31 quotes
Discussion on Sexual Frustration and Self-Discovery
Enid
Sometimes I think I'm going crazy from sexual frustration.
Rebecca
And you haven't heard of the miracle of masturbation?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Contemplating the Waiting Man's Reality
Rebecca
Oh, look, there he is.
Enid
As always.
Rebecca
Waiting for the bus that never comes.
Enid
I wonder if he's just totally insane or he really thinks the bus is coming?
Rebecca
Why don't you just ask him?
Enid
Hi. What's your name?
Norman
Norman.
Enid
Are you waiting for a bus?
Norman
Yes.
Enid
I hate to tell you this, but they canceled this bus line two years ago. There are no more buses on this street.
Norman
You don't know what you're talking about.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion on a video game concept
Roberta
What can you tell us about your piece, er... Phillip?
[looking at a drawing of a man smashing another man's head in with a sledgehammer]
Phillip
Er... it's about The Mutilator.
Roberta
My goodness!
Phillip
It's a really great video game about a guy who kills people with a big hammer.
Roberta
Oh. I thought maybe this was supposed to be your father.
[gives a little laugh. Phillip looks confused]
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The Quintessential 50s Diner Experience
Josh
Aren't there a million places like this?
[at Wowsville]
Enid
No. This is the ultimate. It's, like, the ] of fake 50s diners.
[[w:Taj Mahal|Taj Mahal]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Speculating on a Neighbor's Private Life
Enid
I bet he's in there jerking off.
Rebecca
I bet he never jerks off.
Enid
Yeah, he's beyond human stuff like that.
Rebecca
Should we leave a note?
Enid
Yeah. You got a pen?
Rebecca
Yeah.
[pulls out a pen]
Enid
Dear Josh, we came by to fuck you, but you were not home. Therefore, you are gay. Signed Tiffany and Amber.
[takes a tag left on Josh's door handle and starts writing on it, leaning on Rebecca's back; puts it back on Josh's door handle]
Rebecca
You're gonna leave that?
Enid
Why not?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Tense Encounter Between Friends
John
Well, well, well. If it isn't Enid and Rebecca—the little Jewish girl and her Aryan friend.
Enid
You're late, asshole.
John
Fine, and how are you?
Enid
Did you bring the tape?
John
You never paid me for that tape of the Indian dance routine.
[shows her the videotape but pulls it away when she tries to take it]
Enid
Yes, I did.
John
You Jews are so clever with money.
Enid
Fuck you! You stupid redneck hick.
[snatches the tape off him]
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Exploring Personal Ads and Unexpected Connections
Rebecca
You should check out the personals. Maybe our future husbands are trying to contact us.
Enid
Here we go. "Windsurfing doctor, Mensan IQ, maverick Sagittarius. Let's hit the clubs, make each other laugh.
Rebecca
You can have that one.
Enid
Jesus, listen to this one. "Do you remember me, airport shuttle, June 7? You, striking blond with yellow dress, pearl necklace, brown shoes. I was the bookish fellow in the green cardigan who helped you find your contact lens. Am I crazy, or did we have a moment?
Rebecca
God, that's so pathetic. I mean, she probably didn't even notice him.
Enid
I know, and he's, like, psychotically obsessing over every little detail.
Rebecca
We should call him and pretend to be the blond.
Enid
Oh, we totally have to.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Clash Over Rules and Identity
Sidewinder boss
Hey! Hey, you! How many times I tell you? No shirt, no service! Get the hell out of my store! What do you think this is, ]?
[[w:Club Med|Club Med]
Doug
It's America, dude. Learn the rules.
Sidewinder boss
Learn the rules? No, you learn the rules! We Greeks invented democracy!
Doug
You also invented homos.
Sidewinder boss
Fuck you!
Doug
You wish. You gotta buy me dinner first!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Feeling Overlooked in Conversation
Todd
Hey, Rebecca.
Rebecca
Oh, hi.
Todd
So, we finally—
Enid
What about me? Am I not even here?
Todd
Hey. Hey, Enid. So, we finally made it, huh?
[turns back to Rebecca]
Rebecca
Yeah.
Todd
So, uh, where are you... uh, where are you gonna go to college?
Enid
We're not.
Todd
Really? Both of you? Why not?
Enid
Just because.
Rebecca
Yeah, we made other plans.
Todd
I guess I should have figured that you two would do something different.
Enid
So, Todd, what are you gonna be when you grow up?
Todd
Well, I'm majoring in Business Administration and thinking of minoring in Communications, so—
Enid
See, that's exactly the type of thing we're trying to avoid. Look at this. Is Stacy Himmler going out with Rod Harbaugh?
[pulls Rebecca away]
Rebecca
Oh, God. How perfect.
Enid
He'd better watch out or he'll get AIDS when he date-rapes her.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Graduation Excitement Among Friends
Melorra
Oh, my God. You guys, I can't believe we made it!
Enid
Yeah. We graduated high school. How totally amazing.
[deadpan]
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Friendship and Jealousy Among Young Women
Enid
God, what a dork.
Rebecca
You're just jealous.
Enid
Trust me, at this point, I'm past the fact that every single guy likes you better than me.
Rebecca
Oh, face it. You just hate every single guy on the face of the earth.
Enid
That's not true. I just hate all these extroverted, obnoxious, pseudo-bohemian losers.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Naming a Waiter in Ghost World
Weird Al
Hi. My name is Allen and I'll be your waiter this afternoon.
Enid
Hi, Al.
Rebecca
Can we call you "]"?
[["Weird Al" Yankovic|Weird Al]
Weird Al
I'd imagine so.
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The Irony of Bad Entertainment
Rebecca
Wow. This is so bad, it's almost good.
[arriving at the graduation ball]
Enid
This is so bad, it's gone past good and back to bad again.
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Misunderstanding a Milkshake for Milk
Enid
Oh, my God. He just ordered a giant glass of milk.
[spying on Seymour from across the diner]
Josh
That's a vanilla milkshake.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Contrasting Opinions on Attraction and Idiocy
Rebecca
Hey, you see that guy over there?
Enid
Which one?
Rebecca
The blond guy over there. He gives me, like, a total boner.
[Enid spots him and rolls her eyes]
Enid
He's, like, the biggest idiot of all time.
Reggae fan
You guys up for some reggae tonight?
[walking past with his friends]
Rebecca
OK, you're right.
[after Enid lifts her hand, as if to say "See what I mean?"]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Price at the Garage Sale
Garage sale woman
How much for this dress?
Rebecca
God, I can't believe you're selling that.
Enid
That's $500.
Garage sale woman
What?
Enid
500.
Garage sale woman
You're crazy. It should be, like, $2.
Enid
I was wearing that when I lost my virginity.
Garage sale woman
Well, why do I care about that?
Enid
Well, why do you want it? I mean, it would look stupid on you anyway.
Garage sale woman
God! Fuck you!
[tosses the dress back over the rack and walks off]
Rebecca
So now are you gonna get a regular job?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Comedian's Peculiar Life and Its Perception
Rebecca
Oh, it's that comedian I was telling you about.
[turns up the volume on her television, which is showing an odd-looking man performing stand-up comedy]
Joey McCobb
...I still live with my mother people think I'm peculiar.
[on the TV]
Rebecca
He's the absolute worst.
Joey McCobb
So what if she's been dead for fifteen years?
Rebecca
See? That's barely even a joke.
Joey McCobb
Well, it's like I always say—take my life... please.
TV announcer
Joey McCobb, the weirdest man in show business.
Enid
If he's so weird, how come he's wearing ]? Joey McCobb is our god.
[[w:Nike, Inc.|Nikes; switches the TV off]
Rebecca
I want to do him.
Enid
I bet. Actually, he kind of reminds me of that one guy you went out with, Larry. God, what look was he going for, a gay tennis player from the 40s?
Rebecca
Fuck you.
Enid
You dated him.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Desire to Disappear
Enid
You know what my number-one fantasy used to be?
Seymour
What?
Enid
I used to think about one day, just not telling anyone and going off to some random place. And I'd just... disappear. And they'd never see me again. Do you ever think about stuff like that?
Seymour
I guess I probably did when I was your age.
Enid
You know what we should do? We should just get in your car right now and just drive off. Just find some totally new place and start a whole new life. Fuck everybody.
Seymour
I'm, uh, I'm not in any good condition to drive.
Enid
I'm serious! I'm just so sick of everybody. Why can't I just do what I want?
Seymour
What do you want?
Enid
What do you want? Don't you like me?
[a pause. They look into each other's eyes]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Critique of Social Expectations and Change
Enid
God, what a bunch of retards.
[coming out of their high school graduation ceremony]
Rebecca
God, I know. I thought that chipmunk face was never gonna shut up.
Enid
I know. I liked her so much better when she was an alcoholic crack addict. She gets in one car wreck and all of the sudden she's Little Miss Perfect and everyone loves her.
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High School Graduates Confronting Reality
Taglines
They're high school graduates, and the world's got hell to pay!
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Embracing the Negative Perspective
Taglines
Accentuate the negative.
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Workplace Tension Over Sales Techniques
Cineplex manager
What the hell is wrong with you?
Enid
What? I was just joking around with the customers. It's my schtick.
Cineplex manager
Well, lose it. And why aren't you pushing the larger sizes? Didn't you get training about upsizing?
Enid
Yeah, but I feel really weird. It's pretty sleazy.
Cineplex manager
It's not optional!
[leaves her]
Enid
Jesus.
[rolls her eyes]
Customer
Hi. Can I get a medium ]?
[[w:7 Up|7 Up]
Enid
Medium? Why, sir, do you not know that for a mere 25 cents more, you could purchase a large beverage? And you know, I'm only telling you this because we're such good friends. Medium is really only for suckers who don't know the concept of value.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Contrasting Opinions on a Quirky Character
Enid
It was so cute how he had his own little bags. I thought I was going to start crying.
[about Seymour's garage sale]
Rebecca
Yeah, he should totally just kill himself. Oh, here's one. Oh, but you have to share with a "non-smoking feminist and her two cats.
[looking through the classified ads in a newspaper]
Enid
I don't know. I kind of like him. He's the exact opposite of everything I really hate. In a way, he's such a clueless dork, he's almost kind of cool.
Rebecca
That guy is many things, but he's definitely not cool.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wishing for Beer During a Movie Discussion
Customer
Do you serve beer or any alcohol?
Enid
I wish. Actually, you wish. After about five minutes of this movie, you're gonna wish you had ten beers.
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Discussion on Record Condition Standards
Paul
It has a large center hole and a hair crack.
Seymour
But the crack is so tight, it's completely inaudible.
Paul
But a tight hair crack is just that—a crack. I don't collect cracked records. I only pay premium on mint records. Seymour, you know that. Please.
Enid
So, what was all that about enlarged holes and tight cracks?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The End of Punk Rock Discussion
John
Oh, my God. Didn't they tell you?
[noticing Enid's green hair and leather jacket]
Enid
Tell me what?
John
Punk rock is over.
Enid
I know it's over, asshole, I'm not even—
John
You really want to fuck up the system? Go to business school. That's what I'm gonna do. Get a job in some big corporation and, like, fuck things up from the inside.
Enid
You know, I'm not even trying—
John
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, do you have my money?
John
Oh! Oh, how punk!
Enid
You know that tape sucked, by the way?
John
Oh, I'm so sorry if it offended Jew.
Enid
Go die, asshole!
John
Get a job.
Enid
God, fuck you!
Rebecca
Can we go now?
Enid
You know, it's not like I'm some modern punk, dickhead! It's obviously a 1977 original punk rock look, but I guess Johnny Fuckface over there is too stupid to realize it!
Rebecca
I didn't really get it either.
Enid
Everyone's too stupid!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Confession Among Friends
Rebecca
I want to make love to him.
[about Weird Al]
Enid
I'm gonna tell him you said that.
Weird Al
So nice to see you again, ladies.
[shows up to serve them]
Enid
Hi, Weird Al. My friend here has—
Rebecca
Shut up!
Enid
She says she wants to—
Rebecca
Shut up!
[covers Enid's mouth with her hand]
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Cultural Commentary on Identity and Change
Rebecca
Funky.
[making fun of Melorra]
Enid
What, is she black now?
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Discussion on Morbid Topics and Innocence
Zine-O-Phobia creep #1
Whoever told you that bullshit about boiling is out of his mind. Carpet beetles are the only way to get flesh off a corpse.
Zine-O-Phobia creep #2
I'm just telling you what he said.
Enid
Don't you creeps ever talk about anything nice? Don't you ever talk about fluffy kittens or the Easter Bunny?
[having just walked into the store]
Zine-O-Phobia creep #1
Look who's talking, Little Miss Badass.
[looking at Enid's green hair and leather jacket]
Zine-O-Phobia creep #2
Yeah, nice outfit. Who are you supposed to be, ]?
[[Cyndi Lauper]
Enid
Blow me, doofus.
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Torturing a Friend for Fun
Seymour
So, was that your boyfriend?
Enid
Josh? He's nobody's boyfriend. He's just this guy that Becky and I like to torture.
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Reflecting on Growth and Choices
Maxine
It's really quite something to see you all grown-up like this, Enid. I'd love to know what you're doing now. I can't help but feel I had some small part in how you turned out. What are you studying? You were always such a smart little girl.
Enid
I'm taking a remedial high school art class for fuck-ups and retards.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.