’ll take it from here. Get them off! Get them off! Get them off me! What are you doing? What’d you do?
[He puts the blanket over himself, only to be covered in spiders. screams; Vic picks up him and lifts a bag of cedar chips over him; Then, he opens it, dumping the chips on the spiders. Garfield pops out of the pile, stunned]
Vic
Cedar chips. Spiders hate them. See? Another life skill learned.
Garfield
I-I-I...
[stunned]
Vic
I think the words you’re looking for are “Thank you, pops.”
Garfield
No, the word I’m looking for is...
Vic
Oh! Here’s our stop!
Garfield
Really? Where?
[Vic kicks him out]
Vic
Oh, Odie, you think he’d see that coming.
[laughs; He and Odie jump off the train]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mastering Skills for Lactose Farms Mission
Otto
Alright, gentlemen, I’ve made a list of skills that you’ll need to master in order to break into Lactose Farms. Number one, develop lightning-fast reflexes.
Vic
You tell Garfield there's a plate of pasta on the other side of the wall, and you will see lightning reflexes.
Garfield
Yeah, no, no, no. Depends what kind of possum.
Otto
This pebble represents danger you may encounter. You need to grab it before it grabs you.
[holds out a pebble]
Garfield
It grabs me.
[scoffs]
Otto
Snatch the pebble from my hand. Too slow!
[Garfield tries to grab the pebble, but he moves it away; He whacks Garfield with his horn]
Garfield
Ow! What was that for?!
Otto
Being able to grab the pebble could be the difference between life and death.
Garfield
Alright, let me try that again. Ha! Got it! What was that for?!
[grabs the pebble; Otto whacks him again]
Otto
It’s never just about the pebble.
Vic
Come on, Junior. Everyone knows that.
Otto
Your head’s got to be on a swivel at all times.
Vic
You gotta be ready for anything.
Garfield
I was ready! He changed the game!
Vic
Sounds like someone’s making excuses.
[Otto rolls a boulder, and it collides with him, flattening him like a pancake]
Garfield
And what was that about being ready for anything?
Vic
You were distracting me!
[pops back to normal]
Garfield
Might I suggest putting your head on a swivel?
Otto
You should've seen that coming! Toes on the line! Watch your grip! Cover your side! There are surprises around every corner at Lactose Farms. You need to stay alert. Too slow! A baby could've seen that coming. Too slow! Too slow! Too slow!
[as he hits Garfield and Vic; squishes Garfield and Vic from above]
Otto
You'll never make it through Lactose Farms if you can't survive this training.
[He throws tree stumps as Garfield and Vic try to dodge them]
Vic
Are you for real?!
Garfield
What kind of dairy is this?!
Otto
The kind of dairy that requires teamwork to survive. Danger could be anywhere gentlemen. You gotta be ready to outrun it! Here comes the pain!
[He lifts up a big tree and charges toward them. Garfield and Vic run away]
Vic
Left, right, left, right.
Garfield
You’re confusing me!
Vic
I think I'm gonna need a wring-out.
Otto
If this is going to work, these two have to be on the same page. I’m out of ideas. You got any?
[to Odie; sighs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Friendly Reunion Between Jinx and Vic
Jinx
Welcome back...'...Victor!
[offscreen; she appears]
Vic
Hey, Jinx. Why you here? I was-I was bringing this to you.
Jinx
Were you? Really?
Vic
Of course it was. That’s what we agreed to, right?
Jinx
Mmm.
Vic
So, you and me square now?
[sighs]
Jinx
Not quite. There’s still the matter of those five years I lost because of you?
[chuckles]
Vic
What? But I thought this settled that.
Jinx
It was never about the milk. It was about you getting caught trying to steal it and being sent to the pound. Like I was. You see, Vic, I needed you to suffer. Like I did.
[laughs evilly]
Vic
Oh. I see. And I’m guessing you have an idea about how that should happen.
Jinx
As a matter of fact, I do.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Unwanted Reunion Sparks Tension and Conflict
Garfield
I can't believe this is happening! I don't see you for years! And when I do, you're pulling me into a life of crime.
Vic
I had this reunion playing differently in my head, too.
Garfield
That's the difference between us, because I never wanted to see you again!
Vic
I totally understand your anger, but give me a chance to explain. You'll see, I'm not the bad guy you think I am.
Garfield
A good guy doesn't leave his kid in an alley!
Vic
It wasn't like that.
Garfield
IT WAS EXACTLY LIKE THAT!
[angry]
Vic
No, it wasn't. Let me tell you.
Garfield
No, no, I don't want to hear it! This whole thing with Jinx, this is your mess, not mine! Come on, Odie.
[Unfortunately, he is stopped by Roland and Nolan]
Roland
Can’t let you do that.
Nolan
We’ll be watching you.
Roland
Like a hawk.
Garfield
Is today a Monday!? ‘Cause it feels an awful lot like a Monday.
[groans in frustration]
Vic
It’s Thursday.
Garfield
Not to me, it’s not!
Vic
Look, I know this isn't ideal, but we have to do this. So, let's just try and make the best of our time together.
[as Garfield growls]
Garfield
Our time together?! What are you talking about?! Once we get this milk, I want you out of my life! Forever!
Vic
Alright, just relax. Lactose Farms is nothing but a sleepy little mom-and-pop dairy. This will be a quick grab-and-go. You’ll be back home before you know it.
[laughs]
Garfield
How do we even get to Lactose Farms? It’s way out in the country.
[sighs]
Vic
You ever jumped a train?
Garfield
I’ve never jumped.
Vic
Well, if jumping the train is too hard, just say it.
Garfield
How hard could it be?
Vic
Exactly! This is gonna be fun!
[laughs as he slaps Garfield to the ground; flexes his arms]
Jon
Garfield? Odie? Hello? Garfield, how many times have I told you to close the refrigerator door? Wait. There’s food on the floor. He's never left food on the floor. Garfield? Garfield? Garfield? Garfield? Garfield? Garfield? GARFIELD!!!!
[yawns; notices the refrigerator door left open; spots some food still on the floor when Garfield and Odie were kidnapped by Roland and Nolan; gasps; checks the halls; checks the closet; checks under the couch; checks out the pet door; checks from the chimney; steps out the door]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Communication Tools for Indoor Cats
Garfield
What are those for?
Otto
For us to communicate. Once you’re inside...the belly of the beast.
Garfield
Uh, okay. Don’t we need something more like radio headsets?
Otto
Indoor cat. These are better.
[sighs]
Garfield
I just feel like ] would be better.
[[w:Bluetooth|Bluetooth]
Otto
These are better than Bluetooth.
Garfield
These are better than Bluetooth?
Otto
They’re equal, and I don’t have to pay for the brand. Gold Eagle to Chipmunk, do you copy?
[He and Odie put acorn pieces in their ears. On com]
Garfield
Of course you can hear him. He’s standing three feet away from you. Oh, I see you sprung for the binoculars.
[Otto snorts and gets out binoculars]
Otto
Now, we just need to find… a way in.
Garfield
Anyone ever told you that you take a lot of dramatic pauses when you speak?
Otto
Yes. Bingo.
[a beat; He spots some kids exiting a school bus with one having an animal backpack]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Emergency Call for Help
Garfield
What is this? Half a star for Mamma Leoni’s?! She’s a monster! She’s gonna tie him up.. take him on a train... She’s gonna throw him off the Mile High Bridge! We’re gonna need help. But who can we call? Ugh, you got a waxy buildup. What’s your q-tip routine? You’re right, you’re right. We can deal with this situation later. Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Hello?
[They see pictures of Vic being scratched out before seeing a negative review on Mamma Leoni’s. Gasps in horrified; Growls in anger; Then, they see drawings of what Jinx plans to do to Vic; gasps; Odie gets out an acorn earpiece. Gasps; Odie groans; puts the acorn piece in his ear]
Otto
Get off the line. This acorn call is for emergency use only.
[on com]
Garfield
Otto! Otto, please listen. I wanna make good on our original deal. But.. But I need a favor first. Otto, are you still there or are you taking a dramatic pause?
[on com; a beat]
Otto
I’m listening.
[on com; then]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Planning a Dairy Heist
Roland
She’s really losing it.
Jinx
Yes, what is it?
[shakes off the tape]
Roland
They’re ready to rob the dairy.
Jinx
Purrrfect! Oh, everything is coming to plan. Now it’s time to make the call. Excuse me, you keep that thing in your folds? That is so disgusting. You, you dial the number and put me on speaker.
[Roland gets out a cellphone from his folds; to Nolan; Nolan dials the number and puts on the speaker]
Female Phone Operator
Hello?
[on phone]
Jinx
Hello? Lactose Farms?
[on phone]
Female Phone Operator
How may I help you?
[on phone]
Jinx
It’s come to my attention that there will be an attempt to rob one of your dairy trucks tomorrow. It’s not important who I am or how I came to know this. Just think of me as a concerned citizen intent on fulfilling my civic responsibility as well as...
[on phone]
Male Phone Operator
Uh, chief? We may have a situation.
Marge Malone
Well, okay then. Let’s go have a look-see.
[grabs her nightstick]
Female Phone Operator
This is the third time they called.
Male Phone Operator
It just sounds like a cat crank-calling us.
Marge Malone
If it were a dog barking, I’d be on board for a prank. Some dogs are born for mischief. They just are. Not cats. Oh, no. Cats mean business.
[shoves her nightstick at his nose; She gets out her phone, uses the Critter Talk, and selects a cat to translate the meowing]
Jinx
I repeat, there will be an attempt to rob one of your dairy trucks tomorrow. I suggest you take appropriate measures to prevent this brazen thievery from occurring. Okay, I’m done. Hang up the phone. Ha, ha. What an evil genius I am.
[on phone; hangs up]
Marge Malone
Well then, still seem like a prank to ya?
Male Phone Operator
Eh, that last part did a little.
Female Phone Operator
What’s our next move, chief?
Marge Malone
Our next move is for me to go back to my office and formulate an ingenious plan. And you go get my car waxed. Well, well, well. Would you look at that, Margie Malone? We’re having company tomorrow. I guess I better take out my finest China to serve a heaping plate... of justice!
[She enters her office and approaches the mirror, to herself; puts on her hat]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Garfield's Midnight Snack Adventure
Garfield
Up until that moment, my life was a perfect souffle. Little did I know, it was all about to collapse.
[voiceover]
Sleep App Voice
Imagine yourself drifting away on a sea of tranquility. There are no pets to bother you, distract you, or max out your credit card by excessively placing online food orders.
Garfield
Oh, I swear. Huh? What? Who said that? Huh? Odie. Odie. Odie! It’s time for our midnight snack. Thank you, good sir. Your kindness will be rewarded.
[As he sleeps, his stomach rumbles and yawned; his stomach rumbles again, waking him up; He notice to his tummy; yawns; Odie wakes up; Odie jumps off from Jon's bed. He moans as Odie helps him up from his bed. Yawns]
Garfield
What are we feeling like today, huh? French? Italian? Chinese? Cupcakes? Chinese it is. Odie, shape everything from the bottom two shelves into a dumpling.
[yawns; his stomach rumbles; As Odie grabs some food, they hear shuffling nearby]
Garfield and Odie
Huh?
Roland
Late night snacking?
[in British accent]
Nolan
Not good for digestion.
Garfield
Odie, I'm dreaming again. Slap me across the face. Nope! Still dreaming. I must be really deep in this one.
[uninterested; Odie slaps Garfield and Roland roars at the him]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Garfield's Love for Cheese Explained
Otto
Now pay attention. Here’s the perimeter of the plant and here are the two places you need to go. First, the truck with your milk is back here. And this delicate buttercup is my Ethel. My north star and reason for living is being kept by those barbarians in...the Donald’s hiccups Located here. This cricket represents the electrical room. This snail, the refrigeration room. This toadstool is the loading dock, where you’ll find the keys to the trucks.
[He sets a pinecone in the middle of the square]
Garfield
Hey, what’s the pinecone?
Otto
The pinecone is the cheese and butter room.
Garfield
Ooh, cheese is my love language.
[As he rubbing his tummy]
Otto
Now, for this briefing, I’ve done a quick reading of your personalities and have chosen tokens to represent each of you. You are the majestic bullfrog.
[points to Vic; A bullfrog appears, croaking]
Vic
Oh, yeah. That feels right.
Otto
You are the curious and clever chipmunk. And you...
[points to Odie; A chipmunk appears. Points to Garfield]
Garfield
Wait for it.
Otto
...are roadkill.
[He sets down a roadkill opossum]
Garfield
Huh? What? Oh. No, I get it. That’s a good one, Otto. Giving your new best friend roadkill. Seriously though. What’s my real token?
[laughs; pokes at the possum with a stick]
Otto
That is your real token. Now, if you have any chance of...
Garfield
Excuse me. Can I switch to something living like a snail or a cricket?
Otto
You should’ve spoken up sooner. At this point, it would be too confusing to switch.
Garfield
Sooner? But you just told me this five seconds ago.
Vic
Come on, Roadkill. Focus.
Garfield
Oh, really? You give Vic the majestic bullfrog, you give Odie the curious and clever chipmunk, and then you give me, your new BFF, roadkill? I mean, it feels disrespectful, not gonna lie.
Otto
What makes you think he’s dead?
Garfield
My eyes. I have eyes and can see.
Otto
It’s a possum. They’re masters at playing dead.
Garfield
Well, then little Daniel Day Possum here should do Shakespeare in the Park.
Otto
Things aren’t always what they seem.
Garfield
You’re right. But in this case, they are.
Otto
What’s the big deal? Possums play dead.
Garfield
Oh, do they, Otto? Do they play dead? Do possums play possum? Is that what they do?
Otto
Yes. Possums are very clever.
Garfield
Well, I’m sure he was until the day he ate a pick-up truck.
Vic
Uh, just ignore him. Please continue. I’ll just put this back where you had it.
Otto
The straightest line to the loading dock is through the snail here. Then the cricket there. Cut through the toadstool and armed to the rock. Each of these rooms have their own set of unique challenges.
Garfield
Well, why can’t we go straight through the pinecone?
Otto
You don’t want to go through the pinecone.
Garfield
Looks like the straightest shot is through the pinecone.
Otto
You like walking with those feet, do you? You a fan of unimaginable pain and misery? Then go through the pinecone.
Vic
Stay away from the pinecone. Got it.
[clicks tongue]
Otto
Once you’re inside the facility... You will enter the electrical room. There you will locate the air vent. Pop the grate and climb up. Then you'll crawl through a maze of vents and drop down to the refrigeration room. Next, you will need to hurl your body over a 30-foot drop to a series of hand rungs. You'll propel yourselves hand over hand and drop down directly into a loading dock. From there, you'll locate the keys to the milk truck. Drive that truck to the west pasture of the complex, cut the lock on the gate, and find the closest thing we have to an angel here on earth. You'll escort my sweet Ethel onto the truck and drive her to freedom. It’s going to take mad skills to get that milk and free my dear sweet Ethel. Clearly, this one’s qualified for the mission. But I have some serious doubts here about all of...this.
[Cut to a 2D-animated rundown of the plan as the Mission: Impossible theme plays. Voiceover; Cut back to reality; refers to Odie; refers to Garfield]
Vic
He’s pointing to you, Roadkill.
Otto
Let’s get to work.
Garfield
Stupid roadkill.
Roadkill
Hey! I’m workin’ here!
[whacks Garfield with the stick; resumes playing dead]
Garfield
Definitely a Monday.
[groans]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Connections and Morning Surprises
Garfield
Wakie, wakie, eggs and bakey! Good morning!
[lies down on Jon’s face]
Jon
What? Where’d you get that chair?
Rom-Com Woman
I think I was meant to be here tonight because I was meant to meet you.
[on TV]
Rom-Com Man
I think we were meant to be.
[on TV]
Rom-Com Woman
That’s what I meant to say.
[on TV]
Rom-Com Man
You had me at the word “meant.”
[on TV; they both kiss]
Fitness Bike Instructor
We're going to ride like the wind! Faster! Harder! More exciting!
[on phone]
Garfield
Odie! Yeah, can you put this back to normal? There you go. Just let the pepperoni’s healing powers work its magic.
[to Jon]
Garfield
You saw nothing.
[jumps off the bed as Odie sleeps with Jon, he turns off the light]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Garfield's Culinary Adventure Begins
Garfield
OK, it's time to eat. Let's see, open the app. I’m gonna get a double pepperoni pizza, uh, an order of breadsticks, and...Well, lasagna. Yeah. Ooh! A new item alert? Jalapeño breadstick quick bites. Huh. It might be nice to add something in the salad family. And do I want dessert? Oooh! I’m gonna be naughty! Butterscotch budino. OK, I’m gonna have five. Delivery? Goes without saying... now, please.
[first lines; offscreen; types in the password 061978 on the phone, unlocking it; opens the Mamma Leoni’s app to make his order; chuckles; The app screen slides to the side to show the orange tabby cat himself; hits NOW]
Mamma Leoni's App
Mama mia!
Garfield
Alright. That oughta hold me til breakfast. Oh, hey! Are you guys early or am I late? No matter. I have got a real treat for you today. No, not a treat for you. OK. Anyway, about that treat... Can I just say, you will not be disappointed. It’s a story about me...'...that no one’s ever heard before featuring someone in my life you’ve never met. I don’t know about you, but color me intrigued. Oh ho yeah! Drone delivery. Welcome to the future. You know, to really understand everything, I’m gonna have to take you back to where it all began. Don’t want anything to take away from the flavor of cheese. And like every great story, it all started... ...on a dark and stormy night.
[notices the audience; Odie, a yellow dog with brown ears, jumps and barks excitedly; Odie whines sadly; sighs; He gives Odie a biscuit and he eats it before licking him happily, much to his disgust; pushes Odie down; laughs; the doorbell rings; A drone enters the house, delivering Garfield’s order; opens the box for his double pepperoni pizza; notices a small basil on his pizza; flicks it off, stretches his mouth open, places the pizza in, and munches down; He moves his mouth in a sucking position near his drink. Odie tips the cup to Garfield’s mouth and the cat sips his drink]
Silhouetted cat
Wait here, Junior. I'll be right back.
Girl
Open wide, Jake.
Jon
Aww! Hi there, little buddy! Hi! Are you hungry, little guy? Do you want a little more? Whoa! You are a hungry little guy.
[leans in, then holds out a finger; Garfield paws at his finger, then looks over at the pizza and licks the glass. Jon glances over to see no one coming, then secretly opens the window to let Garfield in. Garfield, despite his tiny pint size, hops into his hand. As the duo stare at each other, Garfield licks his cheek as Jon chuckles, then rubs his back on his chin while purring. Jon sets his little friend on the table beside the pizza; As Garfield nods as if saying "Yes", Jon feeds him a pepperoni, then chuckles and offers another; At lightning speed, Garfield eats the entire pizza, then the slice that Jon was about to eat, then finally eats the pepperoni; sees Vito coming, then grabs a menu, hiding Garfield behind it]
Vito
That was a quick dinner, Signore Jon. You must’ve been very hungry. Can I bring you anything else?
[chuckles as Garfield peeks out from under Jon's wrist, but Jon himself pushes him back behind the menu]
Jon
Uh, yes.
[looks at the menu as Garfield rubs his paw on a picture of a single piece of lasagna]
Musician
Grazie! Grazie! Thank you very much!
[offscreen]
Jon
Some...lasagna?
Vito
Si. Lasagna for one.
Jon
Uh, yeah. You know what? No. Uh, make it family-style.
[looks at the menu again as Garfield points to a picture of a 6-piece family-styled lasagna]
Vito
Very good.
Jon
To go, please, Vito.
[as Vito walks away]
Musician
OK! Everybody! You all know this one!
[offscreen]
Jon
Huh? What? Where'd he go?
[lifts the menu to find Garfield gone; spots Garfield slurping spaghetti and meatballs as a birthday party commences]
Patrons
Hey!
[offscreen]
Musician
Stand up and sing. Join us.
[offscreen]
Jon
Oh, no! Oh, no. Excuse me. Pardon me.
["Tarantella Napoletana" plays as he moves through the crowd; moves under another table, and tries to grab Garfield, but finds marinara sauce on his fingers. He notices Garfield eating cookies. As he goes to eat a slice of pizza, Jon grabs him, still on the plate, and hides him behind his back as Vito walks by with a big birthday cake. Once Vito is gone, Jon pulls out the plate from behind his back, but once again, Garfield has disappeared. He spots him walking through the birthday cake with a big bite on it. Jon scrambles on all fours to search for him]
Maria
Jon! Take-out for Jon! Your take-out is ready, Signore Jon.
[offscreen; As Jon looks around, Maria comes in with a to-go box for Jon]
Jon
Yes.
Maria
One familia-style lasagna to go! You eat alone too much, Jon.
[opens the box, revealing Garfield eating on the top middle of the family-style lasagna]
Jon
Yeah.
Maria
You should get on the dating apps.
Jon
No, I'm good, thanks.
Maria
There's Bumble, Tinder, Gluten-Free Singles...
Jon
Oh, really?
Maria
Hot Sauce Passions.
Jon
No, I could never.
Maria
And you should spend serious money on premium memberships.
Jon
Bye! Huh? Oh, hey. Well, that was an interesting dinner… that you had. Well, I guess, um...this is where we say goodbye. Oh, you’re really cute, but I can’t have pets in my apartment. So...I’ll see you around, OK? Go on. Oh, no. No, no, no, don’t cry. Don’t cry. Oh. Oh! No, no, no, no, no! No! Oh, no! Oh, no! You don’t have a home, do you?
[quickly leaves the restaurant, and the lid pops open, with Garfield still in the box; chuckles as he sets the box down on the ground, and puts Garfield on the lid; Garfield cocks his head; As Garfield sniffles sadly, he cries, shedding a lot of tears; The tears make a river that leads to a storm drain. Garfield waves goodbye to him; scrambles toward Garfield, and grabs him, just as the box enters the storm drain. He then stands up while holding the tiny pint-sized kitten in both hands]
Garfield
And that's how I adopted Jon.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Automated Voice on Cat Loss Assistance
Automated Voice
Your call is very important to us. If you’ve lost a cat, please press 1. If your cat is orange, please press 2. This doesn’t really accomplish anything but gives you the false sense that we’re engaged with you.
[on phone; Jon presses 1; Jon presses 2]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings Among Friends in Unlikely Situations
Garfield
Can’t believe I’m out in the middle of nowhere getting beaten up against my will by a former celebrity steer.
Vic
Odie, can you tell my son to please stop whining?
Garfield
Odie, can you tell Vic that I collapsed on this tree first and that he needs to find another one?
Vic
Odie, can you tell my son that I’ll gladly find another one when I get the feeling back in my leg?
Garfield
Odie, can you tell my father that he wouldn’t be lying in pain if he led a better life and didn’t create problems for himself?
Vic
Could you please inform my son that he should focus on fixing his own issues?
Garfield
Odie... Odie, what’d you do? After all I’ve let you do for me.
[He notices Odie has tied both him and Vic to the tree with vines while they were arguing; Odie harrumphs and walks away]
Vic
What is this? Hey, watch it!
[He tugs on a vine, springing Garfield's foot up. Garfield moves his foot on the vine, making Vic's hand smack himself]
Garfield
What’s the problem, Vic? Is this bothering you?
[He snickers. Vic pulls on the vine to make Garfield smack his hand on his own face; He proceeds to tug the vines to make Vic hit himself]
Vic
No. In fact, I don't mind it at all!
[strained; He moves the vines in a boxing motion, making Garfield punch himself]
Garfield
I don't mind it either!
Otto
I could watch this all day.
Garfield
Stop pulling!
Vic
I’m not! You’re pulling!
Garfield
If I was pulling, you knew it! Why does everything you do always end up hurting me?
[grunting]
Vic
Hurt you?! All I ever did was try to help you!
Garfield
Oh, you sure? Cause every time you're around, it ends up with me in pain. Ow! Odie, these ropes are not funny anymore...'...OW!
[as he get hit by a branch; as he get hit by a branch again]
Vic
Maybe, if you were a little more open to seeing me, things might be better between us.
Garfield
Oh, you do remember you were the one who left me in an alley, right?
Vic
You don't know what you're talking about!
Garfield
Then please enlighten me.
[clears throat]
Otto
This is about to get real.
Garfield
Oh, that's right. You're normally never around to actually defend yourself. No back door to slink out of this time. First, you abandoned me! Years later, you pulled me into a life of crime. Well, classic "Father of the Year" stuff, Dad. You know why would I ever think that seeing you could be anything other than a train wreck!?
Vic
I DID NOT LEAVE YOU IN THAT ALLEY!
[angry]
Garfield
Oh, you did, you told me you'd come right back. You never did!
[bitterly]
Vic
No! That is not what happened.
[solemnly]
Garfield
Oh, please! You're probably on the run from someone like Jinx and I was in the way.
Vic
No...No, that...that night... That night was different...
[sighs]
Fish Market Worker
Hey! Shoo, shoo! Get out of here!
Vic
Wait here, Junior. I’ll be right back.
[approaches the garbage can, only to be scared off by the worker]
Food Worker
Hey, get out of here! Hey, how are you doing? Yeah, yeah. Ah, I had to shoo a cat. Yeah, yeah. Digging in the trash. Yeah. So what you up to now, huh? Still taking it easy? Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh, no, you're kidding. Really? Oh, yeah, yeah. It's been raining here for a while now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'll see you then. OK, bye.
[Vic waits by as the food worker talks on his phone; on phone; Time passes. It’s raining, but the worker is still on the phone; on phone; chuckles]
Garfield
I… I never knew.
[shocked]
Vic
I know, how could you?
Garfield
Why didn't you ever come visit me?
Vic
I did. A million times I… came to knock on your door, and I'd see what a great life you've had with Jon, so I just...thought it would be better if I kept my distance.
Otto
I sense a positive breakthrough in your relationship, am I wrong? Good. After an extensive evaluation, I have concluded that you two are, in fact, ready to move forward with this mission.
[appears before Garfield and Vic; Vic shakes his head]
Vic
We are?
Garfield
How is that even possible?
Garfield
Huh?
Otto
I have determined it would take roughly...17 years to get you both properly ready for this job. And since we have..less than 48 hours, you passed. Congratulations.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Train Escape Plan Discussed Among Characters
Garfield
So, once I get on the train, I untie Vic and we jump off right as the train gets to the bridge.
Otto
Correct. Chipmunk will be waiting for you.
Otto
Confirm your status, Chipmunk.
[on com]
Otto
If you don’t jump right as the train gets to the bridge, you’ll miss the net.
Garfield
Got it. It’s getting close.
Otto
Have you considered throwing a rope over a branch and just swinging onto the passing train instead?
Garfield
You watch too much TV.
Otto
I’ve never watched TV.
Garfield
This way is much better than your rope idea.
Otto
Better than the versatile, reliable rope?
Garfield
Look, I’ve studied the science. I know what I’m doing.
Otto
And you think you can battle these villains on your own?
Garfield
Oh, yeah. I have a plan. Odie, make the order.
[speaks on com]
Garfield
Now get ready to fling me in the direction of that moving train. Get ready. If I don’t make it back, tell my story. Now!
[As the train approaches...; The train comes near; Otto lets go of the branch, sending him flying]
Otto
Roadkill, you’re too high! You’re gonna miss it!
[on com]
Garfield
No, no, this is how you do it. It’s called a ricochet approach.
[on com; He gets kicked off by a billy goat, knocking him out of his suit. Then, he bounces off Otto’s belly]
Jinx
It won’t be long now! I can’t tell you how excited I am for what’s about to happen next!
[laughs evilly]
Garfield
Dad, I’m here to rescue you!
Vic
No, no, no, no, no, Junior, get out of here!
Garfield
I'm gonna untie you and we're gonna jump off the train!
Vic
NO, JUST LEAVE ME AND GO!
Garfield
I DIDN'T COME THIS FAR JUST TO TURN AROUND! LET ME UNTIE YOU!
Jinx
You’re ruining everything!
[She grabs a nearby axe; She swings it down, but Garfield has it cut the rope instead, freeing Vic]
Garfield
Hurry! This way.
[He and Vic carefully walk the side of the train car. As Garfield spots a ladder close by, Jinx summons her henchdogs]
Jinx
You half-wit! Get them!
[groans]
Garfield
The bridge is coming up! We gotta get to the caboose now!
Vic
What? Why?
Garfield
Just follow my lead!
Roland
Oy, kitty cat. Do you really expect to take on us all by yourself?
Garfield
No. I brought...takeout.
Roland
Huh?
Nolan
Huh?
Garfield
I never understood the purpose of salad until...'...this exact moment.
[he throws a salad leaf away]
Garfield
Go, go! Now!
[He and Vic head toward the caboose]
Jinx
Get after them!
Garfield
Yeah, in case you were wondering, I do my own stunts. Me...and ].
[[w:Tom Cruise|Tom Cruise]
Vic
Junior!
Jinx
Stop him!
[to her hench-dogs]
Vic
Now that’s amazing!
Garfield
I can’t feel my tongue!
[his tongue numb]
Otto
Roadkill, are you at the caboose ready to jump?
[on com]
Garfield
Dad! Dad!
Vic
Jump, Junior! I’ll catch you!
Vic
What do we do now?
Garfield
We do this! See you, everyone!
[He pushes Vic off the train; He falls off but notices his dad flying up]
Vic
The net’s too tight!
[flying up]
Otto
Roadkill, the net is too tight!
[on com]
Garfield
I heard!
[on com; He bounces off the net and he and his father crash through the caboose]
Jinx
Hello again! Welcome back. Now, where were we? No, no, don’t throw them over just yet! I want to find the perfect place for them to make the biggest splat.
[Soon, the two dogs hang Garfield and Vic over the side of the train, ready to drop them]
Vic
Hey, Junior. Junior, Junior.
Jinx
Get ready! Almost there!
Garfield
Sorry my rescue didn’t work out.
Vic
No, you gave me another chance. That’s all that matters.
Jinx
Now! Now! Drop them now! What are you waiting for?!
[gasps]
Roland
Their love for one another indicates that despite their current circumstance, they are at peace. Because...they are together.
[Nolan nods]
Jinx
So?
Nolan
If the point of your revenge was to hurt them...It has done the opposite. It’s actually textbook irony!
Roland
And we’re no longer comfortable with your plan!
[Nolan nods]
Jinx
You two are still as weak as you were when I found you sniveling in the pound! "Oooh, no one will adopt us. I never grew into my folds. I hide behind them because I'm socially awkward." "Please! Somebody love me! Even if I can’t sit still for more than 10 seconds and have the attention span of A BLOODY GOLDFISH!!
[imitates Roland; imitates Nolan]
Roland
We did everything you ever asked of us. I even spoke with this ridiculous accent to make you feel more at home! But no more! I’m New York, loud and proud! I love myself the way I am, and I’m a big, brave boy, baby!
[speaks in a Brooklyn accent]
Nolan
I’ve been working on my attention span! Is that a hot air balloon?
[notices a hot air balloon and gasps]
Jinx
You two are WORTHLESS!!!
[growls as her mood necklace turns red, furiously; last words; She pushes her former hench-dogs along with Garfield and Vic off the train. She laughs evilly, only to get knocked off by an overpass]
Garfield
Might I just say, as someone else with a zaftig figure, you have a beautiful body, sir.
Roland
Oh, dear!
Otto
Rope. Versatile. Reliable.
Garfield
There’s something about your cadence that really throws me, but thank you.
Roland
Tee-hee.
Vic
Tossing me off the train? Did not see that coming.
Garfield
Well, when you live in the wild, you gotta keep your head on a swivel.
Vic
Right.
Garfield
It’s basic Outdoor Cat 101.... And that had bird poop on it!
[eats a leaf; then; spits it out]
Otto
Hey, you good, Roadkill?
Garfield
Not quite. There’s one last thing to take care of. Cut to...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Anticipating the Sequel
Garfield
Why are you still here? Oh! I know! You're waiting for the sequel!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Life in the Suburbs with Garfield
Garfield
So I moved Jon out of his apartment to this nice, little two-bed, two-bath in the suburbs. As soon as he understood the ground rules, well, let’s just say, we were living the dream. And once we were settled in, I even let Jon get a pet. Odie, became my most trusted ally. He was kind, gentle, and most importantly, my unpaid intern. Oh, yeah. As you can see, life here is pretty near perfect. Well, yeah, except for...
[voiceover; We see a time passage of Jon putting down pet stuff while Garfield eats pizza, voiceover; Cut to Garfield riding through the wind, voiceover; Zoom out to see him riding on top of Odie, as a puppy. They run around the house while Jon reads “The Great Catsby.” Then, they ride atop a robotic vacuum with Garfield drinking from a cup and Odie gnawing on a bone. Cut to Baby Garfield pulling down the table covers to bring down two glass cookie jars. Garfield ends up inside one while Odie’s head is in another, voiceover; Odie bounces on Garfield’s tummy and steals a burger from Jon. Garfield removes the lettuce, and eats the burger before giving the lettuce to Odie, who looks at the viewers as if saying, "Seriously?". Later, as Jon is drawing, Garfield is bungee jumping outside the house. Each time Jon checks, he sees nothing. Then, as Garfield blows raspberries at his owner, we see the bungee rope being Odie’s tongue. Cut to see Odie eating from Garfield’s food bowl. Then, time passes and the two grow up while eating and watching TV with Jon. Garfield is holding his beloved teddy bear, Pooky. Voiceover; Cut close to him, clears his throat and looks at the audience]
Jon
Time to go to the vet!
Liz Wilson
We’re gonna need the big scale!
[over PA]
Garfield
Does she need to announce it to the whole office?
[to the viewers]
Garfield
No! Please! No! Ow, it’s so hot! Ow, it’s really hurting! Ow, ow, ow!
[as he's being bathed]
Garfield
And that’s why we should go from Sunday to Tuesday. OK. Where were we?
[to the viewers; grumpily; pause]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Garfield's Culinary Creativity Unveiled
Garfield
My medium is cuisine. My colors are flavors. My palette is my palette, if you will. Dinner is served.
[voiceover; Soon, He's done making food. Though it doesn’t look appetizing]
Vic
Wow, son! I didn’t know you could cook.
Garfield
Ah, yes. Pasta is my paint and the dinner plate is my canvas. Oh, so that’s where that went.
[as he tries to pull out a piece; puts out a piece with a saltshaker in it; He gives a piece to Vic, who tries it]
Vic
I had worse.
[laughs]
Jon
Thank you, Garfield. Uh, is he gonna be coming around for dinner often?
[notices Vic eating up]
Garfield
Yeah. He's family.
Jon
What? Why do I have a take-out bill for 6,000 drone deliveries?!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.